Jackson stood a little way in front of me, his eyes glittering with triumph. He looked taller somehow. More straight-backed. Defiant.
I wanted to walk away, but somehow my feet wouldn’t move. I looked over at the other nurses but they were still preparing the beds for the new arrivals. How had so much changed in my life in such a short space of time?
Jackson gave me a small, wolfish smile. ‘Shall we go and have a chat?’
I took a deep breath. ‘I have to wait for the buses.’
‘I think this is more important, don’t you?’
His complete lack of empathy made my fear recede and replace it with annoyance. ‘No, I don’t,’ I said. ‘People need my help.’
‘Help like how you helped Nelly?’ He looked past me into Nelly’s room and I found myself shifting slightly, hoping to block his view, even though he was taller than I was.
‘Nelly’s sleeping.’
‘Is she?’ He smiled that wolfish smile again. ‘Shall we get one of the nurses to go and check?’
I felt sweat bead on my forehead.
‘I have to go.’ I made to walk past him and he reached out and took my arm.
‘Come with me,’ he said in a low voice.
‘Jackson, I don’t know what you think you saw, but I promise you …’ I trailed off as he showed me he was holding the book.
‘Where did you get that?’
‘The good thing about being a porter is you can go anywhere in the hospital and no one asks why,’ he said. His tone was triumphant. ‘I took it from your bag in the staffroom.’
‘Jackson …’ I cursed my stupidity in leaving the book with its incriminating messages where he could get it.
‘I wondered why you kept sending the book to the Red Cross hut,’ he said. ‘But now I know. I read the messages you’d written at the back. They were sweet. Touching.’ He put his face close to mine. ‘Shocking.’
‘I didn’t write any messages,’ I lied. Again I glanced over at the other nurses but they were all busy and not even looking in my direction. ‘That wasn’t me.’ My protests sounded weak and unconvincing to my own ears.
‘Come on,’ Jackson said. He gave me a little nudge in the small of my back and obediently I started walking.
‘Where are we going?’ I said over my shoulder.
‘Basement.’
‘The operating theatre?’
He snorted. ‘No,’ he said. ‘The boiler room. I know you know where that is.’
Suddenly the hospital felt very cold. I wrapped my arms around myself as we walked down the stairs, hunching over like an old woman. I wondered if Matron would be concerned about where I was or if she’d think I was still waiting for the buses.
‘Hurry up,’ Jackson said, nudging me again. ‘Stop dragging your feet.’
‘I have to go and meet the buses,’ I said pathetically. Jackson ignored me.
We got to the boiler room and Jackson opened the door. No one was around – everyone was getting ready for the arrival of the new patients. He herded me inside and shut the door behind us. For a second he just looked at me. I hung my head, because I didn’t want to see his face.
‘Oh, Elsie,’ he said. ‘You really have been up to all sorts, haven’t you?’
Now I looked up. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’
‘I think you do.’
I didn’t reply.
‘Billy would be horrified by your behaviour,’ he went on. He sounded agitated and that scared me even more than his calm defiance. ‘And I hold myself responsible too, you know. I took my eye off the ball, and look what happened? But I can make things right again. Make everything better.’
‘It’s fine, Jackson,’ I said, trying to placate him. ‘You’ve done nothing wrong.’
‘No. But you have.’
‘I haven’t.’ I shook my head but I couldn’t help thinking I sounded unconvincing. ‘I’ve not done anything wrong.’
‘You killed Nelly.’
The bluntness of his accusation stunned me. I took a step back further into the boiler room, my hand over my mouth.
‘I didn’t.’
‘I watched you do it,’ he said. ‘You took a syringe and you injected her. And I know you’re not her nurse because you don’t work on that ward. And I know you killed her because I read it in here.’
He brandished the book in my face and I shrank back even further, trying to get away from him.
‘And that’s not all.’
I opened my mouth but no words came out. I felt clammy with fear.
‘I saw you in here,’ Jackson went on. He took another step towards me and I retreated. ‘I saw you in here with a man.’
I stared at him in absolute horror. He had been watching me all the time. Everything I’d done. Everything Harry and I had done. He’d seen it all.
‘I saw you and him together,’ he said. He stepped towards me again and this time when I walked backwards, I hit the wall. I pushed my back against the cold bricks, wishing I could disappear through them. Jackson wasn’t in a hurry. He carefully put the book down on a table that was at one side of the small room and came towards me. I felt his breath hot against my cheek. ‘I saw you kissing,’ he said. ‘I saw him unbutton your dress. And I saw you …’
‘Stop it,’ I almost shouted, wondering if I could make a grab for the book. ‘Stop this. You’re mistaken.’
