Chapter Sixteen
Marry me? Why in heavens had he asked that? What kind of fool of a man proposes to a woman he barely knows when his sister had warned him to stay away?
A fool of a man who knows it is the right thing to do, that’s who. Eli stared into Catrina’s blue eyes. They were wide and deep as water. He knew that she was the one. He could sense it in his bones. He could see it in the way she looked at him. He felt it in the connection they shared when she said he was not like other men. He had done the right thing—the only thing he could do. Dash it all, he would let the consequences rest with der Herr. Eli had found the woman of his dreams—beyond his dreams really, for he had never dared to dream that a woman like Catrina Witmer could be his. And he would not let her go.
She gazed up at him. Her cheeks had flushed a bright pink and her chest rose and fell in a quick rhythm. The moment felt as if it would drag into eternity. He needed an answer!
But what if she said yes? Eli felt his Adam’s apple bob in his throat. His mouth felt dry as sandpaper. What had he done? Had he broken his promise to Gertrud? No. No, he had not. He had promised not to pursue Catrina and he had not. She had pursued him. She had declared her love for him first.
And if Gertrud thought he had promised to deny Catrina after she declared her love, well, that was going too far. No man in heaven or earth could stop himself from proposing to Catrina in a situation like this. She loved him, for goodness’ sakes! She loved him!
Peace settled into Eli’s heart. He had kept his promise to his sister. He could not help the fact that Catrina loved him and that she told him so boldly. The circumstances had gone beyond the scope of any promise. They had nearly gone beyond the scope of reality!
And yet . . .
Catrina opened her mouth to speak. Her breath caught in her throat as tears rose into her eyes. Eli’s chest constricted. What had he done? “Catrina, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean—”
Catrina shook her head, raised her finger, and pressed it to his lips. “Eli, you silly, wonderful man. I am not crying because I am upset. I am crying because I am happy. Don’t you know anything about women?”
Eli shook his head in a quick, nervous motion. “No.” He most certainly did not.
Catrina smiled. She dabbed her eyes with her sleeve. “Yes. Of course.”
“Yes, you will marry me?”
Catrina laughed. “What else could I mean?”
“We’ve only known each other for a few weeks.”
“Are you trying to convince me to say no?”
“No!” Eli cleared his throat and shifted his weight from one foot to another. “I just . . . Will your grandparents mind?”
“They have waited a long time for a man like you to find me. They won’t care that the courtship was quick. All that matters to them is that I marry the right man.” She looked away and a strange expression flickered across her features. Something was troubling her. “I should tell you something.”
“Ja. All right.” He offered her his elbow and she slid her arm around his. “But tell me on the way. We can’t miss the service. We’ve a wedding to attend!” He gave her a sly, sidelong glance.
“Today?”
Eli shrugged. Suddenly, he felt very confident. That was not a feeling to which he was accustomed. He knew that he should see this through while that confidence lasted. He feared the spell would end and Catrina would see him for who he was—awkward and sensitive and utterly unable to woo a beautiful woman. “Why wait?” He put his free hand over hers and pressed her soft, warm flesh against the crook of his arm. “I love you. I don’t want to spend another moment without you.” Something like this had never happened to a man like him before. He would not let anything take this happiness from him. He would marry her today and they would be man and wife until death did them part. No power in heaven or earth would be able to separate them.
Catrina laughed. “All right, Eli. Today it is. I have been waiting my whole life to find you and I don’t see any reason to wait any longer either.”
Eli pulled her to him. She smelled like lavender and rain. He wanted to hold her against him forever. She was perfect. Perfect in every way. Her soft, warm hand fit perfectly in his. They were meant to be together. Eli felt no doubt. He drank in her touch for a long, wonderful moment, then stepped back. He slid his hands up her arms, rested them on her shoulders, and peered down into her eyes. “Let’s do this right. We need to speak to your grandparents.”
“All right.” She snuggled against him as they turned and walked to her cabin. He let his arm fall around her narrow shoulders. The motion felt so right, so familiar. He could not believe this day was real. He almost thought that he was in a dream. But the brightness of the sun against his eyes and the soft earth beneath his feet seemed real enough. Catrina’s living, breathing body seemed real enough. Eli’s heart thudded against his rib cage. It was real. All of it. Never had there been a happier man on all the earth.
