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Jaxson
Jaxson walked stiffly into his boyhood home much as he had a week earlier but with an even stronger sense that something was missing.
It felt strange to be by himself again, alone in an empty house, after spending the last week in Sumneyville, where it had proven impossible to be alone for more than a few minutes.
Why had Sumneyville seemed more like home than his actual home?
Because you have family there.
Family. He snorted. He thought he’d lost the last of his family, but the quest to find out about the mother he’d never known had produced an unexpected bonus. A sister. And not just a sister, but a twin.
And friends.
He had friends in Campbell’s Junction, didn’t he?
Yes, but not friends who understood him on the same level as the guys at Sanctuary. Who knew what it was like to go through the things he had and seen the things he’d seen. Men who, as a result, had gained an entirely new perspective on the world and the people in it as well as the things they were capable of.
The guys at Sanctuary did because they’d been there, done that. And figured out a way not only to go on with their lives, but to help others do it as well.
Jaxson wasn’t the same guy he’d been when he left. Buck was, even though his situation was different now. Buck’s life had gone exactly to plan in the hollow. Get married. Have kids. Go drinking and dancing and raise a little hell every Saturday night. Live out the rest of your days in peace and contentment.
It was a good plan, if you found the right someone, someone who was on the same page and wanted to live it with you.
An image of Penny floated to the forefront of his thoughts. It had been doing that a lot lately. Every time he thought about his future, she was the first thing that came to mind.
Except she belonged in Sumneyville. And him? Well, he didn’t know where he belonged anymore.
He needed to figure that shit out, and to do that, he needed to be alone, without distractions.
His phone buzzed with an incoming text from Buck, letting him know that he was an “uncle” again.
Jaxson typed out a terse congratulations and hit Send. Then, he powered down the device and tossed it into the bedside table drawer.
* * *
After a couple days of doing nothing but thinking, all he wanted was some time not to think.
So, Jaxson went to the only place in town where he could make that happen.
“Hey, stranger,” Cherise welcomed him when he strode into Cheney’s. “Welcome back. Again. Are you going to stick around this time?”
He shrugged. “Maybe.”
“I stopped by your place last week, but Buck said you blew town. What gives?”
“Had some business to take care of.”
“What kind of business?”
“Family business.” He hoped his tone adequately conveyed his desire not to discuss the matter further. He hadn’t told anyone about Sam, mainly because he hadn’t seen anyone. By some miracle, he’d had the place to himself. He’d expected Buck to happen by at some point, but supposed his friend had his hands full with a new baby.
She nodded, getting the hint. “The usual?”
Without waiting for him to answer, she pulled a draft and deftly poured a shot. There was some small comfort in being somewhere familiar with someone who knew things like that.
Not everything was the same though. His former attraction to Cherise, for example. When she turned around to take care of someone else, he looked at her. Really looked. And felt ... nothing.
No spark. No irritation. No stirring of desire, nor the sense of peace he’d felt by simply being in the same room as Penny.
Jaxson took both the mug and the shot and walked away from the bar, calling out, “Keep them coming,” over his shoulder. He settled into a dark corner, where he could be alone without being alone.
A live band was setting up, local boys from the next town over. They were decent, playing a mixture of rockabilly and bluegrass that didn’t affect his mood one way or the other.
The bar continued to fill up as the night wore on. Many of Jaxson’s aches and pains had dulled by the time Buck decided to block his view of the people dancing and having a good time.
“Once again, my best friend returns and doesn’t let me know. I’m beginning to doubt your loyalty to the spit-and-blood brother oath.”
Despite himself, Jaxson smiled, remembering that day so long ago and the solemnity with which their five-year-old selves had pledged to be best friends forever. “Sorry, man. It’s been a hell of a week, and I figured you had your hands full. Congrats, by the way.”
Jaxson signaled for two more beers and shots. The man was glowing.
“Thanks. It never gets old, you know?”
No, he didn’t. “Everyone happy and healthy?”
“Yeah, all good. Janie’s a pro at this point, and Ma’s over the moon because she’s finally got a little girl to fuss over.” Buck accepted the drinks, and they toasted. “So, what about you? Did you find what you were looking for?”
Jaxson snorted. “And then some.”
Over beer and shots, Jaxson told Buck everything. Penny. Zeb. Kyle. Sam. Sanctuary. The beating he had taken and the probable cause. When he finished, Buck sat back and whistled.
“So, what now?”
“I don’t know, man. Sam says she doesn’t want anything from Bo’s estate, but I feel like she should get something, you know?”
Buck nodded. “And what about Penny?”
“What about her?”
“You really like her.”
Jaxson shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. It was a one-time thing, nothing more.”
“You sure about that? Because when you talk about her, you get this look on your face I’ve never seen before.”
“It would never work.”
“Why not?”
“She’s there; I’m here.”
“I see what you mean,” Buck said with a smirk. “Absolutely nothing you could do about that.”
