CHAPTER 165

Author: So that night, 11 January, 2017, you were hosting a show that ended up with Seinfeld and all those people on. Did you know it was going to be a big show?

Jon Laster: I think a lot of people have this misconception about what was happening. Val was the manager that night, so when I came in we knew that just the opposite was going to happen, that they weren’t going on.

Author: So you knew they were up here but they weren’t going to go on?

Jon: We knew that they weren’t going on. When I walk in the line-up is there, but the manager kind of tells me what’s happening when we have people here, so she basically said, ‘Don’t worry, here’s the people that aren’t going on.’ So they definitely weren’t going on. To let you know how much they weren’t going on, I did all my time up front. Ryan stayed on the show and did all of his time. There’s no way they would let us do that time if we thought all of them were going on. First of all, they would have cut Ryan, they wouldn’t have let him go on. But they weren’t going on.

Author: Do you remember what phrase Val said?

Jon: Yeah, she said Amy was around the corner hanging out with Colin Quinn. She wasn’t going on. Chappelle wasn’t going on until the next show for sure, and she said maybe Seinfeld would go up and maybe Chris, but the rest of them definitely weren’t, and we didn’t think that we had time for them. It was throughout the course of the show that all of them decided, ‘Hey, I’m going to go up,’ ‘I’m going to go up.’

Author: So you went up, did your time as a host, then Ryan went up, did his time. Did you know at that point it was going to be a different show?

Jon: No, no. The trigger was Dave and Chris were downstairs talking. Amy had come downstairs …

Author: Dave?

Jon: Dave Chappelle and Chris Rock. And Chris is kind of like asking Dave, ‘Hey man, which one of us is going to go up next?’ And Amy overheard them and said kind of like, ‘Fuck that, you guys are going on? I’m not going to miss this.’ Schumer’s going to the bathroom. She was just walking through the conversation. So then she basically said, ‘Hey, can I do five?’ What am I going to say, no? She turned around and said, ‘Can I do five?’ So then once I put Amy up, that’s when the dam broke.

Author: Okay, so she goes up, and then you’re in the hallway at that point?

Jon: Yeah, because you can’t light them, so I’ve just got to wait until everybody gets off stage, but fortunately, that’s when everybody kind of started looking around, ‘This is about to turn into something.’ Everybody’s being respectful, they’re getting off stage pretty quickly, you know what I mean?

Author: So they didn’t do long, did they?

Jon: No. Chris did some time. By the time he got on, he did some time.

Author: So Amy went up and then just said, ‘Right, ready to come off’?

Jon: Yeah, yeah, yeah, she was like, whatever, whatever.

Author: Did someone say to you who was going to go up next?

Jon: Yeah. Then Val was saying, ‘So and so’s next, so and so’s next.’

Author: How did you feel at the end of the night?

Jon: Oh, man, it was surreal. I knew that there’s no way there could ever be a show that came together like that which was bigger than that. There’s no way. There’s no way you could have that many people that could fill up Madison Square Garden on the same show. No one’s ever … I knew no one had ever seen a show like that.

[After eleven minutes]

Author: When you were sleeping on a train, a few years before you were passed at the Cellar, what train was it?

Jon: Oh man, I used to sleep on the 2-train.

Author: Did you have a sleeping bag or anything?

Jon: No.

Author: So you just went and sat on the train?

Jon: And nod off as long as you can.

Author: I’ve seen people doing that, it looks horrible.

Jon: Oh yeah, brutal. It was brutal.

Author: How long did you do that for?

Jon: Three weeks, yeah, probably.

Author: How did you get out of it?

Jon: I decided to check myself in.

Author: You checked into a rehab?

Jon: Yeah.

Author: Can you do that for free?

Jon: Yeah you can.

Author: Where did you go?

Jon: I went to Kingsboro, a place called Kingsboro, a rehab centre in Brooklyn. Yeah.

Author: So you got off the train and went there and said, ‘Look, I need to fix my life’?

Jon: Yes.

Author: Did it work first time?

Jon: No. No. I had to go a couple of times.

Author: Did you go back to the same one the second time?

Jon: Yeah.

Author: How long was it between the first time and the second time?

Jon: Oh god, maybe six weeks. Maybe.

Author: Oh, because there’s one time when you came out and went straight to the liquor store?

Jon: Yeah.

Author: That was after the first time I take it?

Jon: Yeah.

Author: What did you buy at the liquor store?

Jon: Vodka. More vodka.

Author: Oh man. That’s amazing. Thanks for talking to me, Jon.

Jon: Yeah.