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I hate this weakness I can’t control.
~ Rachel
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AS SETH ROASTED ANOTHER section of venison for dinner that evening, he couldn’t seem to stop his gaze from straying to Rachel. She’d probably string him up from the nearest sturdy pine if she knew he wasn’t calling her by her surname in his thoughts.
The thought brought a smile, and he kept his eyes glued to the meat dripping from the spit so she wouldn’t know she was the source of the grin. He hated whatever had hurt her before, but he couldn’t help loving her spunk.
As he moved the meat to a plate, voices sounded in the distance. Samuel, Elias, and Andy must have been finished settling the animals. The boy’s voice pitched higher than the others as he asked a question, then Elias replied in his relaxed drawl.
Seth paused from slicing the roast into individual portions to watch the three approach. Andy still had that gangly look of a boy, yet his stride matched that of the men beside him. A boy growing into a man. Where was his father? How long had he and his mother been on their own?
Although he’d not always appreciated working in the fields alongside his own father, he couldn’t imagine trying to maneuver his growing-up years without Pa’s guidance. He didn’t always follow his father’s advice and example, which led to his struggles in California, but they’d helped guide him back to the Heavenly Father when he reached his lowest point.
Hopefully Andy wouldn’t fall into the same types of wickedness Seth had, but he still needed a man’s example to show him the way to adulthood. Something in Seth’s chest ached at the thought of the boy trying to mature without that kind of guidance.
He turned back to the food and speared each chunk of meat onto a separate plate. After scooping out beans to go with the venison, he rose and carried the first two plates to Rachel and her son.
She was attempting to refasten the ties on her pack but jerked her gaze up to his as he set the platter beside her.
He didn’t say anything. Didn’t comment on how much easier it’d be for her if she ate his food tonight. Just placed the second plate by Andy and walked back to the fire.
Samuel had already scooped up his and Elias’s, so Seth reached for his own tin platter and settled onto the ground to eat.
After his first bite, he stole a glance at the woman and boy. Andy had picked up his plate and was looking to his ma, probably for permission.
She nodded to him, but the tight line of her mouth showed she didn’t like what she probably considered accepting charity. In his mind, it was more like being a good neighbor, but he knew better than to argue.
Still, he’d eaten half his meal before she finally reached for her plate and forked a bite of venison. With the brilliant reds, purples, and blues of the setting sun behind her and the glow of the firelight on her face, she looked just like an angel. A strong, fierce angel, capable of riding all day with a badly burned hand and likely a few significant bruises from her fall.
The fact she’d come through the snake ordeal with only minor injury proved just how much God cared about this woman. Did she realize it?
Maybe he could find a way to make sure she did.
~ ~ ~
THE NEXT MORNING, IT felt like everything Rachel attempted took twice as long as it should have. Maybe because she was working with only one hand. Or perhaps because every part of her right side ached from the fall. If she could cut that half of her body away, she would gladly do it.
But as she finally had their things packed and ready, a glance around showed the men were just as far behind as she. This would be the time to find Andy and see if he needed help with the animals, but her weary body wouldn’t seem to obey.
She was still sitting there by the soggy remnants of their campfire a few minutes later when Andy’s voice drifted over her shoulder. He was walking toward her, his tone animated as he spoke. “We swam there until the man who owned the pasture moved, and Ma didn’t trust the new owner. I was pretty good before we stopped going.”
Why would he be talking about their old swimming hole? She held her breath to listen for a response so she could see who he was talking to.
“I’ll bet so.” Seth’s warm timbre answered. “Swimming was my favorite thing to do growing up. In the summer anyway.” His voice dipped low where she couldn’t hear, and whatever he said must have been funny, for they both chuckled.
Andy’s laugh slipped through her, wiping away her pain. How long had it been since he’d laughed? These last few years, he’d grown quieter than when he was young.
Man and boy reached her, and she turned to offer a smile. “Are we ready?”
“Yup.” Andy grabbed her satchel and hoisted it onto his shoulder.
Seth met her gaze as the boy turned away. His eyes were warm, but also searching. “You feel up to another day?”
Just once, she wanted to give into the warmth he offered. Not have to fight her exhaustion and pain—her weakness. She couldn’t give in, though.
But she also didn’t have the strength to wield her full armor, so she stood—ignoring his proffered hand—and dragged herself toward the horses.
The day seemed to crawl as the sun rose high. Even though these mountains felt closer to the brilliant orb, the air had a nip to it that not even the warm rays could dissolve. They rode through a valley as the afternoon lingered long, and she could only be thankful they weren’t navigating steep cliffs. Her weary body didn’t have much left, probably not enough to cling to the saddle against a steep descent.
“There’s a good camping spot in those trees yonder.” Elias’s voice called from the front of the line. “We’ll stop there.”
The relief his words brought infused her muscles with a fresh dose of strength, and she straightened in the saddle. The cluster of pine couldn’t be more than half hour's ride. She could endure.
