Chapter 23

Icing on the Cake

Think of tanning, gluing, and glazing as icing on the cake. One of the first things you may notice about the sport of bodybuilding is the tan.

Tanning, gluing, and glazing is, to me, the most fascinating aspect of the sport. It is also my favorite. Sixteen weeks of incredibly disciplined hard work come down to a perfectly laid tan, a perfectly glued suit, and loving hands to glaze your body.

Why do bodybuilders tan? Well, there are several reasons. All of it is an illusion and that’s the coolest part. The tan is a part of the illusion. Let’s be clear, nothing about the tan is supposed to look natural, so don’t freak out. The purpose of your tan is to enhance your hard work. Your tan adds depth, contour, and precision to your muscles. It enhances your conditioning and smooths out skin blemishes, such as birth marks, discolorations, and—depending on the tanning products and buffing creams—even tattoos.

In most venues, the stage lights are mounted directly over the stage, meaning directly over you, the athlete. Additionally, there may be a light pointed directly at the stage mounted out over the audience. Generally, you will find some pretty harsh overhead white light at all venues. The lighting, of course, is bright and designed for you, as an athlete to be seen. The down side to this harsh white light is, it literally washes the color off of you.

Without any treatment to your skin, everybody looks either white, ashy, or pale. Don’t forget, you’ve entered this show to be compared to other people; so, without a tan you will practically be unseen. Your fans are sitting in the audience to see your hard work, let them see it. Because humans are a mix of chemicals, some folks will turn green in places like underarms, and around the pubic hair line. I’ve even seen the greenish color at the back of the knees. The reason for this greenish color is your natural hormones and body chemistry responding to the chemicals in the tan. In general, you may see this greenish color appear where you perspire most.

During your comparison rounds, it will be blatantly obvious that you did not tan or glaze. Your skin will look dull and ashy. I have seen it many, many times. And I have to put it out there, it is people of color who think they don’t need to tan or their coach didn’t feel comfortable telling them to tan. They feel they are dark enough, and in most cases they are, but a competitive bodybuilding show is not most cases. No one, and I mean no one, is ever naturally dark enough under harsh white stage lights.

I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Offstage I saw an African American female walking around the auditorium. She was a very nice shade of dark chocolate. Her skin was smooth, much like a Nestle chocolate bar had been melted all over her skin. I didn’t know anything about her, I just remember seeing her. Once she got on stage, I didn’t even recognize her as the same person. The overhead stage lights washed the color right off. She looked beige at best. Think about it, If she didn’t tan, that probably means she didn’t do much glazing either and we’ll get to that in a moment. So, in addition to being beige at best, she looked dry. Let it be said here and now, people of color need a spray tan.

Remember, these are comparison rounds, you will stand out, but not in a good way.

On show day, I had three coats of tan. One from the night before, one in the morning before prejudging, and a touch up just before the night show began. Three coats. Why would you leave a sixteen-week prep to chance at the very end, at the final hour? Don’t!

Let’s get down to the nitty gritty. In this chapter you’ll find useful tips on tanning, gluing, and glazing.

Tanning

In your peak week emails, you will receive a time slot from the tanning agency. Please be on time. Depending on the size of the show, the email will also request that you show up with your division. The email will read something like

Tanning Appointment: Women’s Figure
7:00 pm – 8:00 pm.

You may show up anytime in that one-hour window. But let’s clear something up right now, there are people out there who believe they are too important to wait. They are impatient and have in their minds, I don’t want to sit and wait so I’m going to show up right at 7:59 pm . It doesn’t matter when you arrive, be prepared to wait. You are waiting because, while the tanners know how many people preregistered for tans, there is no way to predict how many of them will show up late—traffic, missed plane, hair and makeup ran over—so expect to wait. A bodybuilding show is a day of waiting. The professional tanners are moving athletes through like cattle in a shoot. Again, depending on the size of the show, more than 250 bodies can be tanned in one evening. Be professional and wait patiently.

