I’m back home after catching Matt in the act, and I’m standing in front of the mirror, staring at my reflection. I hold a protective hand over my ever-growing baby bump and I can’t stop the tears from falling. Tears of sadness, frustration and absolute rage. How could he do this to me? Knowing I am carrying his child, his first-born child.
I hear a key in the front door, I feel his presence. I wipe the tears from my eyes and take a breath and as I walk downstairs, I am stunned to see that he is not alone.
He is with her. My sister.
‘What are you doing here?’ I ask, trying not to show how much anger is burning in my chest.
‘I was coming to see you. To be here when he tells you the truth,’ Gill replies.
‘Vic, can we talk in private?’ Matt asks, his face a ghostly shade of white.
‘Hang on a minute, you’ve actually suggested that you tell me together? Are you both trying to send me to an early grave? Isn’t it cruel enough what has been going on while I’m pregnant?’ I say, almost whaling at them.
‘Vic, I should be here with you,’ Gill says.
‘Just get out, both of you. You disgust me,’ I finally scream.
‘You still think it’s me, don’t you? You still think it’s me Matt has been sleeping with?’
Matt is silent, staring at both Gill and I as the madness of the situation unfolds.
‘I saw you both down at the beach,’ I say, fighting back the tears.
‘Yes, you did. I was meeting him to tell him that—’
‘That it’s over? That you shouldn’t be together because I am your sister and carrying his child? Or maybe that you should perhaps both be more careful because I am already suspicious of you both?’
‘Vic, you are being ridiculous. If I was sleeping with Matt, do you really think I would have dragged him here to tell you the truth? Do you really think I would do that to you?’ Gill’s voice is calm, gentle.
I shake my head. ‘I don’t know, would you Gill? Would you?’ I notice a look, a glance, between Gill and Matt and my heart sinks.
‘Matt, stop being such a coward and bloody tell her,’ Gill says and I stare at them both. My head is spinning, scenarios of them together, the father and auntie of my child, together in the most despicable way I can imagine. It is sick.
‘I’m sorry, Vic. I am,’ Matt says, almost whispers.
I’m not sure what hurts more, the fact that he has been playing away, or the fact that my sister has betrayed me.
Suddenly, I raise my hand and slap Matt so hard that my palm stings. He stumbles back and holds his cheek, staring at me with a look of disbelief.
‘Get out,’ I say quietly. He doesn’t hesitate. I turn to Gill, my eyes burning in my head. ‘How long has it been going on?’ I say.
‘Vic, it’s not me. I promise.’ Gill’s voice cracks.
‘Do you take me for some kind of idiot? The perfume in your car, I could smell you on him. I saw you both today, for fuck’s sake. How could you do this to me?’ I say through sharp intakes of breath, pacing the floor at the bottom of the stairs.
I feel like I am being sucked into a black hole, catapulting me towards eternal hell and I can’t stop it from happening. If ignorance really is bliss, then I would rather be the idiot who had no idea what was going on. I wouldn’t have to suffer, otherwise. I could keep my sister, my baby’s father, my husband. My eyes dart towards her and I feel like I might throw up.
A look of concern crosses Gill’s face and she opens her mouth to speak. ‘Vic, I think you should see your doctor. I think being off your meds isn’t what is best for you right now. Your mind is warped with the idea that I am the person who is breaking up your family. I would never do that to you.’
I close my eyes and all I can see is the darkest shade of black. An unnatural and terrifying shadowy hole opens up and swallows me.
I am sitting at the bottom of the stairs. I am alone. I feel movement inside me and I remember I am carrying my child. I rub my stomach, in soft, circular motions. I look down at my hands and I see blood. A lot of blood.
What have I done?
Where is my sister?