CHAPTER 3

 

Clarye attended school in a middle class neighborhood, complete with other black folks who were living their part of the all American dream. Most of their neighbors were disabled veterans of World War II, school teachers and preachers. She was fortunate that she had not been forced to attend the School for Crippled Children.

Clarye’s mom was a strong, black woman who fought tooth and nail with the system to have Clarye placed in the regular public school system. She told the school administrators that just because Clarye had a physical disability that she should not be set apart from other kids who did not have disabilities.

”There is nothing wrong with my little girl’s mind,” she said emphatically. “I refuse to allow you to place her in a school with mentally retarded children just because she has to use crutches and braces.”

Clarye’s mother, Ann, was always fighting for her rights and the rights of her daughter. She worked as a maid scrubbing floors at the local library and cleaning up behind other people’s mess. Clarye loved her mother deeply and admired how she never backed down to anyone.

She never failed to tell Clarye, “You can do anything that anyone else can do, Clarye. I want you to learn how to be independent. Remember, that whatever it is you want in life, you can go for it and achieve it.”

Clarye had grown accustomed to spending long, lonely, agonizing months in and out of hospitals. Though a thousand footsteps clicked clacked up and down tile covered hospital corridors everyday, Clarye could always instantly recognize her dear mother’s footsteps.

Clarye’s sisters, Vivian and Vita, were fraternal twins and her oldest sibling was Sharen. Vivian was a veterinarian in the state of Washington. She lived a quiet, uneventful life surrounded by her dog, Bucky. Vivian had always removed herself far away from her family as possible. Even when she first ventured out on her own, she made sure she got an apartment on the other side of town. When Clarye was older, she began to wonder why Vivian did this. She believed perhaps that it was because Vivian wanted to remove herself from the everyday problems, troubles and happenings of her family. But what could possibly be so bad that Vivian didn’t want to be close to her family? That was something none of them ever came to understand, only accepted.

Vita owned her own little gift shop in Memphis. She had always been the creative one. She never held a full time job for any length of time but made her money making “things” like embroidered T shirts, gift baskets, and trinkets. When she started receiving orders from all over the city, she decided it was time she made her side money making hobby into a full fledged business. She was really doing well for herself. Vita was the only sister other than Clarye who had children. She had one daughter, Denise, who was three months older than Clarye’s son, Eric. Denise had two small sons of her own. Vita had been married to a rather simple man, who didn’t say very much to anyone. He had died several years back from kidney failure.

Her eldest sister, Sara, was the Vice President of Sales for a leading fitness corporation. She had worked her way up from an assembly line person to Vice President. She lived alone on the outskirts of the city. Sara’s home was immaculate. She had never been married nor had children of her own. Clarye had come to the conclusion that the reason Sara worked long, tiring hours was because she was all alone. She used the hours to fill up her days. She was also involved in various groups in her church.

Nevertheless, they had done well in their lives. Each of them had been raised to believe in God, and though they strayed away from time to time, all the girls never forgot the teachings of their parents and never forsook attending church on a regular basis. However, there was one more thing the four of them had in common. They never were able to establish loving, lasting relationships with men. Clarye never understood why each of them seemed to fail in that department. Her mother and father had been married over 40 years before he died in his sleep of a heart attack. She often thought there was some kind of curse placed on their family. But of course, she never really found out what the deal was.

Clarye attracted friends quickly. As she grew into adolescence and entered high school, she realized more and more that she was different. It was the early 70’s, and most if not all of her friends either had boyfriends or had their eyes on one at some time or another. She would see the guys passing her friends by in the school corridors, giving them light taps on the shoulder, or winking their eyes, or just saying “Hi” in one of those I like you kind of voices. But none of the guys seemed to notice that Clarye was even alive.

She longed to be like the other girls, to have a boyfriend or even just one who would take an interest in her. She didn’t want them to look at her because she was crippled or stare at he because she walked with a limp. She wanted the boys to notice her for her and not focus on her scrawny, deformed legs.

In 1970, during Clarye’s sophomore year at Tremont High, her dream came true. She met Michael. Michael was a tall, light skinned, slender built boy of 16. He lived four doors down from Clarye in their modest neighborhood.

