TABITHA
July 5, 6:00 P.M.
I wasn’t doing right by this baby.
I’d driven through the night last night to get home from the Hamptons, terrified of seeing Derek in my rearview mirror, then slept for a couple of fitful hours before going to work. I couldn’t afford to miss another shift. I needed the money. Last night, I’d finally admitted to myself that Connor had no intention of leaving his wife. I’d probably never see him again, which meant supporting the baby on my own. And the terror that induced made me push myself harder than I should. Lifting heavy trays. Running myself ragged and sneaking off to throw up in the bathroom. Liz, my manager, was a good person and a good friend. If I told her what was going on, she’d want to help. The problem was, I could imagine what she’d say upon finding out that I was pregnant. That I couldn’t support this child alone, and I needed to sue Connor for paternity and child support.
I wasn’t ready to face that harsh truth yet. I still loved him. I still hoped.
Halfway through the shift, Liz came and found me on the floor. I’d been avoiding her all night, worried that she was going to take me aside and demand to know what was wrong. Then I’d have to tell her, because I hated to lie.
It wasn’t what I was expecting.
“You’ve got a call in the office. Derek’s probation officer,” she said.
I hadn’t told Liz about Derek following me to New York. I hadn’t even told her that I went there. I’d called in sick. Why had I done that? Now I had to worry about getting caught in that lie.
“Why is he calling me?” I asked.
“I don’t know. He didn’t say.”
“I’ll be quick,” I said.
In her office, as I reached for the phone, I was overwhelmed by dread. At the time I left Windswept last night, Derek was at large, and the police officer had gone off in search of him. I was afraid to find out what had happened since.
“Hello? This is Tabitha.”
“Ms. Girard? Mike Mandel from the Probation Department. I just got off the phone with an Officer Rossi of the Southampton PD. She told me that you reported your ex-husband, Derek Cassidy, had traveled to Southampton last night because he was stalking you?”
“Uh. Yes.”
“It seems he was arrested down there, for attempted burglary and assault. The officer wanted you to know.”
“Wow. Thank you. That’s a relief. The police were called last night, but Derek got away. I’ve been looking over my shoulder ever since. So, they found him?”
“Oh, they found him, all right. He was arrested and charged. Because he was on probation, he won’t get bail. He’ll probably go away for a year or two, at least.”
“I’m very glad to hear that. He’s been coming around my work, actually. It was pretty scary.”
“I had no idea. I wish you’d contacted us. I could’ve intervened.”
“I called the police. The guy acted like there was nothing he could do.”
“Well, that’s wrong. Anyway, you don’t need to worry now.”
“Thank you. I’m very glad to hear that.”
“Hey, if you don’t mind, can I ask you a couple of questions?”
“Sure, I guess so. About what?”
“It’s just, I’m trying to understand what happened. The situation is strange to me.”
“In what way?”
“Like, why would Derek—who’s no angel, now, I know, but he stays in his lane—”
“Stays in his lane?”
“You know, he’s a two-bit pusher. Local. Not a heavy hitter. Why would he try to crash this high-society party down in New York, where, as far as I know, he’s never been in his life before? Can you enlighten me?”
I had the distinct feeling that this guy was suspicious of me. I wasn’t guilty of anything, but that had never protected me from being implicated in Derek’s crimes. I should say as little as possible and get off the phone.
“As I told the officer, Derek followed me there, and that’s all I know,” I said.
“I take it you’re acquainted with the people whose house it was?”
Why was he being so nosy? I refused to drop Connor’s name. What if it got back to him somehow? The last thing I needed was Connor finding out that the convicted drug dealer who’d been arrested for trespassing and beating up the security guard at Windswept was my ex-husband. That would be impossible to explain.
“I was trying to get away from Derek, and I ran into the first house I saw. Now, if you’ll excuse me, Mr. Mandel, I’m at work, and my boss is calling me.”
“It’s just weird, because, you know, the woman died.”
That got my attention.
“What woman?”
“The hostess of the party. Nina Levitt.”
“Nina Levitt died? That can’t be right.”
My heart started hammering.
“It was on the news. She drowned. Her body was found early this morning in the swimming pool at her home. Look, I’m not saying they think Derek had anything to do with her death—”
“Derek? Oh my God.”
The room was spinning.
“No, I’m not saying that. From what I understand, they’re treating this as an accident, at least until an autopsy can establish cause of death. But you have to admit, it’s a crazy coincidence. Normally, I’d think murder is outside Derek’s wheelhouse. But then I come back to, what the hell was he doing there in the first place? I was hoping you could shed some light.”
“I can’t, sorry. Now I have to go.”
I slammed the phone down and collapsed in the chair. I felt so faint that I had to put my head between my knees. Liz walked in. Seeing me, she ran to my side.
“Tabitha. Jesus, are you okay?”
“Derek got arrested.”
“For what?”
“Assault. Down in New York.”
“That’s a good thing, right? He’ll go back to jail.”
I was hyperventilating.
“You’re scaring me,” Liz said. “Hold on. I’ll get a paper bag.”
Liz ran out, returning a minute later with a paper bag. She held it up and had me breathe in and out until I stabilized.
“I feel better,” I said, after a few minutes. “Thank you. I always thought that was an old wives’ tale.”
“It works. Take it from this old wife. You’re white as a sheet, though. Go home.”
“I can’t. I’ve missed too much work.”
“Someone can cover for you.”
“It’s not that, Liz. I need the money.”
She nodded, understanding in her eyes. “Fine. But when your shift’s done, you’re gonna come back here and tell me what’s really going on with you.”
