On Stewardship and Servant Leadership
You’re gonna have to serve somebody.
—Bob Dylan
As you know by now, my focus and priority as a wealth advisor is on being of service to my clients. The “call” to serve others vocationally emerged early in my life, as the consequence of childhood experiences of love and loss, and as the result of the gracious love and caring that certain individuals showed to me in my formative years, which helped to shape me into the Protector personality I am today.
I have, in many respects, “recovered” from my early childhood experiences of “imperfect love.” Or, perhaps it’s more accurate to say that I’ve journeyed a sufficient enough distance in my life to be able to look back on those early childhood events with both perspective and insight. Today, I am no longer the hurt, eight-year-old little boy that I spoke of in the Preface, but a reasonably mature, full-grown adult. I have found my life’s work—my passion—as a wealth advisor. I am aware of my strengths and vulnerabilities, of my resilience and grit, but also of my doubts and fears, the dark flecks of character that assert themselves in my life at times, the chinks in my emotional armor that remain to this day. I am, like all of us, a work in progress. But more than many, I suspect, I am a perpetual sleuth in pursuit of myself.
Wrestling with Angels, Demons, and Gremlins
I would be less than honest, however, if I didn’t acknowledge that, at times, I still wrestle with my demons and struggle to create a fully formed vision and version of myself as an adult, and as a wealth advisor. In moments of doubt and questioning, I can succumb to my shadow. I’ve spoken of the human shadow at various points in this book, about what happens when any human being (of any hero type) finds themselves in the dark zone. A client’s whole demeanor changes when the loss, or potential loss, of financial assets triggers painful memories from their childhood and evokes concerns that the past may repeat itself. The Fixer becomes hard, vindictive, and demanding; the Survivor, a willing even obsessive martyr to a cause; the Protector a victim/avenger who looks for someone to blame for the situation they find themselves in. In some cases, it’s you, the advisor. As I noted in Chapter Five there are many triggers that can evoke the shadow—the fear of failure, poverty, shame, or humiliation. Other unknown demons and gremlins perhaps cause mischief as well.
In moments when my clients go to the dark zone, they may try to take me there too. At those points I’m careful and mindful to hold myself back from the abyss; to practice mindfulness and presence, not only in front of the client but also with myself. For example, I’ve been startled, even hurt at times, when a brazen client has spoken harshly to me. I can begin to doubt my abilities as an advisor, to question my approach with clients, my understanding of others, my capacity to help others, or my ability to ground myself in what may have become a stressful or emotionally difficult interpersonal situation with another person. This, despite the fact I have been working in my field for over 25 years!
Making Sense of the Shadow
To make meaning of my own shadow (my doubts, fears, insecurities, etc.) in such moments, I remind myself of where these feelings came from. They stem from my family of origin, my earliest memories and experiences of pain and loss, of feeling powerless to protect myself around “powerful” adults, and from other dark places. Once I connect those dots, I can make the conscious choice to move beyond my eight-year old childhood self, the old tapes, the sense of powerlessness and all the rest, to focus on the present moment and the actualization of my adult self. The person I am today.
Emerging from my shadow I ultimately return to the light zone, giving credence to the idea that from the dark side of one’s psyche can come strength; what Richard Strozzi-Heckler describes as the “warrior spirit”—the ancient archetype of war that embodies self-knowledge, self-awareness, compassion, and wisdom as well as the ability to take effective action when necessary.1 Understanding this quality about my own nature has given me great insights into how to live a more intentional and purposeful life. It also enables me to help those clients, who have slipped into the dark zone, to remove themselves from its grip in situations of high stress and high stakes.
Developing the capacity to psychologically regroup and to move on in the face of challenge or adversity requires that all of us have what I refer to as “a firm intention.” Robert Greenleaf, in a wonderful essay titled, “Education and Maturity,” contained in his book The Power of Servant Leadership, offers some wonderful insights (and hard-earned wisdom) on what it means to be a mature and grounded adult. The pursuit of maturity, he says, doesn’t end with one’s childhood or young adult years. It is a task we work on throughout our lives. Much of what we are called to do is to make sense of, and derive meaning from, our life experiences; to harvest them for the good, to take what we like and leave the rest, transmuted and strengthened by every new experience that comes our way. “Every life, including the most normal of the normal, is a blend of experiences that build ego strength, and those that tear it down .… As good a definition as I know is that maturity is the capacity to withstand the ego-destroying experiences and not lose one’s perspective in the ego-building experiences,” he writes.2
Greenleaf says that to prepare ourselves for personal growth and positive action in life we must commit ourselves to a single word: inspiration, or (to use the Greek word) entheos, which comes from the same roots as enthusiasm, and which means “possessed of the spirit” or “the power actuating one who is inspired.” His recommendation resonates deeply in my brooding, self-reflective core. For me, inspiration means many other things including intention, motivation, focus, desire, and—especially—service. All these words provide me with a pathway to action and life purpose.
