Jackson didn’t go away. Not for a while. He sat on the wall outside the house while I ran a bath and peeled off the skirt and jumper I’d been wearing since we went into the shelter. It seemed like a lifetime ago. My clothes were grubby and reeked of smoke. I thought I’d put them into the tub to soak when I’d got out.
As I tested the temperature of the water, I peeked out of the window and to my relief, saw Jackson had gone. Thank goodness. He didn’t scare me, not exactly. Or at least he hadn’t scared me before today. But he was just around all the time, and I’d definitely seen a flash of something in his eyes – irritation, perhaps, or anger even – when I’d pushed his hand away that made me feel a flutter of unease. Mind you, it had been a long and difficult day, and perhaps I was imagining things. He wasn’t a bad bloke, really, was he?
Quashing my misgivings, I got into the bath and tried to relax into the water. But it was cold and I couldn’t turn my worries off, so I simply gave myself a good scrub with a tiny amount of soap, and then got out again. I put on my dressing gown, dropped my smelly clothes into the tub and sat down in front of the fire to dry my hair. It seemed strange doing these everyday tasks while Nelly was so poorly. But what else could I do?
*
Even though Jackson had gone, when there was a knock on the door, I was still cautious because I knew he’d come back. He always did.
‘Mrs Gold?’ I called before I opened it.
‘It’s me.’
I let her in and she put her hand on my shoulder and gave it a little squeeze. I had a sudden flush of embarrassment about my threadbare dressing gown and bare legs, but she didn’t seem to notice. She’d changed her clothes and washed her face, and the wound on her head had a clean plaster.
‘How is Nelly?’
‘She was asleep.’ I couldn’t begin to tell her the things the nurse had told me.
‘Before I left the hospital earlier, I popped into your ward. And I spoke to a lovely nurse there. Bateman her name was. I asked her to make sure your book carried on being passed round.’
‘You did that?’
‘It’s important, like you said.’
I gazed at Mrs Gold, thinking how lucky I was to have her as a neighbour.
‘What’s next?’ she asked.
‘I’m going to go back to the hospital later to see Nelly,’ I said. ‘I’ll take some of her things. When she wakes up she’ll want her things. A book, perhaps. And her hairbrush.’ I put my hand over my mouth as I remembered Nelly’s awful burned hair. ‘A book,’ I said again firmly.
‘I can help you get some bits together.’ Mrs Gold bit her lip. ‘Is there anyone we should tell?’
‘Her mother in Dublin,’ I said. ‘I’ve been wondering how is best to do it. Should I send a telegram?’
Mrs Gold nodded. ‘Better than a letter, I think.’ She grimaced. ‘Quicker.’
I didn’t want to think about why it was important Nelly’s mother knew as soon as possible. ‘I’ll go to the post office tomorrow,’ I said.
‘No need,’ Mrs Gold said. ‘Albert can arrange that for you from his office. Do you have the address?’
‘In the kitchen drawer. There are some letters from her mum there.’
Listlessly, I wandered into the kitchen and dug about in the drawer until I found the most recent letter from Mrs Malone. I noticed that it had been opened. Apparently, Nelly had read it after all and I was glad. Really glad. I knew her mother’s address would be at the top of the letter, but I didn’t take it out of the envelope because I couldn’t bear to see her writing, or catch a glimpse of the words she’d written begging Nelly to come home because London was too dangerous. How terrible for a mother to be proven right in such an awful way. Instead, when I went back into the lounge, I handed the envelope and its contents to Mrs Gold and she tucked it into her bag. ‘I’ll get Albert to send a telegram this evening.’
‘Thank you,’ I said. ‘For doing all this.’
Mrs Gold snorted. ‘You girls have kept me company all these evenings in the shelter,’ she said. ‘And you helped me when I needed you.’ She smiled at me, and I thought how pretty she was. ‘My family are far away, and I miss them. I’m glad that we’re friends.’
‘We are.’
‘When are you going to go back to the hospital?’
I looked at the clock on the mantelpiece. ‘Maybe around three? I’ll get all her things together.’
‘You go and get yourself dressed and then let me help you gather some bits and bobs for Nelly. What first? A book, you said?’
I went to put on some clothes, then we bustled around finding Nelly’s belongings. I knew she wouldn’t need much, and that the nurses in her ward would prefer to keep things simple. But I wanted her to have a few personal effects at least. I took the book from her bedside table and a rather stern-looking photograph of her mother and father, and Mrs Gold found a nightgown in a drawer, which I thought Nelly probably wouldn’t wear because she was so completely wrapped in bandages, but I let her put it in the bag anyway.