Clarye often saw him on his route delivering groceries to the people who lived in the neighborhood. He would sail down the street on the red bike the Mom and Pop Chinaman store provided. Occasionally, he stopped to talk to Clarye. Soon they became friends. When Michael would see her at school, they would speak to each other. Sometimes they found a few minutes for idle conversation. Clarye began to like Michael as more than just a friend. She wanted him to be her boyfriend.

One afternoon after school, Clarye was sitting on the steps outside of her house on the front porch. She hoped that Michael would ride by going to make a delivery. Sure enough, he whizzed by on his delivery bike. When he saw her, he came to a screeching halt.

“Hey, Clarye.”

“What’s up, Michael?”

“You got it,” he said. “What you doing out here?”

“Nothing, just sitting around bored. Looks like you have a lot of deliveries to make.”

“Yep. Hey, can I have your phone number?” he asked right out of the blue.

Clarye was caught off guard but pleasantly surprised. After a short pause she answered. “Yea, sure.”

Michael wrote her number down on one of the grocery sacks he had in the basket of the delivery bike.

“I’ll call you later; okay?” he said.

“Sure,” Clarye answered. She stood and watched Michael ride down the street to his next delivery stop. Clarye couldn’t wait to call Ada and let her know what happened. Of all people, Michael Brown, one of the most popular boys at school, had asked for her phone number.

 

Michael started calling her every night and they would laugh and talk about school stuff. They slowly opened up to talking about themselves.

Michael had dreams of owning his own mechanic shop. His father already operated a mechanic shop in the back of their house in his garage. But Michael wanted what he called a ‘real’ free standing mechanic shop, in a great location.

Clarye’s dream was to become the owner of her own business. She wanted to have a little bit of everything in her store from greeting cards, to quaint gifts, to rare and expensive items that only the rich and famous could afford.

“Can you receive company yet, Clarye?” Michael asked her one evening while they were talking on the phone.

Clarye was surprised at Michael’s question. She’d never asked about receiving company because she never had a boyfriend before. “I don’t know. I have to ask my parents,” she said trying to remain calm while inside she was bubbling over. This was the first time any boy wanted to come over to see her.

Receive company? Clarye laughed quietly. I can’t believe this. He wants to come see me. she screamed on the inside.

Clarye’s parents were strict but not to the point where they were overly demanding. Her father was a bilateral below knee amputee as a result of World War II. He was a somewhat quiet, soft spoken, but strong willed man who showered over his four daughters. The only son he had, died at childbirth. Clarye was told that he died because her mother had to life and carry Clarye around so much while she was pregnant; the extra weight along with her mom’s pregnancy was more than her baby brother could bear. He didn’t have a chance in this world. Theo, Jr. was stillborn.

Clarye often thought how her having polio had caused so many problems in her family and in her life. She felt like she had been the one responsible for her little brother’s death. If only she had been born normal then she would have a brother now. Even though her mother and father never made her feel like she was the blame, she believed that surely they had to think about it sometimes. After all, she thought about it. And each time she did, it made her hurt inside.

“Michael, I’ll call you back and let you know what my daddy and momma say, okay?’ Clarye said.

“Yeah, that’s straight. Go on and ask ‘em and don’t be getting scared either,” Michael said.

“Okay, boy.” She laughed.

“Girl, what did you say? Don’t be calling me no boy,” Michael said, trying to portray manliness in his voice.

“Bye, I’ll call you back then as soon as I know,” she said. She hung up the phone and ran into the den where her momma, daddy and sisters were sitting. Her mom and sisters were shelling purple hull peas and her daddy was watching “I Love Lucy” on their 12 inch black and white television set.

“Momma. Daddy, can I ask y’all a question?”

“Of course you can,” her father said. What is it?”

“Well, I was wondering if I can start receiving company. You know I’ve been talking to Michael on the phone, and he always stops in the driveway when I’m outside and he’s on his way to deliver groceries. Plus, I’m fifteen years old now. So can I, Daddy? Can I, Momma?” Clarye pleaded.

Clarye slightly rolled her eyes at her sisters when she heard them giggling.

“Cee, what do you think?” Clarye’s mother said and looked at her husband. Cee was her nickname for him and he called his wife, Pumpkin. “I don’t see why not.”

Her father nodded in agreement. “I agree, but you should know the rules from watching your sisters.”

“I think so,” Clarye replied. “I can have company for two hours, two days a week.”

“And?” her father said and raised his eyebrow. “What else?”

“My company has to be gone by eight o’clock.”

