I met Chase at the time clock at one on Wednesday afternoon.
“Dresses. Yeah!” Chase said in mock enthusiasm.
“You said you would do it!”
“I am! But, I’m going to need a drink after.”
“Of course.” I smiled as we pulled out toward town.
The bridal shop was even a little too girly for me. The pudgy woman in her late forties was extremely helpful as we started to peruse the gowns.
“Maybe I could help narrow it down if I knew a particular style you were looking for. Do you have any pictures from a bridal magazine?” she suggested.
“Uh. No. I’m sorry. I didn’t think to look in a bridal magazine.”
“I see,” she said in confusion. Apparently, this was uncommon. “Well then let’s start with sleeves. Long, spaghetti straps, off the shoulder, strapless?”
“Not long,” I said decidedly.
“How about the style: contemporary, Victorian, romantic, sexy?”
“Uh…”
“Maybe we could just look around for a little while and we’ll let you know when we see something we like,” Chase intervened when he saw I was getting nervous.
“Sure. Just let me know if you see something you like and I’ll get it down for you.” Translation: don’t touch.
“Thank you,” I said sincerely as she left the large room packed full of gowns. “I didn’t realize there were so many to choose from,” I admitted to my brother as he started flipping through the racks.
“When I’ve always pictured you walking down the aisle you were wearing something simple, but elegant. Not poofy or too…fancy,” he told me while I stared at him. “What?”
“You pictured me getting married someday?”
“Yes. I had faith in you.” He pulled out a gown to hold up to me. Chase was not good with rules. “What did you picture yourself wearing?” he asked like he was sure I had an answer.
I thought it over. I didn’t have an answer, but Marcus did. I’d seen it in his mind when he thought of his future. I knew exactly what it looked like.
“Excuse me!” I called for the lady again and she ran right in. “I do know what I want. It’s a simple dress, no train. Thin straps that kind of gather in the front and really low in the back. It’s satin and kind of straight, it doesn’t have a lot of fluff,” I described the dress to her.
“Do you have a picture?”
“No, just the one in my head. Maybe I could draw a picture.”
“Well, let’s see.” She thought over my description and walked around the room while tapping her forehead. “Here, this is similar to what you described.” She held out a gown. It didn’t look like the gown I had seen in Marcus’s thoughts. “Let’s try it on and see what you like and don’t like, okay?” She started toward the dressing rooms and I followed after her.
She actually came into the dressing room to assist me, which made me a little uncomfortable. We managed to get the gown over my head. She zipped it up on the side and then I went out to stand on the large carpeted stage in the center of the room surrounded by mirrors.
Chase and Marie—she’d told me her name in the dressing room—appraised me thoroughly. Chase shook his head. Marie did the same.
“It looks lovely, but I would say the V in the front is more suited for a larger person,” Marie said in her professional way.
“Yeah, you look like a boy,” Chase offered rudely.
“I have a similar dress that has folds instead of the V that would make you look a little…”
“Bigger.” Chase once again supplied the rude. My chest wasn’t huge, this was true, but I wasn’t completely flat either. I looked down at my chest as two spots of red appeared on the white satin.
I didn’t know where they had come from. Another one appeared and I watched as it spread through the fibers of the satin. Blood.
“Oh, no!” I said while throwing my hand under my nose.
“Shit!” Chase ran over with some tissues from the box on the stand, most likely intended for mother’s tears.
I felt him pinch the bridge of my nose. He was talking to me but he started to sound very far away. Marie was horrified. I could tell by her face, which also seemed far away.
The room started to spin so I sat down right in the middle of the raised platform covered in pink carpet.
“Could you get her a soda or some juice or something?” Chase requested as Marie ran off toward the front. “Jaz? Are you okay? You’re as white as the dress.”
I couldn’t answer, though I wanted to. I just stared at his worried face as Marie came in with my drink. “Maybe I should call an ambulance,” Marie suggested.
“No,” I mumbled. I held out my hand toward the soda and Chase helped me get it to my mouth. It seemed exceptionally cold as it trickled down my throat.
Marie presented a few more tissues when mine were used up. I wasn’t sure why my nose was bleeding or why it wasn’t stopping.
I usually only got nosebleeds when I tried to move something too large or I got upset and tried to keep everything still. At the moment, I was not doing either.
