| |
Casey glanced at the clock. Who would be coming to her cabin at nine o’clock on a Sunday night?
“Lee?” Casey asked. “You’re not outside my cabin door right now, are you?”
“Are you kidding? I’ve got cats on either side of me. You couldn’t pay me to get out of this bed right now.”
“Okay, well, I heard a knock.”
“Don’t answer it!” Lee exclaimed. “Do you have a baseball bat? I’m getting 9-1-1 on the other line. If anything happens, you scream and I’ll have the police over there as fast as they— Casey? Casey, are you there?”
But Lee’s cries were met with silence. Because Casey had opened the door to see who it was, and now there was no way that she could make her voice work to remind Lee that Bonnet didn’t have a police department. Her mouth was open, her jaw gone slack. She had temporarily forgotten what words were, let alone how to think.
There, in her doorway, framed by the moonlight and smelling of pine, was Ben.
Ben in a dark shirt matching his eyes. Ben holding a bottle of wine and a pastry box wrapped in blue ribbon. Ben who had once rocked her to the core with just one kiss.
Ben who was supposed to be gone.
“Casey,” he said.
One word to bring her to her knees.
“I have to go, Lee,” Casey choked into the phone. “Somebody’s here.”
“Casey, are you okay?” Lee asked. “Are you—oh my God. Is that him?”
Casey pinched her eyes shut. “I’ll call you later.” She exhaled, hardly daring to breathe.
She ended the call and faced him. Her body felt like nothing. Like she was floating away.
And like everything, her breath heavy, heart hammering in her chest.
“I don’t want to disturb you. If you want me to go away, I understand,” Ben said.
“Why hello to you too.” The words stuck in her throat. Sure, she’d fantasized plenty of times about him coming back. But those were fantasies—they weren’t supposed to come true. She had no idea what to actually say.
“Sorry, first things first. Hi.” He smiled and brushed the hair from his eyes in that way that made her want to turn into a puddle in her very own doorway. He looked like a dream and she wanted to melt into him. But what the hell was he doing here, unannounced?
“I’m surprised to see you,” she said.
“I wanted to call but I don’t have your number, and I didn’t want to call the office and get Geller to come find you. Somehow I didn’t think you’d like that very much.”
Casey snorted. Yeah, dragging her boss into her twisted, nonexistent love life wasn’t high on her list of ways to win her.
But neither was getting a girl riled up and then walking out on her, and yet here she was, still talking to him. Still trying not to throw herself at him, because she didn’t want him to decide he could come and go any time he pleased without having to answer to her.
“Can I-can I come in?”
Casey paused and then stepped aside, letting his size, his smell, his quiet presence fill her small cabin again. He put the bottle of wine and the pastry box on the round table. Her arms weren’t working enough to take them from him.
“I’m in a summer intensive before I graduate next month,” he said. “I’ve been working seven days a week but I got the day off tomorrow for the Fourth of July.”
“Okay,” Casey said slowly, still waiting for the blood rushing through her ears to quiet and for everything to finally make sense. Had he really come to see her?
And if so, was she right in assuming there was only one reason a man would show up at a woman’s doorstep with wine and a box wrapped with ribbon?
Ben took a deep breath. “Casey, I’m an idiot and all sorts of things that you’ve probably been calling me for a long time—if you’ve even been thinking of me at all. But I had to come see you. It’s all I’ve been thinking about, and if you want me to leave I understand, but if there’s any chance you’d want me to stay...”
He couldn’t even finish the thought.
“You left,” Casey said quietly, the flood of hurt emotions washing over her again.
“And the only thing I’ve wanted to do since May is come back.”
His words left a sharp sting in her chest. Was that what it felt like when her heart was trying to tell her something? And was the message a warning...or a wish?
One part of her didn’t know what to do. But another part of her, deeper than the first, had been imagining this moment all summer. Ever since the door slammed shut behind him. Ever since she wished she’d run after him and brought him back.
However long they could have had together, she would have taken him. However long she could have him now, she wanted him still.
They faced each other across the table, neither of them moving, neither of them sure what to say. But then there was no need for things like words. Her only response was to cross the space between them and press her lips to his with all the wanting she’d tried to pretend she didn’t have.
The kiss was sweet and hungry and she only wanted more. What did it matter if it was only for tonight? He was already kicking off his shoes and moving with her toward her bed. There was no way she could let go.
