Chapter Eighteen

Jabberwocky’s was jammed when Shane got there, but he found Larry at the far end of the bar, nursing a pilsner of suds.

“Irish.” Larry motioned his head to the empty stool beside him. “Take a load off.”

He took a seat and waited for the bartender to come over. His head was spinning, and it felt good to be out. His conversation with Dana was on his brain as was the problem of his pull toward Kit.

“I know a man that needs a beer when I see one.” Larry waved over the bartender and with a hand gesture signaled ordering Shane a drink.

He liked Larry. He’d been the one to take Shane under his wing with the other guys at the station. It turned out Larry was the jokester in the bunch. He was quick-witted and could spew out a caustic barb as if he had them waiting on the back of his tongue.

“So what’s on your mind, my man? I could tell you’ve got some serious stuff to work out based on the way you took it out on that equipment you washed yesterday.” Larry chuckled as he brought his glass to his lips.

“What are you talking about?” He thought of how yesterday morning he and Larry had detailed the hook and ladder. He’d been nervous about going to Kit’s family party but mostly conflicted about Kit herself.

“You took it out on the equipment. Damn, I practically sat back and just let you go. Made my life easier, so I’m not complaining. Those trucks never looked so good.”

Now Shane laughed. “Hey, maybe I was just trying to pick up your slack.”

“Buddy, I figured it was some kind of therapy. Honestly, though, something eating you?”

“It’s a long story.”

“You worried about the certification test?”

“Who wouldn’t be? There’s a lot to learn, but no.”

“Okay, that leaves the obvious. It’s a woman.”

Shane guzzled his beer, then looked over at his friend. “Try two women.”

“Oh, okay, now we’re talking. Irish, I’m all ears.”

It felt good to spill his guts to a friend. He told Larry about his relationship with Dana and about her current gig in Milan. He explained how things were different with them and how each day it seemed as if they were more and more disconnected. He told him about their last conversation and how they’d agreed to take a break.

“Sounds to me like this chick’s looking to have her cake and eat it, too, bro. She’s over there in Italy and doesn’t want to feel like she’s messing around behind your back, so she’s calling for some time off. You willing to wait around for her to come back and pick things up again with you?”

Shane shook his head. “I’m pretty sure that’s not going to happen.”

“That’s one woman. What’s the deal with the other one?”

Then he told him about Kit and his living arrangement with her.

“Wait, so you’re living with one girl and might be still dating another one?”

“No.” His protest was loud. “Technically, maybe, but it’s not like that. Kit, she’s the one I’m renting the room from, was supposed to just be my landlord.”

“But…”

“But, well, it’s so complicated now.”

“All ears, Irish.”

So Shane told him about the way he’d needed a place to stay to meet the stipulations of the job. He told him about the ruse he and Kit were playing for the sake of her family, and as he reiterated the story, he could barely believe his own ridiculousness.

Larry laughed like hell. “Are you serious?” He laughed again. “It’s like you agreed to all the bullshit of a relationship with none of the perks. Good job, Irish.”

“This is just between us, Larry, okay? As it is, I feel like shit most of the time.”

“Hope you’re not feeling bad for the one across the pond. She’s over there having some Italian fun. Why shouldn’t you have some of your own?”

“It’s not like that. I mean, honestly, I’m not sure there’s any hope for Dana and me.”

“Dana’s the girlfriend.”

“Yes.”

“So? No problem, then. Is there something already going on with the landlord?”

“No.” Shane finished his beer. “Up until now there was Dana, and I’m no cheater. But I don’t know. Things are different now.”

“I’m telling you, man, chicks complicate everything.”

With a commiserating nod of his head, he patted Larry on the back. “I have to go, but thanks for listening.”

“Hey, there are worse things to worry about than having two women in your life.”

