Chapter 10

The first thing I realized when I regained consciousness was that I was dry. Warm. Wrapped in fresh clothes and a big blanket. 

That was as far as the pleasure got before the pain set in. 

Every part of my body ached. New bruises covered the old ones. My throat felt tight and ragged. There was an endless pounding in my head that seemed to stem from my battered nose. The cuts in my back throbbed like distant thunder. I groaned and pushed the blanket, wincing as I sat up. I closed my eyes and let my tormented head settle on my shoulders. Once I was sure I wouldn’t pass out, I tenderly moved my right arm to my left shoulder. The fiery pain stretched, but I had to know how bad the wounds were, what I was going to do to repair them…

Soft bandages already covered them. I paused and concentrated on the feelings in my upper back. Did someone stitch the slices up, too?

That was when I blinked, and realized where I was.

The dark walls were familiar now. The crates and boxes stacked in their meticulous fashion. The ruined engine on the far wall, close to the stairs that led to the main deck. Even the kerosene lantern was familiar.

Heavy footsteps pounded down the steps. I tossed off the blanket and looked for my weapons. I couldn’t see them. 

The boots landed heavily on the hard floor. I settled into a weak crouch. The state I was in, I wouldn’t be able to fight a drowned kitten, much less a full grown, angry man. 

But when Sawyer materialized out of the shadows and swung a kerosene lantern over my face, I saw that he was unarmed. Maybe he wouldn’t hurt me after all.

Unless he decided to do so barehanded. The fury I’d seen in his eyes hadn’t disappeared over night. Or however many nights had passed since I’d been here.

“You should be sleeping,” he grumbled.

“I should be doing a lot of things,” I replied. “Guess we won’t be having our dreams come true.”

Sawyer narrowed his eyes and scowled. “So it’s useless for me to ask why you did what you did?”

I hesitated. I wasn’t eager to start a fight with the man who saved my life. Looking back, I knew it was Sawyer who killed those Hellions and saved my life. If anything, I should be asking the questions.

But I learned the hard way never to look a gift horse in the mouth. 

“Fletcher manipulated––”

“Don’t blame someone else for your betrayal.”

Now I was the one who glared. “I’m not. I’m trying to explain. Or are you just going to make up your own story then point fingers when it suits you?”

He grimaced, but didn’t give a response. I chose to continue.

“Fletcher manipulated me, but I knew who and what he was. I turned on you because it was the only escape I could see, unless I wanted to spend the rest of my life as a rape-toy for my self-proclaimed brothers and father.”

Sawyer winced.

“He heard about you and… you two. He thought you would be strong enough to join his family, so I was sent to convince you.”

“So it was all an act.”

I looked down. I realized whose clothes I was wearing. I shouldn’t have been surprised. “At first. But I got to know you, care about you, and I was torn. It didn’t stop me from going back to Fletcher, because Morris was right. I’m a coward.”

Sawyer waited a long time to speak. “But you came back.”

I nodded, still looking at the hem of the big, navy blue work shirt I wore. “I couldn’t leave you there, knowing what it would be like. How much suffering you would go through while I walked away.” I lifted my head and glanced around the ship. “That you would work so hard for this and have to give it up.” I shook my head. “I couldn’t do that to you. Not after everything that came before. I just wish I’d come sooner.”

Sawyer fell silent again. I sat there and let him judge me. I had no way of knowing what was going through his mind, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. There were a million things he could think of me, and none of them would be good.

And Nash…

It hurt just to imagine what he might think. 

“Fletcher and your brothers are dead. We got away in time, but we saw the Hellions carry the bodies back to the skiffs.” 

I shuddered. 

“Now that you’re free, what are you going to do?”

I laughed bitterly. “Funny thing. I dreamed about the idea for so long, I never considered what to do with it.”

To my surprise, Sawyer laughed and gently shook his head. “I met a guy recently who went through the same thing.” He started to turn for the stairs. “I’ll come back tomorrow morning and give you your tasks. Hope you’re ready for some rigging lessons.”

Despite my better judgment and my body’s protests, I scrambled to my feet. “You’re letting me stay?”

“Yeah. My ship needs another crew member.” He stopped at the foot of the stairs and turned to face me. His tawny eyes looked like black gold under the dim lantern light. “And it is mine, Gemma. In every way.”

I scrunched my face in confusion, wondering what he meant about the Dauntless… 

One of them is a renegade member of the Stray Dogs, and the other…iIs supposedly a Kendric.