After a few more moments and a couple more sips I was able to stand up.
Marie seemed to be in a hurry to get me out of the dress.
“I’m so sorry about this. I’ll pay for it,” I said. The bleeding had finally stopped.
“Oh, it’s all right, dear. That’s why I have insurance. This will be replaced. But, maybe we should reschedule until you feel better.” She all but wanted to throw me out.
I nodded as she helped me out of the dress. She took the gown and left the dressing room while I changed back into my shorts and T-shirt. I slipped on my flip-flops and felt a little dizzy again as I looked down at my feet.
Chase was standing right outside the door when I walked out. He put his arm around me to give me some support as we went out to his truck.
“I get that you didn’t want to have an ambulance, but we are going to hospital right now.”
“No, I’m fine,” I said, but I could hear how weak my voice sounded.
“Well then, it won’t take that long will it?” he said, unmoving.
I had no choice. I could see that clearly. I nodded and put my head back against the seat in the truck. I was exhausted from the little episode. I wouldn’t have been able to argue. I didn’t have the strength. Chase looked more worried as he pulled out of the dress shop parking lot toward the hospital.
“Thank you for going.” There weren’t a lot of brothers in the world who would have done this.
“I’m guessing we’ll have to go back.” He looked at me sideways. I frowned. “What kind of person doesn’t have her fiancé stored in her phone?” he asked. He was apparently trying to call Marcus when we were in the dress shop.
“You can’t say anything about this to Marcus. Promise me or I won’t go in!” I demanded as he parked near the emergency room entrance.
“Okay! Fine! I guess I should just be happy you’ve agreed to go at all.”
“I didn’t agree.” I pouted as he helped me out of the truck. Another wave of dizziness came over me as I looked down at the sidewalk. I wavered and Chase held me up.
When we got inside Chase slid me into a wheelchair to my utter embarrassment. Though since I was still dizzy I couldn’t argue.
We waited for an hour before I was taken back to the triage area. A doctor asked me a few questions, shone a light in my eyes, had me touch my nose with my finger, which for some reason was impossible at the moment. After tilting his head a few times he ordered a nurse to take me for a MRI.
Chase stayed with me whenever it was possible. After the scan I was allowed to get redressed and sit in the waiting area while they read over the films. I kept checking my phone for the time. It was taking forever.
A different doctor called us back to his office. Chase took my hand, but I was feeling much better by then.
We sat in the chairs across from Dr. Booker’s desk as he brought up my brain on his computer.
I already had an idea of what we were going to be shown. A large green area in my brain that normally wasn’t active. Most likely brain damage, the doctor would say, but I would know differently.
As expected, there was a lot of green on my scan. It looked very similar to the scan Marcus had shown me of his brain. However, in the middle of the green area there was a large black blob. I stared at it, trying to determine what it was. I looked at the doctor and pointed to the black thing.
“What is this?” I asked before he could start explaining anything.
“That, Ms. Hinkley, is the source of your problems.” He tried to joke but neither of us were in the joking mood. “Not as big of a problem as if it had been here”—he pointed to the front of my brain—“or here.” He pointed to the area around my spine before dropping a bomb.
“You have a brain tumor, which I know sounds horrible. But as brain tumors go, it is in the very best place. We will be able to operate to remove it easily. It is in an area of the brain that isn’t used, so you most likely won’t suffer any aftereffects.” He rambled on about there being a risk with every surgery but this should not be an issue in the least. I was only half listening.
I would have after effects. If this area of my brain was damaged, I might not be able to move things with my thoughts. More importantly, I wouldn’t be able to connect to Marcus. I wouldn’t be like Marcus. I would just be a normal girl.
I blinked a couple times and took a quick breath.
“It’s a fast-growing tumor, so we will want to remove it as soon as possible, before it has the chance to move into another area of your brain where it could cause a bigger problem.” I watched the doctor’s mouth moving while he spoke.
“I’ve checked the schedule, and I can get you in next week. How’s next Thursday afternoon? After a week or two of recovery you’ll be back to doing whatever you were doing before this happened,” he assured us. Chase relaxed by my side, but I didn’t.
“I need to think about it. I’ll let you know. Thank you for your time,” I said and stood.