I was extremely tired, but I didn’t want to take a nap because I was worried I’d feel worse if I closed my eyes. I’d catch up on sleep later. When I’d seen Nelly again and made sure she was still … well, still with us.
‘I wish I could come with you, but I have a lot of work to do,’ Mrs Gold said as I pulled on my coat and got ready to go. ‘Will you be all right?’
I nodded. ‘I’ll be fine.’
‘Don’t stay too late at the hospital, will you? We’ll need to be in the shelter tonight.’ Mrs Gold shuddered. ‘Albert will be home too.’
‘I won’t,’ I said. ‘Nelly’s still sedated anyway so she won’t be chatting. But I always think there’s a chance patients know their visitors are there.’ It felt wrong to be thinking of Nelly as a patient.
Mrs Gold gathered me into a hug and gave me a kiss on the cheek. It was nice to be taken care of for a while, rather than being the one doing the caring. ‘I think you’re right,’ she said.
‘I’d better go if I want to be back before the siren.’
*
The hospital was quiet. It always felt less chaotic in the early evening, but I knew it was simply the calm before the storm with the patients settled and all the nurses and doctors taking five minutes to catch their breath before the raids began.
Occasionally – and I did mean occasionally, because it had only happened twice or three times – there wasn’t a raid and then the calm continued all night. I allowed myself to hope, briefly, that would happen tonight. Because however bad Nelly’s physical injuries were, I knew that when her sedation was reduced and she woke up, she would be bound to find the sound of the bombs very frightening. And though some of our patients managed to get to the basement shelter when the raids began, the ones who were bedbound – like Nelly – wouldn’t move.
‘Back again?’ asked Matron as I got to Nelly’s ward.
‘I brought some things for Nelly.’
‘Not working tonight?’
I shook my head. ‘My matron swapped my shifts around. I’m back tomorrow.’
‘I’m glad.’ She looked at me with her head tilted to one side. ‘You need rest.’
‘I know.’
‘You can go in. She’s still sedated but Doctor Gilligan said he’s upped her pain relief so we might be able to bring her round tomorrow.’
‘That’s wonderful news.’
‘There’s still a long road ahead,’ Matron warned. ‘You know the odds.’
I did. I knew that patients as badly burned as Nelly rarely survived. But I wanted to have a little bit of hope.
‘I understand.’ I shifted the bag from one hand to the other because it was getting heavy. ‘I won’t stay long.’
This time I was prepared for the sight of Nelly, of course, but it was still a shock to see her there on the bed, swathed in bandages. I drew my breath in sharply.
‘Hello again,’ I said, forcing myself to speak cheerily though my voice shook a little. ‘Still asleep, are you? You’ve always loved a bit of shut-eye.’
I glanced at Nelly but she didn’t move, other than the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest.
‘I brought some things for you.’ I put the bag on to the chair next to the bed, and began unpacking, talking Nelly through everything.
‘Here’s the photograph of your mum and dad from your bedroom,’ I said, popping it on to the cabinet. ‘They look very stern, I think. Probably they’re saying, “What were you doing prancing about the garden in an air raid, Nelly Malone?” That’s what my parents would say, if they were here.’
I rubbed my throat, trying to steady my voice, which was high-pitched and croaky. ‘Mrs Gold made me bring you a nightie, bless her. I’ll put it in your cupboard and when you get those bandages off it’ll be ready for you.’
I opened the little cabinet and shoved the nightgown inside, not wanting to think about how long it could be before Nelly wore it. ‘She’s been ever so good, Mrs Gold. She’s such a nice person, don’t you think?’ I left a pause for her to reply, but obviously, Nelly stayed silent. ‘She’s a diamond; that’s what my dad would have said. Mrs Gold, a diamond.’ I tried to laugh at my weak joke but somehow it came out sounding more like a sob.
‘I’m working tomorrow, so I’ll come and see you when I can,’ I said hurriedly. ‘Hope you have a good night.’
I put the empty bag under the bed safely out of the way. ‘You’ll need this when you come home again,’ I said firmly. ‘To carry all the bits and pieces I’ve brought you back again.’
I paused by the door and blew her a kiss, then left the room, feeling guilty that I couldn’t do more to help her. I was a nurse, for heaven’s sake. And yet I felt so helpless.