Fletcher’s words shot through my skull like a bullet. I knew Sawyer was dangerous, but the idea of him being of the same blood as Robertson and Davin Kendric seemed ridiculous at the time.

Not anymore.

I could see the danger now, the ruthless undertone that Sawyer controlled. Seeing that I understood his meaning, he gave me a piece of advice.

“I’ll let you stay as long as you want, Gemma, under one condition.”

I waited for the hammer to drop. It fell hard.

“If you ever hurt Nash again, there is nowhere you can hide, no stone I won’t turn over to find you and make you pay.”

I believed him. I wondered if Nash was the first person in Sawyer’s life to have cared about him without judging who he was. Nash must have known, and it didn’t seem to bother him. He saw the person, not the past. 

Could he do the same for me?

I nodded at Sawyer, my silent promise that I would never break Nash’s heart. 

It wouldn’t protect mine, however.

***

My body wanted to take Sawyer’s advice and rest. But my heart and head had other ideas. Terrible ideas, but once they were fulfilled, I could get some sleep. Probably on a pillow soaked with tears, but at least it would be sleep.

I found Nash on the deck of the Dauntless an hour after Sawyer left me to brood. The rainy season was coming to an end, and Nash was busy moving ropes and grappling hooks from the side of the Dauntless, which had likely been left there in case of emergency. He was intent on his work, and I didn’t think he would notice me until I was right beside him.

I was wrong.

He froze when he saw me, a ripple of shock crossing his face before his emotions were masked.

My heart ached at the tall, dark sight of him. Bruises dotted his face and wrists, yet he was still the most handsome man I’d ever seen. Not in the traditional sense that Sawyer was, but in the softer, subtler, stronger way that was rarely seen. One where his kindness and compassion shone through, filling his eyes when he smiled. My heart squeezed when I thought about not seeing that smile again. 

Nash dropped the ropes in his hand and started to walk toward me.

A lump formed in my throat. I wondered if he helped Sawyer carry me from the Academy. If he’d tended my wounds and given me new clothes. If he’d draped the blanket over me so I stayed warm. I couldn’t imagine Sawyer doing that for me, so it must have been Nash. What was I supposed to say? How could I ever make up for how badly I’d hurt him?

Tears stung my eyes as he closed the distance between us. I didn’t deserve to look at him, but my eyes refused to go anywhere else.

He was right in front of me. “Nash, I––”

His fingers slid into my hair and held my head. He dipped his chin and put his lips against mine.

For a second, I was confused. He wasn’t trying to hurt me or push me away. He was kissing me.

The instant I felt the tenderness of his hand in my hair and the gentleness of his kiss, I repaid the favor. My lips crushed his, opening wider to taste as much of him as I could. I pressed myself to his chest and placed my hands on his muscled biceps. His warm, earthy smell became the very air that I breathed. I couldn’t get enough. 

Nash broke the kiss. I almost cried.

“Nash, I’m so––”

His hand slid from my hair to my cheek. His thumb stroked my lower lip. I could barely remember how to breathe, let alone speak. 

“Don’t say it, Gemma. There’s no need.”

I blinked. And I thought Sawyer’s offer for me to stay was inexplicable. “But I––”

“I know what you did,” he interrupted, no trace of malice in his voice. “I was there, remember?”

He grinned, but I winced. His other hand found my waist and pulled me to his strong, sturdy chest. 

“I get it, because I’ve been there. I’m not mad, because I knew you would come back. I never doubted that.”

“How?” I whispered, my voice straining with emotion.

Nash smiled, in that perfect way that made him the most beautiful person in this broken world. A person worth loving. 

His thumb moved from my lip to my cheek, stroking my skin like it were made of glass. The look in his eyes was breathtaking, as if he saw me the same way I saw him.

“Same way I knew you would come up here. You showed me the real Gemma without ever realizing it. She’s beautiful, strong, funny, and won’t back down from a challenge. She’s a good person, no matter what she thinks.” His strong hand slid into my hair, cupping the nape of my neck. “I’ll show her to you, if you let me.”

Good men like Nash didn’t exist in this world anymore. Daily life tore the decency from their hearts and left a dark shell behind. Nash was stronger than most of them, but he would slip eventually. Everyone did. 

Unless he had a reason not to.

I kissed Nash full on the lips, letting loose every desire and dream I had with him at the center. I knew there would be more. 

When I ended the kiss, he was the one left breathless. 

“Well then,” I purred, giving him a saucy grin. “Maybe we should start the lessons.”

THE END