In a word, I was too cowardly to do what I knew to be right, as I had been too cowardly to avoid doing what I knew to be wrong.
[CHARLES DICKENS1]
THE BIBLE SHEDS much light on why so much devastation has occurred in our world. Damage has occurred in us, to us, and on occasions through us, if we’re honest. Our inner nature, our very core, was sorely meddled with in Eden.
The arena of sex and sexuality is not exempt, of course. What God gave us as a gift has been mishandled, falsely worshiped, and so twisted in some quarters that the experience and expectations of millions are many miles from what the Designer had planned.
The enemy promises that his version is going to be more beneficial and enjoyable than the Creator’s own. But he can create nothing good; he can only spoil what is, in essence, good. Mike Bickle writes:
Have you ever thought about why we sin? Sin produces immediate pleasure. It gives a physical, spiritual and emotional rush. We do not sin out of obligation. We sin because we believe it will provide a pleasure that is superior to the pleasure of obedience to God. The power of temptation rests on a deceptive promise . . . 2
When Adam and Eve were disobedient through yielding to deception in the Garden of Eden, they bowed to a lie. The lie was that they would fare better by knowing rather than depending. In the Garden and in their relationship with one another and with God, they had wanted for nothing, absolutely nothing. The intrusion of reasoning into humanity, defiling our ability to live by revelation straight from the Creator, brought a curse. In pre-Fall Eden, Adam and Eve had been satisfied, fulfilled. We have no reason at all to suppose that this did not include all aspects of their relationship together.
We know that in Jesus our relationship with God is restored and that, once again, we can live by revelation through the Holy Spirit.
Mike Bickle again:
The Holy Spirit is setting forth the beauty of God in Jesus Christ so that we might become enticed by a holy affection . . . 3
This is how Jesus lived on Earth. He exuded and demonstrated holy affection. Those who were in His company or who observed Him saw that He operated from a different spirit than that of the religious leaders of the day. We know that the Son of God laid down His majesty and came to Earth as the Son of Man to live as a man and to show that man can live well, effectively, and healthily as he partners with what God is doing.
However, our experiences, learning, and independence prior to meeting Jesus may have caused us damage, some of it considerable. And in any event, much of society around us continues to pursue an anti-Christ (i.e., against or without Christ) agenda. (Incidentally, some argue that our society is not anti-Christ, just that it merely prefers to ignore Him! Since He is Lord and worthy of our worship, let alone our mere attention, I choose to define that also as anti-Christ.)
Rick Joyner writes:
Humanism seeks to change the nature of men by changing his environment, institutions, governments, and rules of behaviour. Christianity changes the institutions, governments, and behaviour of men by changing their hearts.4
I hold to a very simple, Biblical view regarding sex and sexuality. I would like to be able to say that I have lived in line with it in all respects, but I have not. We need to appreciate that Jesus raised the bar when it came to standards of holiness. Under the Law, there were penalties for sexual sins. Jesus, however, addressed the heart of men, teaching that even looking at a woman lustfully was unacceptable! The looking comes before the lusting, doesn’t it?
Religion is packed with laws, isn’t it? “Do this” and “don’t do that.” Mostly there is a host of “do nots.” But religion does little more than seek to regulate behavior. For a time it may succeed in stopping a man from drinking from the bowl of sin, but the issue of his thirst his not been touched.
Of course, there is nothing amiss with appreciating the beauty of a lovely woman who isn’t your wife! But “She’s gorgeous” does not need to shift to “I want her.”
Notwithstanding that, in a world greatly impacted by the Fall of Adam, many find themselves in confusion concerning their sexuality, and through experiences they have either been subjected to or have chosen I still maintain that God can restore His divine order to sexual matters in our lives as we once again place our trust in Him.
The fact that God fashioned men and women to marry someone of the opposite sex for life and to be sexually involved with their spouse alone is, for the Spirit-filled believer, foundational in our approach to ordered, healthy, and blessed relationships.
Both honourable marriage and chastity should be respected by all of you. God himself will judge those who traffic in the bodies of others or defile the relationship of marriage.
—HEBREWS 13:4, PHILLIPS
The world may be singing a different song, and through its media mantra it advocates different, contrary ways. Nevertheless, dare we really suggest that God does not have it right? Have we so developed and evolved that we may now advise Him?
He is the Lord, and His way works. And by definition, what He, the Designer and Provider, gives does not deny us anything good. Put another way, there is no better lifestyle to be had outside of His design and creative genius. To believe anything else is not to believe Him, and I choose to believe Him.
The snake’s false promise to Eve in the Garden echoes through much of life: “You can take control and fashion a better way than God’s. You are missing out.” It is a lie. Our sophisticated yet finite minds do not devise ways and means that are superior to the Maker’s blueprints and associated instructions or guidelines.