“That’s right,” her father said, “or else you’re in big trouble, young lady. And I definitely have to meet him first and give my approval.”

“But you already know Michael.”

“I know Michael’s parents. They’re good people and I’m sure Michael is a nice young man, but I still have to be the judge of that. Your sisters can tell you that any boy that comes up in my house has to pass my inspection.”

“Yes, sir,” responded Clarye and hung her head with a hidden smile on her face.

“Any questions?” her father asked.

“No, sir.” Clarye turned around using her crutches and ran in the bedroom.

“Clarye, stop running through this house,” her mother yelled.

“Yes, ma’am.”

Actually, Clarye’s parents were overjoyed that their baby daughter was blossoming into a young lady right in front of their eyes. They often worried and wondered if she would have difficulty in relationships because of her Polio. They knew it was not going to be an easy road for her to travel. Clarye was the only child in school, in the neighborhood for that matter, who bore a physical disability. The limp was extremely severe and the crutches and braces that covered her slender body served as a constant reminder for them and for Clarye that her life would indeed be a struggle. Despite her physical imperfections Clarye was still beautiful with silky, jet black hair that traveled down the spine of her back. She had a round, smooth, brown skinned face that was always full of smiles.

When Michael called the next night, Clarye told him the good news.

“Michael, I asked my momma and daddy and they said I can start receiving company,” she said with excitement ringing in her voice.

“Man, that’s great,” Michael said, with a sound of anticipation in his deep voice. “I’ll be over tomorrow night. How about that?”

“That’s fine with me,” she said. She laid out the rules her parents had given her to Michael.

Clarye couldn’t wait to tell Ada the news. “Girl, can you believe my daddy said I can have company. You know what that means, she shrieked in the phone. “Michael can come over. Oh, Ada, I can’t believe it, girl. I already told him, and he said he’s gonna be over here tomorrow night,” she continued yelling into the phone. Ada didn’t mind the screaming cause she was busy screaming herself.

When Michael arrived that evening, he was dressed in a pair of beige khakis and a short sleeved, beige polyester shirt. Clarye remembered thinking, “Dog, he looks so cute.” She led him into the living room. She was extremely nervous about receiving company, but the nervousness didn’t last very long. Michael made her feel special. Before you knew it, they were laughing and talking just as easily as they did when she would see him whizzing by on his delivery bike.

Suddenly and without warning, Michael reached out to hold Clarye. She was startled. She had never been shown affection by a boy, let alone touched by one. When his hand traveled down her spine, Clarye began to feel sensations she had never before experienced. Her heart began to race wildly; and her pulse was beating faster than ever. She could not think rationally. She was unfamiliar with the feelings and emotions she was experiencing. Michael lifted her face up towards his and gently placed a kiss upon her soft, virgin lips.

Clarye suddenly let out a loud gasp when she felt his tongue part her lips and invade her mouth. She pulled back and looked at him with wide eyes. “Boy, what’s wrong with you?” she screamed. “What do you call yourself doing?“

A look of shock covered Michael’s face. Before he could say anything, Clarye started screaming, “Daddy, Daddy,” she yelled.

Her daddy bolted into the living room and asked, “What’s going on in here?”

“Daddy,” Clarye cried out. “Michael tried to put his tongue inside my mouth.” Clarye’s father, Theo Dawson, was a large, dark skinned, man with a voice that was heavy and forceful. He gave Michael a look such as Clarye had never witnessed before.

“Boy, you better get your skinny butt up now and leave,” he yelled. By this time, Clarye was in tears. Not so much because of what her father was saying to Michael, but because she could not believe that Michael, her friend, her first and only boyfriend would try something so despicable as putting his tongue inside her mouth. Michael jumped up and quickly took toward the door looking like a sick, lost puppy dog.

The next day, Clarye told Ada, what had happened.

“Girl, what’s wrong with you?” Ada asked. “Don’t you know anything? What he did is called French kissing. He was supposed to put his tongue in your mouth, you silly billy.”

Clarye couldn’t believe what Ada was saying. She had never heard of French kissing before. But Clarye had never heard of a lot of things especially when it came to boys. Ada began to laugh hysterically as Clarye went on to tell her how she called for her father; and that he threw Michael out of the house.

“I would be so embarrassed if I were you. I bet he’s told all of his home boys about how you went off about nothing but a kiss.”

