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I SAID, “I DON’T KNOW what to do, man.”
“Yeah, you do,” he said, matter-of-fact.
“I do?”
“Yeah, man! Nothing changed. Some girl called up and cursed at you.”
“She’s not just some girl! She’s the reason I’m involved in all of this.”
“And she just called to shout a lot of obscenities at you. You want out? That can be your out.”
“No, I don’t want out!”
“Why not?”
He was watching my eyes. He wasn’t asking a question. He was making a point.
And it was a good point. I sighed. “I want to help her sister.”
“Then Cass is not the only reason you’re involved in this?”
I tried a glare on him, but he didn’t notice. “Why are you lawyering me?” I asked.
“I want to know your motivation.” Then he corrected himself. “No, I want you to know your motivation.”
“Is that really what’s important now?”
He started to answer, then he laughed.
I was in no mood for that. “Why are you laughing”
“I asked, ‘What’s your motivation?’ and you asked, ‘Is that what’s important now?’ And the answer is ‘Yes.’”
I tried some more glares, and he got serious.
“She’s scared,” he said. “It makes sense. More scared than you. That’s why she thinks cursing at you is a good idea. It’s why she thinks the bad guys might be monitoring your game updates on Exelichai.”
“Well, she is....”
“But she looked you up on purpose. She didn’t stumble on your game.”
“And Hauser? If he looks me up?”
“It’s a risk,” Ben said. “I asked you about it when you first said you wanted to use him as a character.”
I thought back to that decision. “It seemed like a big laugh back then.” I thought a little longer and said, “It was Cass’s suggestion.”
“Yeah. She was already looking for someone to help her. Her motivation has always been pretty clear.”
“And mine?”
He sighed. “I think you want to be a nice guy and do what you should in a tough spot. And I already know you’re a good guy. No question. But I don’t know if that’s enough to drag you all the way to the climax.”
I thought about that for a while. “Shoot,” I said. “I shouldn’t do any of this if I’m not going all the way. It isn’t fair to anyone involved.”
Ben nodded. “I agree. Wholeheartedly.”
“But you said...” I trailed off, trying to keep track of everything he had said.
“I said you should keep doing what you were doing.” Ben said. “You are on the right track, but there’s more to do. Don’t let a mean girl knock you off track.”
“What am I doing, then? Making a game instead of helping?”
“You’re working through your internal conflict using the creative process. That’s how art works.”
“There are criminals involved. This is life and death.”
“Then you’d better get it right,” Ben said. “Keep pushing until you hit ‘The End,’ and then it’ll all make sense.”
“As easy as that?”
“It’s the hardest thing in the world, finishing something. But it unlocks miracles, man. I’ve seen it.”
“I could use a miracle.”
“Then do the work.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
He laughed. I did, too. But then I put my phone away and pulled my laptop out and dove back in. And it was good.