Without wishing to be at all patronizing, I want to say that I have sympathy for those who consider themselves to be gay. I have sympathy because their reality speaks very loudly to them. They are going to struggle with the fact that the Bible clearly says that a homosexual lifestyle is not what God intended. That isn’t easy when every fiber of your being cries out a different message. I am not going to discuss homosexuality in detail but have included an imaginary interview I came across, (a chat show host with a Christian pastor) at the end of the chapter. I found it interesting and hope you do too.
From time to time gay people will also meet believers who do not, apparently, meet them with the love of Jesus. They may meet a spirit of judgment from some in the church. In Jesus we do not have to compromise the Word of God and can move in His love even when our hearers oppose our views.
You and I have no right to judge anyone, but we can and will accept the Bible to be the inerrant Word of God and know that Holy Spirit will not lead us or direct anyone along any path that contradicts His Word.
I believe that Jesus comes into our lives and brings wholeness, but I am not going to speculate as to how He may do that in every life. But—for sure—we need Him! Once I have Him, I have His mind; I have His heart; I have His active, ever-present Spirit at work in me. He will lead you, me, and anyone who receives Him into fruitfulness, wholeness, and a place of rest, real God Rest, where we have become satisfied and where we do not need the props and love substitutes that we previously were seeking and leaning on.
He comes into the center of our everything and brings right order. Only He can do that, and only He knows how He is going to do that in His way.
MISSING OUT
In the Garden of Eden, the snake sowed a seed of doubt into our psyche, one that we have already mentioned briefly. Every day you, probably as I do, meet and work with people who are plagued by the notion that they are missing out in various aspects of their lives, some almost obsessively so, to the point where they all but wear the word victim across their forehead, sadly. Actually, I would agree that people are missing out on the best if they have not yet met Jesus! You see, their nature has been twisted, as was ours. It’s a bit like a pipe cleaner that has been contorted. Instead of their nature looking straight at their Creator, from whom all good gifts are liberally given and in whom there is rest, they are bent so that their eyes can only focus upon themselves. “I have to look after number one—me! If I don’t, then who will? It’s dog-eat-dog out there.” And they train their children to see life and opportunities in the same way. Children may be children, but they are no fools! They pick up and engage in their parents’ attitudes without much difficulty or interference.
The notion of God providing our needs is a foreign one to millions. Life can become a major struggle, and pleasures are scarce. This is one reason why sexuality is such an important, key area; it can offer so much pleasure that the world-weary look to it for a quick fix, for an injection of relief from life’s daily hard labor. If not controlled, sexual addiction can occur, an ever-decreasing spiral of craving and the need to be satiated. Addictions are evidence that something is wrong. We try to put a bandage on our brokenness and emptiness, but these temporary adhesives merely mask reality. What is needed is a new creation. God does not want our old nature healed; He wants it dead!
For if we have become united with Him in the likeness of His death, certainly we shall also be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old self was crucified with Him, in order that our body of sin might be done away with, so that we would no longer be slaves to sin; for he who has died is freed from sin.
—ROMANS 6:5–7
The New Living Bible reads:
Since we have been united with him in his death, we will also be raised to life as he was. We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin. For when we died with Christ we were set free from the power of sin.
Twisted nature sees God as the rich but mean Master. Too often the response is, “If He is not going to give me what I want, I will go and get it myself.” This is a far cry from the peaceable, soul prosperity that Adam and Eve initially enjoyed as they lived in an intimate partnership with God and with each other.
I am so grateful for the Cross! Jesus went there to restore us to Himself, to renew, to resurrect life in its simplicity, aligned to the Father heart of God.
The Bible says that when we mistreat sex, we mistreat ourselves:
Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body.
—1 CORINTHIANS 6:18
J B Phillips puts the verse like this:
Avoid sexual looseness like the plague! Every other sin that a man commits is done outside his own body, but this is an offence against his own body.
It’s a tragedy, when you think about it. We don’t often consider how much our own pain and devastation must hurt God. If He felt, if He experienced and took upon Himself all our dross, sin, and sickness at the cross, He knows the price that we are paying when we misuse His gift of sex. He hurts, and we hurt. The very vehicle that he gave us for intimacy is one that we manhandle and use to crash and burn.
It is as if He provided us with a limousine fit for princes and princesses—royal children—one that we have driven on to a dodgem track, raced, and dented almost beyond recognition.
NOT ALL ARE HEDONISTS!
True, not everyone out there is on a frantic pleasure mission. There are multitudes who seek to live a good, strong family life but who do not want to be “bound” (as they see it) by marriage. In fact, these couples are almost married according to the general consensus of opinion. They have been together for a number of years, perhaps have children, and are simply a lovely family. The only thing they are not is actually married!
So why are they not? I think that without the influence—or revelation—from the Creator of our hearts, it is difficult to appreciate the significance of marriage as opposed to living together.