The doctor looked confused. “Ms. Hinkley, there’s nothing to think about. We have to do this surgery or this tumor will continue to grow and cause damage. If we don’t act quickly it could cause blindness, loss of speech or even paralysis.”
“Just give me a day, okay. This is a lot to process!” I begged and left his office.
“Please go ahead and schedule the surgery for next week. I’ll talk to her and it will be fine. She’s getting married,” Chase said to the doctor as an explanation, before he followed after me.
I sat down on a sofa in the hall and hung my head in my hands. I didn’t cry. I was too angry to cry.
Why did this have to happen now? I had finally allowed myself to want something and plan a future, just in time to lose everything.
Chase put his arm around me and rubbed my back.
“I know this is scary. I’m scared too, but the doctor seems really convinced that it’s nothing. I’m sure you guys will want to postpone the wedding a little, but you don’t even have the dress yet. It will be fine. Let’s call Marcus.” He handed me my phone.
“No. I will tell Marcus myself. You can’t say anything to him, Chase. I mean it! If you do, I’ll never speak to you again,” I threatened. He could see how serious I was; he wouldn’t defy me.
“You’re going to tell him?”
“Yes.” I would at some point. “Just give me some time to get a handle on it myself and I’ll tell him. I promise.”
“Okay. I’ll let you do this in your own way, so long as you do it.”
“Can you take me home?” I asked.
“To your new place?”
“No. My house,” I said and walked to the truck.
“I don’t want you driving until they get this thing out of you. Promise me!”
“Okay. I promise.” It did make sense. “You’ll pick me up for work tomorrow then?”
“I don’t think you should be going to work—”
“Pick me up for work or I’ll have to drive myself,” I said stubbornly.
“Fine.” He rolled his eyes.
When he dropped me off he started to worry again. “Do you think you should be alone? I mean what if you fall down the stairs or something?”
“I’m fine.”
“Will Marcus be over?” he asked hopefully.
“Yeah. He’ll be over.”
“And you’ll tell him what’s going on?”
“Chase! Just back off!” I shouted and jumped out of the truck. “Thanks for today.” I changed my tone when I stopped at his window. “I know you’re worried about me. It will be fine.”
He reached his hand out the window and patted my head affectionately. “Okay. Love you,” he said before he drove off.
“Love you,” I said to the back of his truck.
I took a long, warm shower and changed into a T-shirt and a pair of cotton shorts. I sat on the sofa in my living room looking at all the boxes.
All of my nonessentials were already packed. My mom’s picture was in one of those boxes. I wasn’t sure which one, but I felt like I needed it.
I ripped open the first box and pulled a few things out. I dug around before moving to the next box and the next. Soon I had four boxes nearly unpacked and still hadn’t found it.
Where was it? I was getting more frantic as I tore into the fifth box. There were only two more after this one.
“I think this is the opposite of how you’re supposed to do it, Jasmine.” Marcus’s low voice startled me.
“I can’t find my mother’s picture,” I said on the verge of tears. Marcus took in my expression and his face changed to worry. He darted out to the kitchen and came back with the photo in his hand.
“Here it is. I put it in the kitchen. I didn’t think you would want to pack it.” He held it out to me and I held it to me hoping for some kind of relief but it didn’t work.
Marcus put his arms around me and leaned his face against my hair. That helped. I took a deep breath and then another one. He smelled nice as he rubbed my back.
“What’s wrong?” he asked the million-dollar question.
“Nothing,” I lied. “I just got a little freaked out when I couldn’t find it.” Marcus took the picture and sat it up on the stand beside the sofa.
“We’ll leave it right here and when it’s time, we’ll take it in the car.” He stroked my cheek gently.
“Thank you,” I said softly while looking into his eyes. I knew he had his doubts about being perfect, but truly he was. I kissed him once and then really put my heart into it, pulling him to me.
Soon, we were in my room on the bed. I started to remove his clothes with my mind, and then worried it might bring on another nosebleed. I started pulling his shirt off with my hands instead.
“Do you want to…” He wiggled his fingers at me like he was casting a spell to indicate he meant connect with his mind.
“No, let’s just be like normal people tonight,” I said and unbuttoned his pants.
He pulled my shirt off with his mind and smiled as my bra popped off. “We’re not normal people, thank goodness.” He laughed and kissed my neck.