Bringing the Principles of Servant Leadership to My Work
Greenleaf affirms the importance of all of us developing not only mindfulness and self-awareness as we grow (mature), but also intention and purpose. To this end, he wrote extensively about “servanthood” throughout his life, and the principles he espoused resonate deeply in my heart—as the basis and framework by which I choose to serve others as a wealth advisor. Indeed, they help infuse my work with enduring meaning.
Here are ten traits that Greenleaf describes as key attributes of a servant leader. I invite you to consider how you might incorporate these very same traits into your own advisory work with clients.
The Servant Leader:
1. Has a great capacity to listen. To me, the ability to listen to my clients is perhaps the foremost skill that I need to bring to my role as a counselor-advisor. Each client I have is unique; each with his or her own formative life experiences and one-of-a-kind emotional template. A seminal element in the “contracting” process I undertake with each new client is to commit myself to listening to them, to understanding their stories, fears, hopes, and dreams. Early conversations often focus on a person’s earliest memories of how someone in their family (a parent, grandparent, or someone else) first spoke to them about wealth. In other cases, clients will share with me photos or family mementos that are emblematic of how they feel about their family of origin, its history, legacy, and values. When I work with couples and families, in particular, it’s not unusual for family members to share stories and reflections based on cherished family heirlooms such as family Bibles, old photographs, newspaper clippings, and other memorabilia that may harken back to an earlier time, to the time of the family’s wealth creator.
Tools such as the Four-Player model provide a wonderful (and powerful) conversation device with which to “set the table” with clients, as a Bystander, and to use powerful questions as the basis for understanding clients at a deep level. In Chapter Nine, I referred to this practice as “appreciative” (also called humble) inquiry. By setting the stage for discussion, and by artfully toggling back and forth, playing the parts of Bystander, Mover, Follower (and yes, even Opposer at times), I commit myself to listening to my clients with the intention of understanding them at as deep a personal and emotional level as I can. When we make this kind of commitment to our clients, we are truly being in service to them.
2. Displays empathy toward others. As a wealth advisor, it is imperative that I be able to empathize with my clients, regardless of their hero type and the way they physically (somatically) present themselves to me when I meet with them. It is our ability to put ourselves in the shoes of others that enables us, in the end, to serve our clients to the greatest extent, to connect, and to customize investment and estate planning plans and outcomes that are fully aligned with their goals, priorities, and wishes.
3. Builds community. Often, conversation about wealth management goals includes mention of others in the client’s life (spouses, partners, family members, extended family, estranged parties, etc.) when discussing topics such as bequests, legacy gifting, multigenerational wealth transfer, and estate planning. As an advisor, you become a de facto community builder, mediating conversations and building an atmosphere of inclusivity and trust that often brings parties together—within a marriage, household, or family.
4. Acts as a healer. Greenleaf believed that the “healing of relationships is a powerful force for transformation and integration.”3 By virtue of the intimacy and proximity a financial advisor has with clients, you are in a position to help individuals deal with and work through their feelings and emotions with regard to wealth; to help resolve life-long issues and concerns relative to money, and to help individuals forge goals and plans that serve not only their needs and wishes, but also the welfare of their loved ones (spouses, partners, children, and grandchildren).
5. Is self-aware. I’ve noted from the outset of this book that developing keen self-awareness is key to your success as a wealth advisor. This means understanding your own hero type, your own engagement style, and your own language of communication (be it power, meaning, or affect) and having the facility to work in other languages and styles, depending on the client in front of you. That’s why I encourage you to develop your “multi-lingual” talents as a wealth advisor, in order to meet your client—any client—where they are, and to understand the emotions behind their actions and the life experiences that shape how they show up in the present.
6. Is committed to people. I’m in the wealth advisory business to serve my clients, to help people. I’m not in this business simply to push financial products on clients and prospects. I’m here to help clients develop wealth management goals and plans that are tightly aligned with their personal beliefs, priorities, and values. At times, this may require me to go against the popular (and political) wisdom of doing whatever a firm might want me to do with a client or refusing to put margins and results above client desires and goals. Each of us, as advisors, must make a judgment call about boundaries and integrity. Generally speaking, I know myself, trust myself, and have learned to listen to myself. The integrity of the advisor-client relationship is paramount to me. While the goals and priorities of Fixer, Survivor, or Protector clients may vary, what’s key is that the plans we put in place mirror the goals and priorities of the individual, couple, or family with whom we are working.