“Yeah,” Shane said. He pinned on a smile he did not feel and tried to come up with something light to kill the dour mood. Larry was a fun guy, a quick friend, and Shane didn’t want to have one of his coworkers thinking he was a downer or a pansy but a guy’s guy. Early impressions mattered. “Two’s tough. I better take my vitamins, I guess, huh?”

Larry emitted a crack of laughter and saluted his dwindling ale. “Cry me a river, bro.”

****

On the way back to the cottage, Shane turned on the radio to drown his thoughts. His conversation with Larry replayed in his head, the sound of Larry’s laugh at Shane’s stupid comment about needing to take vitamins. Where had that come from? He didn’t feel at all jovial or snarky about Dana or his growing attraction to Kit.

He reached over to find his favorite country station and was glad it was playing one of those shit-kicking songs with a lot of twang and steel pedal guitar. He was no singer—that was for sure—but he belted out the lyrics in the solitude of his truck, hoping the words would crowd out the troubling thoughts in his head.

He parked his truck and went up to the door of the cottage. The lights were on in the kitchen and the living room. Hand on the doorknob, he still felt odd to just walk right in. But he did.

He took in the scene in front of him in the living room. With a half-empty wineglass dangling precariously in one hand, Kit faced a video playing on her flat-screen television. It was some sort of a dance tutorial with an old-fashioned looking couple, the blonde in a puffy pink dress and her hair up in a fancy sweep of stiff cotton candy, the guy mustachioed and wearing a tuxedo.

The man spoke to Kit from the screen. He had an accent, European of some kind, Latin. “Now, again,” he said as he stared out from the television. “One, two, slide, together.”

Shane watched as she attempted to follow along. The couple moved in unison with measured steps. Their eyes appeared glazed over, the woman looking off to the left, the man looking off to the right. Kit lifted her arms and held them in the air, as if she were with a partner. She stepped and stepped again. She slid her foot outward and snapped it back, tilting her body in the effort where she knocked against the sharp edge of the coffee table. An expletive shot from her mouth. He couldn’t help it. He laughed.

At that she spun around and stared at him. She sucked in her breath, and a hand went to her chest, as if he’d caught her naked.

****

“When did you get back?” Kit spread her arms wide, a futile attempt to shield Shane from seeing the video. She wanted to shut the damn thing off, but the remote was on the sofa, and her feet wouldn’t move. “How long have you been standing there?”

“I just got here.”

“Well, you should have announced yourself or something.” She willed her feet to carry her across the room to grab the remote. Behind her the man in the video called out “Let’s try again, shall we?” She groaned. “You can’t be sneaking up on me.”

“I didn’t,” he said. “I mean, I’m sorry if I interrupted your, um, lesson.”

She flew to the sofa and grabbed the remote. “Lesson,” she said as she fiddled with the buttons. “Who said I was taking a lesson? I was just…” She thought she’d pressed the Off button but instead hit Pause. The man in the tuxedo and the woman he held in his arms were frozen in a stalled twirl, and the looks on their faces were ghostly with dull-eyed stares.

She turned from the screen and looked at Shane. Although his face was appealing with that smirky smile, she was tempted to throw the damn remote right at it.

He took a step closer and pointed to the screen. “Is, um, that an attempt to be ready for the wedding?”

“No.” She took a swallow of her wine, eyes still on him. “Maybe.”

“Kit, not for anything, but do you really think that’s the kind of dance lessons the bride and groom and who knows who else are taking?”

“I don’t know. I told you I know zero about dancing.”

“Look at those two.” He closed the space between them. “That guy there looks like the Count from Sesame Street, and that lady looks like she’s from the fifties.”

“Well, the video said it was classic ballroom dance. Who cares how long ago it was filmed? Classic is classic.”

He took the remote from her hand. His fingers touched hers, and the touch lingered for a moment while their eyes met. “May I?”

She finished her wine and put the empty glass onto the coffee table. “Okay, Fireman, let’s see you do any better.”

He pressed the button, and the outdated couple on the screen resumed their synchronized circling of the dance floor.