I held him against me as a tear rolled down my cheek. My gift had been what had attracted him. When I was normal why would he want to be with me? He could have any normal girl he wanted.
“We can’t connect until after the wedding. I don’t want you to see my dress,” I lied again while wiping away the tear behind his back. While I would never trick him into marrying me, I just needed a little more time. The second he got into my thoughts, he would know what was wrong with me.
“So, your trip was a success?” he asked with a smile as my pants slid off.
“Yeah.” I kissed him as a distraction. I used my mind to take his pants off. I tried to do it slow and cautiously. I didn’t know if it would make a difference, but I didn’t get a nosebleed.
I pushed my worries away while we made love. I was suddenly unsure of my future again, but tonight I could enjoy the moment. I found myself savoring every memory like I had when we were first together.
In case it was the last time.
I gave Marcus a kiss as I went downstairs to leave for work the next morning. I started to cry and by the last step, my nose was bleeding again.
I got it to stop before Chase blew the horn a second time and I walked out and got in the truck.
“Did you tell him?” he asked right away.
“Not yet.”
“Why not?” He pulled out toward the plant.
“Look. They want to shave off my hair and dig something out of my brain. I don’t care how easy the doctor makes it sound, it’s a big deal to me. I’m going to do it. I have to. I just need some time to get used to the idea.”
“I don’t want you to die, Jaz,” he said quietly.
“I’m not going to die.” Not physically anyway.
“Marcus is going to be pissed that you’re keeping this from him.” He sounded like a ten–year-old getting ready to tell on me.
“What’s the rule about talking in the morning?” I turned away from him and looked out the window.
“So how did the dress shopping go?” Dennis teased Chase as we got out of the truck.
“It was horrible. Truly horrible,” Chase said and met my eyes steadily.
I was an awful sister, making him keep this secret. Making him stay with me in the hospital when I knew how much hospitals freaked him out. The last time he saw me in the hospital, he was sure I was going to die, and there I was making him relive it.
“Chase!” I ran up to catch him. I gave him a huge hug. “Thank you.”
“Promise me you’ll take care of this,” he begged in my ear.
“I promise.”
I was glad I hadn’t put a time limit on that promise. I tried to stay clear of Marcus by saying I had wedding things to take care of and packing.
It wasn’t hard to hide from Marcus since he was busy with the prototype for the Army contract. He was home late Thursday and Friday night.
Mostly, I just hid at my house and then went over to our house in time to go to sleep. Marcus would crawl into bed beside me sometime after eleven with a little sigh of happiness and a whisper of, “I love you.”
I suggested we go to the beach house on Saturday night and Sunday. Marcus was eager to oblige, though he didn’t realize the reason I wanted to go was because I thought it might be my last chance. I drove so he could sleep on the way. Every so often I would reach over and touch his face.
I waited all weekend for an opportunity to talk to him. The truth was, I could have made the opportunity, but I chickened out a dozen times.
I woke up in the middle of the night with a nosebleed, which scared Marcus. I told him I had a bad dream, and he believed me.
“Did you tell him?” Chase asked as I was fastening my seat belt on Monday morning.
“Uh. No, not yet.”
“Jasmine, what is going on here? You’re going to be operated on this Thursday. You’re not going to be able to leave early and just go home when it’s over like nothing happened. It’s brain surgery! You can’t hide this anymore! Why don’t you want to tell him?”
“Chase, please? I know what I’m asking. I know it’s a lot. I know it’s wrong, but please, please let me do this myself,” I pleaded and my nose started to bleed. I got out some tissues and heard Chase sigh.
“He loves you, Jaz. You know guys don’t talk about things like this, but I know he loves you. I wouldn’t let just any jerk marry my sister. He’s the only guy you’ve ever dated that I was okay with. You can trust him with this. He’s not going to run away. He’ll stick by you, I know he will.”
“You want me to tell him because you don’t want to have to deal with it,” I accused. It was completely wrong and out of line, but I just needed to make him stop talking. He stopped. He didn’t say anything to me the rest of the day Monday. Or Tuesday.
“I didn’t tell him yet,” I said before I got in the truck on Wednesday morning.
“Damn it, Jaz!”
