Geothermal mineral water eased Grace's weary body as the sun set and stars ignited the night sky. The smell of sage pooled in the air, though the smudge had gone out. The soothing burble of the falls massaged raw nerves. She drew in measured breaths, pulling therapeutic steam deep into her lungs. Calm infused her soul.
Her thoughts drifted. Echoes from the past ebbed and flowed.
Remember where you come from, baby girl.
"I do, Papa." Her voice sounded distant and youthful.
She ran through a waist-high field of alfalfa, the stems tugging at her cotton dress and tickling her palms as she held her arms outstretched. The sun warmed her head; seedpods stuck to her brown skin.
Grandma James hunched at the battered upright piano, her gnarled fingers striking ivory while her sweet, high voice warbled "Soon I Will Be Done." The rhythmic creak of Grandpa James keeping time in the Mission rocker quieted a child's tumultuous heart.
The languid flow of Papa's words like honey as he coaxed her and brother to sleep with sonnets and tales of love and tragedy and justice.
Green felt and the crisp flutter of cards, like startled pigeon wings.
~~~
Ray opened his eyes to more stars than he'd ever seen. It didn't feel like he'd been asleep all that long, but the sky had turned midnight black. Disorientation prickled his skin. The stars didn't look right. I'm in the desert, he reminded himself, and sat up.
The blue sphere of Earth rose on a cratered, barren horizon, an image he had seen dozens of times after Apollo 8's historic lunar orbit. Fear and astonishment jolted through him. "I'm on the goddamn moon."
He grabbed a fistful of fine, gray dust and let it filter through his fingers, stirring up a mini storm. He'd read that dust took its time settling on the moon because of low gravity. He was still naked. No special equipment. No spacesuit. What's keeping me from floating away? Shouldn't I be cold? How am I able to breathe?
"Hi, Dad."
He choked on a startled gasp and turned to see Benny a couple yards away – Terminator t-shirt and leather pants, bare feet, the quilt from Rose's cabin over his arm. "How'd you get up here?" Ray asked. A ridiculous question that he followed with another. "How did we get here?"
Benny shrugged. "A dream."
Ray cupped his hands over his privates and quickly glanced around. "Is Grace here too?"
Benny giggled. "No, Dad." His bare feet kicked up dust clouds as he moved closer and wrapped the quilt around Ray's shoulders. It smelled of sage. "Rose let me use this."
"She's a spooky lady."
Benny gave a beauteous smile. "She's magic."
Ray couldn't argue with that. No other way to explain the two of them on the moon, having this conversation. "Why are we here?" he asked.
"It's safe."
Not sure how to digest that response, Ray realized his boy took being on the moon too calm for a first-timer. It occurred to him he might be seeing the moon from inside Benny's head, and wondered just how much, or little, Rose actually had to do with any of this. "Have you been here before, son?"
"Yeah." Benny sat cross-legged beside him, sending more dust into the atmosphere. "Sometimes other places."
"What other places?"
"I don't know the names."
"Other planets?"
"Da-a-ad."
"Sorry." Too many questions. Ray suspected a lot of those other places had hard-to-pronounce fictional names from episodes of Star Trek and Star Wars movies. He took in the magnificence of planet Earth, a blue oasis. "Sure is somethin'," he breathed.
"Home."
Ray's insides tightened. He looked at his son. "Do you miss our place in Ohio?"
Benny's shoulders rose and fell in a long, deep sigh. "I miss Mama."
Mama, not the house. Ray nodded. "So do I."
"She talks to you."
"Yeah, about that..." He didn't know how much he wanted to tell his boy.
"Mama doesn't talk to me because she's mad at me."
Surprised, Ray asked, "Why would she be mad at you?"
Tears pooled in Benny's eyes. "I killed her."
Ray stilled, his son's utter sorrow and conviction so unexpected it locked his brain off from his vocal cords. How could he possibly think he killed his mama? I'm the one to blame for her death. I'm the one who didn't wake up while she slipped away. Would he ever get the image of her lifeless face out of his head? The cloudiness of her once vibrant green eyes? He choked back the guilt lodged in his throat and said softly, "Your mama died in her sleep."
Benny's face reddened and tears spilled down his cheeks. "I know! I broke her vase and made her sad and her color got dark like a storm and I didn't tell anybody because I didn't want them to call me stupid," he drew in a jerky breath, "and then she died."
Too much information poured from the boy to take in at once. Ray chose one thing to focus on. "What do you mean, her color got dark?"
"I see people's colors. Here," Benny circled his head with a stubby, impatient finger, "like angel haloes, only bigger."
"Auras." Ray couldn't say how he knew of the phenomenon – probably something Gin told him about or read to him when he was only half listening. "And your mama's got dark after you broke her vase?"
"Yes!"
One word, spoken clear, without any of his usual thick-tongued pronunciation. Ray realized Benny's speech lacked the characteristics of Down syndrome, as though being on the moon or, more accurately, in a dream state, freed him of his disability. That answered a question long on Ray's mind about how Benny heard himself when he had private conversations in his head.
And seeing his mama's dark aura explained why the boy had looked at Gin so strange in her last days. Had the aura been a portent of her brain aneurysm? Would knowing about it have changed anything?
