MONDAY
→ 6 DAYS to go. Very close now!
I was enjoying such a lovely surfing dream when Mama rudely woke me up. She reminded me that I still had three days left of Mars Boot Camp before take-off.
O H N O !
I honestly didn't think I'd manage to cope with three more days of Professor BushyBeard and Sergeant BullyBeef's instructing. Those two are seriously dodgy individuals.
I thought about trying the rabies stunt again, but I remembered how that didn't go too well the first time.
Filled with despair, I headed back to Nahoon Beach for further torture. Poor me.
Today, BushyBeard told me that I was going to receive some top-secret information.
That was not good news, because if there is one thing I simply cannot do, it's keep a secret. It's as if the secret takes up all the space in my brain, and I can't think clearly until I've offloaded it.
Anyhoo, Professor BushyBeard wanted to show me how to access the hidden weaponry aboard the space shuttle, in case we encountered any sticky situations en route to Mars. Huh?
By "sticky situations", he meant ALIEN ATTACKS!
You heard me right. But let me repeat it nonetheless – ALIEN ATTACKS! Clearly, this man is completely bonkers, or he's been watching way too many sci-fi movies.
Nevertheless, I decided to go along with his mumbo jumbo (just in case). If I was gonna be involved in any kind of alien attacks, I was going to be boy scout-prepared.
He showed me a top-secret compartment containing a small control panel with three buttons on it.
The red button is to be used to launch torpedoes and missiles. Huh?
I signed up for a mission to Mars, not a mission to blow up aliens. I'm a peaceful individual. And I love all creatures. Just look at the special relationship between Gany and me.
Regardless, I paid attention.
BushyBeard stressed that I should first fire a warning shot before firing torpedoes and missiles at enemy vessels.
→ → → As if I ever would.
And, I must make sure to access our defensive shields by pushing the green button.
Seriously? I'm 11! I'm too young to deal with this stress.
The blue button accesses the lasers.
The lasers are apparently excellent weapons for cutting through enemy vessels' wings.
Just as I was considering making a run for it, out of the dome to Timbuktu or some other remote place, Sergeant BullyBeef walked into the room.
Noooo! My whole body froze up and I immediately had the urge to pee.
BullyBeef was in a particularly cranky mood. I don't think he's forgiven me for vomiting on his boots.
He marched me out of the dome and onto the beach, and placed two very peculiar-looking weapons in my hands: a flak gun and an energy bomb. I kid you not!
Apparently, the flak gun immobilises enemy aliens, causing them to freeze in their tracks. The energy bomb blows them to smithereens.
W H A T ?
All I can say about this secret weaponry stuff is:
- 1. Those enemy aliens better not mess with me, because if I'm forced to blow them up, I will. Kind-hearted person or not.
- 2. I think I've mentioned this before, but I'm far too young for this sort of pressure!
- 3. I'm so telling Kurt and Zen. Forget this top-secret nonsense.