Clarye’s face turned red. “Well, I didn’t know,” Clarye said. "Why didn’t you tell me about French kissing?”

Ada stated at her for a few seconds and then burst out laughing. “You’re my best friend but, girl you have a lot to learn.”

“You can say that again.” And they both began to laugh.

At school the next day Clarye spotted Michael walking down the hall. She was so ashamed of herself. Michael passed by like he didn’t know who she was. After that, she saw him in when they passed classes and again in the cafeteria, but Michael turned away, and avoided her like the bubonic plague.

They didn’t speak for days. After school, when she got home, she would go sit on the porch outside in her front yard, hoping that she would see him making his routine deliveries. She did not. After several days passed, and Clarye still hadn’t seen him, she assumed that Michael must have taken an alternate route in the neighborhood to deliver groceries.

“Clarye,” Ada said a couple of weeks after the kissing incident. “I don’t know how to tell you this, but I heard that Michael has a girlfriend.”

“Who is it?” asked Clarye.

“It’s that stuck up Tammy Swift.”

“What? Are you serious?”

“As a heart attack. I heard that they’re really hitting it off.”

Clarye felt stupid for being as naïve as she was. Her heart was crushed. “I guess it serves me right,” she said to Ada. “Leave it to me to make a complete fool of myself,” she said sadly.

“Don’t worry about it,” Ada told her. “Shoots, there’ll be plenty of other guys. You’ll see, Clarye, you’ll see.” Ada saw the look of hurt in her best friend’s face. She wished there was something she could say or do to pull Clarye out of her shell.

“Come on, girl,” let’s go find Angela and Beth and see what they’re up to,” Ada told her trying to sound happy.

“Well, okay,” Clarye said. “Let’s go. But you know what, Ada?”

“What?”

“I have a feeling this is going to be the story of my life. Disappointment and humiliation,” Clarye said with her head hanging low.

“I saaaiiid, come on, let’s go find Angela and Beth,” Ada repeated, ignoring Clarye’s remarks. She could not respond to what Clarye said. She didn’t want to think about whether or not her friend might actually be right.

 

The end of the school year was a few weeks away. Ada told Clarye that her parents had agreed to let her have a party at her house on the Friday night before the last week of school. It was going to be an end of the school year party. Naturally, since Clarye was Ada’s best friend, she was invited. This would be the first time Clarye was invited to a party or dance of any kind by anybody. When Clarye got home from school, she made a quick beehive to her parents who were in their favorite room of the house, the den.

“Mom. Dad,” she called out.

“Stop being so loud,” her mother said. “What is it?”

“Momma, Ada’s having an end of the school year party in a couple of weeks. Can I go?” she begged.

Her mother was silent like she was in deep thought. “Umm, well, since it’s at Ada’s house, I guess it will be all right. What do you think, Cee?” Ann asked, just to be sure it was all right with him as well.

“I guess it’ll be all right” he said rather nonchalantly. Clarye and her two friends, Angela and Beth were planning on walking the two blocks to Ada’s.

“Thank you, Mom. Thank you, Dad.” Ada walked off and went to tell her sister, Vita, about the dance.

Later that afternoon, Angela and Beth came over to Clarye’s house. The three of them sat on the back porch. Clarye shared the news with them too.

“We are going to have so much fun at the party, y’all,” said Angela. “I can’t wait.”

“Neither can I,” replied Beth. “There are going to be boys there too. Oh my gosh.”

“I have to find something to wear,” Clarye said.

“Me too,” said Angela.

“Me took,” said Beth. “We just might run into Michael and some of his friends on the way to the party. Wouldn’t that be the bomb.”

“I don’t know about that. Michael hasn’t said anything to me since he has a new girlfriend.”

“And because your father scared the wits out of ‘em,” Angela said and held her mouth to keep from laughing out loud.

“You are wrong for that, Angela,” Beth said.

“It’s all right. She’s telling the truth. I can’t help it i I’m green.”

“That you are,” Angela said and laughed again.

Beth giggled too and so did Clarye.

“Y’all are some crazy friends,” Clarye said.

“Yes, we are, but seriously, did you ask your parents if you could walk with us to the party?”

Clarye’s friends knew how hard it would be for Clarye to get her parents to agree to her walking. Though Ada didn’t live but a couple of blocks away, they remained protective of Clarye because they didn’t want her to fall and injure herself.