“I’m going to do it tonight when I pack to go to the hospital. I just think it would be easier to tell him at the last minute, so he doesn’t have to worry about it very long.”
Chase looked over at me. “I wish you could have done that with me, too,” he reasoned. “I’ve been sick. I told Cole you were going to the hospital just because I had to tell someone.”
“Chase!”
“He’s not going to tell anyone. I told him if he did I wouldn’t invite him over anymore.”
“Chase!” I repeated even more irritated. “He’s seven. Why would you burden a seven-year-old with this?”
“I couldn’t help myself. It just came out.” He glanced over at me. “Your nose is bleeding again.”
“Oh, shit!” I grabbed a tissue.
“Jaz, I really don’t think you should be working.”
“Chase, I’m fine.”
“It’s times like this, I really wish Mom were alive. Because, I would so be telling on you right now.” He shook his head and I snickered.
Ruiz and I were working on the last unit of the day when Marcus came down.
“Yes, Mr. Weller?” I smiled. “How can we help you this afternoon?”
“Hi, Ruiz,” Marcus greeted him as he tried to disappear. “I’m going to take you home and pick up a load of your stuff to bring over to the house. It doesn’t look like you’ve brought anything over yet this week.”
My stomach fell to my feet. “Aren’t you working on the prototype tonight?”
“No. It’s done. It’s in the testing phase now.” He crossed his fingers and folded his hands in prayer at the same time.
“Uh. I can’t, I have plans with Chase tonight. Wedding stuff,” I lied quickly.
“No you don’t. He said he was working on the car with Cole tonight.” His brows creased as he looked at me in confusion.
“Oh, right. I forgot. It’s Wednesday.” I surely hadn’t forgotten it was Wednesday. Wednesday had been looming over me all week. I was more afraid of tonight than the actual surgery tomorrow.
Surgery tomorrow. It echoed in my head.
“Okay. I’ll be done here in about ten minutes,” I said like it was an appointment with the gas chamber.
Ruiz was faster than I wanted him to be at that moment. We were done and heading to the time clock in less than ten minutes.
Marcus held my hand as we walked out to his car. I looked around for Chase. I wanted to give him a dirty look, not that he deserved it, but because it would make me feel better.
He hadn’t come out of the plant yet. He was most likely hiding inside until I was gone.
I pretended to have left something in Marcus’s car so I could use my key to open the lock on my front door while he retrieved it. My gift was not working very well anymore.
I waited by the opened door for Marcus. I started kissing him before I pulled him inside. I was hoping we could go straight to my room and avoid the discussion of why I didn’t have anything packed.
It didn’t work. He noticed the empty boxes and the items still lying where I had left them after searching for my mother’s picture last week.
“Jasmine?” he said quietly. He looked at me.
“I’m sorry. I’ve been kind of busy with wedding stuff. I didn’t get a chance to—” I was interrupted by the look on his face and the warm sensation running from my nose. “Hell.” Marcus went for a tissue, but the box in the living room was empty. So was the box in the kitchen. Marcus dug in my bag and pulled out a handful of used bloody tissues.
I grabbed a paper towel and sat down.
“What is going on Jasmine?” He looked at me his eyes full of concern and fear. I couldn’t do it.
I couldn’t tell him I was going to be a normal person. I couldn’t listen to him say it wouldn’t matter when I knew eventually it would.
“I think it’s from the stress. Giving up my job and my house and getting married and a wedding and starting school, it’s a lot all at once.” Time to broach a new topic. “Maybe we should push the wedding back a little. So we have some time to…”
“To what?” he asked sharply.
Think. Have brain surgery. Change our minds. “Relax,” I said instead while checking to see if the bleeding had stopped. It hadn’t.
He went to get me another paper towel. “How often has this been happening?” he worried.
“I have a…doctor’s appointment tomorrow afternoon,” I said instead of answering his question.
“Why didn’t you say something?”
“You’ve been so busy,” I answered though this was not the real reason.
“I’ll take you to the doctor.” He brushed my hair back from my face.
“Okay,” I surrendered. Chase was right. I wouldn’t be able to hide this after tomorrow. “Thanks.” I leaned my head against his shoulder.
“Would you tell me why you haven’t packed this stuff back up? Why you haven’t moved one thing over to the new house?”
His voice was covered in worry.