“Deal.”
I went back to work with my mind reeling. Mandel was right. Derek was just a small-time drug dealer. A fuckup, a lowlife, and—as far as I knew—no killer. But he was an opportunist and desperate for cash. Maybe he tried to rob her, and something went wrong. The more I thought about it, the more terrified I got. Derek had no connection to Nina, except through me, and my affair with her husband. If he was involved in her death, it was certain to come back on me.
I got so worked up about the possibility of being implicated in Nina’s murder that I couldn’t think of anything else. At the end of my shift, I sat on the bench outside Liz’s office, waiting for her to close out the till. It was the first moment I’d had to myself all night. And it hit me.
Nina was dead. Connor was free.
I knew that was a selfish thing to think about, but I couldn’t help it. He and I could finally be together. I had to get in touch with him, right away. I walked out of the restaurant, my hands shaking as I dialed my phone. He picked up on the first ring.
“You heard?” He spoke quietly.
“Yes. I’m so sorry. Are you all right?”
“Hang up. I’ll call you from a different number.”
I sat in my car, waiting. Liz came out and tapped on the glass. I lowered my window.
“I thought we were going to talk,” she said.
“I’m not feeling up to it. Tomorrow, okay?”
My phone rang.
“I have to take this.”
“Tabitha—”
“Sorry, Liz.”
I put the window up. She looked annoyed.
“Hello?”
“Tabby,” he said with a heavy sigh. “Things are so screwed up here. It’s really good to hear your voice.”
Liz was watching. I turned away, hunching over my phone.
“You didn’t call,” I said in a low tone.
“I couldn’t. Tabitha, Nina’s dead.”
“Yes. What happened?”
“She killed herself.”
Suicide? That wasn’t what the probation officer had said. I had questions, but they would sound suspicious enough that I couldn’t ask them with Liz standing right outside my car.
“Can you hold on?” I said into the phone, and lowered the window again.
“Liz, I’m sorry. I need some privacy.”
She shook her head, turned, and walked away, and my heart sank. She was going to lose patience with me. But what could I do? I hadn’t heard from Connor in weeks. Nina was dead. We had to talk. This was too important.
“I heard she drowned,” I said to Connor, once Liz had gone. “What makes you think it was suicide? Did she leave a note?”
“No. We found an empty bottle of pills. She’d been despondent. The theory is, she took an overdose and threw herself in the swimming pool.”
Guilt weighed on me. “Oh, no. Because you told her you were leaving her?”
“I never went through with that. The day we got back to the States, she saw her doctor. She was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I couldn’t leave her when she was dying. I would’ve felt too bad about myself.”
“Cancer?”
“Lung cancer. She was a heavy smoker when she was younger. She’d been feeling ill for a while. Chest pain, shortness of breath. She had the specialist lined up and went straight there from the airport. She told me it was clear on the X-ray, a big mass on her lung. She was so upset. That’s why I couldn’t return your calls. I needed to be there for her. I just never thought she’d do something like that. God, I feel so guilty.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“I didn’t want it to end like that.”
“Of course not. Still, that’s a relief.”
“A relief?”
“I’m sorry, that came out sounding selfish. I just meant, I’m relieved that it had nothing to do with us. With you and me.”
Or with Derek. Thank God.
“Right. But still. If anybody knew about us, they might think there was some connection. We should hang up. We can’t talk. Not until things settle down.”
I’d been imagining that now we could see each other. He didn’t even want to talk?
“We’re talking now. I don’t understand. What’s the problem?”
“I shouldn’t have answered. But when I saw your number come up—well, I didn’t think. All I knew was, I wanted to hear your voice.”
“I want that, too. I want to see you, be with you.”
“Me, too, Tabby. Believe me.”
“I’ve missed you so much. I can’t wait another minute. I know things are crazy for you. I can drive down there right now.”
“No, you’re not listening. It’s not possible.”
“I can help. I can be there for you.”
“If anyone finds out about us, it would look terrible.”
“We’ll just say I’m your friend.”
“Who’s gonna believe that? It’s too risky.”
“I don’t understand. You said her death was a suicide. If that’s true, what is there to worry about?”
“There’s been no ruling yet. The police are investigating. You know how cops are. They rush to judgment. It’s always the husband, even in cases where there’s not a lot of money at stake. Here, there’s a fortune. If there was even the slightest hint that I had a motive—”
“A motive beyond the money? Like, another woman? Me?”
“Exactly. That’s the classic scenario, right? If anyone found out about us, frankly, I’d be in deep shit.”
“But if she really killed herself, won’t the evidence show that?”
“I’m no expert. But my sense is, this is one of those murky situations. They can make it look bad for me.”
“How long will the investigation take?”
“It’s not just the investigation. There’s the estate.”
“Estate?”
“I’m trying to get a handle on it. I have a call in to her lawyer. I don’t know if there was a will. I don’t know what the story is. That could take a long time to resolve, and until it’s settled, I need to lead an exemplary life.”
“So, we have to sneak around?”
“Not sneak around. We can’t see each other.”
“For how long?”
“I don’t know. A year, maybe more, maybe less.”
“A year? No. Connor—no.”
“Does it matter? I’m committed to you, Tabby. I found you again after so long. I’m finally sure of what I want in my life, and it’s you. I know that in my heart. You need to know it, too. We can wait another year. What’s one more year if we know we want to be together forever?”
“Connor, this won’t be a normal year. I’ve been trying to get in touch for days. There’s something you need to know, something important.”
“What is it?”
I told him.