Except for one nagging thought. Eli craned his head backward as they walked and scanned the clearing around his cabin. No sign of Gertrud. She had gone to the creek for water and planned to meet him at the service. He should speak to her. But he would have to wait for her to return if he did. And, if he spoke to her now, Catrina would see how much Gertrud was against the match. He couldn’t do that to Catrina.
No, his mind was made up. His conscience was clear. He had not pursued Catrina. She had pursued him. And then everything had fallen into place so perfectly that it was like a dream. He would not break that dream. He could not break that dream. He owed it to Catrina. And maybe, just maybe, he owed it to himself. Gertrud would understand when she saw them together. She would recognize Catrina’s purity and innocence and realize that there was no need for concern. Whatever Gertrud thought Catrina had done, it could not be true. Gertrud would see that soon enough.
“What is it?” Catrina asked.
Eli stooped and kissed the top of her head. Her freshly starched prayer kappe smelled like sunshine and lye. “Nothing.” He let out a long, thoughtful breath. “Nothing at all.”
* * *
Georg and Frena could see the news on Catrina’s face as soon as she and Eli bustled into the cabin. Her eyes shone with joy. Frena grinned and leapt up from the table. Catrina nodded.
Frena’s hand flew to her mouth. She glanced at Georg.
Eli grinned foolishly and tightened his grip on Catrina’s hand. She looked at him and waited with her contented cat smile. He cleared his throat. “I, uh, I have . . . what I meant to say is . . . Would you . . . Is it all right . . . I plan to . . .”
This was not going well. Catrina patted his arm. “What Eli is trying to say is that he wants to marry me.”
“Ah.” Georg smiled knowingly and looked at Frena. She returned the smile. “It’s about time, my boy.”
“Oh. I was afraid . . .” Eli rubbed the back of his neck. “That is to say, we have not known each other very long.”
Georg shrugged. “You are good for her. Time won’t change that fact.”
Eli swallowed and nodded. Catrina’s eyes danced. Poor, darling Eli. For a moment, he had looked so pale she thought he might pass out. Did he really think that her grandfather would turn him away? Didn’t he know that they had waited years for a good man like him to make an offer?
No. Eli did not know that. He did not know anything about her past. He did not know that she had always attracted the wrong sort of man. She had never met anyone like Eli Webber before. Thanks to der Herr the wait was over. She had found him and she would never let him go. “We are going to marry today.” There, she had said it.
Eli flinched. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. She squeezed his hand to reassure him.
Georg stroked his gray beard. He nodded. “As I said, I’d rather see you settled than wait any longer. We’ve waited long enough.”
Please, please don’t say anything else. Not now, when everything is so bright and beautiful and perfect. Would Eli wonder what her grandfather meant? Could he imagine that she and her grandparents had spent years worrying that no one would have her after what she had done? Or worse, that the only man who would have her would be like the one who had ruined her.
But that fear was over now. She had found a good man. And she would marry him today. She would not let him go. She would not risk losing the only man who ever loved her for who she was on the inside, rather than what she looked like on the outside.
Frena looked serious and thoughtful. “I agree with your grandfather. You deserve a good man. And I believe that Eli is a good man.” She let out a long breath of air. “I have never been so relieved in all my life, truth be told. I did not think this day would ever come.” A strange laugh escaped her lips. “Indeed, if you had not insisted on such a short engagement, I might have insisted on it myself!”
Oh, please do not say anything more. Do not hint at your relief! What will Eli think? There was only one reason that a beautiful, young woman would be deemed unmarriageable. Catrina cut off the thought. She would tell him, but not now. Not in front of her grandparents! She had suffered enough humiliation. She could not bear to relive that with them again. This was a moment for celebration, not shame.
She turned her head toward Eli and gazed up at his face. They would have a few moments of privacy before the ceremony, surely. She would tell him as soon as they did. She would not allow him to marry her without knowing the truth. No marriage should begin with secrets. Her stomach constricted at the thought of telling him. The brightness of the moment dimmed. What if he did not understand? What if he decided that he could not love her anymore?
Catrina dropped her eyes. Eli stood beside her, happy and trusting. He had no idea who she was. He had no idea that she had to tell him something that might destroy everything they had. He pulled her closer and she forced a smile. She wanted to trust him enough to believe that he would still love her.
No other man had.