“Look at them, Kit. Do they look like they’re enjoying themselves?”

Head tilted, she studied the screen. “Not really, but whoever said dancing was fun?”

“It is fun, though. But you’d never know it watching these people. Why would anybody want to move like them?”

Kit shrugged. “My entire family wants to, apparently.”

“What do you want, Kit?”

She met his gaze. “Among all the other reasons to detest this wedding, I’d like to not be a loser wallflower while everyone else is doing that.” She circled her hand in the air toward the TV screen. “As it is, I’m attending the event with my pretend boyfriend. The pretend boyfriend that everybody thinks is just wonderful, the one that makes my mother all twinkly eyed when she looks at us. The only thing I’m good at, apparently, is lying.”

He laughed. “So your family’s convinced we’re a couple. Isn’t that what we set out to do?”

“Well, yes.”

“Okay, one problem down. Now, what’s your biggest issue with dancing?”

“No rhythm.”

“No rhythm.”

“Zilch.”

“You like music?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, that’s a start.” He pushed some buttons on the device in his hand. “Let’s find something from this century and see what happens.”

“Shane, it’s no use. I can’t.”

“Let’s have a go at it.”

She grabbed her empty wineglass. “I need wine.”

In the kitchen she poured herself a half glass of the white zinfandel from the fridge. She took tentative steps to watch Shane as he scrolled through music videos on her television. His black hair curled at his collar, and she wondered what it would feel like in her fingers. Stop. She groaned.

Shane turned to the sound. “Hey, I found a good one. Come here.”

Just the way he beckoned caused her insides to melt like chocolate on a stove. If she were at all wise, she would listen to that little voice in her head and go lock herself in her room. But she and her glass of wine went to him. Just moments ago she couldn’t get her damn feet to move. Now, apparently, they wanted to dance.

A picture of a pop artist appeared on the screen while his song played. It was a more current song with an easy, pleasant beat, one that Kit recognized.

“You like this one?”

She nodded.

“Okay, so let yourself go with it.”

“Go with it.” She snorted. “Yeah, okay.”

Slowly he began to step left and then right, his hips swaying in with each step. It was an easy pendulum of movement. She swallowed hard.

She took a pull of her wine. No way.

“Come on. Just feel the beat.”

Don’t coax me to feel, Fireman.

She put the glass on the coffee table. No more wine. As it was, his swaying hips were making her dizzy.

He grabbed her hand and pulled her toward him.

“No, no, no…”

“Relax, girl. Here, stand in front of me, and I’ll guide you.” He turned her to face away from him. She felt his breath on her neck.

“I can’t.” Are you nuts?

“I’m telling you, Kit, give it a chance. Feel it, and then we’ll take some steps. Okay? Move with me.”

Feel it? Trying really hard not to, but yes.

Shane put his hands at her waist. An electrical charge ignited through her as if she’d been struck by lightning. She sucked in her breath, and he loosened his grip. She turned her head around to face him. The look in his eyes made her insides tumble over on themselves. Her heart thumped with the knowledge that this guy who was helping her with her ridiculous ruse was just trying to help her some more.

What the hell? She turned to face him and placed her hands over his. “Okay, Fireman, show me.”

They swayed to the tune that floated from the speakers. They moved in unison, side to side, each step causing their bodies to touch. Maybe it was the wine, maybe it was the gentle and rhythmic touch of his body, his hands firm at her waist, but she felt herself softening, becoming malleable, liquid almost. She flowed on the tune that filled her ears. He spun her around slowly, and when she came around to face him again, his eyes held hers. She closed her eyes as the music enveloped her, entered her through each and every pore.

“You’re doing it,” he whispered in a low, soft tone as his face came close to her ear. “I knew you could if you gave yourself the chance.”

She lifted her head to his gaze, and his hands did not let go of their hold. She and Shane continued their united movement, left and right with tiny steps, matching sways. His eyes shone bright with pride or some emotion that touched her. A kiss beckoned, and his mouth was perilously close.

