19. BLEEDING OUT

 

When I first wake, I’m unable to get my bearings because my vision is blurred and spinning from knock on the head. Squeezing my eyes shut only highlights the throbbing pain and the ringing in my ears. My scalp is damp — from the smell of it, covered in blood. I take a deep breath, slowly open my eyes again to scan around and the spinning stops. The world comes into focus. I’m in a walled yard and I’m not alone. A small campfire glows near enough that the heat warms my exposed skin. Beyond the crackle of the burning wood stands the magistrate of the Hounds of God dressed in a full-length white trench coat. I can’t know for sure, but it seems like it’s just the two of us here. The Slavic wolves are nowhere to be seen. When I try to get up, the heavy-booted foot of a soldier steps down on my throat from behind.

“Stay down,” he grunts.

“I would take his words under advisement,” Breber says in an even tone. “I do not require you to speak in order to obtain what is required from you. He is quite capable of crushing your larynx. All your struggle will serve to do is make our transaction very uncomfortable for you. Do you understand?”

I nod as best I can, movement restrained by the wide leather boot. The soldier eases the pressure to ensure I won’t bolt right away, then steps back slowly. I sit up on my elbows, still shaky, and before I can get fully upright he puts his foot back down on my forearm. Another Hound appears on my other side to do the same. I have no choice but to stay put until my head clears and I can get a better gauge on my captors.

“Very good.” Breber smiles without even an ounce of warmth. Lowering to his haunches, he puts a hand over the fire, and the shadows that flicker over his face make him appear more sinister than ever. “I suppose you must have believed you accomplished the impossible, bringing these packs together. It turns out an army is only as strong as its weakest soldier.”

Vukašin’s betrayal came out of left field. I wonder what he was offered to turn in the other packs, and how long the plan was underway. Madison said that she was taken hostage just after meeting his pack outside of Plitvice Lakes. Since then, at least. Breber is nothing if not opportunistic. This new world order of his will require new soldiers to make up for the numbers lost to Wolf’s Bane. Vukašin probably just earned himself top dog status.

“You may call me a student of history,” he continues. “Rome’s enemies hoped to take advantage of a civil war that divided the Empire by launching an attack in the midst of chaos. As an exercise to rally the troops, a chieftain brought several dogs to the city square. These creatures immediately began fighting one another. And so a captive wolf was introduced to them. What do you think happened then?” He looks to me for just the briefest of moments before answering his own question. “The dogs ceased their fighting and attacked the wolf together. By this, he illustrated to his people that no matter what discord Rome faced within itself, it would always stand united against a common enemy. Unfortunately for the chieftain, the wolf killed every last one of his hounds.”

“And you see yourself as the wolf?” I ask. “Because I see you as the chieftain — someone who doesn’t see the true outcome of what he’s doing.”

He smiles, changing the direction of the conversation. “Perhaps. Do you know anything of wolf-baiting, Connor Lewis?” Breber asks, and even though he pauses dramatically there’s no real expectation of an answer. My head is clearing enough that I’m getting annoyed with his stories. “Unlike other outmoded blood sports, which continue even today as a barbaric form of entertainment, wolf-baiting served a very practical purpose. Once captured, a wolf would be set upon by hunting dogs in order for the dogs to master their fear of the beast. The wolf is a stronger animal, so naturally keeping the dogs alive necessitated hamstringing of the wolf, incapacitating the animal to prevent it from fleeing.”

The knife in his hand glints as he rises from the fire. My heart rate increases, pounding through the pain in the back of my skull, ramping up into high gear. I try to restrain my fear as I struggle to get up, to escape what I know is about to happen, but the boots of the soldiers don’t budge.

“I require you to be able to transform into a wolf once we negotiate a peaceful resolution to these bleak circumstances. And yet, regretfully, I fear you may flee as a wolf.”

“What do you want from me?” I ask, if only to stall for time. “You want me to bite you so you can become one of us?”

He bows his head in acknowledgement. “Yes, I see now that what you are is a blessing in disguise. With the availability of Wolf’s Bane, the newly bitten may return to their lives. Heaven’s Hand must remain steadfast so that I may bring the beast back under our heel. Thanks to you, the new path of the bitten is to be reborn as saviors of your kind.”