Hell no. Benny was right. Nobody would have believed him. Besides, Ray didn't think there was any connection. To prove it to himself, he asked, "What color is my aura?"
"I don't see them all the time. I don't know why." Benny's voice became small.
"But you saw mine the day you said we should go to the Grand Canyon, didn't you?"
Benny wiped at his tears and nodded.
"And it was dark because I was sad," Ray guessed, though it wasn't much of a guess. He could see the answer on his son's face.
"I didn't want you to die."
Ray felt pressure at the backs of his eyes as the tragic significance of Benny's nightmares hit him. A grieving boy who blamed himself for his mama's death. A boy scared of losing his daddy too. A boy making up for a past mistake the only way he knew how. Ray had been so busy wallowing in his own grief and guilt, he'd been blind to the depth of his son's trauma.
Get your head out of your ass, he told himself, and take care of your boy the way he's been trying to take care of you.
"Lot's of people get sad," Ray explained. "That doesn't mean they're going to die."
"Mama did."
"Because a blood vessel burst in her brain, like when you blow up a balloon too far and it pops. It happened so fast, nobody could have done anything about it." He realized what he just said, and paused.
There was nothing you could do, Ray honey.
He softly answered, "Because it happened too fast."
Benny gave him a stunned look. Then Ray saw understanding in his son's eyes. He felt a hand cup his cheek, as warm and gentle as his wife's touch, but it was Benny consoling him.
"I'm sorry we couldn't save her, Daddy."
We.
Ray drew in a ragged breath and his tears broke loose. "Me too, son." He pulled Benny to him and wrapped the blanket around them both. "Me too."
~~~
Grace returned to the hogan before dawn, her body loose, her troubled mind at peace. She would allow Doctor Medford credit for his prescription to relax, but her peace of mind went beyond soaking in a tub of hot mineral water. She praised God for leading her on this journey of discovery, for showing her the way back to the woman she thought she'd never see again.
While Benny slept, she and Rose set their chairs out under the stars and talked. Grace told how she came to be hooked up with a bilagáana – white man – and his son. Rose chuckled at Grace's car thieving and told about the time she drove her brother Michael's pickup into the ditch to avoid running over a snake. "It was his own fault. He told me people who killed snakes got crooked teeth."
"It must have worked," Grace said. "You have beautiful teeth."
Rose laughed.
When the moon hung low and the first streaks of dawn colored the sky, they took their chairs back inside and Rose brewed coffee on a propane camp stove.
"Your friend should return soon," she said and poured Grace a tall mug.
"Thank you." Grace inhaled the dark roast aroma. With the first sip, she could hear Ray say, Man, that's good. He'd be right, too.
~~~
The pale blue of early dawn filtered through Ray's eyelids. Birdsong assured him he was back on Earth. Back in the desert. Every muscle in his body, every pore, even his hair and eyeballs, felt rested. For the first time in two months, he slept.
And he dreamed. God, what a dream. Dried tears crusted the corners of his eyes. Lightness filled his chest. He sat up and glanced around. "Ben?" But of course his son wasn't there. That was the way of dreams.
He saw the moon fading on the horizon and smiled.
~~~
Grace took her mug of coffee outside to look for any sign of Ray. The clear, pastel canopy promised another warm day as two sparrows sang back and forth to each other.
Movement in the distance caught her attention. She leaned forward and squinted, then jerked upright. "Mercy." Ray had his back to her, flashing his pale behind as he bent to pull on his briefs.
A pitiful, thin behind. That man needs some meat on his bones. Too much coffee, not enough home cooking, be her guess. The only thing comes of fast-food breakfast sandwiches is gas. Grace chuckled into her mug at the memory.
When all this was over, she'd like to take the boys home with her, cook them up a big pot of beans and greens thick with pickled pork rib tips. Bake her famous coconut cake that never failed to earn praise at church potlucks. She made the best fried chicken in Little Rock, too, but she suspected there be more to Benny's menu preference than just his taste buds. She wouldn't disrespect the child's memory of his mama by trying to compete. She knew how fragile memories could be.
Grace turned and went inside before Ray could catch her watching him.
~~~
Benny woke on Rose's bed. He petted the soft blanket she had put over him, the blanket he took to his dad on the moon. He never shared a dream with anybody before. He didn't know how it happened, it just did.
He could hear his mama now, heard her tell Dad nothing could be done about her dying. It surprised Benny that his dad blamed himself. Then Mama whispered, "You're the smartest, bravest boy I know, Benjamin Ray Colton. Take care of your daddy. Be happy."
Hearing her pretty voice warmed his insides. Knowing she wasn't mad at him made the hurt of missing her not so bad. He pushed back the blanket and got up. Grace and Rose looked at him from the table.
Grace said, "Good morning, sugar."
Benny rubbed his eyes and smiled. "Hi, honey." Then Daddy walked in, tall and strong and glowing. Benny felt his heart grow big. "Yellow," he said.
His dad stopped and looked at him like he didn't understand.
"Your color halo," Benny explained. "It's yellow."
Dad grinned and held his arms out. Benny went to him.