Liisa woke with a feeling of dread. Momentarily frightened, she couldn’t remember where she was. With a rush she remembered the night before.
What shall I do? Did I really make a second trip to Norway? I must have because the entire family knows of it. Why did I go back and what did I do? When and how did I paint so many pictures? Her head began to ache with the frantic thinking. Too – she felt empty. Empty in stomach and heart.
With a small, disgusted sound, she threw the covers off and staggered up. Showering and dressing helped a little. Someone had hand-washed her undies and hung them to dry in the bathroom. She hated that she had to wear yesterday’s clothing, but she hadn’t planned to spend the night, therefore, had not brought a change of clothing.
“Good morning, sweetheart,” Ellen called gaily to Liisa as she walked into the kitchen. With her familiar, big smile, she gathered Liisa close in a motherly hug, laughing because now she had to look up at Liisa. “Orange juice is on the table. I heard you moving around and thought I’d bring a tray up to you, but here you are. Coffee is on and I’ll fix you eggs, bacon and toast in the wink of an eye. Does that please you or would you prefer something else?”
“Oh, please, Aunt Ellen. I can’t eat much. Maybe toast and coffee.”
“Absolutely not!” Ellen turned and pretended to glare at her. “Are you trying to ruin the reputation of my kitchen? You know that people eat well in this house. Just look at Ben’s waist and see for yourself.”
“Aunt Ellen, I don’t have to leave this kitchen to see a waist that eats well.”
“Sassy child,” Ellen giggled. “I’ll have a cup of coffee while you eat and we’ll chat. I’ve had my breakfast but we haven’t had much of a chance to talk with the gang around.” Ellen spoke of her family with a proud smile.
“Aunt Ellen, may I get a word in now?” Liisa said with a tender smile. I just remembered, I can’t eat or drink anything because I have to fast for my tests. I’ll just sit while you have a cup of coffee and we’ll talk.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I should have remembered. Won’t it bother you to see me drinking coffee?”
“Not in the least.”
They talked about her paintings and Liisa told Ellen that Arnold had suggested she do portraits.
“Arnold said he thought the portrait of the mystery man was one of the best he’d seen. He felt that I could be successful and enjoy doing portraits of families, especially children.”
Ellen smiled. “Arnold is a champion. He has been so good to you and I sure do appreciate it. If he thinks you would do well with portrait painting, why don’t you do a few and give it a try? You could start on Jerome. Your Uncle Ben and I will commission you to do the work.”
“I would love to do Jerome and I refuse to accept payment for it. I’ll do one and give it to Gloria and James as a surprise Christmas gift.” I know Arnold is proud of me because he’s known me all of my life. Too, it helped his gallery when my showing was a success. I owe him a lot.”
“We all owe Arnold. I know all the family would love a portrait of Jerome and, when you have time and the inclination, you could do our family portrait.” Ellen jumped up
“Ben said to bring you in at nine thirty because he would not be too busy on a Friday morning. Do you want to go by your apartment and change clothes?”
“Of course, but please don’t bother about me. I can go alone.”
“Now, Liisa, you know Ben would be furious with me for letting you go alone. I need to go and be with you for my sake. I want to know immediately what he finds. I couldn’t stand to stay here and wait and wonder. Be patient with me, Liisa. You know you’re as dear to me as if you were my own child. As far as this family is concerned, you are ours. Gloria, Paul and Ronald love you as much as they do each other.”
With trembling lips and tear-glistened eyes, Liisa walked around the table to hug Ellen. I know, Aunt Ellen, and all of you are so dear to me as if we were blood relatives.”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake. Let’s cut out the waterworks and get out of here.” Ellen took off her apron and headed for the kitchen while Liisa wiped off the dining table.
Liisa drove to her apartment. Ellen came in to wait while she showered, changed clothes and brushed her teeth. Then she drove to Ben’s office on Meadow Street. Ellen told Liisa to drive to the back of the building and park where the employees parked.
Dr. Alice Green, Ben’s assistant, met them in the back hall and walked with them to Ben’s office where he was waiting for them.
“Hey! Two of the most beautiful women in the city can sure come into my office any time and brighten my day.” He held Ellen tenderly. “And you, my darling, are the most beautiful of all.”
