CHAPTER ELEVEN

-YOKO-

 

“Thou art so full of misery.”

- Edgar Allan Poe

 

Yoko sat on the living room sofa holding a beer with more vodka than anything inside of the can. It had been weeks since she talked to Roman and she never knew how bad it would hurt to lose her friendship until it was unavailable. Whenever she called, Roman wouldn’t answer the phone and yesterday when she knocked on the door Billy Bob cursed her out and told her that bitch didn’t live there anymore.

Although Roman made herself clear about the friendship being over, Yoko believed she would return to her soon enough. Who cared if she told her brothers that they murdered Damien? Now she learned that she moved. Not only out of the building, but also out of her life.

She tried to appear hard but her heart wouldn’t allow her. It hurt most when she sat on the porch and watched the city alone. Roman was a real friend, the type that came around once in a lifetime if you were lucky. Yoko was able to be herself around Roman and she feared she lost her forever. She even recalled a time when they went to get something to eat at a local restaurant. They had been drinking all day and Yoko had to piss badly.

But when she walked inside and saw a huge stall she realized she couldn’t get on top of the seat alone. Not only that, but how could she wipe herself when done? She left her tongs at home.

Luckily Roman was in the bathroom re-braiding one of her plaits when all of a sudden she asked, “You alright in there? Need help?”

Yoko’s silence was her answer and Roman entered the stall, helped her on the toilet and wiped her pussy with tissue paper when she was done. The more Yoko thought about Roman, the clearer it was. Being too loose with the lips may have ruined her friendship.

True blues came once in a lifetime if you were lucky and blessed.

Trying to get her mind off everything, she took another swig. Her life was fucked up but her brothers were winning. They were across from her making out with their female guests. While only men with fetishes were interested in her, her brothers always seemed to find someone to be with them. No matter how broke they were. She started to resent their longer limbs and even their manhood. She could never understand why she wasn’t average height too when they shared the same mother and father.

Out of all the brothers, it was Dale who caused Yoko the most pain. He was on the right side of the sofa kissing the one person she wanted more than anything else. His mouth covered Amanda’s as if he were trying to pull blood from her lips. His fingers snaked toward the entrance of her pussy and from where Yoko sat she could see her pink flesh open wide. This did nothing but send Yoko into a blind rage. At first, she thought she was reading Amanda correctly by thinking that Amanda liked her but now she felt stupid.

It was obvious she was wrong.

When Amanda cooed a littler louder, she raised her hips up higher and Yoko could see her sweetness even more. It was as if she were teasing her. Drunk and excited about the freak show, Yoko unbuttoned her pants, grabbed a remote control and used it to stroke her pussy on the spot.

Amanda was the first to see Yoko masturbating and boy did she make a scene. “What the fuck is she doing?” she asked jumping up. She pulled her collar up to cover her nose. “That’s so fucking nasty!”

Upon hearing Amanda, the other girls turned their heads and saw Yoko too. When they noticed the remote in her pants, they cringed and shook their heads.

Dale looked over, saw Yoko rubbing her pussy and sighed. “What is wrong with you, Yoko? You scaring the girls!” He believed she was drunk and was willing to let it ride to continue to fool around but the girls weren’t hearing it.

“I’m out of here,” Amanda said as she grabbed her purse before taking one last look at Dale. “You got that for me, right?” Dale dipped into his pocket and slapped a tiny packet of coke into her palm. Before leaving, she looked at Yoko once more. First disgusted, Amanda now appeared as if she felt sorry for her. “Ya’ll take care of that,” she said to the boys, referring to Yoko. With a wave of her finger, she instructed the other girls to follow her too.

When they all exited the apartment Dale walked over to Yoko. “Why you do that shit, man?”

Yoko rolled on her stomach, scooted on the edge of the couch and slid down to the floor. She opened her mouth and then closed it as if she were going to say something else but changed her mind. “That bitch was flirting with me,” she elected to say. “Had her dress all hiked up so I could see her shit and everything.”

