self-care

There’s a lot of talk about “haters”—people who seem to only know how to criticize. But there’s even more talk about what to do about those haters. Shake it off. Block out the haters. F*ck the haters. These responses are all reasonable, given the endless barrage of criticism and negativity coming from said haters.

But blocking out the haters can be dangerous. Where do we draw the line between true hatred and constructive criticism? Can we really just block out everything we don’t want to hear? How can we tell the difference?

Brené Brown, the famous author, researcher, and speaker on shame and vulnerability, has a succinct answer to these questions. She says in her Netflix special Brené Brown: The Call to Courage, “You cannot take criticism and feedback from people who are not being brave with their lives.” She talks in her research about how being brave actually means being vulnerable. If people aren’t in the ring with you, also being their truest and most vulnerable selves, they should not have any say in how you create your reality.

Haters are haters because they are not makers: They create nothing, rather, they hide behind their wall of negativity, trying to take you down instead of being vulnerable with others and with themselves.

It’s okay, and even good, to surround yourself with people who offer constructive criticism and feedback. But only the people who know, love, and are invested in you deserve to give you that help. And if they’re not? If they’re just haters? Well, then you can shake them off.