“You could be a nurse,” Regan giggled, “although some of your bedside manners could get you arrested.”
Brett waggled his eyebrows at Regan’s gentle teasing as he helped her get dressed. “I wouldn’t give just anyone my special sponge bath.”
“I would hope not. You’d cause more cardiac arrests than save lives.”
He laughed. Saturday had flown by in a blur. They’d spent the day flipping through old pictures, playing cards, and chatting about the things they spent their time doing over the last twelve years. Like herself, Brett had tried all kinds of random hobbies over the years, but none had stuck.
“Ready to go upstairs?”
She blew out a breath. “As ready as I’m going to be.”
Brett lifted her in his arms, sending a chill down Regan’s spine. She shouldn’t get so much pleasure out of his attentive care, but she did. It would be torture to return to a life without him, but she feared that was where they were heading. Even though he treated her with the utmost care, he hadn’t told her he loved her, nor did he seem comfortable with her hinting at those three little words again.
Maybe she should blurt them out and see what happens.
Alisha called out from the top of the stairs, “Coming down.”
He grumbled and set Regan back down in the chair.
Alisha came around the corner and immediately locked gazes with Regan. “Hey.”
“Hey.”
Brett stood beside Regan and put his hand on the back of her chair. “We were just on our way up.”
“Evelyn, Carter, and the kids are unloading from the car now, and I thought maybe we could have a few minutes before the horde descends.”
“What’s up?” Brett asked.
“Alone.” Alisha glanced between them.
Regan nodded. “I think that’s a good idea.”
Brett tensed beside her. “You do?”
“We are due a conversation.” Regan patted his hand.
“Yeah, plus Mom needs your help upstairs.” Alisha motioned to the stairs with her thumb.
He frowned and glanced upstairs before narrowing his eyes on Alisha. “Be good.”
“Of course.” Alisha smiled as Brett went up the stairs and then focused her gaze on Regan’s encased leg. “How are you feeling?”
“Better. I’ll heal quickly under Brett’s and Mom’s care.”
“And then what?” Alisha took a seat in one of the four leather recliners, tucking her long, thin limbs beneath her.
“What do you mean?” Regan asked, even though she had a good idea.
“What’s the plan once you’re out of the chair?”
“I’m not sure. I suppose I’ll go back to Chicago.”
Alisha frowned. “After the last few days, you’d still go back to Chicago? What about Brett?”
Regan sighed. “I love him, but I worry I’ve done too much damage to come back home.”
Grabbing hold of a throw pillow, Alisha squeezed it in a bear hug and rested her chin on top. “You have no idea the mess you left behind.”
“I have a pretty good idea, which is why I stayed away. Trust me, I wanted to come home. A day hasn’t gone by that I haven’t wanted to come home.”
“Then why did you leave? Why did you stay away?”
Regan swallowed the lump rising in her throat. “It’s difficult to explain. I love your brother, always have, and I’m sure I always will, but he deserves better than what I can give him.”
“And yet, he wants you. Don’t you think that means something?”
“He’s crazy. A glutton for punishment, obviously.” Regan smiled.
“There is that.” Alisha chuckled. “I talked to my therapist about you.”
“You did?” Regan wasn’t going to ask why Alisha saw a therapist, although she could guess considering what Brett had told her about Alisha’s relationship with her ex-husband, Roberto.
“Yeah. She believes we have a lot in common.”
“Brett told me about what had happened. I’m so sorry. You deserve so much better.”
“Do I? That’s one of the things my therapist and I are working on. I seem to have a basketful of unresolved anger and issues associated with my birth father.”
“What did your therapist say about your feelings towards me?”
“She thinks that if I help you figure out your shit, I’ll be able to forgive you, which will be healing for me. You know it needs to come back to being about me.”
Regan laughed. “I’d love for you to help me figure out my shit, because my therapist never uncovered the root of my problem, which has not been helpful to me or Brett. In some ways, I think Brett would’ve rather I’d cheated on him.”
“He would’ve. At least then he would have a reason why you left and could hate you for it.”