7. Brings foresight to the relationship. Foresight is an important trait, born of experience and maturity, that enables a wealth advisor to speak honestly and authentically in client-advisor meetings (and sometimes in intra-firm meetings and situations) even when doing so doesn’t necessarily reflect the wishes or desires of other parties present. For example, clients may wish me to promise them a certain reliable rate of return on an investment, to which I normally say, “I cannot promise such returns” or, “We can put plans in place, but the market sometimes has a mind all its own.” Similarly, firms that I have been associated with in the past sometimes put pressure on me to hold to a company or firm line about which products to use, or what perspective to share with clients as my own. I always reserve the right to be the final judge of my own integrity with clients. Call it integrity of conscience. My own view is that if I don’t bring integrity and authenticity to my relationships with clients and colleagues, I’m little more than a shill and a fraud for causes and purposes beyond me.
8. Is persuasive. Dealing persuasively with clients of different hero types requires use of different communications approaches, strategies, and tools on my part. Throughout this book, in various case studies and scenarios, I’ve provided examples of how I use my influence and professional credibility to persuade clients to take deliberate and client-focused courses of action. It goes without saying that this is a crucial part of the wealth advisory process. We are not in our jobs simply to listen to clients—as important as that is. There comes a time when we must take on active Mover, Follower, and Opposer stances to bring client conversations to closure and to help clients make critical wealth management decisions.
9. Is a great conceptualizer. As with great leaders who work with their organizations to create compelling visions of the future, effective wealth advisors work closely with clients to help them visualize and achieve their dreams. Through our efforts at listening, inquiry, use of empathy, and appropriate advice and counsel we help clients frame their wealth management goals and values in terms relevant and compelling for them. You’ll recall that in Chapter Five I offered up eight questions that I will ask new clients about the goals they have for their wealth. Such questions are always asked for the purpose of identifying a client’s life values and/or determining the priorities they have for their wealth. Frequently, I find that clients have never been invited or encouraged to think about their wealth in these terms, but helping clients conceptualize what they want to do with their wealth is foundational to putting goals and objectives in place that match their priorities, personalities, and values.
10. Is a powerful steward of others’ interests. To me, wealth advisory work is all about stewardship. Each of us is in the business of safeguarding the wealth of others, helping our clients to conserve it, grow it, and use it to the specific ends that they desire. To me, as a Protector, this is wonderful work. But it can be rewarding for advisors of any hero type, if we continuously keep the needs and interests of our clients in mind. We can be stewards in working with individuals, couples, and families. As noted, couples and families present more dynamic complexity than individuals, but each of the three types of clients I’ve described represents a unique system with which we must deal. Noted leadership expert and consultant Peter Block, author of numerous books including Stewardship, and The Empowered Manager, defines stewardship as “ ‘holding something in trust for another.’ ”4 I couldn’t agree with him more! Regardless of the type of client (individual, couple, or family) with whom I’m working!
Motivating Our Clients to Action and Inspiration
There is a strong spiritual strain to Greenleaf’s thinking about “servanthood.” It reminds me of the Quakerism of my youth. It is caring, compassionate, and most definitely counter-cultural. His invocation—and invitation—to me to adopt the qualities of a servant in working with clients is perhaps something that will resonate with you as well.
If inspiration (entheos) is at the heart of Greenleaf’s advice to us as advisors, I believe it is also sage counsel for us to offer our clients. For if we can inspire our clients to act boldly (with inspiration) and to go in pursuit of their hopes and dreams, then we will most certainly fulfill our calling and requirements as wealth management professionals.
So, how does one do that?
As noted elsewhere in this book, it begins by engaging our clients in discussion about their personal values, and what they see as the meaning and purpose of their wealth. In many cases, discussions about values begin with a discussion about roots. It is not a coincidence that, as a wealth advisor, I have developed a keen interest in genealogy over the years. I have long been associated with the New England Historic Genealogical Society (NEHGS) and the Society of Colonial Wars (SCW). NEHGS supports the study of one’s ancestors and genealogy, placing them in historical context. SCW is a group of men whose forebears served in some capacity during the American Revolution or during the colonial period in our country. Through my involvement with both groups, I have met and become friends with many fine people who, through exploration of their family roots, have discovered much about their family history, legacy, and values. It has also provided much cherished context for the lives they then choose to live today.
In Service to Clients
Helping our clients explore (and sometimes discover) their roots is a powerful way to be of service, not only to wealth creators who are interested in understanding the roots of their own motivations and passing on specific values to subsequent generations. It can also be a powerful exercise through which those who have inherited wealth as members of what author Charles Collier calls Gen 2, Gen 3, and Gen 4 can connect with the ideas, values, and beliefs of the family’s original wealth creator.