“I haven’t asked them yet, but cross your fingers, y’all. They’ve just got to say yes.”

“I hope they do, or that will take the fun out of everything.” said Angela.

“We’ll cross our fingers, and try not to worry about it. Anyway, if they don’t let you walk with us, at least you’re going to be.”

“Still, I want to walk with y’all. I’m tired of being treated like I’m different from everybody else. My sisters walk all over the neighborhood, and my parents don’t say anything about it. But when it comes to me, I have to be driven around everywhere by my daddy like I’m a li’l baby. I’m sick of that. I’m almost grown,” Clarye said.

Angela and Beth were silent.

“I think I’ll wait until a day or two before the dance and then I’ll ask them about walking.”

Angela suddenly spoke up. “Now that’s a good idea.”

“I think so too,” agreed Beth.

 

“Sara, Momma and Daddy said I can go to Ada’s end of the school year dance.”

“Hey, that’s good, Clarye. I hope you have fun.”

“Sara?”

“What?”

“Do you think they’ll let me walk to the dance with Angela and Beth?”

“Girl, you already know that momma and daddy are not going to let you walk anywhere. I don’t even know why you think they would entertain that.”

“But, Sara, I’m tired of them treating me like I’m a baby. They let you, Vita and Vivian walk to parties in the neighborhood. Y’all walk to the games too.”

“Not all the time. You know how Daddy is, and Momma too for that matter. We can walk some places, but most of the time Daddy takes us where we want to go. I learned not to complain about it because if i did, then I wouldn’t get to go to half the places I wanted to go.”

“But still, I’ve never walked to school, even when I was in elementary school. And the school is right across the street,” Clarye said pointing in the direction of the school, and sighed in frustration.

“Well, all I can tell you is ask them, but just don’t be disappointed when I tell you, ‘I told you so’,” Sara said.

 

As planned a couple of days before Ada’s party, Clarye approached her parents. “Daddy,” Angela and Beth want to know if i can walk with them to Ada’s party.” Clarye tried not to show how nervous she was.

“You know that you cannot walk that far, young lady,” Clarye’s mom said. “You might get too tired, or fall, or anything. Your father will take you and pick you up.”

Her father looked over his wire rimmed glasses and nodded.

Clarye was livid. She began to see that she was indeed different. And she would always be different. She didn’t feel normal any longer.

“Why do I have to be the one with this stupid, old polio anyway? Why couldn’t Vivian, Vita or Sara have had this stupid disease.”

“Watch your tone, or you won’t be going anywhere,” her father said.

Clarye turned and left out of the kitchen and went to her room. She was glad that her sisters weren’t at home so she could be alone in the room the four of them shared. She ranted and raved and kicked and screamed wildly in her room. At that moment, she hated everyone around her. Her mother came into the room and sat down on the lower bunk bed next to Clarye.

“Listen to me, young lady. If you want to go to this dance, that’s fine. But either your daddy will take you and pick you up or you can just stay home and not go at all. Now what’s it going to be? Me and your daddy are not going to take the chance of you falling and getting hurt.”

“Momma, puhleeze, can I walk?” Clarye begged. “It’s only two blocks and all the other girls and boys are walking.”

“What did I say, young lady? It’s going to be my way or no way,” Ann said adamantly.

“I’ll let daddy take me then,” Clarye said, still sulking.

Her mother stood up and left the room.

Clarye called Angela and Beth and told each of them what her mom and dad had said. They told her not to worry, that they would meet her at the party.

Friday rolled around. Clarye put on her new red bell bottomed pants with a matching red and white polyester blouse. Her sister, Vivian, had taken her to the shopping center the day before to pick out just the right outfit for the dance. She tried to hide the ugly, white orthopedic shoes she had to wear by writing all over them in black magic marker. She wrote the names of the kids she hung around on her shoes and some of the latest songs. She carefully spelled each one out on her shoes. She replaced the white shoestrings with black ones to match her outfit. She hated those big, bulky shoes and the huge, steel braces and crutches. But Clarye couldn’t think of that too much now. She was too excited that she was going to her first dance.

“Daddy, I’m ready to go,” Clarye hollered. Her daddy reached for his walking cane and they went to get in the black Bonneville that he cherished. People in their neighborhood had always thought it was her daddy’s fault that she was crippled. After all, he was crippled and they somehow thought that he must have had some deadly disease and passed it on to his poor, little baby girl. They had no idea he was a war veteran.

