A Mini Soul Review
Every relationship has a unique story that has been woven and intertwined over many lifetimes. However, from the earthly perspective we are not always aware of the inherent soulful meaning and significance of what we are experiencing in our relationships with our family, friends, and acquaintances.
If you are wondering what your soul purpose may be, look to your relationships and the recurring emotional themes throughout your life. What draws us back to the earth over and over are our emotional patterns. The love within us needs to match the love of the heavens; otherwise, we get pulled back into the physical world.
Everyone who comes into our life embodies an essential and beneficial something that we need. In the same way, we have a gift for others. Of course, we are rarely fully aware of what this special something is. However, little clues surface that hint at the grander scheme of things.
For instance, in some of our relationships it is easy to give and receive love. Something clicks and we don’t have to work to understand one another. We feel joy and a sense of connection. With others we may experience more confusion and misunderstandings. A relationship may trigger the unhealed and unconscious beliefs and wounds that we carry from life to life, forcing us to acknowledge and heal them.
It is through our connection with others that we have the opportunity to engage in our soul’s purpose and evolve. While we all have unique emotional patterns, there are common lessons that we have all come here to experience.
Our earthly relationships teach us such things as how to take back our power, forgive ourselves and others, and practice devoted commitment. To become more self-aware and let our authentic self shine through, we learn how to say no when we mean no and say yes when we mean yes. We might also need to learn how to let go of relationships that don’t support our highest good and walk away from negativity or abusive situations. In addition, through our example, others may learn how to practice such things as how to be vulnerable and intimate, listen to and support others, be selfless, speak their truth, and experience joy. The common thread running through all our relationships is to love fully, allow others the freedom to be themselves, heal our wounds and character flaws, and develop and express kindness and compassion.
At the same time, it is not necessary to be perfect. At times we will be selfish, give away our power, suppress our truth, not express love, and generally score low on the love meter. It’s okay when we make a mistake. There is no punishment or shame for being human. We are a work in progress, and we do the best that we can at the time.
Kenni Shares Our Purpose
During the soul review, we learn that every attempt we make to move beyond our stunted emotional patterns and love ourselves and others is significant. Even the small acts that don’t seem to amount to much heighten our love vibration. Every relationship serves us in some way. Even those that make us want to pull our hair out or run the other way come into our life for a reason. However, it’s not always obvious what purpose our soul has in mind when someone comes into our life.
For instance, after my ex-husband, Kenni, passed over, it took me several years to understand the purpose of our relationship. I knew in my heart that there was a reason and purpose in our time together, I just wasn’t sure what it was. It wasn’t until after his physical death that I became fully aware of all that he taught and gave me.
During one of Kenni’s visits from the spirit realm, he apologized for not doing more to save himself from the grip of addictions. He wanted me to know that there was nothing I could have done differently that would have made a difference in his choices. When he went back to playing music full-time, his drinking increased and he started to use drugs. This was his choice, he told me. Once on the road playing in clubs and touring with bands, he went back to a lifestyle he had been trying to escape.
“I had an addiction issue,” he said. “I wanted that lifestyle, as destructive as it was, and I knew you would never be comfortable with it. There was nothing you could have done to change this, nothing anyone could have done.”
Although I knew that his drinking and drug use were his decision, Kenni taking responsibility for his actions relieved the lingering thought that maybe there was something I could have done that would have changed the outcome.
Early one morning, he came to me while I lay in bed half awake. His voice was gentle but to the point.
“I’ve learned that we came together in part for a shared lesson. I was given the opportunity to love in a simple and pure way, the way I always wanted. But I needed an escape and couldn’t do it. I’ve also discovered that my addictions offered you an opportunity to heal and learn. I guess I triggered some of the wounds you had from your father’s drinking. My guides say that you agreed to this experience as well.”
Somewhere in the recesses of my consciousness, I knew that marrying a man with an addiction issue was no accident. When I was six years old my father left, and I never understood why. However, I did know that he would have rather been drinking whiskey at the local bar with his friends than being with his children. Still, when he walked out, I took it personally and didn’t recognize the role drinking played in his behavior.
Kenni’s drinking brought up some of the confusion and pain I felt as a child. Witnessing the changes in Kenni’s behavior and personality as his drinking increased and then morphed into drug use helped me to better understand the nature of addictions and my powerlessness. In this life, which has been devoted to helping others, I needed to learn that I cannot change anyone and I’m not responsible for anyone else’s behavior. While we can support and love another, we change when we are ready.
