CHAPTER 16

 

One afternoon while Clarye was on a two day trip to New York to see her publisher, Gavin decided the time had come to have a man to man talk with Eric and Jeremy.

Gavin firmly, yet respectfully, explained to them that he had plans to be a part of Clarye’s life and theirs as well. Eric and Jeremy listened with intensity. At first they were determined to remain defensive and steadfast. But as they continued to listen to Gavin, saw his expressions, heard the love in his voice for their mom, they slowly began to see him in a far different light. They couldn’t see him like they saw the others. Maybe this is the one, they both thought. Just maybe he is.

Gavin’s love and compassion overflowed as Clarye listened to him tell her how much he desired for Eric and Jeremy to love and accept him as the father they had never been blessed to have in their lives.

During their private conversations Gavin told her, “You know, Shorty, I just wish we could somehow turn back the hands of time and have the chance to start all over. Your sons would be our sons and Kenya would be our daughter.”

With such longing in his sweet, gentle voice he told her once more, “I wish people would stop searching for dirt in other people’s lives and look for the good in people’s lives instead. I want Eric and Jeremy to look beyond the past and see the good in me.” He took hold of her hands and kneaded them between his. “I love you. And I promise never to hurt you nor will I allow anyone else to hurt you ever again.”

“Don’t get me wrong,” He went on to say, rather sadly. “I understand their obvious apprehension, but I just know within my heart one day they will see that I’m for real and that I truly love you and them too, girl.” Gavin believed respect was something you earned; and he had faith that in due time he would earn Eric and Jeremy’s respect but most of all he would earn their love.

Not only was Gavin fighting to earn Eric and Jeremy’s respect and love, but he was fighting bravely to win his only child’s respect and love as well.

Gavin’s daughter, Kenya, was eighteen years old and a single mother of a two year old. The years he and Kenya spent apart had, as Gavin said, made Kenya feel as if she had been robbed of being around her dad. The mere fact they remained in touch over the years had made no difference because Kenya believed her father had not been there for her when she needed him most.

Since his return home, Kenya displayed intense anger and animosity, and Gavin found it difficult to communicate with her or establish a solid relationship. The guilt Gavin felt forced him to fight harder and harder to prove to his only child that he did indeed love her.

Clarye found herself engulfed in tears when she listened to him tell her with tears in his own eyes how he wished Kenya was their daughter. He believed somehow that things would be quite different for all of them, if only. He yearned to have Kenya close to him; close to him and Clarye, but Kenya returned his love by crushing his spirit a little more each day.

Clarye tried unsuccessfully to convince him that God would work everything out for him, for Kenya and for them.

“Gavin, you’re back home now, sweetheart and everything will turn out fine, you’ll see.” Clarye remembered her own mistakes of the past as she witnessed the hurt on Gavin’s tear streaked face. She recalled with shame her failed marriages. She felt the painful hands of abuse she had accepted throughout her life.

She cried out, “If only I had allowed You Lord, to work in my life, to wait patiently for Your will and Your way, if only, God. Then I would not have become such good friends with Pain.

Clarye asked her dearly beloved Gavin, as she lay her head against his hard body and smelled the aroma of his manhood, “Which of our sins is worse?”

As he gently lifted her face to look into his eyes, he spoke without speaking. With each drop of his salty tears bathing her face, they both understood how cruel the journey called Life.

Gavin’s words of love and encouragement became a constant presence in Clarye’s life. Each time her beloved spoke, whoosh came the past sweeping swiftly into her spirit. Self consciousness, low self esteem and diminished self worth moved quickly in, this time bringing with them their buddies, Disgust and Shame.

But did that stop Gavin? I dare not say that it did because he was still there to lift her bowed down spirit and bring Clarye back to the present where she could rest in his love. As if he could read her mind, he reminded her over and over again that the past was just that, the past.

He was firm but his words were filled with love when he told her, “Clarye, you have to stop carrying the past around like a noose around your neck, allowing it to choke you off from my love, from what we have together. He reminded her that they were best friends, as one, and nothing or no one was ever going to change that.

Clarye began to see in her and Gavin two people who had made innumerable mistakes throughout their lives. Nevertheless, they had managed to hang on to their faith and belief in a God who forgives and forgets, a God who chose to give them the gift of love for each other, a God who blessed them with each other, a God who gave them a love and life together.

Gavin’s faith was steadfast, immovable. He poured out himself to Clarye telling her, “Clarye, I know it was nobody but God who has watched over me and taken care of me.”

There were several occasions she couldn’t help but cry when she and Gavin prayed together. The intense feeling of God’s presence in Gavin’s life was overwhelmingly powerful when he prayed and made his requests known to God.

“Ada,” Clarye said one day as they lay on the cushiony bed in Clarye’s room, “You know I often think of Gavin as God’s prodigal son that God received unto himself. I believe God opened up the windows of Heaven for him when Gavin came running back to His waiting, forgiving arms. You know, it’s like when the Bible spoke of the father killing the fatted calf for his once lost son. Well, so has God blessed Gavin and me. And as for me, I feel like I’m his prodigal child too. I’ve been running most of my life trying desperately to escape the pain of my present disability and imperfections, of abuse and violence that lived and ruled in my life. That is, until the man above decided enough is enough. He brought me and Gavin in out of the cold, dark, dank gates of a tumultuous life and gave us the gift of each other.”

Ada listened, with compassion, to Clarye. She felt the hurt of the past in her friend’s life and saw the joy of the present beginning to envelop her. She was thankful for this chance for Clarye to find what she had been searching for all of her life, and that was love.