The last time I felt this helpless was when I watched my husband die of cancer, knowing there was nothing I could do about it. Now my mom is lying in a hospital bed, broken and bloody because of me, and I can't even be there to tell her she isn't alone and how much I love her.
I know she needs a little extra encouragement to pull through. My mom has always been the kind of person who needs extra strength from time to time. When I was growing up, I was always happy to give it to her.
Now, I can't be there for her, and it's killing me. I know I need to keep my kids safe, and they are, especially here in the cabin with Dean. He's agreed to take us on as a family. The kids love him and feel protected with him. But we won't ever be safe and able to leave this mountain if we don't take care of my stepdad.
Needing to get out of the cabin, I walk down from the porch to the edge of the woods behind the cabin. I can see the smoke from the chimney coming out of the rusted metal roof, and for a moment, I close my eyes and cling to the hope that we can still have a normal life. That we can live in the same cabin and have Christmas dinners, and the kids can run around the snow and make snowmen every year.
Taking a deep breath, I steel myself for what I have to do. Dean is out chopping wood, and the kids are playing outside near him. It's just me and my thoughts as I head back into the cabin, and I can't let fear get the best of me. I know where my stepdad is. He’s waiting for me to show up at the hospital, and I know what I have to do to keep my family safe.
I grab a piece of paper and write a letter no mom ever wants to. Then I write two other letters, one to each of my kids, and I stash them under the mattress out of sight, and go out to join Dean and the kids.
As I approach Dean, I can sense his gaze fixated on me. He knows something's up. It’s easy to see that he's worried about the situation and about me. He drops his ax and walks towards me, and as he does, I can feel my heart rate quickening. I take another deep breath, trying to control my emotions.
He wraps his arms around my waist and bends his knees to lower his body so he can look into my eyes. It's as if he's able to read everything without me having to say a word. I expect some questions or for him to say everything is going to be okay.
Instead, he picks me up and swings me around. My heart rate accelerates. The motion is exhilarating, and I can feel the wind rushing past me. When I start laughing, the kids join in, laughing even harder. Dean then swings me over his shoulder and starts running towards the kids, roaring as loud as he can. They run away, giggling happily.
Right then, I forget about my stepdad and the danger that we are in. The moment is so pure and carefree, something we haven't experienced in a long time. When he sets me back down, he even has a big smile lighting his face. It takes my breath away how handsome he really is, especially when he smiles like this.
If we make it out of this together, I vow to myself to do anything and everything I can to put that smile on his face more often. Dean pulls me to his side as we watch the kids. Gracie fights off a yawn, and Max is starting to wind down, too.
"How about lunch and then a family nap time? Even I'm tired after all that," I say. There is very little protesting.
We make grilled cheese with some tomato soup to warm everyone up, and the lunchtime debate topic is what Christmas movie we are going to watch tonight. By the end of lunch, we have landed on watching The Grinch after dinner.
As we finish cleaning up after lunch, I feel Dean's hand on my back, gently rubbing up and down. It's a subtle motion but fills me with comfort. We've only known each other for a short time, but it feels like we've been through so much together. His touch sends shivers down my spine, and I know that I'm not the only one who feels the attraction between us.
"Go tuck the kids in. I'll finish up here," he says, leaning in to kiss me quickly.
After letting the kids pick out a book, I tuck them in tight, giving them each an extra hug and kiss. I read them the book they picked, and both are asleep before I even get to the halfway point.
As I step out of the kids' room, I cannot shake off the anxiety that has been gnawing at me all day long. Dean is leaning against the door frame to his bedroom with his arms folded across his chest. When I make a move to walk past him, he blocks me with his body, making me face him. My heartbeat picks up again, and I can feel my face flush as my eyes meet his.
"Are you okay?" he asks, his voice laced with concern.
I nod, but I'm pretty sure he can tell I'm lying. He reaches out and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. That simple act of caring makes me feel vulnerable.
"Just worried about Mom and what is going to happen with my stepdad," I tell him as honestly as I can.
He pulls me into him and rests his forehead on mine. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you or our family. We'll face it together," he whispers back, his breath tickling my ear.
While I want to believe him, I can't shake off the feeling that something is wrong. My stepdad's threats are still ringing in my ears, and I have an overwhelming fear that we're in danger. Dean's touch is so comforting that I let myself relax against him for a minute.
"Let's lie down. I wasn't kidding about needing a nap today, too," I say.
He pulls me into the room, helping me into bed and holding me tight.
I soak in the feeling of being in his arms.
As we lie there, I feel the tension in my body slowly seeping away. Dean's embrace is like a warm cocoon, protecting me from the outside world. I can hear his heart beating in my ears, and I am lulled into a sense of calmness. The sun is shining through the curtains, casting a warm glow across the room.
It's not long before his grip on me loosens, and his breathing evens out. I wait a bit, letting him get into a deep sleep before I gently move his arms to slide out of bed. Placing my pillow in his arms, I quietly leave the room, closing the bedroom door behind me.
Taking the letters I wrote out from under my mattress, I lay them on top of my bed. Then I go to the kitchen, grab the food I put to the side earlier, and pack it with some water in a backpack I brought from the shelter. I get all bundled up in several layers, and put on my heavy jacket and boots.
I take one last look around, knowing I have to do this. To make us all safe, I have to put an end to this.
When I go outside, there is a fresh layer of snow on the ground from last night. But the sun is bright and offers a bit of warmth.
As I walk through the snow-covered path toward the gravel road that leads to the cabin, my heart is beating faster. My stepdad's threats keep repeating in my mind. I can't let him harm us, and I have to do whatever it takes to protect my family.
If I can follow the road down the mountain, once closer to town, I can get a ride. I have plenty of daylight left, and the sun shining makes the walk beautiful.
As I venture further into the woods, the sky grows darker, and a snowstorm pops up from what seems like thin air. All of a sudden, I can't see the road and don't know if I'm even walking in the right direction anymore.
The snow is falling at a steady pace and has covered pretty much everything in white. The snowflakes dance around me, getting heavier with each passing minute. Soon, the trees are completely covered in white, making it almost impossible to see the path ahead of me. The wind is howling through the treetops, and cold air penetrates all my layers of clothing, chilling me to my core.
I have no idea which direction I should take next, and fear grips me from within, making it hard to breathe. I feel like I'm in a dream and want to wake up. Turning, I head back to the cabin, figuring I can follow my footsteps. Yet in only a few minutes, my footprints disappear in the snow.
I keep walking in what I hope is the right direction, but my strength is quickly draining away. My vision blurs, and my steps become wobbly. I stop for a moment to catch my breath and rest against a tree, trying to gather all my remaining energy and focus it on returning home.
A gust of wind howls past me, lifting the snow from the ground and making it hard to see anything ahead of me. With no idea where I am going, I know that if I don't get back soon, things could turn really bad for me.
Even though I try to keep going, I can't feel my hands and feet anymore, and with each step forward, it's harder and harder to stay aware. Then my foot hits a branch and I let out a yell that is swallowed up by the wind. My vision starts to go blurry, and just before it goes black, a grey wolf crosses what is left of my vision.
"Hades..." I croak out just before everything goes black.