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Shirlene
Following a phone conversation with my new AA sponsor, I wait impatiently on the front porch, holding two pairs of binoculars I brought from home. Tall ornamental grasses block the view of people strolling along the beach-level boardwalk. Tops of colorful umbrellas peek above the sand dune. The blue sky is streaked with wispy white clouds, and the ocean goes on forever. I listen to one of my favorite sounds—the mixture of surf and happy voices of children playing in the sand—and it settles me a bit.
Cam bounds onto the porch and takes hold of Stan’s binoculars. “Geez, these are heavy.”
“Well, they’re old, but they work fine.”
We march up onto the boardwalk, where he raises them to his eyes. “Wow. Those boats look so close. I can see the people on them.”
Hattie waves from the deck. “Have a nice time. Arlene and I need a little alone time.”
Yeah, right. Cam and I nearly kissed when we were in the water a few days ago. I’ve never been so grateful for a huge wave. I used its momentum to swim away. I’ve been on eggshells ever since and have avoided being alone with Cam as much as possible—until today, when Cam suggested we go for a bike ride. I couldn’t resist the idea of soaring along on a bike. I haven’t done it in many, many years. I suggested we bring binoculars because I’m sure there are lots of birds to watch where we’re going. I hope, with the bikes and the binoculars between us, no other awkward moments will arise.
Cam and I hike into town to Bob’s Rental Bikes. The sign on the white building with black trim says it’s been in business since 1934. The store has bikes of every color, and the older fellow working there is quite colorful too. The more he talks, the more I think we’re never going to get to Cape Henlopen State Park to go birding. When he slips in a few curse words to make his point about tourists and the crazy things they ask, Cam raises his eyebrows. Finally, we pay, and some other customers catch the man’s attention.
“That guy may have been drinking his lunch,” Cam says good-naturedly. When I frown, his tone grows serious. “I apologize, Shirlene. That was insensitive.”
I put on my rental helmet. “Don’t worry about it. Let’s go.”
We both roll our rental bikes over to the street. I stow my binoculars, my water bottle, and an apple in the little basket of my purple bike. “I haven’t ridden a bike in over thirty years.”
“It will come back to you.” Cam playfully taps the top of my helmet.
At first, my bicycle wobbles. I pedal a little faster, and my balance improves. “I can’t go too slowly, or I’ll fall over.”
Cam stays next to me on his bright-red bike until I gain confidence. My new body amazes me. I’m beginning to feel it’s really mine and not Rain’s. Sailing along on a bike makes me giddy.
I notice Cam smiling. “What?”
“It’s nice to see you happy.”
“It feels good.” I brush the guilt away. I deserve to enjoy myself. I deserve to be alive.
We leave Rehoboth Beach and cycle along Ocean Drive past the high-end houses in Henlopen Acres. In a short distance, we reach the entrance to Gordon Pond Trail. An egret is standing by the water’s edge of the pond. I stop and straddle the bike. Cam circles back to a halt next to me. I lift my binoculars.
“See the white bird?” I point.
“Yes.” He observes through Stan’s binoculars. “It has yellow feet.”
“Good spot. It’s a snowy egret. The great white egret is taller and has black feet. There’s one on the other side of the pond.”
Cam scans the water. “It does seem taller in relationship to the seagull next to it, but since it’s across the water, I can’t really tell the size difference between the egrets.”
“Welcome to the fun of birding. And for the record, there are no seagulls. There are gulls with specific names. This one is a laughing gull with the distinctive black head and red beak during mating season.” On cue, the great white egret takes off and flies right over us. “No yellow feet.”
“I see.” Cam seems pleased with his observation. “I find it hard to believe I grew up here and never noticed all these birds.” Cam shifts his binoculars onto one of the two World War II Observation Towers that break up the flat terrain of green vegetation and sand closer to the beaches. “We built eleven towers on the Delaware side during World War II to protect the Delaware Bay, Wilmington, and Philadelphia from Nazi naval threats. There were another four on the Jersey side. The guns were in batteries along the beach.” He points.
I nod. “After the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor, the threat of the Nazis reaching the East Coast was very real.”
Cam studies me. “Because you look so young, I forget you lived through World War II.”
We cycle farther along the trail between scrubby pines of various sizes. We zoom by the Biden Environmental Training Center and reach the World War II Observation Tower that’s open to visitors. Long, thin, rectangular openings circle the cement structure at the bottom and again more than halfway up. Toward the top, I notice two observation slits facing the ocean.
“How tall is this?” I take a sip from my water bottle.
“This one is seventy-five feet. They range in height along the coast. The diameter of this one is sixteen feet. The walls are one foot thick. Ready?”
“Yes.”
The temperature is immediately cooler behind the heavy walls. As we climb the steel spiral staircase, I’m not losing my breath or feeling pressure in my chest. At the top, we step into the open air, where a chain-link fence surrounds us. A sea of green shrubs with occasional open patches of sand encircles us below. There isn’t a cloud in the sky, but a light wind keeps us cool in the strong sunlight.
A section of my hair is blown free from my braid. Cam tucks it behind my ear, and energy runs down my spine. I can tell by the gleam in Cam’s eyes that he feels it too. Before I let myself kiss him, I pull away. Cam drops his hand, but the pleasant and unnerving charge remains on the back of my neck. He’s so much younger than I am. I’m grieving Stan, and I’m angry with Stan. This is not something I can let happen, but the tug toward Cam is only growing stronger. What will I do when Hattie leaves for Ireland? Cam and I will be living on our own in the beach cottage with Arlene.