Liisa smiled at them with a soft feeling in her heart. She loved these two people and was so glad they had each other. They were as much in love now as they had been thirty-six years ago when they first married.
“Sit down, sit down. We have a lot to discuss before Liisa starts her battery of tests.” Ben drew a deep breath. “Well, here you are again my little problem child. Remember, you were the one who usually fell out of the trees or into the lake trying to keep up with Paul. Poison ivy, mosquito bites and bee stings were common with you.” He shifted to a more comfortable position in his chair. His big, padded, leather chair had formed to his body over the years.
“Sweetie, I will not be doing any of the more detailed and complicated tests. Others on my staff will be doing those. The results will be given to me and I’ll compile a medical profile of you.”
Ben smiled at Liisa as he leaned back in his chair and locked his hands behind his head. “First we’ll do a complete blood work-up, urine specimen, reflexes, etcetera. I’ll explain each test as we progress. Any questions?”
“Not at the moment, Uncle Ben. I’m sure I shall have scads of questions later.”
“It’ll be several days before all of the test results are completed. I know all of us are anxious, you more than us, but it does take time. Unfortunately some of them may have to be taken over. Par for the course,” he smiled.
“I understand,” Liisa nodded. As apprehensive as she felt, she had to smile to herself to see Ellen quietly shredding tissues and filling her lap with shredded material. Ben calmly took the shredded tissues and dropped them in the wastebasket.
Liisa recognized that Ben, too, was nervous. She also knew he felt as he would if she were one of his own children, and that he was trying to put her at ease.
“Alice, we’re ready,” Ben’s deep voice boomed out. “I was afraid of losing Alice because she recently got engaged to a good ole Southern boy. He’s a college professor from a nice Georgia family. I’ll admit I would be lost without her. I’ve come to depend on her for so much in the two years she’s been with me, and she’s naturally an excellent physician. She was born to be one.”
Alice walked with Liisa to a cubicle where she put on a short gown that opened in the back. Alice gave her a second one to wear open to the front so that Liisa could walk down the hall without being embarrassed. Liisa’s heart was doing a drum roll against her ribs.
After about an hour and a half, Liisa returned to Ben’s office to find Ellen flipping through a magazine as if she were in a reading race. Ben motioned for Liisa to sit beside Ellen as he pulled a chair closer to sit facing them. “Now honey, we’re going to take you to the clinic to have a magnetic resonance imaging, or MRI. This test uses nuclear resonance and goes deeper and in more detail than the computerized axial topography, better known as the CAT scan. During the later part of the MRI, they will inject you with a nuclear medicine that will help them trace the path of the test with more accuracy. It might not be comfortable, and will take some time, but nothing will hurt you.”
Liisa smiled bravely at him and hoped she was hiding the need to burst into tears. She would go through any tests that Uncle Ben recommended to determine why she could not remember the lost time.
Liisa was placed on a gurney and a compassionate young male black nurse wheeled her through a short tunnel to the clinic where she was given the MRI. She was exhausted and very happy when she was told that the tests were nearly finished.
Later, dressed and back in Ben’s office, Liisa sat to wait for Ben to tell them what she must do next. Ellen kept patting Liisa’s hand absently in her nervousness and saying repeatedly, “It’s all right, dear. It’s all right.”
Ben’s receptionist, Kerry Kane, stuck her head in the door. “Gloria is on line one,” she grinned.
Ben picked up the phone. “Hi, sweetheart. Guess who’s here in the office with me.” He listened a few minutes. “Is that right?” You don’t say. Well, well.” Ben laughed aloud. “Here’s your mother. Why don’t you tell her all of that,” he chuckled as he handed the phone to Ellen.
Talking low to Liisa, Ben laughing said, “Gloria says that she has cooked enough for a small army and if the three of us don’t come over and help them eat, that she will have to throw it out in the streets so the animals and whoever wants it can get it.”
“Yes, darling. We’ll be there in about a half an hour,” Ellen smiled and hung up.
“Whoa! You didn’t consult with Liisa and me. We might have rather gone out on the town dancing until dawn.”
“I can just see that,” laughed Ellen with fists on hips. “I know you’ll eat anything that anyone will serve to you, especially if it doesn’t bite back. Besides Liisa needs to be with our gang who loves her.”