“So you gay now?” he asked, his head flinching back slightly.

“Not saying that.” She responded as she shuffled a little in front of them. “Just telling you what happened that’s all.”

Dale looked at the rest of his brothers and they busted out laughing. “You gonna have to get you a nigga soon. People gonna start calling you a dyke if you keep that shit up.”

“Yeah, that’s the third time you ran our bitches out of here,” Mills added with slight hate in his tone. “You starting to make me think you’re jealous.”

When Dale saw how upset Yoko really was he said, “Fuck them bitches.” He slapped Yoko on the shoulder. “Pops cooking out later. So let’s get some drinks and watch the city.” Amanda wasn’t wifey material so he had no intentions on elaborating on the matter further.

As if the women were never there, they all walked outside and sat on the porch of their building. Like she and Roman used to.

An hour passed and although only their mother remained in their apartment, since Vincent and his friends were in back of the building grilling, the siblings stayed on the porch. Joshua sat on the bottom step and Yoko kept a firm hold of the leash.

They were just getting into the bottle when a woman walked across the street and toward them. She was wearing a soiled white t-shirt and some blue jeans that looked as if they had never been washed. Her eyes were blackened but everyone could tell that beauty once lived on her face. At first they thought she was getting ready to walk into their building but she stopped in front of them.

“What you need?” Dale asked thinking she was there to cop.

“Uh,” she said looking at him before her attention fixed on Yoko. “I’m…I’m…you don’t know me but I’m—”

“Bothering us,” Mills laughed. “Now if you not buying, get the fuck up off this porch before we get you off.”

“My daughter…” She paused again looking at Yoko. “He told me to stay away but I couldn’t. Your real father.” She paused. “But he died in a car accident some years back and I wanted to meet you then. But I fell hard when he died as you can see,” she said glancing down at herself. Clearing her throat, she said, “I should’ve come earlier…and I hope you can forgive me. Maybe we can start all over.”

Yoko stood up, not understanding what she was saying. Then she focused on her eyes. It was as if she were looking at her own face. “I think you got me mixed up with someone else,” she said as she took a swig of liquor. “I ain’t got time for this shit.” When Joshua moaned, preparing to attack Daisy, she said, “Yoko fine. It’s okay.”

Joshua settled down but continued to glare at the woman.

“I know you don’t believe me but you are my daughter,” she explained. “And I’m so sorry about what I did to you. By neglecting you. I’m sorry that I wasn’t strong enough to keep you. But ask her. Ask Maria if what I’m saying is true.” Daisy’s eyes were planted on Yoko so long that she didn’t see the bottle flying toward her until it was too late. It landed on her forehead, causing blood to ooze from her pores as the glass ripped into her flesh.

“Get the fuck away from here,” Mills laughed, having successfully struck the woman. “Before we fire on your dusty ass.”

Having gotten the message loud and clear, Daisy held onto her face and backed away. “I’m sorry, Yoko,” she sobbed. “Please forgive me.”

Although the brothers continued to hold conversation about the strange woman, Yoko’s mind was elsewhere. Was what she said true? Her eyes blinked rapidly as she struggled to see things clearer. Needing to know the truth, she stood up. “Dale, keep an eye on Josh.” She handed him the leash.

She was almost in the building when Dale stopped her. He tugged his ear and asked, “I know you not listening to that shit, Yoko. You know that crackhead ass bitch lying, right?”

“I’m not thinking nothing about that dope fiend,” she lied. “I’ll be back out. Just watch Josh.”

The moment she walked into the apartment, she could hear her father and his friends outside by the grill from the open window. She was relieved because she knew if nothing else, her mother would tell her the truth if he wasn’t around. At least she hoped.

The moment Yoko knocked on Maria’s door, she said, “Come in.”