Taking Back Our Power with Help from the Other Side
When a loved one passes over it may feel as if it is too late to clear up misunderstandings, heal a wound, or ask for forgiveness. However, it is never too late. Sometimes the work that we cannot do here with another happens effortlessly when they are in the spirit realm.
Even though healing doesn’t take place in the physical world, it is no less real and essential when it occurs after someone passes over. Our love, forgiveness, and compassion can have a profound effect on our loved ones on the other side, and they in turn exert a positive influence on us. The healing we experience with our loved ones on the other side seeps into every aspect of our lives, enriching all that we experience, and creating miracles.
During the soul review, our loved ones on the other side accept their role in creating the circumstances of their earthly life and take responsibility for their choices and actions. Those things that they consciously and unconsciously attracted are examined, and hidden motives, beliefs, and wounds are uncovered. It is through this process that they release whatever is not aligned with their highest good and experience heightened levels of love, bliss, and joy.
Our loved ones on the other side are transforming through enlightened awareness and unconditional love, and we can too. Sometimes a family member or friend passes over before we are able to resolve an issue or past hurt. When we mourn someone who left before we were able to heal the relationship or receive the kind of love and connection with them that we had hoped for, it can be especially difficult. We mourn not only our loss, but the loss of what will never be. We may feel stuck in a painful past and unable to move forward.
When we hold onto the hurt, bitterness, and resentment of past relationships, we hurt ourselves. This pain can linger in our body, causing us mental, emotional, and physical issues and illness. We are also likely to repeat the unresolved issues in other relationships.
The thought of connecting and healing a relationship with someone on the other side may seem unattainable and overreaching. Opening ourselves to the unknown can take us out of our comfort zone, and reaching out to someone who has caused us pain can be even more daunting.
However, we are closer to those on the other side than what we may think. Your loved ones are with you and encourage your healing and continued growth. Your attempts to reach out will always be met with love. It’s not possible to hold on to resentment, pain, anger, or any emotionally toxic energy in the spirit realm. Once we pass out of the physical body, we are released from the grip of the limited and negative emotions and beliefs of the physical world. As our loved ones go through the soul review, their love becomes purer, selfless, and compassionate. The earthly patterns that may have kept us bound to unhealthy and less-than-satisfying love relationships fall away. The problems, issues, wounds, and painful experiences our loved ones encountered in the physical world are healed and transformed. The emotional patterns that may have created obstacles to intimacy and brought pain or motivated them to hurt others are understood through enlightened awareness.
During the soul review, unsatisfying ways of relating, and the repetitive and unconscious emotional beliefs that have brought us more pain than pleasure, are understood from the higher perspective of the soul. If we experienced unloving or unhappy relationships, we uncover the reasons why. We examine what we created in the physical world and learn that we cannot solely blame others for what we have experienced in our relationships. Even in cases where we have been mistreated or neglected, we become aware of how unconscious feelings and beliefs, such as a sense of unworthiness or a lack of self-love, contributed to our experience.
Becoming aware of how we unknowingly attracted difficulties doesn’t mean that those who abuse, harm, or hurt others are not responsible for their behavior. No one comes into life to suffer and be abused. Those who knowingly inflict harm go through a kind of spiritual rehabilitation on the other side where they feel and become aware of the pain they caused others. However, this isn’t a punishment, but an opportunity to develop empathy, forgiveness, and compassion. Ultimately, we learn that what we do to others, we do to ourselves.
During the soul review we let go of negativity, heal old wounds and limited beliefs, and learn how to live in more love and joy. The sheer force and magnitude of divine love breaks down our barriers and we live as our soulful highest self.
Here on earth we can do a mini version of the soul review and experience healing and increased awareness. Although we aren’t able to fully immerse ourselves in the blissful energy of the other side, we can still receive its benefits.
EXERCISE
At Peace with Those on the Other Side 
This exercise will assist you in healing a relationship wound, pattern, or issue with someone on the other side. Our loved ones, even those who were less than loving in the physical world, love and receive love without restraint. They are eager to send love our way and help us heal.
To begin, think of someone on the other side who you would like to feel a sense of peace and completion with. This can be someone who may have passed over before you resolved an issue or problem. Even if you experienced an overall positive and loving relationship, there may be something even in a good relationship that you would like to heal. In addition, you can also heal and clear energy with a relative or ancestor that you didn’t know or someone who you knew just briefly whose influence on the family or a particular family member is significant.
