ALTHOUGH THE QUALITY OF MY LIFE has changed, I still enjoy an exciting lifestyle with celebrity colleagues, friends, and lovers. The difference is that now I am my own woman and look for no one to complete me. I make my own living and am fully aware of my worth. Still, my life is not perfect, and naturally, I make mistakes—from which I can only hope to learn.
My life has been an amazing ride, and there are a lot of things that had to be done to get to the point of peace and acceptance where I am now. By the grace of God, I made it through a traumatizing childhood, went from being an exotic dancer and a teenage runaway to being a wife and mother in just a few short years, all before I’d turned twenty years old. I escaped death at the hand of a tyrant husband only to be thrust into the dizzying grip of the Los Angeles partylife. I was loved by a then self-proclaimed pimp, seduced by an entire industry, and consequently got so caught up that I was convinced I was one of them—a star with seemingly endless reserves of wealth, access, and power. It couldn’t have been farther from the truth.
I was also in love with love and all the stories I had heard and read about it. I needed it so badly that I settled for a love of my own creation and imagination too many times. In my heart, I had loved them all, and it is clear to me now that none of them had ever loved me.
I have lived the kind of life which could easily have killed some people and driven many others insane. I am a strong believer in the adage “To whom much is given, much is required.” As I grow older, I realize that I had to go through it all in order to reach my destiny in life. I had to be who I am in order to help the thousands of young girls who write to me on my website to ask for advice. I used to pity myself, but now I rejoice in who I have become and am excited about who I will be.
Sure, I still have my connections and acquaintances in the business of entertainment, but now I only do things that add happiness to my life. It’s easier for me to walk away from things and people that don’t uplift me. And, finally, I am in love, and it has nothing to do with the man in my life or any other man I have ever come across. I’m in love with my son and the life that we have together.
Life is normal now, and I no longer crave the lifestyle I used to. There are Blockbuster movie nights and dinner parties at home with friends; PTA meetings and birthday parties for my son and his classmates; watching him play football on Saturdays and lazy Sundays in bed with nowhere to go—and it feels good.
Would I do it all again? Yes. If someone told me that I would have to relive my entire life in order to be as fulfilled as I am now, then I would. I am stronger for it and I am able to be who I was always meant to be. I find incredible hope in the people who have been inspired by my life and whose lives have inspired mine.