“Some people are so stupid,” she said whenever she noticed the stares and mumbles coming from underneath their breath. She forced herself to not dwell on that now, but instead climbed inside the black Bonneville and laid her crutches next to her on the seat. As they approached Ada’s house, Clarye could see boys standing around outside. She felt as if all eyes were on her and her daddy pulling up in the drive. She felt totally self conscious and paranoid at that moment.

“Can I get out of this car and go inside? No, I can’t do it,” she nervously said. “I just can’t do it. I don’t even know how to dance. And worst of all I have to be dropped off like a little elementary school girl or something.” The voice of Clarye’s father telling her he would be back at ten o’clock to pick her up, brought her back to reality.

“Okay, Daddy, I’ll be ready,” Clarye turned to him and said. She opened the car door slowly and lifted her brace clad legs out of the car. Just as she reached for her crutches, Angela and Beth walked up and she began to feel a little more relaxed. They walked into Ada’s house together. The house was a small two bedroom house, and was very neat and clean. She had those low beamed blue lights that gave the room a romantic aura. Marvin Gaye’s, If This World Were Mine was playing on the stereo. Two or three couples were slow dancing while some of the others were eating and sitting around talking. When Clarye spotted Ada coming from the kitchen, she hobbled over to where Ada was. “Hey, girl. This is a great party.”

“Thanks, Clarye. I am so excited. So many people are showing up. This is cool.”

“It sure is. Everybody who is anybody is here, girl.”

“This is going to be the best end of the school year party,” said Ada with a broad smile on her moon shaped face.

“It already is. I wonder if Tammy Swift is going to be here?”

“You know she is. Wherever Michael is, she’s going to be somewhere close by.”

“And she doesn’t even like you or me,” said Clarye.

“I know it, but I invited her anyway just to see if she and her crew would show up.”

“Well, I’m going to go and get me some of that punch your momma made. It looks good.”

“Okay, I’ll see you in a minute. I’m going to walk around and play hostess,” said Ada and laughed.

Clarye could tell that Ada was feeling special. When Clarye turned and walked away to get some punch, she saw Michael in the corner of the den talking to none other than, Tammy. Clarye’s heart felt injured at that moment. She looked around for Beth and Angela. Angela was dancing with some boy, but she didn’t see Beth. She tried not to think about Michael and Tammy, so she walked toward the sitting area with her punch.

Clarye leaned over to sit her punch on the floor next to the sofa so she could unlock her braces and sit down, when Michael came up and politely removed the punch from her hand. “I’ll hold this while you sit down,” he said.

Clarye meekly looked at him and said, softly, “Thanks.” Michael sat down beside her and asked, “What’s been going on? You sure look pretty tonight,” he said.

Clarye blushed. “Thank you,” she told him again.

“You think it’s okay for me to be sitting here?”

“I don’t know, that’s a question only you can answer. I wouldn’t want your girl, Tammy, to get upset.”

“I’m not worried about her,” he said and threw a hand up in the air. “I’m talking about you.”

“What about me?”

“I want to make sure I’m safe sitting here. I wouldn’t want you calling your daddy on me again,” he said with a smirk on his handsome face.

Clarye thought she would just die. Oh, my gosh. No he didn’t just bring that up. She was so embarrassed.

Michael began to laugh.

She looked at him questioningly and asked, “What’s so funny?”

“You are,” he said. “I can’t believe you sicked your daddy on me that night. I was only trying to show you how much I liked you, Clarye. I was even going to ask you for a chance; you know, to be my girl.”

“You were going to ask me for a chance?” She pointed at herself.

“Yea, what’s wrong with that?”

“Uh, nothin’, I didn’t know, Michael.”

“I changed my mind though after what you did. I thought that you really must not like me after all.”

“No, that wasn’t it. I never French kissed before. I didn’t even know what it was until Ada told me. Why, I’ve never even been kissed before,” Clarye said sadly.

“Not to worry, maybe we’ll try again some other time,” Michael said.

“I doubt that, since I you and Tammy are an item now. The whole school knows you asked her for a chance,” Clarye told him.

“It’s not like that. It’s not like that at all,” Michael said. “I really like you and I want you to be my girl. Tammy knows that I’m not serious about her. She’s dated over half the guys in the junior class. You know that, Clarye.”

“Well, she is popular.”