“Guess that solves your afternoon,” Ben grinned at Liisa. “Actually I’d love it. I didn’t get enough sugar from the plump little cheeks of Jerome.”
“That’s the answer,” Ben said firmly. “You need to find a good, sensible husband and have your own little plump sugar cheeks.”
“Hold it,” Liisa smiled. “You’re really rushing things. Anyhow, how do you know I don’t have a husband and baby? With my memory, or lack of it, I might have a whole little ball team tucked away somewhere,” she finished on a chocked sob.
“Don’t joke. It isn’t funny,” Ellen snapped.
“Ah, Aunt Ellen, I didn’t mean to upset you. If I don’t joke a little, I’ll end up a blubbering wreck.”
“Drop the subject for now,” Ben spoke. “We’re all tense over the situation. It’s great that we can all hang together. It isn’t as if you have to face this alone,” Ben placed an arm around her shoulders.
“Come on, Liisa. We’ll go on ahead to Gloria’s and visit a while. Ben can follow when he gets through here. See you, Alice,” called Ellen, looking in the adjoining office.
“Bye now, y’all, see y’all later, ya hear,” joked Alice. “I’m learning to talk southern. Liisa, I’m so glad to meet you. I’ve heard so much about Ben’s other daughter. Please relax and place yourself in our hands knowing we’ll do all that is humanly possible to help you.”
“Thank you so much. I’m glad to meet you, too, and I’m confident that you will help. No self respecting problem will hang around with Uncle Ben hot on its trail.”
“Get out of here,” Ben laughed. “I’ll be hot on your trail quickly with the promise of food at the end of the trail.”
Liisa and Ellen hurried to the car and Liisa drove to Prospect Street to James’ and Gloria’s house. Liisa admired the old house that the couple had renovated so that it was now an attraction on the Tour of Homes.
Gloria was an excellent cook and she and James were very good at making guests feel welcome and comfortable. Ben soon joined them and they had a pleasant evening. Liisa was touched when Gloria let her bathe Jerome and get him ready for bed.
“Liisa, hold another diaper over him while you hurry to get his diaper on him. If you don’t you’ll think you’ve tumbled on to Niagara Falls,” Gloria instructed her.
“Why? What do you mean? Oh, no,” Liisa gasped. “Now I know what you mean.” Her joy was complete when she sat in the rocker, in the nursery, and gave the little boy juice in a bottle. She forgot her problems as the soft, warm, sweet little boy snuggled to her and went to sleep.
Liisa was insistent on going to her own apartment for the night instead of back to the Johnsons. “I’m only two blocks from work and can be there in short time. Too, I need to go on with my routine day to day living or I’ll go bonkers thinking of my peculiar situation.”
Ben supported her decision even though he secretly would like to have her as dose as Ellen did. Ellen was disturbed that one of their children had troubles and would be alone.
“Aunt Ellen, I’ll be fine. I have a phone close to me and I’ll call if I need anything, even if it’s just to talk. I can walk the few blocks to work and Arnold will be with me. I do love all of you and I know you love me, but you can’t keep me wrapped in cotton.” She hugged everyone all around.
When she turned to hug Ben, he said, “Don’t forget you have additional tests Wednesday morning at eight-thirty. I’ll have the answer to the blood and urine tests by then and maybe the rest by Friday.” She drove home a little more comforted than she had been the night before. She knew Ben would take care of her.
Monday and Tuesday were busy days at the gallery. Liisa was grateful to be kept so busy. She and Arnold were both happy when two more of her paintings sold. I feel so badly that I haven’t told Arnold of my loss of memory. He’s been like a grandfather to me, but I don’t feel comfortable talking about it. The Johnsons had to know. I’ll tell him after the results of my tests are completed. Thankfully I took tomorrow off.
On Wednesday morning she rose early, showered, dressed and drove to Ben’s office.
“Liisa, just to have a complete medical profile, I want you to have an electrocardiogram. You know it as an EKG. I don’t suspect anything is wrong with your heart, but I’m going to run every test that can be run at this clinic. If I’m not satisfied, we’ll go to a university teaching facility. Alice and Barry, Dr. Barry Glover, will be running tests this morning.”
By ten thirty-five Liisa was dressed again and ready to leave. Ben called, “Barry, come here, please.”
“Yes, sir. What is it?”
