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Shirlene
The next morning, Arlene sleeps in her stroller under the beach umbrella while Hattie and I gather more pebbles and Cam clears debris from a thirty-foot area. After it’s done, I’ll walk it until I can forgive Stan, and I’ll try to forgive myself. I’ve never been able to do that. I realize the labyrinth won’t be permanent. An extremely high tide or storm will wash it away, but I hope it will last as long as I need it to.
Once we have what I hope are enough stones, I decide where the center will be for our classical seven-circuit labyrinth, leaving more space toward the top for most of the paths. With a thick stick, I draw the cross.
I begin the four Ls, and Hattie says, “Make it big. It would be nice if there’s room in the center to leave shells, feathers, or wildflowers.”
I nod. “Exactly.”
I add the four dots and begin drawing the lines. I want enough room to cover these lines with the stones and have at least a foot-and-a-half-wide path.
I step back to examine my work. “Some of the curves aren’t evenly spaced.”
“We can make adjustments with the pebbles,” Hattie says.
Cam brushes sand off his hands. “Where did you learn to do this?”
Hattie picks several stones up from the pile. “The first time was when my throwback-hippie granddaughter begged us for one in her parents’ yard.”
“You had a granddaughter? Were you married?” Cam asks.
“Of course I was married. Who do you think you’re talking to?”
“Sorry, ma’am.”
Hattie has always known how to manage people. She hands me a small pile of stones to place. “My husband and I had a daughter. He died thirty-two years ago, and she passed ten years ago.”
“I’m sorry, Hattie.” Cameron watches my progress for a moment and begins placing stones along the lines I drew in the sand.
“My granddaughter, Cassy, now lives in Washington State, and she’s due to deliver twins while I’m in Ireland.” Hattie hands me more stones from the pile. “Hey, Shirlene. Be careful. You’re distorting the curve over there.” Hattie points at the section I completed.
I try to fix the stones, but Stan’s confession consumes my thoughts. I kept hoping and grieving every month when I didn’t get pregnant. How do you do that to someone you supposedly love?
“What about your family, Cameron?” Hattie asks.
“My parents are in California. I have no idea where Chase is, and I don’t really want to know.”
Hattie’s eyes widen. “You really don’t have anything to do with him?”
“I tried. For years, I tried to help him. He’s a drug addict.”
“I’m sorry.” Hattie straightens some of the stones I just placed. “If I had a brother, I couldn’t give up on him.”
Cameron sets his shoulders back. “He can’t come anywhere near Shirlene or the baby.”
“I understand, but you’re in better shape than he is for some kind of reconciliation.” Hattie stops working and massages her lower back. “Shirlene, honey, you’re off the line again with the stones.”
I step out of the labyrinth. “I can’t concentrate with you two chattering all the time.”
Hattie’s mouth opens, and Cameron lowers his head.
“I need to wait until I’m in a different state of mind to do this,” I say.
“What’s wrong?” Cam straightens up and holds his hand over his eyes to block the sun.
Arlene snoozes in her stroller. The salt air smells heavenly. I gaze out at the horizon, where the sky meets the ocean. Are Stan and Danny out there, waiting for me?
“I need to go to a meeting. Once I get my head on straight, it’s best I build the labyrinth by myself.”
I scurry off the beach, feeling torn between this world with Arlene and Cam and my afterlife with Stan and Danny. I’m not sure where I belong. I am sure I need to escape this pain.