The salty tang of the ocean air seeped into my pores.
I inhaled deeply, pulling the familiar breeze deep into my being.
On the horizon, the navy sky surrendered to an orange glow and then the yellow burst of sunlight exploded from behind the land across the sea.
“I didn’t think it was possible that the sun could be so different here.” Mo slipped behind me, his body warming the chill of the ocean air from my skin.
I leaned back against him. “I told ye everythin’ would be different.”
He laughed and nuzzled deep in the crook of my neck. He placed one kiss and then followed it with several more along the length of my shoulder.
The electrical shudder of anticipation ran its course along my spine. I spun to face him, pressing firmly into him, melding my body to his. “Are ye happy though? Do ye ever regret comin’?”
He was serious as he looked deep in my eyes. There were no lies between us anymore. No need to disguise the worst of ourselves. We were intimately aware of the best and worst of each other. Both extremes had helped define our short time together.
“You know I don’t regret anythin’. We got no need for regret. It ain’t gonna ever do anything for us.”
I pulled him into a deep kiss.
Hours of frank discussion brought us to the realization that we’d made decisions based on factors we couldn’t control. Everything we’d done had been to ensure our own survival. We wouldn’t allow each other to feel guilty for surviving or for doing what it took to ensure we’d survive together.
The one regret that did haunt me was leaving the house. We didn’t just leave it behind though. Every gallon of gas I’d poured on the floors had been a cleansing of the good as well as the bad. I’d reduced my entire past to cinders in the strike of a match. We’d watched from down the block as Finnegan’s End burned.
Tears poured from my eyes. I’d finally cried for Da, Mam, and Finn. I’d cried for the Deirdre who’d only wanted to heal people and had instead claimed three lives by her own hand.
“I never imagined it’d be like this,” Mo said. He watched the sun rise across the Irish Sea as we did every morning for the last thirteen months.
I turned back so that I could watch it as well. “I promised ye you’d never seen anything like the light at Finnegan’s End.”
With my husband’s arms wrapped around me, his hands absentmindedly traveling across the swollen girth of my belly, and I knew that everything that led us to this moment had been worth it.
And I’d do it again to get right back here to this moment.
Without regret.