I scan around in search of some way out of this — a weapon, a friendly face, someone who can talk reason into him.

“I get now why you don’t like us calling you the Hounds of God,” I say. Drawing out the conversation is the only tactic at my disposal right now. “It has nothing to do with the ‘hounds’ part. Where’s your God in all of this?”

The magistrate leans down next to me, hands folded together around the hilt of his blade as he bows his head to recite a religious passage.

“It is not without reason that authority carries a sword. For he is a minister of God; an avenger to execute wrath upon whomever does evil. Let every soul be subject to a higher authority. Whoever resists shall acquire damnation for themselves.” He looks into my eyes and says, “Humans are the noblest of all God’s creations. Our fate has always been to lead.”

With a flash of steel the blade slashes into my left thigh. The scream that comes out of me is both animal and human. The pain searing through my leg is like a hot fire. I struggle against the soldiers with all my strength as the knife slides down and severs the tendons above my knee. My vision blurs with tears from an anguish I’ve never felt before, so excruciating that I almost pass out. Breber stands and withdraws quickly back to the fire. Blood pulses from the open wound, soaking my pant leg. The soldiers stand back now that I can no longer run. My fingers grip uselessly at the cold ground. I’m too afraid to look down. I’m unable to hold my head up any longer, and it lolls weakly onto the dirt beneath me. Breber wipes his blade in the grass and returns it to a sheath on his coat belt.

“War and bloodshed are not what I seek,” he continues as I writhe in agony. “I have but one purpose, and that is to tame the beast and bring it back to God’s fold. Your kind requires guidance.”

Tears roll down my cheeks and my voice betrays my hatred when I speak. “I ... will not ... do this.”

“There are more ways than one to skin a cat.” He offers up a feeble smile and lets the threat sink in. “Pardon the gruesome idiom. Do what I ask and no more lives will be lost. You were raised human and do not fully share the qualities of your brethren. Perhaps you have found your pain threshold deficient in comparison. Human bodies can be broken far more easily. I have the time and resources to pursue the objectives of Heaven’s Hand. You will give me what I need in the end, Connor Lewis. Even, I’m afraid, if it kills you.”

“Monster,” I spit.

With another bow of his head, a booted foot lands solidly against my ribs. I start to fade out but the jolts of pain don’t stop. I roll in anguish as the soldiers take turns kicking my torso until I become numb. Unable to run away, unable to do anything, I close my eyes, breathing through the pain and putting a leash on the wolf within me. I can’t become the wolf. That would mean handing Breber everything. My mind starts to lose its hold and my vision fades to darkness, but I can’t even have this momentary reprieve. I choke as cold water shocks me awake. I grip at my sides and a shuddering breath escapes me. The beating has stopped and distant voices reach me through the haze. With the insurmountable feat of staying conscious, my eyes can barely take in all of my surroundings.

Vukašin’s heavily accented voice exclaims, “He is worthy adversary.”

“Not for very much longer,” Breber tells him.

Although I’m certain it’s impossible to be in any worse shape at this point, I sense the bottom dropping out on me, unleashing my worst possible imaginings. Something hits the ground next to me and I force myself to focus again. Arden collapses to his knees by the fire. It’s clear from the reddish bruising across his face and the blood clotting around his mouth that he put up a good fight. Did he resist so Madison could get away? I may have to come to terms with the promise that I made to him months ago not to save his life again.

“Connor Lewis.” Breber calls my attention, though my focus remains on Arden. “You must understand how it pains me, these sacrifices you are forcing me to make.”

I meet Arden’s steady gaze. Battered, he still looks strong and unflinching, and I draw some strength from him. Not trusting my voice to speak, I shake my head.

“Of course,” the magistrate agrees too easily. “I did not expect you to submit for this one.”

My eyes catch movement beyond the fire, and I see her pink Keds being forced toward me. The real meaning of Breber’s intent comes to light. I force my eyes to look up from the ground and take in Madison. She appears to be unharmed, but her expression is one I don’t recognize right away. It’s a look of horror. It speaks volumes about my appearance, and I’m ashamed for her to see me like this — beaten, on the verge of defeat.