“Dick,” Jaxson muttered. “We’re too different. She’s ...” Beautiful. Soft. Sweet. Supportive. Kind. Generous. He searched for the right words. “Perpetual fucking sunshine.”
“Sounds horrible. Who’d want to be shackled to someone like that? Always trying to cheer you up, make your day better.”
“I’m serious,” Jaxson said irritably. “No matter how many times I pushed her away, she kept coming back.”
“Why do you suppose that is?”
“She ...” Jaxson paused, unsure of how to answer that. His brain was foggy. All he could picture was Penny’s smile. The way her eyes had lit up at the sight of him. The way she’d held on to him as he sank deep inside her body. “I don’t know.”
“If she’s as wholesome as you say, she probably just wanted a little excitement. A break from her boring, Goody Two Shoes existence with a real bad boy.”
Jaxson shook his head, but Buck said, “Let me ask you this. Did you hear from her again after you and her ...”
“No.”
Buck put his hands up in the air, as if that proved his point. “There you go. She got what she wanted—you—and you got what you wanted—for her to leave you alone. Win-win, right?”
“Right,” Jaxson heard himself answering, but his gut railed at the idea.
“You’d just better hope you didn’t make the same mistake your daddy did.”
Jaxson froze, his whiskey-soaked mind conjuring pictures of Penny, round with his child. It was so clear, and she was so beautiful. So radiant. And it was impossible. They’d been careful.
“Fuck, Jaxson, you look like you’re going to hurl. Tell me that’s not a possibility.”
“It’s not.”
“Good. Come on. Cherise is doing last call. I’ll give you a ride home.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Jaxson said, still reeling from the image.
Buck dropped Jaxson off with a promise to stop by the next day. Jaxson stumbled into the old house, the combination of exhaustion, mental fatigue, and copious amounts of alcohol taking their toll.
He made it up the steps and stripped down. Collapsing on the bed, he rubbed absently at his chest, where a hollow ache had taken up residence. Then, he closed his eyes and passed out.
* * *
Jaxson was dreaming of Penny, of the way she’d felt, curled up against him while giving him time to recover. Her warmth and fragrant softness. The way she kissed his scars. The way her hands skimmed gently over his body, stroking and petting and fondling. As great as the sex had been, he had secretly enjoyed those in-between times, too.
When he was with her, he didn’t hurt so much. Not inside and not outside. And when she’d straddled his back, naked, and started kneading at the knots the increased physical activity had brought about, he’d thought he’d died and gone to heaven.
He sighed and allowed the warmth to soak into him, and then he inhaled deeply, wanting to fill his lungs with the scent of sunshine and flowers. But it wasn’t sunshine and flowers he smelled. It was perfume and whiskey and stale cigarette smoke.
His eyes popped open, his brain instantly alert. “Cherise?”
“Yeah, baby, it’s me.”
Jaxson scrambled out of bed and turned on the bedside light, revealing Cherise in nothing more than he was wearing. His mind frantically rewound to the night before. He’d been drunk but not that drunk. Buck had brought him home, and when Jaxson had gone to bed, he’d been alone.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
Cherise propped herself up on one arm and smiled. “Isn’t it obvious?”
Jaxson grabbed the pair of jeans he’d left on the floor and jabbed his legs in, gritting his teeth against the pain in his hips and leg.
“I don’t remember you being so shy,” Cherise said. “I’ve seen it all before. Touched it. Had my mouth on it.” Her eyes dropped to his groin and she licked her lips.
“You need to leave. Now.”
“Why? You’re lonely. I’m lonely. We can help each other feel better, don’t you think? You used to like the way I made you feel.”
“That was a long time ago. A lot has happened since then. Like you marrying Bobby Cheney six months after I enlisted.”
“You always were the jealous type, Jax.”
“I’m not jealous. I thought you had better taste than that.”
“I thought I was pregnant. What was I supposed to do, huh?”
“Pregnant? You weren’t pregnant when I left.” He paused. “Were you?”
They’d always been careful. He’d never had sex without wearing a condom, and she’d sworn she was on the pill.
Her lips pursed. “No.”
“Fuck, Cherise. What did you do, head over to Bobby’s after my bus left the station?”
“No, not right away,” she told him, but hell, it couldn’t have been that long after. “I was lonely. Janie had Buck, and I had no one. I got drunk, okay? One thing led to another, and stuff happened. Besides, we had an agreement, remember? No strings while you were away. Don’t tell me you’ve been doing without all this time.”
He shook his head. He hadn’t. But he hadn’t knocked anyone up or gotten married.
Her face relaxed. “Now, you’re back, and there’s no reason why we can’t pick up where we left off.”
She was so wrong about that.
“It’s not going to happen, Cherise.”
“Why not?”
“Reasons.”
“What reasons? Give me one.”
He could give her plenty, but there was only one that mattered. “Because there’s someone else.”
Cherise’s eyes widened and then narrowed. She’d always been possessive where he was concerned, which was kind of ironic, considering. “So? Who is she? More importantly, where is she?”
“Her name is Penny, and she’s—”
“Right here,” said a soft voice from the doorway.