Once past the city lights, the world outside was mysterious and exciting like his brother’s foreign cigarettes. Home was increasingly awkward, yet the insides of this car were as familiar as the beating of his heart. The metal structure, where they’d so often planned techniques, enclosed them like comforting arms—holding together their history—singing the bonds of friendship with the purring engine.
The occasional bumps and the hypnotic movement of Coach’s arms manoeuvring the steering wheel almost sent him to sleep. Coach was strong and fit with muscles like mountains and so much dark hair it was difficult to see the skin beneath.
Kaz sighed and settled in the old seat. When he was out here—the two of them—he was safe, and anything was still possible.
“How many times you think we’ve come driving at night?” he asked drowsily, wanting to preserve the mood.
“How many? Once a month for the last five years? I don’t know, but a smart boy like you can work that out yourself.”
There was a stillness in the air like words unsaid.
“Plenty of times.”
Coach nodded, and then patted his leg without turning. “You like being away from the city, don’t you. Don’t you?” The way he turned it into a question revealed his uncertainty, but then, these days, nothing was assured.
Kaz hadn’t slept all the way through the night for months. He’d lay there listening to his mother’s sobs with his fists screwed into his eyes and an ache that nothing could cure.
But Coach was unfailing and true like the oldest buildings of the city and the ground beneath their feet.
“Sure,” he smiled easily. He’d do anything for this man. “One day, I’ll run in the Olympics and all over the world. You and me, we’ll visit the Eiffel Tower and even go to a fancy restaurant.”
Coach nodded and huffed, but still he looked ahead. Kaz wanted him to make eye contact, for them to be special again. For things to go back to the way they were before.
“Remember all our training? The hours we’ve planned and worked?”
Abruptly, Coach swung to the side of the road and stopped. The ringing of the engine and the wheels filled the unexpected space in Kaz’s head.
“What are we stopping here for? We never stop here.”
Coach pulled up the handbrake and undid his seat belt.
“Coach?”
For a while, he held the wheel and stared straight ahead, and then Kaz knew to trust the twist in his gut that had been there for ages. Each time he caught his parents whispering frantically, the twist got more painful.
The stillness in the air began to evolve.
For months, every sip of drink tasted of acid and each bite of food was dirt as he swallowed. Things would never be the same again.
He didn’t want Coach to speak. Words—stupid words were what got him into all that crying with his family.
Hurt and hatred deeper than anyone could ever have guessed.
“Kaz, I need you to listen to me like this is a race. I want you to listen and trust me.” It was Coach’s voice, but it wasn’t.
“OK,” Kaz whispered. Maybe it wasn’t that bad after all. Maybe his father had asked Coach to have a talk with him again. He could agree and nod a million times; he could do that.
Finally, Coach turned his head, and the sounds of the car died away. Always, Coach was laughing and smiling, especially when shouting to work harder—stop eating rubbish…show some dedication—but now, the smile was gone. His face was like their land—still old and beloved, but full of the hurt and worry that got worse with every day that passed.
Kaz didn’t want to look.
“You were my best runner. The fastest boy I’ve ever seen. I think—yes—you would have gone to the Olympics.”
“We still can!” Kaz burst in. “This war can’t last for ever.” Even though they both knew it wasn’t the war that crackled in the air they breathed.
Not the war that made his mother sob.
Coach looked away. “We don’t have much time left. Come.” He opened the door, so, like always, Kaz followed around the back to the trunk. Inside were the usual old running shoes and water bottles, a blanket and a backpack Kaz had never seen before. Coach quickly grabbed it and moved Kaz about so he could fit it to his back.
“What?”
“There is money. All the money your family and I have. I don’t know if it will be enough. It will have to be. Clothes, food, passport and papers. No time to find anything else, no.”
Kaz began to pull away from the burly arms that encircled him to tighten the straps but they only held more tightly. Coach began whispering fiercely in his ear.
“Go. They know, Kaz. Tonight, or tomorrow, they’ll come for you and kill you the same way as that man across the street. You can’t stay.”
“Who knows? No—no—they don’t know.” He struggled harder. “What about my parents?” His thudding heart reverberated so loudly he was dizzy and glad of the arms.
“Your parents asked me to bring you here. They love you, of course. But you have to go.” He squeezed Kaz so hard he gasped.
“I can’t just go,” he sobbed. It burst from him like a dam clogged up for many years.
“They know!”
Words to terrify. Words to end all sleep. Words that no denying could dint or change. Once you shared a laugh—lingered over a glance or went to the café with boys too many times—eventually they always found out.
Words that got you beat up.
Words that killed.
Words—words—words.
Once they knew, or thought they knew—whether by stones, kicks, knives or guns—it was the end.
Coach roughly turned him around so they faced. His face glistened with wet. Oddly, Kaz thought of the oldest buildings of the cities now in ruins. “You and me, we are going to run one last time, and you will make me so proud, my best of friends.”
“No,” Kaz sobbed. “I won’t go.” He gripped Coach’s arms with his own.
“For me, you will. For your family you will go.” The arms suddenly pulled free, leaving Kaz with nothing but the backpack and his own sobs.
Coach took his hand and began jogging slowly alongside the road in the same way as always.
“Breathe. Feel the ground beneath your feet and know I will always be with you.” Coach was almost never serious. At the same time he yelled, he made it funny so that all the runners listened. Hearing his words now was ice down Kaz’s back.
“Go where? There’s nowhere to go.”
But he gradually sped up to match Coach; after years of training together, they were attached by some invisible chord that could not be ignored.
“A long way. To a place you can be safe. Now breathe.” Coach sped up and began to run away from him. “We run until we see the headlights. Then you will run faster than you’ve ever run before, and if I trained you well—you will leave me far behind.”
Kaz breathed and followed.
* * * * *