Once you have decided who you would like to connect with, take a few deep, long breaths and relax. Then become aware of an issue, recurring pattern, or problem in the relationship that you would like to resolve and heal. If you are not sure what to focus on, become aware of a time in the relationship that you may have felt hurt, misunderstood, unloved, or confused. In my relationship with Kenni, the recurring pattern was a lack of good communication, his addiction, and my reaction to it.
Once you are aware of what you would like to resolve and heal, take responsibility for attracting and manifesting this situation. Accept that you experienced this condition or circumstance because your soul agreed to it. You may not know why you did or understand the lesson or purpose of experiencing this issue or challenge. It’s not important that you figure that out right now.
Close your eyes, take a few long, deep cleansing breaths, and imagine an image of your loved one. Send him or her the mental thought and loving heart-centered message that you are releasing them from blame. Don’t worry if you don’t receive an intuitive response back—they will receive the message.
Although your loved one still must own their own actions, intent, thoughts, and behavior, take responsibility for your involvement. Accepting that you agreed to situations and conditions that caused you confusion or pain can be difficult. You may have felt unfairly treated, victimized, and that you did everything you could at the time to improve and heal the relationship. You may want the soul on the other side to acknowledge their role and ask for forgiveness, and it might take effort to shift out of the victim role.
You Have Agreed to Everything You Experience
You will never be powerless, or your well-being or happiness dependent on another, once you realize that everything you experience you have consented to. The conscious human you isn’t fully able to understand this and will avoid taking any responsibility. Do it anyway, even if it makes no sense. The everyday self will likely feel overwhelmed with this idea. However, your soul and eternal essence sit squarely in this truth, and once you accept your participation, you begin to heal.
Although we often blame others, the root of what we experience in any relationship is within us. We carry our emotional patterns and wounds from lifetime to lifetime. The issues and challenges that we confront in one relationship are bound to show up in some form in others as well. We can leave a relationship only to find the same dissatisfying problems and issues crop up in the next one. The recurring patterns in our relationships are a reflection of where we need healing, love, and acceptance. Until we ask ourselves what our challenging relationships are trying to teach us, we are destined to repeat the same patterns.
When I accepted responsibility for my participation in what occurred during my marriage to Kenni, I still had no idea why I would have needed this lesson, and I didn’t know what to do to heal. Slowly I began to realize that from the beginning of the relationship I knew that his drinking would be a problem. Still, I pushed aside my apprehension, put the blindfolds on, and held onto the false belief that our love would get us through. It didn’t. Many of my relationships followed similar patterns. I had loose boundaries and ignored my needs and wanted to believe that love would be enough to sustain the relationship. I didn’t clearly communicate my needs and desires and somehow assumed they were obvious. As I became aware of my contribution, I realized that these issues sprung from my wanting to please Kenni and my tendency to be in denial. I knew that for anything in my life to change, I had to change.
The idea that we have agreed to the experiences that come our way can incite anger and frustration. It’s not easy to accept that we would knowingly allow difficulties into our lives. It is especially hard to accept that we would consent to a childhood where our parents or environment were detrimental to our mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being.
However, we often choose and allow difficulties in our life as a path to compassion, increased spiritual awareness, and strength. A life of comfort doesn’t always provide the stimulation we need to grow and evolve. Like an oyster that continually coats an irritating grain of sand until it becomes a pearl, friction opens us to deeper self-awareness and higher truths.
Suffering can silently carve out and refine our ability to be more compassionate and loving. Feeling unloved and alone can push us to open to a presence and power that transcends the physical world. It is often in our loneliness that we become aware of the love that exists within us and all around us. With this awareness comes the gift of strength and a transcendent power that allows us to reach out and help others.
When we accept that we are not a victim, we have a chance to break our unhealthy patterns and clear away the obstacles that hamper our ability to give and receive love. Otherwise we continue to unknowingly attract unsatisfying relationships and conditions that only bring more dissatisfaction. When we claim our power to consciously create, we step into freedom.
As you become more aware of the emotional patterns that have prevented you from fully loving and living in joy, be compassionate and gentle with yourself. Shame, guilt, confusion, and fear might surface as these patterns come to light. As challenging as it may be to feel these feelings, this begins the release process and is a sign that you are letting go of past pain, victimization, and limiting patterns.
