So a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become one body.
[GENESIS 2:24, NCV]
IT DOESN’T REQUIRE too much awareness to perceive that we live in a sex-saturated and sex-obsessed society. Many Christians would not admit it, but they think about sex a lot. Yeah, they really do. Men, women, and teens—the big it is on our minds more than infrequently. In some circles you might wonder whether we are allowed to have it on our minds because . . . well . . . you know . . . [whisper it] . . . sex?
So here is a book about intimacy and sex, amongst other related themes, from a Christian but not religious standpoint and from someone who has never actually “done” the it. In fact, that would be a good chapter right there: this whole concept of “doing it.” I think it does sex and our sexuality a disservice to reduce this rich tapestry to such a limited description. We’re not talking about peeling potatoes here.
I think sex is a topic we can celebrate—as with many, many facets of our lives in Jesus—rather than shy away from. We do sex a disservice if we do not talk about it more openly. Jesus promises us abundant life, and I am sure that this includes sexuality. The Holy Spirit does not segment off areas of life and categorize them, as we tend to do sometimes. Some aspects of life appear to us to be more spiritual than others, but God sees us as who we actually are, completely. And for the Christian He sees it all through the blood of Jesus too!
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.
—JOHN 10:10, ESV, EMPHASIS ADDED
The Message says:
I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of.
Do you think that this might also apply to the quality of our relationships, including that with our spouse? Could it apply to all facets of that relationship? Why wouldn’t it?
We address many areas of our lives whereby we invite the Holy Spirit to breathe on dry bones and bring His life. Rightly so, absolutely! Oh, but Steve—in the arena of sex?
Fear not. I am not exactly suggesting that we go shouting our views on sex from the rooftops. Then again, we have so much to celebrate within this awesome life of Christ, and it includes the area of sex!
I do not wish to appear brash. Sex is a precious arena of sensitivity to us, with good reasons. I hope we will see that sex is such a magnificent gift that it deserves our respect as we consider it together.
Wouldn’t it be fantastic if the world out there—you know, the one that often walks past our church buildings on a Sunday, a world that is so sexually drunk, confused, and unbalanced—looked at the church and said, “Wow, those guys seem to be so rich and at ease in their sexuality. I wonder what the secret is.”
Just now, a UK Christian online friendship/dating organization, Christian Connection, is advertising with billboards on the London Underground train network. Large advertisements proclaim “Christians make better lovers!” I like it! I like the bold attitude.
In Jesus we have been set free from sin and death and from illness and shame. There does seem to be a shadow of shame when it comes to sex for many Christians. It lingers as those around the church and within her struggle, very often in an isolated, awkward, and at times, painful silence. I would love to see the dissolving of embarrassment when it comes to the role of sex in Christian marriages and in the upbringing of young people.
Much of the struggle, I wager, is due to lies people have received, perhaps even within churches’ attitudes and teaching, about the place of sex and half-truths through which they have been accused by the enemy, Satan, that ever-accusing adversary. “Sex is fleshly and we are meant to be spiritual.” This is unhelpful and hardly a half truth.
Others will have had, let’s face it, unpleasant relational and sexual experiences, and some have been subject to abuse. I would not take these lightly for a second. Those who may be intimidated by issues concerning sex may be considered, or may consider themselves, prudish or inherently disinterested, but this may not be the case at all; damage widely occurs in this area, and Christians are not exempt—far from it.
I want to suggest that we have been and perhaps are being robbed. You may have heard of the expression daylight robbery. Well, how about some nighttime robbery? We can determine to stop the rot and take back from the thief what is ours in Jesus Christ. We, as royal sons and daughters of the kingdom, are not going to settle for less than the best when it comes to marriage and sex. Neither should we settle for the notion that virginity is a state to be tolerated through gritted teeth. According to God’s design, virginity is the normal and healthy state for an unmarried man and woman! We are going to debunk the idea that one is somehow inept or dysfunctional if remaining a virgin.
It would be wonderful if sex could no longer be a no-go area of discussion in some of our churches. The idea that if we don’t talk about it everything will be alright is a fallacy. In fact, it’s a cowardly way out, if I may say so. Many have settled for an unsatisfactory or, at best, tolerable sex life, and it isn’t the joy that God planned it to be. He does not blush when it comes to sex. I believe He is very confident and relaxed about the topic and would have us open our eyes to the prospect of fulfilled lives.
Now, I am not suggesting—in case it is occurring to you—that I imagine, in my inexperienced naivety, that the orgasmic heights are a married couple’s everyday location. (What? You mean it’s not true?) Then again, please, if that is your portion: many congratulations! Many may want to bend your ear or get some advice! As the observing customer famously uttered to a waitress in the movie When Harry Met Sally (when Meg Ryan is seen in her famous fake orgasm scene), “I’ll have what she’s having” could be order of the day!
If the eyes of our hearts were opened we might see that the most approachable person to discuss this with is Jesus. Please join me right now in inviting Him to take part in our thoughts and in what this book shares. It is what you and I receive from Him that makes a lasting impression and a durable difference in our lives. Jesus is our wisdom, and yes, He is pure and holy. Within that purity and holiness He is a lot of fun and has a great sense of humor. I’m also asking Him to reveal some of that nature in the following pages.
In this most personal of areas of our lives we need to relax a bit, open the shutters, and let some light in. Jesus is not starchy about sex. Believe me, there are several issues I would love to run past Him! Dear Lord, how long have you got?
The world is fascinated by sex. Why wouldn’t it be? God has given us an amazing gift.
Sex is immensely pleasurable, very powerful, and speaks innately of something each of us were created for—intimacy with God.
There is much for us to unpack here. Are you ready?