* * *
The Gruber farm looked like any other farm as they veered off the footpath and into a spacious clearing. A handful of chickens pecked at the bare earth until a dog loped across their path and scattered the birds in an explosion of feathers and squawks. A horse whinnied from somewhere behind the cabin. Settlers gathered near the open door. The men chatted in low voices and tipped their hats when the Witmers appeared. The women held infants and chased toddlers as they stole a few minutes of conversation with neighbors who had been too busy with the planting to visit. Everything looked so ordinary and familiar.
But nothing was ordinary today. Everything had changed and nothing would ever be the same again. Catrina smiled when Eli steadied her as she picked her way down an embankment and into the yard. Everything was brighter and more beautiful now that she was his. His neighbors’ smiles were wider, the blue of the sky more brilliant, the color of the leaves more vibrant.
Gertrud’s frown was more intense as well. She had been standing beside Abram Ziegler with a slight hint of amusement on her face when Catrina emerged from the woods with her grandparents and Eli. That slight hint of amusement disappeared instantly. Gertrud’s mouth twisted into the sourest expression imaginable—and that was saying quite a lot, since Catrina suspected that Gertrud had a lifelong habit of sour expressions.
Well, there was nothing to be done. Catrina would have to tell Eli about her past, and Eli would stand up to Gertrud and say what must be said. Gertrud took a step toward him. She looked as if she could not quite believe her eyes. Eli continued to walk toward his sister, but before he reached her, she shook her head, spun around, and stalked into the Gruber cabin.
“Your sister is not pleased,” Catrina whispered. Eli stopped and looked at Catrina. She wondered if her fear showed on her face.
“It’s all right.”
“Is it?” Catrina knew that it wasn’t. Her last conversation with Gertrud echoed in her ears. It had been a threat, hadn’t it? She would have to tell Eli before Gertrud did. But would that be enough? A slow, sinking feeling began to creep up from her toes and spread through her stomach. Marrying Eli would not be the end of it. Gertrud would not allow it to end.
Eli continued walking across the clearing. He paused after a few steps and twisted around. “You’re not coming?”
“What?” Catrina had not realized that she was still riveted in place. She felt as if her feet could not move. “Oh.” She picked up her skirts and hurried to catch him. But every step felt like a stab against her chest. Every step brought her closer to the truth that she had tried to hide. Gertrud knew. Catrina swallowed. Her neck cloth felt too tight. Would Gertrud make sure that everyone else knew too? Would she stop at Eli? Or would she destroy Catrina’s reputation throughout the entire community to keep her brother safe from a fallen woman?
The worst thing was that Catrina was tempted to believe that she deserved it. Didn’t Gertrud have a right to protect her brother? For, it was true. Catrina was a fallen woman. No, she reminded herself. She would not carry that label—even in her own mind. For everyone fell, just in different ways, and it was not right that her type of fall received so much more blame than other types of falls.
Eli smiled his warm, loving smile. “It’s all right. Everyone gets cold feet. But don’t worry. You’ve made the right decision.” He adjusted his black beaver-felt hat and looked away. “If I may be so bold as to say so.”
Catrina smiled despite the churning within her heart. She could not resist his innocent, boyish expression. “You may.”
Eli laughed. “Really, it will be all right. Once we are married, everything will fall into place. You’ll see.”
She wanted to believe that he was correct. But she knew that life had a way of punishing women who made mistakes. “Eli, your sister looks so upset to see us together. What will happen when she finds out that we are to be married?”
Eli cleared his throat. He took off his hat and ran his fingers through his hair. “Ah, well. Let me worry about that. It will be all right. She’ll come around when she sees how happy we are.” He stared into her eyes. “And how perfect you are.”
Catrina dropped her gaze and studied the ground. A chicken stalked past her leather shoe. “Do you know why she is against the match?”
Eli frowned. He cleared his throat again. Catrina could sense his hesitation. “Not really.”
It was an evasive answer and Catrina wondered how much Gertrud had told him. “Eli.” Catrina raised her eyes back to his and took his hand. “I have to tell you something.”
“What is it?” His face looked so trusting and honest. He had no idea what was coming.
Catrina took a deep breath. She would tell Eli now, before she could lose her nerve—or Gertrud told him first.
“Hold on.” Eli’s attention jerked to the two elders, Amos Knepp and Abraham Riehl, as they walked past. “I need to tell Amos to marry us today. He’s just been made bishop for New Canaan, ja?”