“It’s a difference, believe me,” remarked Michael.

I still envy her. Clarye thought. Shoot, I haven’t dated a single boy and the one that was going to ask me for a chance, I sicked my daddy on him. Ugh. Clarye wanted to crawl up in a corner and disappear.

“What time is your daddy coming to pick you up?” Michael asked, pulling her from her thoughts.

“Ten thirty,” Clarye answered. “Why?”

“Do you think he would mind if I got a ride home with you when he comes?” Michael asked.

“Well, you better be the judge of that,” she said. “After all, I don’t think he has very fond memories of you now.” They both began to giggle. While Tammy was busy dancing and wiggling her tail with one guy after the next, Clarye and Michael spent the next half hour laughing and talking. It didn’t seem to bother Michael at all that Tammy wasn’t paying him any attention. He was too involved with Clarye.

Clarye wanted to get up on the dance floor herself and wiggle her butt too or better yet, be held in the arms of Michael while they slow danced. But she had no inkling of what to do on a dance floor with crutches and braces all in the way, so she just sat on the sofa.

“Hey, I think I’m going to go outside and talk to some of my home boys for awhile.” He stood up.

“Okay, I’ll see you later.”

“I’ll meet up with you when it’s time to go.”

“Okay.” She watched as Michael stopped and talked to several people at the party, and then disappeared.

Clarye struggled to get up from the sofa and went to find Ada and Beth. She told them what Michael had said about riding home with her.

“Girl, what are you going to do?” Angela asked.

“I don’t know about you, but, honey chile, I’d take that fine boy anywhere he wanted to go,” Beth said.

The three of them burst into laughter. Ada walked up and asked, “What are you three up to now?”

Beth filled Ada in on what Michael had told Clarye.

“Just remember, Clarye,” Ada said. “If Michael tries to French kiss you again, breathe slowly and just relax. Girl, let the feelings flow and glow.” They were giggling and laughing uncontrollably now. Clarye was having a great time. For the first time in her teenage life, she felt normal.

Ten o’clock rolled around too soon for Clarye. She peered from the living room curtains of Ada’s house just in time to see her daddy pulling up. She began to say her goodbyes, thanking Ada for inviting her.

“Girl, be for real,” Ada said. “You’re my friend, my best friend to the end.”

“Clarye, don’t feel bad. Me and Beth are going to have to be heading home soon too,” Angela chimed in.

“Yeah, but before we leave you better believe that we’re gonna be peeping through the curtains to see if Michael is gonna go along with you or if your daddy’s going to jump out and beat him with his wooden cane,” Beth remarked. All of them, including Clarye, laughed until their bellies began to ache.

“Now remember what I told you, Clarye. Breathe slow, go with the flow and glow,” Ada said, laughing once again.

Clarye spotted Michael just as soon as she walked outside. She had decided she wasn’t going to say goodbye to him just in case he hadn’t been serious about leaving with her. Just as she headed toward the car, she saw Michael run up beside her.

“Clarye, you weren’t planning on leaving without me, were you?” he asked.

“No, of course not, silly. I just didn’t see you, so I thought you may have gone already,” Clarye lied.

Michael boldly approached her daddy’s car. Mr. Dawson, he began. I want to apologize for what happened with Clarye. Sir, I didn’t mean no disrespect or nothing. And it won’t happen again, sir.”

Clarye’s father gave him a cold, hard stare and nodded his head in an up and down motion. Michael took this as an acceptance from Mr. Dawson. He then went on to ask him if he could ride home with Clarye.

This time Mr. Dawson’s response was a not so friendly, “Get in, boy.” They drove the few blocks home. The car was silent. When they pulled into the driveway of Clarye’s house, Michael jumped out and opened the door for Clarye, helping her with her crutches. He asked Clarye’s daddy if he could come inside for a while and then he would walk on home.

Surprisingly, Clarye’s daddy said, “Yeah, but for no more than 30 minutes and then off you better get, boy. You here? And I don’t want no more hanky panky out of you or you’ll be sorry.”

“Yes sir,” Michael replied. Clarye and Michael went into the living room and began to talk about the good time they had at Ada’s dance.

In the middle of their conversation, Michael asked her, “Can we try this kissing deal again?”