There was so much she still didn’t know. But if she’d learned anything from following her heart to Bonnet, it was that there were times when it was important to stop, think, and keep track of yourself amidst the churning motions of time.
And then there were other times when all that mattered was following the signs that took you farther from yourself and deeper into something unknown.
Moving as one, they shuffled back toward Casey’s twin bed in the corner, never breaking the kiss. Casey sank into the soft blankets piled high on the narrow bed, pulling Ben’s weight on top of her. The pressure of his chest through his thin knit shirt made her heart race.
He was tangled in her, tangled in the sheets, their bodies pressed together in need as the kiss continued to build.
“I’ve been waiting so long for this,” Ben murmured in her ear as Casey traced her fingers up his shirt, intoxicated by the heat of his body and the silky press of his mouth she’d been certain she would never have again. He ran his hands over her stomach, down to the divot in her hips.
“I’m so sorry I hurt you,” he whispered as he kissed her neck in that way he already knew made her shiver down to her toes.
“It’s nothing, don’t think you’re that special,” she whispered back.
“I can’t stand what I did.” He held her close, breathing deeply as though trying to take her all in.
“You do have a knack for sending mixed messages,” she scolded.
“I hope the signals are all clear now.” He pressed his hips into her, his erection already announcing how he felt. “I knew I had made a mistake as soon as I walked out. And when I got back to the CIA—let’s just say that it didn’t take long to realize that it was the biggest mistake of my life not to grab hold of you when I could. I’ve been waiting so long to try to set it right. Please let me, Casey. Please let me make this right.”
Casey had had too much time to think in the long, humid nights without him, and she was way past thinking now. Thinking, she realized, was precisely the problem that both of them had. Their hearts and their bodies knew far more than their brains. There would be time for talking later, for trying to figure things out. Right now she couldn’t waste another second not having him.
With one deft motion, Casey scissored her legs around him and flipped him so she was on top. He looked startled to find himself suddenly on his back, looking up at her. Startled, and more than a little turned-on to realize she was strong enough to pin him down.
“I’m glad you came back,” she whispered truthfully, taking the lead this time. Now she was the one to kiss his ear, his neck, to explore the hollow of his collarbone and trace his lips with her fingertips and then her tongue. “There’s no way I’m letting you go.”
The kiss was filled with everything they had said, and everything they had yet to say. This time, there was no turning back. Ben’s hands slid under her T-shirt and pulled it off. She returned the favor and soon they were pressing against each other, skin to skin. His mouth on her breasts made her arch her back and groan, every inch of her begging for more.
She found herself on her back again as he cupped each breast in his hands, flicking his tongue over her nipples, faster and faster, and then he kissed her lips again as she ran her nails down his back. His hardness strained against her through his jeans, making made her heart jump in excitement. They were only half naked—had hardly done anything more than kiss—and already she’d been transported to some other planet, every inch of her humming with want.
Her fingers hovered over his buckle. Exactly where they’d left off before.
“Is this okay?” she murmured, slowly pulling out the leather tongue.
“Please,” he panted, and she knew that everything she was feeling was coursing through him, too.
For all that she wanted him, though, she wasn’t going to rush. The first time with someone came only once, and she wanted every moment of pleasure to last. Wickedly she took her time undoing the buckle, teasing him, making him wait.
She gave him a sly grin as she saw the pained eagerness cross his face and felt him press into her leg. When she got the buckle free, she pulled out the belt in one long whoosh and dropped it to the floor. She undid the top button of his jeans with excruciating slowness. His eyes were begging her to release him. She was certain from his look that he wasn’t going anywhere tonight. She couldn’t predict a thing about what might happen later. But in this moment, he was hers.
She slid down his zipper. He was angled on top of her and shifted part of his weight onto his shoulder so she could get to the front of his pants. She wriggled them over his hips and then swung one leg around to tuck her heel into the top of his jeans as they slid over his tight, perfect ass. With one quick motion that made Ben’s breath catch in surprise, she used her leg to pull his jeans down to his ankles and then pinned them to the bed so he could wriggle out his legs.
The last thing he did before she kicked his pants to the floor was pull out a condom from his back pocket. He wanted her, there was no doubt about that. And at least for tonight, her wish had come true. She was going to give it to him.