Stop. This good and nice man belonged to someone named Dana. Kit halted her steps, and he almost fell toward her in her abruptness. If she didn’t stop now, she would be no better than her selfish cousin. She was not Co-Co. She would not tread where she didn’t belong even when every cell of her body wanted to.

“You okay?” His eyes implored.

“Shane, I, uh, appreciate your help—”

“You’re dancing, Kit.” His mouth curled into a broad smile.

“Am I?”

“Are you kidding me? Yes. You’re doing it.”

She laughed. The moment belonged to him, though. He led, she followed. And the song had ended.

“Thank you for giving me the lesson. You’re better than that video I was watching.”

“The key was going with it. Let the music be the guide.”

She swallowed hard. “Well, I appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome.”

His eyes held hers, and her heart stuttered in her chest. He was so close all she’d have to do was lean into him, and she wanted to. With every cell in her being, she wanted to.

“We can’t do this.” Her words were a whisper, riding out on a shaky breath.

Shane didn’t respond, but his gaze remained locked on hers.

“We’d regret it,” she continued to herself more than to him. “We can’t hurt someone else.”

“Dana and I agreed to end things.”

Her heart fell from her chest. “You did?”

“It wasn’t working.”

“Oh.”

“The truth is that things were off for a long time. She and I don’t want the same things. Honestly, I’m sure she’s relieved. She and I didn’t work. But it was more than that for me.”

Kit didn’t know what to think. Her mind was a jumble of thoughts. Shane had ended his relationship. The truth was that she was developing feelings for him. Somewhere along the line the pretense they were playing had given her real feelings. Were they falling for their own ruse? His gaze searched hers. This was crazy. If she took one step toward him, she’d lose what little perspective she had at the moment. There would be no turning back. Her feelings were too new, and she was too raw.

“I should call it a night, Shane.”

“Okay.” He let his arms fall to his sides, and she immediately missed his touch. “Same here.” He picked up the remote and switched off the television.

“Thank you again, though, for the dance lesson.”

He smiled. “I knew you could do it.”

“That makes one of us.”

“Good night, Kit.”

“Good night, Shane.”

Kit went into the kitchen to turn off the light and make sure the back door was locked. She heard his footfalls up the stairs to the loft. With each step that carried him away, her mind implored her to call out. But she would not.

She padded down the hallway to her room and closed the door behind her. She stripped out of her clothing and pulled on an oversized T-shirt. She went into the bathroom to perform her normal nightly routine while trying to shut off her mind. She could hear the shower turning on upstairs, and her mind teased her with what Shane would look like naked under its spray.

Her chest heaved as thoughts circled around in her mind and whipped through her veins. Maybe it was the white zinfandel, but she could not erase that fireman from her mind, could not dispel the lingering heat from his touch on her skin.

She crawled in under the covers of her bed and pulled them up to her chin. Shane and Dana were over. Was it really true? When it came to men, she was terrible in discerning truth, yet from what she knew of Shane Dugan, he was no liar. The only lie the guy was guilty of was the one she’d convinced him to be part of.

She heard the water shut off upstairs. The creaking of the floorboards sounded in her ears. She tried to envision him as he walked across his room. Was his mind doing the same things to him? Was he thinking about her, too? Exhausted from her overactive brain, she finally fell asleep.

An hour or so later, she woke with a start. She thought she’d heard a noise downstairs and strained to listen, but the house was silent.

Needing a glass of water, she slipped out from her covers, and her feet found the terrycloth slippers. She crossed the room and slowly opened her bedroom door, doing her best to not make a sound. She made her way down the hallway to the kitchen. The moonlight filtering in through the window over the sink served as her beacon as she gently opened a cabinet and soundlessly withdrew a water glass.

“Hi.”

Her insides squeezed as she turned in the semidarkness.

Shane.