Clarye looked at him and into his beguiling eyes and answered, “Well, I guess so. Why not.” He raised her face up to his. He began to slowly kiss her cheeks and then moved to her lips. Clarye was melting inside. She remembered what Ada had said, “Breathe slow, go with the flow and glow.” Clarye did just that as Michael’s tongue slowly penetrated her wet mouth, parting her tender lips. Clarye began to relax and accept his kiss and the entrance of his tongue into her mouth. She began to feel her heart pounding as if it were going to jump outside of her body. She felt Michael’s arms wrap around her tiny waist as he sought to bring her close to him. She felt unsteady at first, not used to being held in such a passionate way. She then began to trust in the strength of his embrace and returned the kiss by placing her tongue gently inside his mouth.

When their lips parted, they looked at each other. Michael smiled and said, “Now that wasn’t so bad was it?”

“No, that wasn’t so bad,” Clarye replied.

“See, I told you.” Anyway, I better get going. I don’t want Mr. Dawson to come in here on me again. This time he might really go off worse than before,“ Michael said.

“Well, goodnight, Clarye,” he said, kissing her gently on the cheek. “I’ll call you tomorrow.” But no sooner did Clarye get ready for bed, and was thinking about her first kiss and the special memories this night would hold, did the phone ring. It was Michael.

“Clarye, will you give me a chance?” he asked.

“What about Tammy?” Clarye asked.

“I told you, Clarye that Tammy means nothing to me,” Michael said. “We settled that once and for all at the dance. She wants to go her own way, and I want to go mine.

Clarye, can I have a chance?” Michael asked again.

Clarye not knowing what she was getting into, but wanting it nonetheless said, “Okay, Michael. You can have a chance.“ She couldn’t wait to call and share the news with Ada. She was absolutely thrilled, on cloud nine.

“Girl, I’m scared of you,” Ada told her. You must have really caught on super fast in the kissing department. You got that boy asking you for a chance already. I guess I’ll have to start coming to you for some lessons.” They both laughed.

Ada felt true happiness for her friend. She only wanted Clarye to be happy like everyone else. Maybe this would be the start. But unfortunately that was not in the cards. During the following weeks, Clarye soon found out that Michael had not told anyone that he had asked her for a chance. She had confided in Angela, Beth and Ada about it but when she saw Michael at school, he would just speak to her and act as if they were just buddies. Clarye didn’t know what to think.

Michael still would come over and visit her some evenings and he called her occasionally to have small talk. He kept telling her that he didn’t want everybody knowing his business and that as long as she knew that she was his girl, nothing else mattered.

One day, while they were in the cafeteria eating one of her favorite school lunches of beans and cheese toast, Clarye told Ada, with a puzzled look on her face, “Surely it has to be more to being girlfriend and boyfriend than this, Ada. Isn’t everyone supposed to know that we’re girlfriend and boyfriend, that he asked me for a chance?” Clarye said, looking lost and hurt.

“I didn’t want to be the one to tell you Clarye, but I heard that Tammy and Michael are still going together,” said Ada. “Looks like I’m the one always having to be the bearer of bad news. Don’t’ look now, but they’re two tables over from us, behind you. They’re over there laughing and touching all over each other.”

Clarye’s heart dropped. She couldn’t help but look around in spite of what Ada had said. She saw Michael as his gaze met hers. He turned his eyes quickly away from her, whispered something to Tammy and got up from the lunch table. He went over to the back of the cafeteria and started talking to his running buddies.

Clarye didn’t hear from Michael for three days. When he finally called, he tried to act as if nothing had happened. But Clarye refused to let it go that easily.

“So just what are you trying to prove, Michael? she asked. “I heard you and Tammy are still girlfriend and boyfriend,” she said, angry and hurt.

“Girl, no, we’re just friends and you know very well that it’s not like what you think. You need to stop listening to your friends and start believing what I tell you,” Michael said. Clarye was more hurt than words could express. She knew deep within her that Michael was truly ashamed of her because of her handicap. Over the next few weeks and months, Michael and Clarye barely talked to one another. Sometimes he would call her at night or stop by on his bike while making a delivery. But their relationship really dwindled quickly.

In Clarye’s insecure mind, it was apparent that Michael wanted a pretty, big legged girlfriend, without the physical trappings of a noticeable handicap and disfigured body. Needless to say, she was crushed. The thought never once entered her mind that Michael was just a young, wild teenage boy who was merely trying to be a Casanova and a "Mac daddy" of some kind. But try telling that to Clarye.