Choices

Denise quickly noticed that Tameka had casually strolled into the ballroom with another girl on her arm. She began to feel rage, and she hoped that Carmen didn’t see her. When she looked at the Chi Theta Table and realized that Carmen wasn’t there, she immediately knew something was wrong. She headed outside to find her.

She met up with Cooley on the side of the building where all the classrooms were, looking for the one from where they could hear crying coming from.

“Man, you thinking what I’m thinking?” Cooley said as she tried another door.

“Already on top of that, just saw Tameka walk into the room with chick.”

“What the fuck! I’m going to beat her ass!” Cooley said as they both noticed a figure lying on the floor of one of the rooms.

They both quickly ran into the room, where they found Carmen in fetal position, crying on the floor.

“Carmen, baby.” Denise quickly grabbed her.

Carmen latched on and continued to cry uncontrollably.

“Why, Denise, why can’t anyone love me? I fucked up, I fucked up,” she hiccuped; she was short on breath.

Denise picked her up and took her to the bathroom.

Cooley stood there thinking about her friend lying on the ground. She had never seen Carmen in that much pain before; it was even worse than last year. Rage took over Cooley as she headed back to the ballroom.

Tameka saw Cooley heading in her direction and got up to run out, but didn’t make it in time.

Cooley grabbed her and tackled her to the ground.

“I told you not to hurt her. I told you!” Cooley yelled as she stomped on Tameka. “I’m gon’ kill you for hurting her.”

It took four football players to get her off of Tameka.

Carmen and Denise ran into the ballroom when they heard the commotion.

“No, Cooley, leave her alone. This is my battle.”

Carmen yelled as the basketball players let Cooley go when she calmed down. She headed to Tameka, who was being held up by the girl she came with to the banquet.

Carmen looked at Tameka and punched her with all of her strength—“This is for thinking you could fuck me over again.” She punched her again—“This is for hurting me last year.” She punched her one last time—“and this is to remind you what’s going to happen if you ever come near me again.”

The banquet was interrupted by the commotion.

Carmen apologized to the room as they were escorted out of the party by the campus security.

Torrance and some of the Chi Thetas met them outside.

“You know what, this is why they didn’t want to let your kind in Chi Theta!” Torrance yelled at Carmen.

Before Carmen could speak, Misha came out of nowhere and started yelling at Torrance.

“You know what, none of y’all are perfect. If you want, people can expose your skeletons as well. You are damn privileged to have a wonderful girl like Carmen in your group, and if you can’t get past the fact that we are gay, then I don’t—”

Carmen cut off Misha. “Look, Torrance, for years I have wanted to be a Chi Theta, for years I learned all I could, made sure I did volunteer work and kept my grades up. I dreamed of the day I would wear these letters. But I never thought that once I made it that I would still not be accepted. Well, you know what, I don’t care anymore.”

Carmen turned toward all of the people looking at her. “I spent most of my life trying to fit in, trying to be loved by people who never could see past my size, I thought that having a damn operation would make it go away. Well, no, it didn’t because until I can respect myself, no one else will. I am done with trying to be something else for someone else. I have great friends, and I had someone in my life who cared about me and I fucked that up for some bullshit. So fuck all of you bitches who don’t give a fuck about me.” Carmen turned around and headed out the U.C.

The campus police asked that everyone head back into the banquet. The male basketball players were on the stage receiving their awards.

The only reason Cooley wasn’t arrested was because she was cool with two of the officers that got her. Misha and Cooley headed to leave with Carmen.

“I just need to thank you both,” she said to them.

“It’s nothing, baby girl—anytime.”

Cooley responded, “I would have loved to beat the shit out of her though.”

“Yeah, and I was all prepared to slap the shit out of three of those Chi Thetas for sure.”

They all laughed.

Carmen felt someone grab her dress from behind.

Nic was standing behind her.

“Well, I think that Misha and I will head back to the dorm. See you later, okay,” Cooley said as she and Misha walked off.

“Are you, okay?” Nic asked her.

“No, but I will be,” Carmen responded. Nic was looking good in her Sean Jean. “Nic, I wanted—”

“It’s okay. Look, I heard what you said, and I just wanted to let you know that, well, you didn’t lose me. I told you, take your time, I will be here.”

Carmen started to cry.

Nic pulled her close and kissed her.

“I don’t deserve you,” Carmen whispered.

“Carmen, by now, I think you should realize that you do deserve me. You deserve the best, remember that.”

Carmen looked at Nic. She placed her lips on hers, giving her the most sensual kiss she could.

“You’re right, I do deserve the best.” She smiled as Nic held her close. For the first time, she felt true love.