Catrina nodded. “A few days before you arrived.”
“I’m sorry, but can you wait for just a moment? I need to catch him before he starts the service.”
Catrina sighed. She really needed to tell Eli before the service began. But not now, when he was distracted. This was a conversation that deserved his full attention. “All right. But please hurry. I need to talk to you.”
“Ja. Just give me a moment.”
Catrina caught Eli’s sleeve as he turned away. “When will you tell Gertrud? It would not be right to surprise her during the service with unwelcome news.”
“Ja. I have been thinking the same. Don’t worry.” He put his hand over Catrina’s. She had not realized how tightly she held his sleeve. “I’ll do the right thing.”
Catrina nodded. She knew that she could trust him. But would he ever trust her if he discovered her secret from someone else’s lips? Or if he discovered it after they were married? Catrina watched Eli make his way to Bishop Amos. The crowd parted to let him into a circle of men. They bellowed their hellos. Someone asked when the linsey-woolsey cloth he had ordered would be ready. Catrina could not make out the rest of the conversation. Until she heard a whoop and a shout and all of the men began to slap Eli on the back. Eli glanced back at Catrina with a goofy, sheepish grin. She laughed. Everything would be all right. It had to be.
Catrina hoped that she would be able to catch a moment alone with Eli now that the announcement had been made, but the cluster of men hurried to her side and shouted their congratulations. Eli looked at her and raised his eyebrows. “That went well,” he whispered.
“It’s about time Catrina was settled,” Amos said. “You’ve done well for yourself, Eli.”
“I never saw it coming,” Abraham said. “An unexpected match, to be sure.”
“That’s the best kind,” Amos said.
Abram Ziegler pushed his way between Amos and Abraham. “What’s all this commotion?” he boomed.
“Eli and Catrina are getting married today,” Amos said.
“Ah. Of course.” Abram’s eyes twinkled. “It’s a good thing the distance between Catrina’s old home and her new one is short. I would hate to have to venture far to sample her cooking.”
Catrina laughed. “Abram, will you ever stop?”
“No.” Abram slapped Eli’s back so hard with his oversized, meaty hand that Eli jerked forward. “And I suppose with both you and Gertrud under one roof I can save some time.”
“What?” Catrina’s brow creased. “Gertrud?”
Abram shrugged. “What’s a man to do? She’s got it bad for me, I tell you. I almost feel sorry for her.”
Catrina laughed again. “Abram, you are incorrigible. You and Gertrud. The very idea!”
Abram shrugged again, then scooped Catrina into a bear hug. “Congratulations. It’s about time Eli asked you.”
She looked up at Abram as her feet slid back to the ground. “Everyone keeps saying that, but we’ve only known each other for a few weeks. I feared that everyone would find it too sudden.”
Abram shook his head. “It makes sense.”
“Does it?” Catrina glanced around, but did not see Gertrud. “To everyone?”
“All I know is that I’ve seen the way old Eli looks at you. He’ll treat you like a princess.”
“Oh, Abram. You always say too much.” Catrina’s porcelain cheeks flushed pink.
“You do act like a princess, you know . . .” He held up his hand and pushed down a finger for every point that he listed. “. . . Can’t get your clothes dirty, can’t butcher the hogs, can’t walk barefoot in the dirt, can’t—”
“That is quite enough.”
Abram’s eyes twinkled. “Good.” He turned to Eli. “Now, Eli, you make sure to treat her like a princess. I would hate to have to teach you a lesson.”
“Abram! Stop threatening my husband-to-be!” Catrina tried to give him a serious look, but she could not stop herself from grinning. Abram had a way of pushing everyone to laughter.
Abram returned the grin. “Because if you don’t treat her right, she might grow melancholy and forget to bake me the apple puddings I love so much.”
Catrina shook her head and laughed. “And I thought you were concerned for my welfare.”
Abram winked. “All right. Enough jokes. I am happy for you both. It’s a good match.”
The rest of the men nodded thoughtfully. Catrina felt a happy glow. If everyone supported the marriage, then surely Gertrud would come around. Eli must have been thinking the same thing because he turned to Catrina and whispered, “I’ll find Gertrud.”
Catrina nodded and watched him slip away. Her smile faded to a frown as she watched him wander past the Gruber cabin. How would she find the privacy to tell him her secret before they said their vows?