“Would you do me a favor? It isn’t time for your lunch break, but I would appreciate it if you will go with Liisa and see that she has something to eat. She came in fasting and I know she’s probably starving by now.”
“No problem. It will be my pleasure.”
“Uncle Ben, I can go alone. There is no need to drag Dr. Glover from his work. He is very polite but I’m sure he doesn’t want to babysit an adult.”
“Hey! I said no problem. In fact, I didn’t get to eat breakfast because, as usual, I overslept. I’m the one who’s starved. I’d love to go.”
Barry took Liisa to an International Pancake House for a brunch. “I love breakfast foods and could eat them all day long,” Liisa smiled.
“I like breakfast foods, too, but it’s nicer when I have a beautiful woman with me to share the time,” Barry looked at her with melting eyes. Liisa was uncomfortable when she realized that Barry was showing too much interest in her.
He’s a nice young man and must be a good doctor or Uncle Ben wouldn’t hire him. He is fun to be with for a short time. I don’t want to encourage him, or any man, at least not right now. Not while I’m unsure about my past. Why can’t he see that? He’s a doctor. He should know.
Barry insisted on paying for their breakfast and laughingly ordered Liisa to put her money away.
“Thank you so much for the breakfast and the nice company. I’m sorry to run, but I must get back to work,” Liisa told Barry. It was obvious that he reluctantly stood up to see her off. He walked her to the door and went back to pay while she walked quickly to her car. She decided to work through the afternoon.
Keeping busy dusting statuary and rearranging paintings helped Liisa to face her problems. She was dusting some antique pieces of furniture when Arnold came into the room.
“Liisa, I’m sorry to leave everything on your shoulders, but I’m going home. It must be indigestion. I have a pain in my chest and drinking a soda hasn’t helped.”
“I’ll call 911 and let them check you over. It could be a warning about a heart attack.”
“No, don’t call anyone. I’m just tired from working too many nights in a row and I know I don’t eat properly or get the rest I should have. I’ll be okay. I’ll go home and rest. If you have an emergency, don’t hesitate to call me. Good night, honey.” Arnold left with Liisa biting her lower lip and looking anxiously after him. He never complained and she couldn’t remember when he had taken off from work due to sickness.
Liisa was anxious for the day to be over so she could go to Arnold’s house and see about him. With a sigh of relief, Liisa locked the doors and hurried through a light cold rain to get her car and drive to Arnold’s home.
“Why Miss Liisa, Mr. Arnold came in and went to bed. He said nothing about not feeling well. He’s sleeping and I don’t want to disturb him.”
“Mrs. Warton, keep an eye on him and if he doesn’t seem to be better, will you please call 911 and get help for him? I need to know how he is. You know how wonderful he has been to me and how he gives me moral support.”
“Yes, he commonly says nice things about you and is so proud of you. If there is any need to be alarmed I’ll call you immediately. I promise. Now you get home and get dry clothes on before you catch your death of cold. I’ll take care of Mr. Arnold.”
Thursday morning Arnold was at work when Liisa got to the gallery. “Arnold, what are you doing here? You never take time for yourself. Why didn’t you stay home today and rest?”
“Liisa, honey, I’m fine. It’s okay, sweet cheeks,” he smiled. “I have kept this old body in shape for eighty-four years and I imagine I’ll be going long enough to see you raise some little ones.”
Liisa didn’t know what to say. She was shocked because she had never thought of his age. She knew he was older than her parents and had treated them as if they were family, but she never suspected that he was that old.
I’ll try to take all the pressure of business off him that I can. He surely doesn’t act eighty-four, or look it.
There was very little business on Thursday which pleased Liisa because it gave her an opportunity to keep Arnold quiet and pretend to need his help. She discussed her work and future plans.
Friday came too soon in one way and crawled in another. One of Ben’s nurses called Liisa at work, just after lunch, and told her that Dr. Johnson would like to see her at seven that evening in his office. Liisa knew this was after working hours and was thankful that she would not have to face others.
At five she hugged Arnold and told him she would go home early and make it up another day. “You’ll do no such thing,” Arnold almost pushed her out. “You don’t need to make up anything. Besides, we haven’t had but a couple of customers all day. Blame it on this lousy weather. But after hearing the weather reports from other parts of the good ole U S of A, I’m glad we live here.” He finished with a chuckle.