Another way that we, as wealth advisors, can be of service to our clients is to help them with issues of family governance. The cultivation, conservation, growth, and transfer of wealth from one generation to others can be a daunting task and requires the intelligent use of sophisticated estate planning tools. Lee Hausner and Douglas Freeman, among others, have written in detail about the different kinds of wealth (human, intellectual, financial, and social) that wealthy individuals, couples, and families must manage—adroitly and with careful forethought, if wealth is to last beyond a single generation. Effective management of wealth is also addressed by Jay Hughes in Family Wealth and its sequel, Family, the Compact Among Generations, in which he emphasizes the importance of wealthy individuals, couples, and families embracing the tasks of family governance against the backdrop of an evolving and ever more complex trust and estate planning landscape.
Still others have written insightfully about the challenges of managing and maintaining one’s wealth, once one has achieved it. In Strangers in Paradise: How Families Adapt to Wealth Across Generations. James Grubman speaks of “immigrants to wealth” (wealth creators) and “natives” who are born to it. The challenges facing individuals in both categories can be complex and are often misunderstood by others, he says. “Immigrants” to the world of wealth “have to learn new rules, new responsibilities, and even some new language, all of which require special knowledge. There will be many guides around who say they can help, but truly experienced guides will be difficult to find.”5 Lee Hausner expands on the challenges of “natives” and “immigrants” alike in Children of Paradise: Successful Parenting for Prosperous Families.6 Her prescriptions concerning stewardship and sound parenting when a family is blessed by affluence are “medicines” that wealthy parents of multiple generations can employ to avoid confusion and hurt around issues of love, money, accomplishment, and entitlement. Without a “capacity to value money, children do not acquire the ability to manage it,” she writes. “As adults, their ignorance can lead to reckless spending, careless investing, and, in the most extreme cases, the squandering of an entire family fortune.”
What of Happiness, Significance, and Success?
Ah, these are perhaps the most profound topics of all, when it comes to the work we do with our clients! Clearly, wealth does not buy happiness. Nor does success. In my career as an advisor, I have known both wealthy and successful people who are not happy, for a variety of reasons.
In his book, The Happiness Advantage, Shawn Achor provides a new model for understanding human happiness, based not on accomplishments, the acquisition of things, or even financial and professional success. For Achor, happiness is defined as “the joy we feel striving after our potential.”7 Achor quotes Barbara Frederickson of the University of North Carolina as saying that the ten most common positive emotions are “ ‘joy, gratitude, serenity, interest, hope, pride, amusement, inspiration, awe, and love.’ ”8 These are all good feelings, but Achor writes that happiness is far more than simply these good feelings. It is wrapped up in our striving to realize our fullest potential, and thus is connected with Greek philosophical writings about Eudaimonia, or “human flourishing.” Aristotle’s Nichomachean Ethics, for example, explains that pursuing happiness involves living a virtuous life.
Living a virtuous life isn’t necessarily easy, at least not all of the time, but it is within our locus of control. “We are left with a choice,” says Achor, “to use [our] finite resources to see only pain, negativity, stress and uncertainty” in the world around us. Or, “to look at things through a lens of gratitude, hope, resilience, optimism, and meaning.”9 It is my belief that human flourishing, set in the context of living a virtuous life, and associated with pleasure, engagement, and meaning, is the surest path we can travel toward living a full and good life.
Conclusions
Throughout this book, I have strived to explain how and why human emotions are the basis of all investing and why people’s attitudes about money, wealth, status, and self are inextricably tied together in unique and often compelling ways. As a wealth advisor, you have a wonderful ringside seat from which to observe human nature, learn from it, and advise others not only about wealth and money but also about matters of family, success, significance, generativity, and legacy. The ideas I’ve shared with you in this book—about human motivations, emotional templates, behavioral economics, and hero types—are simply my ways of talking about and understanding the human condition. They are lenses through which I make meaning of the world around me and find my purpose in it.
It is my hope that this book has provided insights, ideas, and tools to help you become a more effective wealth advisor, by understanding both yourself and your clients in new and deeper ways. If you can pursue your work with a mix of curiosity, wonder, drive, and, as Robert Greenleaf suggests, inspiration, you will do your clients a great service and bring your best personal and professional self to the work you do.
So that’s it. I began this book by talking about emotions, and I conclude by talking about them as well. It is my firm desire that, by reading this book, you will find new passion and purpose in your work, and that you be able to use the ideas I’ve shared here as a springboard of service to your own clients.
As you conclude this book, please know that I would be delighted to hear from you. You can reach me at the following email address: chriswhite@theemotionalinvestor.net.
And, to learn more about Working with the Emotional Investor, please check out my website: www.theemotionalinvestor.net.
With Admiration and Respect,
Chris