“I never would’ve cheated on him. Hell, years after our divorce, I feel guilty going out on dates. Part of me has never let him go.”
“Might my therapist and I give you a suggestion? Something to ponder over the next couple of days?”
“Of course.”
“One thing we’ve figured out is I have a hard time letting people in. I have abandonment issues stemming from my father, even though I’ve never met the man, and I had a wonderful dad from practically the beginning. Why I have issues—when Brett or Evelyn do not—is maybe because my dad is still out there, somewhere. Hell, he could work at the grocery store. He could be my mechanic, who knows? It bothers me we could have interacted, and he wouldn’t know nor care.”
“Have you ever looked for him?”
“Kind of. I want to know, but I don’t really want to know, you know?” Alisha bit her lip. “I mean, Mom and Dad say they’d be okay if I found him, but would they really? He was a super jackass to Mom. And is searching for William disrespectful to Dad’s love and support?”
Regan shrugged. “I don’t know. I think if it could help you find peace, they would be okay.”
“Yeah, that’s what they said. Still, do you know how many William Jones there are in Colorado? And how many derivations of William there are? Will, Bill, Liam—the list goes on. I was conceived during a hot and heavy ski season in Crested Butte. Mom knew what she was told, but she never had a chance to verify anything William told her. It’s not like he stayed around long enough to bring her home to meet his parents.” Alisha rolled her eyes. “Anyway, back to you...”
Regan laughed again. Their conversations had always gone this way, one tangent leading to another until they’d explored a dozen different rabbit holes. God, she had missed having a girlfriend like this.
Alisha grinned. “You left out of nowhere, and yet, looking back, I think I probably knew better than anyone it was coming. You made comments over the years about how Brett was crazy to love you like he did. That it felt wrong to accept his love. I didn’t understand it back then, but like me, I think you have a problem accepting love, probably because of your parents and the years you spent bouncing between houses.”
Running her fingers through her hair, Regan felt the frustration and confusion she’d lived with for twelve years bubbling to the surface. “I kind of knew this, but I don’t know how to accept his love. I’ve written hundreds of letters over the years, and I always come back to how do I promise this will never happen again?”
“You two could’ve had happily ever after like Mom and Dad.”
“I know.” Regan cast her eyes down. She’d spent many nights lying awake thinking about what she walked away from. Her life was filled with guilt and regret. She didn’t have room for much more.
“It’s not too late,” Alisha said softly.
That brought Regan’s eyes up. “You want Brett and me back together? I figured you would be happy once I was on a plane.”
“I don’t want him hurting anymore. And as mad as I am, I don’t want you hurting anymore either. And… dammit, I missed you. You were one of my best friends, and you just left.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Would you stay, if Brett asked you?” Alisha pinned her with one of her no-nonsense stares.
Regan sighed. “I can tell by the way he treats me he loves me, but he hasn’t forgiven me. Without that, I’ll never forgive myself.”
Alisha stood and put her hands on her hips. “It’s been less than a week. What do you expect from him?”
“Nothing. But you asked if I’m moving back to Spring City, and I’m saying I can’t until Brett forgives me, and as you said, it’s only been a week.”
She dropped her hands from her hips. “Good point. Damn, you two have a lot to talk about in the next few days.”
“I know.”
“I hate not being able to fix this for both of you.”
“Did your therapist tell you how to accept someone’s love?” Regan raised her brow, praying for a few words of wisdom.
Alisha glanced up at the roof. Whether for inspiration or because of the voices growing louder above, Regan wasn’t sure. “She said I need to remind myself daily that I deserve to be loved. I’m supposed to stand in front of a mirror every morning and say my mantra out loud.”
Regan laughed. “And you hate that, don’t you?”
“I feel like a goober every time I do it.”
“But does it help?”
She grinned. “I think it does, which really chaps my ass.”
Regan laughed again. “What’s the mantra?”
Alisha sighed and closed her eyes. “I am loved. I deserve love. I will love with all my heart and accept the love I am given in return.”
Regan reached up and grasped onto Alisha’s hand. “I think that’s wonderful. Mind if I borrow it?”