“I will. I was just busy with other stuff.”
“What other stuff?” he asked suspiciously.
“Just stuff.” I didn’t have an answer. I’d mostly spent the nights crying.
“Will you connect with me so I can see?” He held out his hand.
“Why? Don’t you trust me? Do you think I’m cheating on you or something?” I instantly went on the defensive. It was crazy; he had no reason to trust me. I’d been lying to him for a week. I started to cry.
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t accusing you of cheating, Jasmine.” He held me against him and rubbed my arm soothingly. “I’m sorry. Shh. It’s okay.” I was sobbing uncontrollably. “You’re shaking. Let’s draw you a bath and you can just relax, okay?” he suggested and led me toward the stairs. I nodded unable to speak. My nose had started bleeding again. I was a wreck and the next day, somehow, I would be even worse.
I sent Chase a text that said Dont pik me up tomoro. He called immediately but I didn’t answer.
I rode to work with Marcus. He was going in early so he could leave at noon to go with me to my appointment.
I was going to tell him on the way to the hospital. I’d left no other option. I was so stupid. He was going to be mortified. Maybe he would be so angry he would just leave me at the hospital. It was strange, but something about that thought comforted me slightly.
It would be better if he were so angry he left instantly than if it went on and on. If I had to watch him struggle to do the right thing.
“Jaz, please tell me you’ve told him,” Chase asked when he came over to my department.
“I told him I have an appointment today. He’s going to take me.”
“But you didn’t tell him what the appointment was for?” he asked in frustration.
“Not yet.”
“Oh my God, Jaz!”
“It’s not going to matter, Chase.”
“What’s not going to matter?”
“Never mind. I need to get to work. I have to leave early today,” I reminded him.
“I’m going to leave early today too, even though we’re short in my department. Robby is covering in shipping today because Hitz is on vacation this week.”
“You don’t need to go,” I said.
“Jaz! I’m going to be there! Jeez! What kind of brother do you think I am?” he accused.
“You’re the best brother ever. Thanks.”
I was working in my office on some paperwork. Trying to get things caught up as best as I could. The new guy was doing really well. I had placed the orders for supplies. No one would need anything for a few weeks.
I was staring at the wall and thinking over how I would tell Marcus, when I noticed everyone running by my window. I jumped up and ran out hoping I hadn’t zoned out during a fire drill.
“What’s going on?” I asked Don as he raced by.
“Someone is trapped on the dock!” he said, giving me all the information he had. I followed him out to the dock to see a crate had fallen off the flatbed and was wedged against the dock and the back of the truck.
“Who is it? Who?” I gasped. I didn’t need to hear the answer when I looked down to see Robby’s boot. He had boots just like mine with the red flames. Everyone had teased him when he’d gotten them. They said he wanted to be like me. “Robby!” I yelled and ran around to the dock, pushing people out of my way.
Shannon the dock supervisor held me back. “Jaz, stay back. We’re trying to get a chain hooked to the skid so we can lift it. Back up. We don’t need more people hurt,” he ordered.
Getting a chain hooked would take too long. My friend was hurt. Without thinking of how weak my ability had become, I focused on the generator and tried to pick it up with my mind.
Even at my strongest I couldn’t lift a completed generator. Now, it didn’t even move an inch. I tried harder and I could feel my nose bleeding as I spotted Marcus come out to the dock.
He looked at the crate and then looked over at me before he ran through the crowd to my side. I saw him look down to focus his thoughts and then he held out his hand for me.
I only hesitated for the shortest of seconds. This was no time to worry about what he would see. Robby needed our help. I put my hand in his and the crate moved. The heavy guy on the forklift hooked the chain and we helped move it off Robby. No one would know it was us, they would think it was the forklift, though the forklift couldn’t pick up a completed generator anymore than I could have on my own.
Once it was clear of Robby we let go and the generator broke free of the chain and fell again to the ground, though this time no one was under it.
“Jasmine?” I heard Marcus’s voice, bleak and far away. I looked at him to see his face filled with horror as the truth he was pulling from my mind started to sink in. I started to collapse and he caught me in his arms and laid me on the dock.
I saw Chase come up behind him and heard the sirens in the distance before everything went black. I love you, Marcus. I’m so sorry, I thought in case he could hear me.