Jackson put his hand on my cheek. ‘I’m not mistaken,’ he said matter-of-factly. ‘You’re ruined, Elsie. Damaged goods.’ He put his face right up to mine and I saw some spittle on his lips. ‘You’re a slut.’
I was crying now and he wiped away my tears with a thick thumb.
‘Don’t get upset. I can help you.’
‘No.’
‘We’ll get married.’
‘No.’ I was firmer this time.
‘I promised Billy I’d look after you,’ he said. ‘And I didn’t and now I need to put things right.’ He gave me that wolfish smile again. ‘And now I know what you like.’
He put his hand on my leg, just where my skirt ended. And then gradually he moved it upwards to the top of my stocking. His rough hands grazed my bare skin and I tasted bile in my mouth.
‘Elsie,’ Jackson said, his voice gruff. I tried to turn my head away, but he pushed his lips against mine. His hand was getting higher up my leg and I felt my whole body trembling.
‘No,’ I moaned. ‘No.’
‘Don’t worry, Elsie. We’re getting married. It’s fine.’ Roughly now he shoved his hand in between my legs. ‘You’re mine now.’
I felt his fingers pushing into me, poking and hurting me. ‘Stop it,’ I whimpered. ‘Please, stop.’
But he didn’t. He leaned against me, and I felt his groin grinding hard into my thigh as he let out a little moan of pleasure. I turned my head slightly and realised his eyes were closed and I saw my chance. I put my hands against his chest and shoved him hard. He stumbled backwards and I darted past him.
Somewhere up above us, I heard the air raid siren begin to wail. I reached for the book and gasped as Jackson grabbed me round the waist before I could get it.
‘Don’t,’ he warned.
‘There’s a raid.’
‘We’re safe down here, silly.’ He pressed his lips against mine again and I struggled to get away. He held me tighter as I wriggled.
‘Jackson, please,’ I begged. ‘Don’t hurt me. I’m having a baby.’
Suddenly he let go. ‘You’re having a baby?’
‘Yes.’
I pulled myself back away from him, keeping my eyes fixed on me. ‘Billy’s nephew or niece,’ I said carefully. ‘He’d want you to look after them, wouldn’t he?’
For a brief, giddy second I thought it was all going to be all right. But then he hit me, smack across the face. Before I’d properly realised what had happened, I found myself sprawled on the floor of the boiler room, my head spinning and my face burning. I reached up and felt my nose bleeding.
In shock and disbelief, I looked up at Jackson who was towering over me. ‘Look what you made me do,’ he said.
A huge thud made us both jump. Dust fell from the ceiling, making my eyes sting. ‘There’s a raid,’ I said again. ‘We need to go.’
‘We’re going nowhere.’ He began to unbuckle his belt. ‘You’re my girl, and you’ve betrayed me.’
‘I’m not your girl,’ I said frantically. ‘I’m not and I never will be.’
‘Then I’ll tell everyone what you did. You’ll go to prison.’ His eyes widened. ‘You’ll hang for what you did to Nelly.’
‘No one will believe you.’
Jackson picked up the book from the table and held it over his head in triumph. ‘I’ve got the evidence,’ he said. ‘I’ll show the police this book and they’ll know I’m telling the truth. You’re a slut and a murderer and you’ll do whatever I tell you to do.’
I knew then that there was no way out for me. That I would be forced to do what he wanted or lose my job and my freedom and maybe even my life. I tried not to show my fear, but I couldn’t keep back my sobs.
Jackson gave me a look of utter disdain. ‘You brought this on yourself, Elsie,’ he said. He tucked the book under his arm and turned his attention back to his belt. ‘You’re lucky to have me. Other men wouldn’t be so understanding.’
I whimpered, as he began unbuttoning his trousers, sliding myself backwards towards the wall in a futile attempt to escape from him.
And then there was an enormous deafening roar, and the room began to shake. I let out a shriek of fright.
‘It’s the raid, Jackson. We’ve been hit.’ In panic, I began crawling across the floor to shelter beneath the table in the corner and watched as Jackson looked up to the ceiling in surprise. Then he was gone, vanished into a cloud of dust that fell from above. There was another roar and the clatter of falling masonry, the thump of more bombs falling and somewhere I heard the whoosh of flames igniting. Beneath the table, I curled up into a tight ball, trying to protect my abdomen though I knew it was in vain, and I waited to die.