At home Liisa showered and changed clothes. She wasn’t hungry, but she fixed a ham and cheese sandwich and a cup of hot tea. Her stomach was too jumpy to hold much food. She, of course, wanted to know what was wrong with her, but at the same time she was fearful of hearing the results. What if it was something very serious?
At six twenty her doorbell rang. Answering the door she was surprised to see Ellen and Paul standing there.
“Liisa, we’re going with you. Ben told me earlier that he would be talking to you and I didn’t want you to be alone,” Ellen stated
“Admit it, Mom. You are just plain nosey - like all of us,” Paul laughed.
Paul drove his car. They rode in silence. Liisa knew that Ellen was praying and felt that Paul was also. She had talked to God many times about this and had finally left it in His hands.
Ben was surprised to see Ellen and Paul. “Good gosh! Do you think this is a circus?”
“Why, Ben,” gasped Ellen horrified, with a catch in her throat. “We all love Liisa and you know that no mother would let her child go through possible heartaches without being there for her.” Ellen said indignantly, almost crying by now.
“I’m sorry, dear,” he said hugging her. “Of course, you’re right. You just took me by surprise. Am I forgiven?”
“Ben Johnson, you are so silly. Let’s hear what you have to say. We’re anxious and need to know the results.”
“Sit down and let me talk to Liisa. Honey, do you mind them being here or would you rather talk to me alone?”
“It’s all right, Uncle Ben. I know all of you are concerned. I’ll have to tell them eventually. This way we’ll all hear together.”
Ben nodded and sat at his desk. He opened her folder and took a few seconds to read the top material. Liisa began to show nervousness. Paul apparently recognized this and reached to hold her hand.
Ben took a deep breath and smiled at them. “Well, honey, anyone, at any age, would love to have your strong, healthy body. I do find that you’re a little run down, slightly anemic. Sensible food and proper rest will take care of that. Your MRI did not show anything to be deeply concerned about. The EKG did show a slight need to be aware of some unusual pattern. Putting everything together, my personal opinion is that, at some time in the near past, you had a traumatic experience with a bruise to the stern of the brain. You either had a blow to the back of your head or you had a fall and hit your head.”
Ellen drew in a small sobbing breath. Paul scooted closer to Liisa and put his arm around her.
Ben continued. “This is absolutely the only thing I can find. You might have had a shock that caused your mind to say that you would be happier if you did not remember what happened. I think that with rest and a feeling of security, you stand a good chance of regaining your memory. It could be what’s known as psychogenic amnesia or some doctors might call it dissociative amnesia. Why don’t we let it go as is for a short time? If you’re not satisfied, we can try therapy or you may want a second opinion.”
“That’s all you can tell me after all these tests?” Liisa gasped.
“Sorry, baby. Doctors are not miracle workers. We sometimes have to do some educated guessing. This is the best I can tell you at the present. Honey, you know how important you are to me. If I could fix it, I would.”
Paul, trying to ease the tension said, “I could hit you on the back of your head and see if the blow would restore your memory.”
“Paul!” Ellen cried out. “This is not the time to try to be funny, which you sure aren’t.”
“Cool it, Mom. Dad can’t find any real damage. Liisa has been worried and uptight for several days. I’m just trying to lighten her feelings a little.”
“It’s all right, Aunt Ellen,” Liisa said calmly and then burst into hard sobs that shook her whole body.
Paul hugged her tightly and made soothing sounds to her. Her head just reached his shoulder. Ben tilted his head at Ellen and they tip-toed out into the hall. When they returned to the room, Paul and Liisa were gone.
“Guess you’re stuck with me if you want to get home tonight,” Ben said slanting his eyes flirtatiously at Ellen.
“I’ll take my chances with you, sir,” she answered. “You look like a gentleman to me. But my mother told me that looks can be deceiving.”
“Ah, ha. You’ll just have to wait and find out.”
They drove by Liisa’s apartment building and saw Paul’s car parked in front. It was a no parking area during the day, but it wouldn’t matter for a short time during the evening. “See, all’s well,” Ben chuckled.
“Take me home. I’m tired and need rest and comforting.”
“Um, I could use some comfort myself,” Ben said reaching over to hug Ellen to him. They went home silently with heavy hearts.