An itch I just know you could scratch
Curses on this valley and the lands on up ahead,
I was on my way to meet them when they found me dead,
And I clapped my brittle hands,
And I made them join my game.
—Beck Hansen, “Curses”
Rob Cash
(from a distance) Danielle?
John Tanis
What?
Terry Yice
(drawing near) Danielle! Danielle!
John Tanis
Who the fuck?
Rob Cash
Oh…shit. Sorry. We thought you were someone we…knew.
Terry Yice
We’re sorry…sir.
John Tanis
Wait, wait, Terry, right? I’ve seen you before, somewhere.
Terry Yice
Well—wait. Who are you?
John Tanis
I’m John. John Tanis. Danielle’s brother.
Terry Yice
Jesus Christ, man, you must be her goddamn twin. Christ, man.
John Tanis
Yeah, well. You heard the news, I suppose.
Rob Cash
Then it’s true?
John Tanis
Yeah, it’s true. Wait. Terry Yice! That’s who you are. I just had a meeting with the good fucking doctor, about publishing. Not that I’m a big fan of the shithead, but I need the contacts.
Terry Yice
(laughs) All the profs here are shitheads.
John Tanis
At least you have an excuse for going here; you’re getting a free ride, right? Your friend there and I have no excuse.
Rob Cash
Oh, I don’t go to school here. I’m just visiting.
John Tanis
Oh yeah? What do you do?
Rob Cash
Nothing, really.
John Tanis
Oh. Well, you should at least drink. To pass the time.
Terry Yice
Jesus, don’t encourage him. Fucking worthless drunk.
Rob Cash
Suck my dick, Terry.
John Tanis
Ok, well, it was nice bumping into you guys, I guess. Maybe I’ll see you around. Oh, do either of you know where Hitler’s cock is?
Rob Cash
Whose cock? Terry probably knows.
Terry Yice
Shut up, cocksucker. Did you say Hitler’s cock?
John Tanis
Yeah, it’s…I’m sort of investigating what happened to my sister.
Terry Yice
I suppose it’s in the same place the rest of him is. What the hell does Hitler have to do with anything?
John Tanis
I don’t really know yet. I’m just…asking around.
Rob Cash
Oh yeah? You talked to Justin yet?
John Tanis
Huh?
Rob Cash
Justin. Danielle’s friend.
Terry Yice
What the fuck are you talking about? Danielle barely knew Justin Bailey.
Rob Cash
What the fuck do you know? She was practically dating Justin, for fuck’s sake.
Terry Yice
I’m the one who goes to this fucking school. I was there when they met. It was just a month ago, for God’s sake.
John Tanis
What, what, wait. When did she meet this Justin Bailey?
Terry Yice
We were at a party. Danielle came back to school for the weekend. She was going to stay at my place, actually, but then she met Justin at a party in one of the houses.
John Tanis
Yeah, what was the date?
Terry Yice
It was—I guess it was a Saturday. I’m not sure of the date. Like, four weeks ago, Saturday.
Rob Cash
Yeah, well I was at that fucking party too, and it didn’t look to me like those two had just met, if you know what I mean.
Terry Yice
Shut up, Rob.
John Tanis
Where’s Justin now?
Terry Yice
The room, I suppose. Justin doesn’t get out much.
Rob Cash
Shit, Justin’s out, alright. Justin’s way out.
John Tanis
Show me the way.
Terry Yice
Oh, sorry. We’re actually on our way to a party. Hey, man, you wanna come along?
Rob Cash
Yeah, man, you ain’t your sister, but, uh...you know what I mean?
Terry Yice
Oh yeah, baby.
Rob Cash
You know what I mean, fella?
John Tanis
I know what you mean.
Rob Cash
You up?
John Tanis
Look, I just want to know where Justin Bailey is.
Rob Cash
Hey, man, it don’t mean nothing, either way.
John Tanis
Just—just tell me where the fucking room is.
Terry Yice
You sure?
Rob Cash
You wouldn’t have to do nothing that’s not your thing.
John Tanis
Ok, listen, I’m not ideologically opposed to perversion, and if I had some free time and a couple bills of good health, I just might go along with you fucking freaks. But I really need to know where Justin Bailey is.
Rob Cash
Hey, no tears, buddy.
Terry Yice
Alright, John-John, but you owe me, dig? I’ve got an itch I just know you could scratch.
John Tanis
Well, it’s…Jesus, a party? What time is it? Gotta be around nine, right?
Terry Yice
Yeah, nine, nine-thirty.
John Tanis
Well—no, nevermind.