As they neared the woods, dusk settled with its thick, murky coating. Voices sounded from ahead, and her muscles tensed. She peered at the stand where they would be camping. Had someone already settled in for the night? How much longer would Elias make them go now? They couldn’t stay close to these strangers, but she may not make it much farther.
Just outside the trees, Elias raised his hand for a halt, then hollered, “Halloo in the camp.”
The voices ceased, and footsteps sounded through the trees. A man came into view wearing the same kind of buckskin tunic that had been so common to the men at Fort Benton, as common as the rifle in his hand. “Howdy.” His gaze scanned the row of them, catching on her longer than the others.
Elias nodded a greeting. “Name’s Elias Benbow. We’re travelin’ north and planned to stop for the night soon. Just thought I’d let ya know you folks have neighbors.”
The man refocused on Elias. “’Preciate it. You folks can join our campfire. We’ve meat if you need some.”
Elias dismounted and pulled his reins over his mule’s head. “We have food, but the comp’ny sounds nice.” He turned back to her and the men. “All right, folks. Let’s get settled.”
He wasn’t even going to ask if they wanted to stay here? He knew nothing of these men. There was a good chance they weren’t decent people, but Elias was willing to bed down around their campfire?
The Grant brothers were dismounting, and Andy started to do the same. She nudged her gelding up beside him. “Wait, Andy. We’re not going to stay here.” She kept her voice low, but he heard her.
“Will we ride on alone?” Andy kept his voice low, but they still drew Seth’s attention, who’d been riding at the back of the line.
He stepped up beside her horse, staring up at her with concern in his warm brown eyes. “What’s wrong?”
She locked her jaw. “We’re not staying with strangers. Andy and I will ride on. You can catch up with us in the morning.” Or maybe they should be on their own again when the sun rose. She wasn’t altogether sure she could trust these men anymore either, if they were willing to bed down with perfect strangers.
“Rachel.” Seth’s voice pulled low.
She jerked upright and sent a sharp glare his way. “Mrs. Gray.”
He wrinkled his nose. “If I have to. But how about if I just call you, Mrs. G? Anyway, why don’t we meet these people before we decide for sure if we stay or not. If any of us feels it’s not safe here, we’ll move on to another campsite. Together.”
She opened her mouth to protest, but he stepped closer, resting his hand on Winter’s shoulder.
His look was so earnest, so...determined, it stilled her. “I won’t put you in danger, Rachel. I promise.”
She should correct him again. Should refuse to dismount. But a larger part of her wanted to believe him. To trust him. Even if she and Andy climbed down from their horses and met these strangers, Seth was right. They could always remount and ride away.
She let out a breath and nodded. “We’ll meet them, but that’s all I agree to.”
Seth held their horses while she and Andy dismounted, then they walked three-abreast toward the trees. His brother and Elias were already unfastening packs from their animals, but Seth stepped close and spoke in a low voice.
“We need to make sure these men don’t mean harm. How about if we go meet the group before unpacking. If any of us don’t like the feel of things, we can move on and camp a bit farther down the trail.”
Elias shrugged. “Suits me either way. Most o’ the folks along this trail are a decent lot, but there can be a bad apple every now an’ then.”
As they tied the horses to the trees, that old familiar panic surged in Rachel’s chest. “Andy, why don’t you stay here and watch the animals.”
“Ma.” His voice dripped with more than a little frustration. “I’m old enough to come with you.”
Was he? So much of her wanted to shelter him. This world would attack as soon as he was on his own. But she had to teach him how to deal with it. How to spot an untrustworthy man.
Inhaling a strengthening breath, she nodded. “All right.”
They trekked through the trees, the canopy of limbs blocking out most of the remaining daylight. Seth walked just in front of her, holding aside branches and clearing the way. She kept Andy behind her, and Samuel brought up the rear. These two seemed to do that often, as though bracketing her and her son inside their protection. Did all brothers work together so well? She’d never witnessed a connection like this. Never seen grown men who communicated without speaking as these two did.
The light of a campfire shone through the trees, and low voices hummed in the distance.
As they stepped into the light, the bulky forms of three men took shape around the campfire. One stood—the man who’d greeted them before. “Come in and sit yourselves. I’m Rufus Cook. These are Alonzo and Milton.”
Each of the men raised a hand as his name was announced, and Rachel’s eyes locked on the flask in Alonzo’s grip.
Her stomach churned, threatening to send bile up to her throat. She backed a step, reaching for Andy. Her hand found his arm and closed around it.
At the corner of her vision, Elias waved them forward, and the drone of his voice tried to break through her senses. Yet the panic swirling in her chest blocked everything out except that bottle.
The man raised the container to his bearded lips, and she turned away as a wave of vomit rose up to her chest, burning her throat.
She sucked in a hoarse breath, struggling to keep her insides in place. A gentle arm slipped around her shoulders, steering her away from the fire and toward the blessed relief of the darkness.