Your first coat of tan will be applied the night before the show. You will be called to one of two locations, either one of the conference rooms inside of the host hotel or the venue where the actual show will take place. Expect to tan naked. Everyone. Guys, you will be given a sock. Stuff your fruit and berries in the sock, stand patiently in a dry tent and wait to be called into a spray tent. As a professional, it is very awkward for me, to have to explain to you how to stuff your fruit and berries into a sock, especially since I don’t have any. Even if you don’t yet possess a Pro card, it is a good to practice behaving like one. Handle everything professionally, no matter how awkward.

When you arrive for your appointment, expect to see a row of pop-up tents propped side by side. Depending on the number of athletes registered there will be two to four spray tents, and the others are designated as drying tents. You will be shuffled into a tent. There are two sides. Most organizations now require that men and women tan separately on two separate sides. There was a time not so long ago where women and men would be standing in tents next to one another. Even if you are in close proximity, there should be a men’s side and a women’s side. Both men and women may enter the same conference room door, but after that, women will go left and men will go right.

It’s super important to listen to where the tanner asks you to put your clothes. If you didn’t hear ask, “Where would you like me to put my clothes.” In most cases, you will be instructed to place your clothes inside the tent in the front corner. I strongly recommend folding each article of clothing neatly and then stacking them on the ground. I also recommend arriving with no jewelry—that includes wedding rings, toe rings and other pieces of jewelry, even if you’ve vowed never to remove them.

A: the tanner will request that you remove it. If you chose not to, that’s fine, but please know that by the time you are asked to remove that item, you will be naked and there won’t be a family member nearby to hand your item to. As to not be held responsible, the tanner likely won’t hold it for you. So where does your jewelry go? You toss your jewelry in the same place where you tossed your clothes. Inevitably, you’ll forget you took it off, pick up your shirt to put it on and your jewelry goes flying across the room somewhere. You won’t realize it until you are back in your home city. If you’re lucky, the tanners will find your jewelry when they break down.

B: You keep the ring on and the tanner tans over it.

The tan takes about 15 minutes to dry. Prepare yourself, the spray is cold! To keep the spray contained and to aid in the tans setting faster on your skin, there will be industrial sized fans placed between the tents. It’s cold back there!

I strongly recommend using the official tanner of the show. All shows have an official tanner. Look at your show promotion material and you will see a logo or some affiliated tanning information. Tanning will typically be done at the host hotel or at the venue where the bodybuilding show will be held. Keep up with your emails. It is no fun driving around, most likely at night, with a car full of family, carb-depleted, hungry, in an unfamiliar city looking for your tanner.

So that you are able behave like a professional, here are a few tips:

1. Know your body. You look at yourself in the mirror every day. You know what blemishes you have and which stretch marks you wish weren’t there. You know which arm is darker than the other and how your feet never quite “even out” in the summer. Apply your knowledge; have those blemishes and marks evened out with a professional spray tan.
2. Listen, watch, and remember. Listen to which side of the room the tanner directs you to. Listen to where the tanner asks you to place your clothes. Watch the flow of traffic. Remember which athletes entered before and after you – there is a certain point where all the naked bodies look the same. I promise the tanners are not skipping you, all you’ll have on is a hairnet and since you are naked, we have nothing to identify you by – just give a shout and say “I’m next!”
3. Don’t be high maintenance. If this is your first show, acting high maintenance is the first indicator that you’ve never done this before. Remember the Women’s Pro Figure at the Dallas Europa example ? The real pros know the tan is the icing on the cake, and they stand there quietly. They don’t watch, they look straight ahead. They allow the professionals to work. In short, be classy. Smile, say thank you. Ask the tanners “How’s your day so far?” Turn around and get your tan.
4. Bring a hair net and hair clip just in case. The tanning agency typically provides plenty of these items. But inevitably overnight, 25 last-minute registrations come through. The tanning agency has already packed their cases and are likely already setting up on-location when those extra numbers come through. Bring your own items. Again, just be prepared and you won’t have to sweat it.
5. Guys, please bring your own sock. Do not – I repeat – do not hand the tanner your sock when you are done receiving your tanning service. You may however ask, “Where would you like me to put this?” or bring your own sock, remove it, get dressed, put it in your pocket and walk out with your head held high just like the pros do.
6. Urine. Let’s talk about it. Now this piece of advice goes for both guys and girls. There’s really no other way around it: once you’re glued in you cannot go to the restroom. I’ll talk a little bit more about this in the gluing section. Urine stains your tan. If you find yourself in a situation where you absolutely must go to the restroom and you accidently pee on yourself or have urine running down your leg, know this:
   1. That is a novice mistake and you will get major side eyes from girls who’ve done it before.
   2. Laugh it off, no worries, your tanning team are professionals, they’ve got a product just for you. They’ll use a bit of product and a buffing mitt and blend those stains right out.
7. Be respectful: cover everything. Once your body is tanned, you are sticky and wherever you go and whatever you touch, you will leave sticky tan behind. If you’ve followed the “Week of” tanning instructions, you’ll know that you already stink. Now you’re stinky and leaving tan everywhere you go. Cover everything! Car seats, hotel bed, toilet seat and anything else you may rub on or brush against for the next several days.
8. Follow the “week of” tanning instructions. Your tan will lay better on your skin if you’ve exfoliated as instructed in your email. Also, if you’re a bikini athlete, part of judging criteria is skin tone. Again, this is a business. This is a part of knowing your profession, and your craft. If you want to be a professional, start here: follow the instructions to the letter and bring dark and loose clothing to change into after your tan. Just so you know, some tanning agencies ask that you do not use deodorant a few days prior to receiving services. Be prepared for that. Deodorant and tanning solution don’t mix.

You need a professional. And not just any professional, but a professional that knows stage makeup. One who knows lighting and how makeup and skin tone are affected by lighting.

Gluing

Ultimately, it is your choice to have your bikini top and bottom glued.

So that you are able to behave like a professional, here’s some advice on gluing:

1. The person gluing you will likely be seated. As you approach the front of the line, start pay attention and listening to the questions being asked of the other athletes. Approach the chair and be prepared for them to ask, “Do you want your bra cups glued also?” At this time, it is your responsibility, to think back to the last few weeks of prep when your posing coach told you it was time to start practicing in your suit. When you hit your side pose, did you feel a little nervous or paranoid that things may move or fall out? If so, the answer is “Yes, please, I want my top glued.”
2. Hit your back pose. When you have your bikini bottom glued, turn around and hit your back pose. Tip your hips and arch your back. Your back pose is the most important in gluing. Your tanning professional is literally gluing your suit in place so that when you hit your back pose, the suit doesn’t ride up and turn into a thong. The entire bottom will be glued in place.
3. Wax everything. I am not necessarily saying you need a Brazilian, but please wax everything that may be exposed. The test? Turn around and hit your back pose.

Glazing

Tanning and glazing go together. Now is the appropriate time to get greased up and shiny like your first day of kindergarten. Think of your tan and glaze as icing on the cake. A birthday cake is nice, but what is it without the white icing, lavender flowers, and your name written in pink piping? It’s nothing. Glaze is a part of your presentation. Otherwise, your skin will appear dull. Glaze can be one of many things. Vaseline, wig spray, grapeseed oil, or a specialty concoction created by your tanner.

Show Day is your party!

So that you are able to behave like a professional, here’s a bit of advice on glazing:

1. Know your skin-type. Especially guys. If you have dry skin, kindly ask for a little extra glaze because by the time you are glazed, stand in line and wait to be called to the stage, your skin will have sucked that little bit of glaze up, and your skin will yet again, have a dull appearance.
2. Balance. You don’t want to look slippery, but when the light hits you, you want to glow.
3. Trust the professionals’ eye. As product is being applied, your tanner is simultaneously watching your skin suck in and devour the product. So, while you may walk away feeling and looking a bit slippery, by the time you stand in line and finally get to the stage fifteen minutes later, you’ll be perfect. I still think that knowing your skin type is the best piece of advice. Then and only then will you know how much glaze you want.