They do not recognize that in marrying, God joins a man and woman supernaturally in His blessing. They may not have a personal relationship with Him through Jesus, but nevertheless they are coming together under the umbrella of His design, which is a great way to establish a relationship. Of course, this alone does not guarantee the success of the marriage. Marriages need a solid commitment and much grace, and the most successful marriages draw on the life of Christ to sustain and enrich them.
The same goes, really, for young people who decide to live together without getting married. They want it all, but not the marriage. They want the company, the fun, the sex, the home, the friends—all that would pertain to an intimate union. But they don’t really have it. They imagine a close security, but the security does not primarily come with sharing a roof or a bed. It comes with what God does between and in you and with your decision to build something lasting through the tough times as well as the sweet.
Usually when I meet unmarried couples who live together, it’s the woman I feel for especially. She knows she isn’t married, right? Of course, I can’t get into a girl’s head (and, yes, we’re all different, granted) but may she quietly be thinking, “Why won’t he marry me?”
My thoughts to the guy in the situation may be, “Why won’t you marry her? You want her for yourself; you want her company; you want her body; you don’t want her to be intimate with another man, so why not?”
Ladies, don’t you deserve to be fully and permanently chosen? Why should this guy sleep with you if he has not or will not make a commitment to you? “Oh, but I don’t want to lose him.” But do you really have him?
Please, just take my scenario for what it is meant to communicate. I accept that the gender roles may be reversed, but I would still tend to ask the men, “Are you expecting to, at some stage, make a commitment to this woman? She is worth it!”
I would suggest that the apparent freedom afforded by living together outside of marriage is a fake one. Living together is simply that: living together. Sexual union has made the two persons a unit, but the notion of lasting commitment, of covenant, is absent. Two precious individuals have been built for blessing, created to come to a place of heart rest in the security of a secure commitment, but they live outside the safe, guarded harbor of that commitment.
Only marriage gives us that.
In the next chapter we are going to focus further on intimacy.
AN INTERVIEW
I recently came across an article and share portions of it here:
“How I Wish the Homosexuality Debate Would Go”5
Just once, I’d like to see a TV interview go more like this:
Host: You are a Christian pastor, and you say you believe the Bible, which means you are supposed to love all people.
Pastor: That’s right.
Host: But it appears to me that you and your church take a rather unloving position when it comes to gay people. Are homosexuals welcome to come to your church?
Pastor: Of course. We believe that the gospel is a message relevant for every person on the planet, and we want everyone to hear the gospel and find salvation in Jesus Christ. So at our church, our arms are outstretched to people from every background, every race, every ethnicity and culture. We’re a place for all kinds of sinners and people with all kinds of problems.
Host: But you said there, “We’re a place for sinners.” So you do believe that homosexuality is sinful, right?
Pastor: Yes, I do.
Host: So how do you reconcile the command to love all people with a position on homosexuality that some would say is radically intolerant?
Pastor: (smiling) If you think my position on homosexuality is radical, just wait until you hear what else I believe! I believe that a teenage guy and girl who have sex in the backseat of a pick-up are sinning. The unmarried heterosexual couple living down the street from me is sinning. In fact, any sexual activity that takes place outside of the marriage covenant between a husband and wife is sinful. What’s more, Jesus takes this sexual ethic a step further and goes to the heart of the matter. That means that any time I even lust after someone else, I am sinning. Jesus’ radical view of sexuality shows all of us up as sexual sinners, and that’s why He came to die. Jesus died to save lustful, homo- and heterosexual sinners and transform our hearts and minds and behavior. Because He died for me, I owe Him my all. And as a follower of Jesus, I’m bound to what He says about sex and morality.
Host: But Jesus didn’t condemn homosexuality outright, did He?
Pastor: He didn’t have to. He went to the heart issue and intensified the commands against immoral behavior in the Old Testament. So Jesus doesn’t just condemn adultery, for example, as does one of the Ten Commandments.
Jesus condemns even the lust that leads to adultery, all with the purpose of offering us transformed hearts that begin beating in step with His radical demands.
Host: You say he condemned adultery, but he chose not to condemn the woman caught in adultery.
Pastor: That’s right, but He did tell her to “go and sin no more” . . . Who am I? No one. It’s not all that important what I think about these things. This conversation about homosexuality isn’t really about my personal beliefs.
As the dialogue continues, the interviewer accuses the pastor of singling out homosexuals for condemnation, to which the pastor points out that he had not, himself, even raised the issue. Rather, he was pointing to Jesus as the Savior from all sin, including those of a sexual nature. Furthermore, he adds that he considers it undignifying to define someone merely by the nature of their sexual urges and that, on the contrary, the real issue concerning identity revolves around one’s position when it comes to Jesus Christ. Perhaps, he adds, those that insist that a homosexual lifestyle is acceptable are as bigoted as those who may speak out against it.