“Heaven’s Hand will be forever indebted to your allies,” Breber continues as he strolls casually into my line of sight. “For the haste that they will bring to your inevitable decision.” He pauses again. “Or for their loss of life.”

I’m left staring down the consequences of my next action, and my will begins to cement. I have to think rationally. Either way, it will come down to doing the thing I’ll never live down: being the hand that allows Breber to enslave the packs or being the cause of the deaths of those closest to me. I breathe deeply against the pain shooting through my body, readying myself to speak. I can’t stand, but I use my right forearm to prop myself up.

“If I do this, they go free.” I try to bargain, knowing it’s useless.

A soft laugh comes from him. “You will find that I am rich in mercy.”

“Shake on it.”

He tenses.

“It’s all I’ve got to trust you.”

With a sigh he leans down. I raise my hand just barely off the ground, pinned down by the weight of my aching body. There’s only one way to end this now, given my inability to overpower him or his soldiers. He’ll take what he wants, and he’ll take everything from me in the process. There’s only one way to prevent myself from giving it to him. I make a show of not being able to lift my hand any higher, and Breber lowers himself closer to the ground to reach me. With as much strength as I can muster, I pitch my weight toward him. My shoulder knocks weakly into him. It’s not difficult for him to recover, but not before I’ve grabbed the dagger from his belt, pulling the blade toward my own throat. Rage bristles in him so intensely that he can’t restrain his inner beast from surfacing. The werewolf roars and lunges at me. His claws slash against my hand to knock the blade away. It arcs through the air and flies into the open fire. The beast continues to swipe at me — across my chest, tearing the fabric of my sweater as I lie defenseless. His hot breath against my skin stings in my open wounds. My last feeble attempt at escape thwarted, he wraps his gruesome claws around my throat.

“Kill the girl first,” he rasps as his fingers crush my windpipe.

“No!”

I squint my eyes shut. At the end of the day I’m just a flawed human being. I set my wolf free. In the blink of an eye my vision is filtered in hues of blue-gray. The scent of my own blood fills my nostrils. I bare my teeth in a low growl, leaving rational thought locked away from the instinct that has driven me to this point.

“Enough!” a voice booms, belonging to neither Arden nor Madison.

In the next moment Breber and his soldiers are under siege by a group of the bitten in their monstrous forms — Hounds, judging by their torn uniforms. I recognize a white-robed monk with the harsh claws marks across his face. Arden takes the opportunity to act, rising slightly to elbow his captor in the gut as the soldier begins to shift. A clawed hand swats him away forcefully across the yard. Arden smashes against a wall, plaster coming down with him but he barely flinches as he lunges back into the fight. At the same time, Madison shifts and leaps up to push the soldier onto the ground.

The monk moves with purpose toward us. “Be not the hands that sheds innocent blood.” He lays his gnarled hand firmly on Breber’s shoulder, and the magistrate snarls. My ears are flat against my head, fur bristling along the back of my neck.

“I have taken stock of your actions, and my heart is heavy for all your sins.”

A too-human expression pastes itself on Breber’s monstrous face — part-man, mostly beast. His grip around my throat tightens, and all I understand is that he didn’t come this close to achieving his ambition to have it torn away.

“You are no longer fit to stand in Heaven’s Hand,” the monk says and swings one hand upward to stab Breber in his thick neck with a blue-finned dart.

A terrible roar tears free from the magistrate. The tranquilizer takes its hold and Breber’s grip on my neck lightens. I shift back into human form and it takes everything left in me. I collapse again into the cold embrace of earth, and all my strength slips away. Lightness overtakes both my body and mind, as though the drag of these past few months finally lifts. Around me there’s so much blood. And I realize it’s all mine. Thoughts float away in an incomprehensible haze. A memory that isn’t mine fills my consciousness as I lie on my back staring up at the inky blue sky waiting for what comes next. A bird circles overhead, free from the heavy burdens of this world, then a cool white light robs me of my vision.

This isn’t the way this story is supposed to end.