CHAPTER
8
You can’t do a very good job of handling kids in intense practices by yourself. Even if you try, it isn’t much fun. Get the parents involved. Make it clear when you volunteer that you are going to reserve the right to veto any kid because his parents won’t get involved. If the parent doesn’t help, the kid is out.
Square that with the association. You will see later that even the single parent with two jobs can help. Even a small responsibility for each parent will pay huge dividends for you, the team, and the parents.
Have your first team meeting with the kids and make sure at least one parent of each kid is present. Outline the league rules and your own rules. One of your rules should be that at least one parent from each family must be involved in the team.
Getting the parents involved will mitigate most of the finger-pointing and the frustration that goes with coaching kids. When a parent is involved, it becomes “their team,” not “your team.” This is called “taking ownership.” They will look at you differently, and you will look at them differently.
It took me a few kid-seasons to recognize this fact, and it is a fact. For those of you who don’t believe in facts, who believe that everything is just a matter of feeling, close this book and go jump into the nearest feel-good activity you can find. You’ll be happier.
An example of the total lack of involvement is the soccer coach who asked his players’ parents to be on the other side of the field from the team. The parents were not only uninvolved but separated by a playing field.
That coach probably didn’t want to hear what the parents had to say. Yet the parents had plenty to say – about the coach. Listening to them, I can’t say I blamed the coach for the total separation. But it was a bad decision not to involve the parents from the beginning.
Even if your season has started, recognize the wisdom here and change your attitude about the parents.
I heard recently about a college baseball coach who said he would accept only one phone call from a parent of his players per season, unless there was a family emergency. He told them so in a letter he sent home and when parents called the first time. He obviously wanted the parents to stay out of his process.
This may be an OK approach at the college level, but it certainly isn’t practical at the primary level. In fact, it is self-defeating, arrogant, ill-advised, and simply wrong to exclude the parents of very young players.
The fact that it happens regularly doesn’t make it the best approach. The parents will be regularly critical of the coach and the coach will be regularly critical of the parents.
Now you see the wisdom of getting the parents involved. But what can they do? If you have 15 kids on a team, that’s a lot of parents. One parent involved for each kid makes 15 parents according to the old math. Here is the best method to productively involve them all:
You are coaching your own kid, so that is one guaranteed parent involved.
Call for two assistant coaches. Outline the job as you see it. Assistants are expected to be at all practices and games. Since emergencies do arise, this will assure that two of the three coaches are at every game and practice. Folks with experience playing the sport are preferable, but experience is not required. Don’t hesitate to take assistants who are eager as opposed to experienced. You will need to figure out how to make their time productive. I’ll explain more on that later.
This is someone who is dedicated to keeping order on the bench. He must be at all games and scrimmages or arrange for a substitute from among the parents. This is for your sanity and for safety’s sake. It is especially necessary in games with bats, sticks, or helmets. You would appreciate the need for this person if you had seen the kid who was hit with a bat at my grandson’s baseball game. This assistant keeps the kids controlled, in substitution order, and safe. Also he or she keeps positive chatter going on the bench.
This person keeps the scorebook and tracks the playing time, warns you when a player hasn’t been in the game for the required or committed amount of time, executes substitutions on a prearranged schedule, and monitors the opposition to ensure that they also follow the playing-time rules. You will need to review with the scorekeeper the stats you wish kept. Make a “stat sheet” if necessary.
This is someone who picks up all the equipment and brings it to the next practice or game and ensures that all equipment is accounted for and gets in and out of your vehicle. You will have a lot going on before and after practices and games. Keep your time free for the kids and parents.
“Don’t call me (the coach); we will call you.” That’s your mantra. If the weather looks poor, “Don’t call me; we will call you.” The coach makes one phone call for a schedule change, practice change, or any other change to the telephone team manager. The telephone manager divides the roster among the telephone team. The leader can also send an email, but don’t rely on emails alone, as some folks won’t see the email until it’s too late. Also, the telephone is more personal and covers those without email. This will not preclude a parent from calling the coach for any other serious concern.
Three or four parents are needed here. The roster is divided among them. The telephone team manager calls each one and tells them about the change. They, in turn, call their portion of the kids on the roster – about four calls each. This is a great way to involve the single parent who may already have two jobs.
This person assures that a treat is there after each game. Nothing fancy is necessary – put a dollar limit on it if you wish. Less is more, especially if you’re near meal time. The treat leader sets up a different parent for each game and/or practice. This leader makes sure that all parents participate. If you have 15 kids and only seven or eight games, then the treat leader will assign two parents for each game.
This couple makes sure that every kid is picked up from all practices and games. They will be the last to leave. They will commit to calling the parents of any kid left behind to ensure the kid and parents make contact. They also protect the kids from predators and the coach from false allegations.
The publicity guru should try to get the team name and kids’ names into the local paper or on the radio. Or he and she simply make up a team newsletter for distribution on occasion, or at least once at the end of the year. This is a real keepsake, at least for this coach. The publicity guru also organizes the end-of-year party if you wish to have one. If you have involved the parents as discussed here, the party will be memorable regardless of the record.
This is not coaching by committee. You and your assistants are the only coaches. You will still make all the critical decisions, but you will get lots of friendly input and support from the parents.
Do not fall into the trap of thinking that “times are different now and this old method won’t work.” Some things never change, and most parents’ attitude toward their kid is and will ever be unchanged. They will be pleased to be involved.
If they won’t be involved, they are looking for a baby-sitting service and should be banned from the team and the league. Yes, some single parents with two jobs may need a break. But can’t they make three or four phone calls on occasion?
Must all help come only from the parents? No, especially if there is a special older kid who will help. A middle school or high school kid can make a marvelous assistant coach. A coach with limited experience should look for such a young person to demonstrate and help. Such a person can serve as a great role model for your kids. One older brother or sister might volunteer instead of a parent. An older sibling or a neighborhood kid could be the head coach, providing they properly involve the parents. This would be difficult but doable.