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Shirlene
After days of working to convince Rain to let me contact Stan, it surprisingly happens. I’m no longer on the rainy, deserted beach, walking the labyrinth. There’s a bright light. It’s difficult for my eyes to adjust, and I try to block the glow with my red umbrella.
After my eyes become more accustomed, I find Rain. It is disconcerting how she looks like me, not how I am now but how I was when I first took over her body. She’s dressed in impossibly short shorts, and her midriff shows below her cut-off tank.
“Where are my husband and son?” I ask.
“Don’t worry. They’re coming soon.”
Stan and Danny appear a distance away in a sunny meadow filled with wildflowers. They hold hands and appear to be searching for someone. Is it me? Do they need me? I call to them, but they don’t respond.
“Stan!” I shout. “Are you all right?” I’m unable to move any closer, and they seem to be floating away. “Wait, I need to talk to you.”
I struggle to run to them, but a powerful, invisible force holds me back. I’m desperate to ask Stan why he allowed me the hope of getting pregnant month after month for years, why he told me about the vasectomy right before he died—why he didn’t take the secret to his grave. But I can’t shout these things in front of Danny. My son and husband begin to evaporate.
“Make them stay!” I yell at Rain, who is also gliding away. “You said I could talk to Stan.”
“He couldn’t find you. Only if you let me have my body back.”
She is gone. I cry with frustration, and I’m suddenly on the sand path again between the circles of stones. The rain taps on the top of my umbrella.
“Damn you, Rain!” I don’t sense her presence in the labyrinth, but she’s definitely forcing me to choose. I won’t gain answers to those questions unless I give up her body and die. The wind whips the mist into my face. By the time I make it back to the cottage, I’m drenched and freezing cold.
Cam yanks open the back door. His beautiful body fills the open doorway, so solid and strong with his dark eyes and chiseled features. I drop the umbrella and run into his arms. He guides me into the laundry room and shuts the door with his hip. I selfishly need his warmth. I kiss him. He immediately responds. Our mouths consume each other. We tug at one another’s clothes until we’re naked. I allow him to lift me onto the washer. I wrap my legs around his waist as he glides inside me. I dig my fingers into his muscular shoulders. His hands grasp my lower back and pull me closer. My head falls back with pleasure. I’m alive. I’m alive. I’m alive.
***
It continues to rain. Cam is asleep. As I tiptoe out of his room, where we ended up making love again, I feel that I took Cam in order to fulfill my own needs. It was stupid and selfish. Something Rain would do. I’m not sure who I am anymore. After navigating the creaky steps downstairs, I punch in Hattie’s number.
“Hello?”
Hearing her voice floods me with hope. “Welcome home from Ireland,” I whisper.
“Thanks. It was a fabulous trip, but why are you whispering?”
“The baby is sleeping.”
“So move to another room. My hearing isn’t as good as it used to be.”
“It’s perfect. And I’m in a complicated situation. I’ll explain later when you come back down here.”
Hattie hesitates. “I won’t be able to come for a few weeks at least.”
“You’re not coming back, Hattie?” I slide into a chair.
“My granddaughter had her twins, and with the other children, she’s overwhelmed. She asked me to come out to help as soon as I got back from my trip.”
“You said her mother-in-law had the first shift.”
“That was the plan, but her mother-in-law fell and broke her ankle. Now I have to go.”
“But I need you, Hattie. So much is happening to me.” My throat constricts as I fight back tears.
“I’m sorry, honey. Do you need to talk?”
I take a deep breath. I can’t afford to lose control. Where do I begin to explain things to Hattie? With the practical.
“I need you to update my will so everything is left in trust to Arlene and Cameron is the trustee with power to take out funds for Arlene’s needs.”
“Can’t it wait a few weeks until I return?”
“No.”
“You’re a healthy young woman.”
“I could be hit by a car.”
“What’s really going on, Shirlene?”
I would prefer to tell her this in person, but given the circumstances, I can’t wait. “This is going to sound nuts, but Rain is back.”
“Back where? How?”
“I’ve had full conversations with her.”
Hattie’s voice rises. “I am beginning to question your state of mind, Shirlene.”
“I don’t blame you. I might be insane, but please believe me, Hattie.”
She sighs. “Tell me the details.”
“It began the first time I was alone here. I felt like someone was watching me. It was very unnerving.” I bite my lip. “Then she began talking to me.”
“Is she a ghost? Can you see her?”
“No. She’s not a ghost. Well, she’s dead, but she’s in an altered state.”
“Shirlene, I don’t trust her. She wants something.”
“So you believe she’s actually talking to me? I’m not losing my sanity?”
“I’m not certain, but after everything that’s happened, I’ll go with it.” Hattie pauses. “Why is Rain back?”
“Try not to overreact. She wants me to die and let her have her body back.”
“What?”
“I know. It’s upsetting.”
“Holy mother, you could say that. Hold on—I need to sit down.” There’s shuffling on the phone. “Okay. Go ahead.”
“The more I talk with Rain, the more she makes sense. I finished the labyrinth, and we’ve had a lot of conversations there. She had an especially disturbing childhood and had to run away right after high school. I’m beginning to understand how she ended up with Chase.”
“Shirlene, she’s playing to your codependent and caregiving nature.”
“But being in the spirit world has changed her. She wants another chance.”
“Are you willing to lose Arlene in order for Rain to come back?” Hattie shouts.
“She promises to take care of her this time.” I can’t believe I’m defending Rain.
“Bull! No, no, no! You can’t do this.” Hattie takes a breath. “I’d like to tell Rain a thing or two.”
“You’re right—Rain’s likely full of it. But she also said Danny and Stan are in trouble. What if she’s telling the truth?”
“What happened to letting go of the past and moving on with this new life you’ve been given?” Hattie asks.
“Well, that’s just it. What if this was temporary and I was supposed to take care of Arlene until Rain got herself together? Rain didn’t really mean to die. She felt overwhelmed and took the escape offered to her. Now, she regrets her choice.”
There is silence on the line except sniffling.
“Hattie? Don’t cry, because I’ll start crying too.”
“You are seriously considering dying?”
I shudder at her word choice. “I haven’t decided, but yes, I am considering leaving. I want answers from Stan.”
“You can’t leave me, Shirlene. Not again. I need you. Arlene and Cam need you.”
“Please, Hattie. This is hard enough.”
Hattie’s voice becomes stern. “You have to tell Cam. That young man is in love with you. You owe him that much.”
My heart pounds. “I don’t know for sure yet. But if I decide to go, I can’t tell him.”
“You’re going to let go and leave him with Rain in your body without any warning?” She’s shouting again.
“I have to.”
“Why?”
“Because I’ve let him get too close.” I can’t fight the tears back. “He’ll ask me to stay, and it will kill me to leave him and Arlene.”
“After all these years and all the brave things I’ve watched you face. Losing Danny, for God’s sake. I couldn’t believe how you got your life back together. But I’m going to tell you that in this situation, you are being a coward.”
“I’m sorry you feel this way, Hattie.”
“I do. And if you don’t tell Cam—warn him—I’ll make sure he knows. I’m giving you twenty-four hours, Shirlene. You have to tell him, or I will.”