We don’t have to work on our issues alone. If need be, we can seek out help in healing from practitioners who are experienced in spiritual and emotional healing. A loving and compassionate friend or family member, as well as our loved ones on the other side, can also be of assistance.
As we open ourselves to the influence of the other side, we can transform with more ease, support, love, and grace. As our loved ones heal and experience higher states of love and wisdom, they reach out to us and can assist us with our own healing.
EXERCISE Letting Go of What You No Longer Need, Becoming Clear
The following meditation exercise will empower you to heal an emotional pattern that you experienced with a loved one who is now on the other side. No matter what the circumstances or conditions were that led to confusion, pain, or misunderstanding, you can let the suffering go and heal.
To begin, think of a recurring issue or confusing pattern that you experienced in a relationship with a loved one who is on the other side. You can use the same issue and loved one on the other side from the previous exercise. Write it down. Examples include such things as poor communication, combative arguments, falling out of love, jealousy, lack of effort, conflicting needs and wants, career issues or conflicts, or financial or sexual issues—any issue that created stress and misunderstanding.
Write down the emotions that this issue or concern tends to generate within you. Examples may be feelings such as pain, loneliness, low self-esteem, shame, anger, frustration, confusion, guilt, or fear.
Close your eyes, take a few deep, cleansing breaths, and imagine an image from the past when you experienced this particular issue or challenge with your loved one. As much as possible, feel the feelings that this challenge stirs up within you.
Breathe white light energy down through the top of your head and move this energy through the body. Continue to breathe in this way and invite your loved one on the other side to come close. Relax, breathe, open your heart, and speak your loved one’s name or send them a thought or emotional message. Ask for them to help you heal and let go of the pain, confusion, and other emotional wounds from this pattern. You can also ask them to help you better understand and learn from this issue. Intend to let go of the pain or other feelings connected to this issue and allow healing love to enter.
As you become more relaxed, breathe white light down through the top of the head and exhale it through the heart. Continue to breathe in this way, exhaling through the heart. With each breath imagine your heart opening and any lingering pain, wounds, or other difficult emotions surfacing. Continue to breathe into your heart and allow and invite whatever needs to be healed to come forward. Pay attention to any sensations, thoughts, images, and feelings that surface.
Allow love to fill your heart and surround the inner emotional patterns, wounds, and limiting beliefs that are ready to be released with forgiveness, compassion, and acceptance. Breathe and imagine that you can now release these patterns. Ask your loved one from the other side to assist you in letting go. Invite their love and the higher love of the heavens to move through you. Let go and know that you are loved, forgiven, and cherished. Your wounds don’t define you and they are not you. You are love and you are loved.
When you feel ready, thank those on the other side for their support and love, and open your eyes. Write down what you experienced in this meditation. As you write, allow any lingering feelings to surface.
During this meditation, you may feel the presence of a loved one and receive insights and new perspectives on your issue or challenge. It’s also likely that you’ll experience an emotional release and letting go. However, what you receive may not be fully discernible, or you may not experience or feel anything. If this happens, don’t become discouraged. Healing is still occurring on a deep level. Quite often the true workings of the spirit realm are not consciously evident. In the coming days and weeks, pay attention to your dreams and intuition, as guidance may slowly drift in. You will also likely notice shifts in your sense of well-being and be less tired and burdened. While the same challenges and issues may still surface, you will find new ways to approach and resolve them.
Our loved ones on the other side have a lot to give. They will continue to send healing and do their best to respond to our requests. Through dreams, intuition, synchronicities, and being in the right place at the right time, we are often guided to the information, opportunities, and individuals that can help us to further heal.
Healing our relationships with those on the other side invigorates our soul. When we release and heal our unsatisfying emotional patterns, we vibrate to higher levels of pure love. In this higher vibration we are better able to connect with and feel our loved one’s presence. When we heal relationships with those on the other side, we come into spiritual harmony with them and create positive change in our physical life.
Patterns that have been long standing, chronic, and difficult are lifted into the great love of spirit. In this high vibration energy, there is no time and space and no disharmony, negativity, or pain. Because emotional patterns are not individual but usually pass from generation to generation, healing not only benefits us—it also positively impacts our ancestors and future generations as well.
_____
In the next chapter you’ll discover more about the gifts that each relationship brings to you.