Maria rolled over and smiled, moaning a little due to the pain she was in. “Oh, hey, sweetheart. You and your brothers aren’t out there―” she stopped in midsentence when she saw Yoko’s stone expression. “You know…don’t you?” Her chin quivered.

Without asking the question, Yoko received an answer.

She lowered her head and tears rolled down her cheeks. “Why didn’t you tell me, ma? Why I had to hear it from her? Huh?” She paused. “Why, ma?”

“Because I was trying to protect you,” she said taking a long, pained breath. “And I didn’t want you learning about how your mother treated you.” Her voice cracked. “How she tried to throw you away like trash. All I wanted was to love you. You were my little girl. You still are.”

“What did she do?” Yoko huffed and puffed. “You said you didn’t want me knowing how she treated me.”

“Yoko, I don’t think—”

“What did she do?” she yelled, her breathing noisy.

Maria had a headache before Yoko entered but now it reached astounding levels. If you looked closely, you could see her temples pulsating. When Maria looked into her eyes she knew she could no longer lie. It was time to come clean on it all. “She tossed you out of a window. And you fell on a mattress. I was there to pick you up and had you ever since. I caught you and I took you into my home. Yoko, I loved you all of your life. I still love you now.”

She thought about her brothers. “So…they aren’t my…my blood?”

“Yes. They are your blood but they aren’t your brothers. Your real father and Vincent are brothers,” she said softly. “That makes them your cousins.”

“Do they know? That I’m not their sister?”

“Yes, everyone knows but you. I’m so sorry, baby.”

Larger tears poured down her face, as her mind was flooded with more questions. “Is my father…is he little? Like me?”

“Yes,” she said under her breath.

Yoko kicked her mother’s shoe rack and paced in place. Remembering what Roman said to her the last time she saw her face, she stopped. “Is it true…about dad…I mean Vincent drugging me and making me have sex with his friends for money?”

Maria exhaled deeply and wept so hard Yoko couldn’t understand her. “We needed the money. We…we...so I agreed but then he would send more of his friends into your room. Things got out of hand! A lot of people paid a lot of money to have sex with you. They thought you were different. It turned into a freak show. Before long it got to be too much and—”

Yoko was stunned. Roman said Vincent was involved but she never saw Maria being in the picture. “You knew about it? And you allowed them!”

“Yes, Yoko. I’m so sorry.”

Yoko’s body tensed and ached terribly. She wasn’t a killer. That was Roman’s job. But suddenly she fantasized about going into Dale’s room, getting his gun and blowing her brains out. She set out to do just that when Vincent yelled up through the window, “Yoko!” The scent of charcoal burning oozed in the room. “Come here and dance for your pops!”

Yoko turned around, preparing to walk out until Maria said, “I’m begging you not to bring it up like this, Yoko. Wait until everyone is out of the house. Let family business remain that way. Private.”

Yoko laughed and walked toward the door. She was done listening to Maria and her lies. On a mission, she grabbed her pole, opened the front door and trotted downstairs to reach the backdoor. Once there, she pushed it open and before approaching Vincent, she snatched two items off the picnic table.

“Fuck took you so long?” Vincent laughed as she approached him and his friends. “I called you five hours ago.”

“I was talking to ma,” she said flatly. “Just learned a lot of shit about my life.”

High and selfish, he couldn’t see the pain in Yoko’s eyes. Nor did he care. “Well fuck all that. Do a dance for your pops.” He looked at his friends. “We paying.”

“No,” she said. “I’m done with that shit.”

“No?” He tilted his head and looked down at her. “Fuck you mean no?”

“I said no,” Yoko said louder.

Feeling disrespected that his friends were looking, Vincent made a move for her but Yoko squeezed the lighter fluid she had in her hand on his shirt, struck a match and threw it at him. Yoko and Vincent’s friends watched him go up in flames.

 

****

 

The streets were still wet due to the recent summer rain when Yoko was released from prison after serving six months. Although Vincent was badly burned, he lived, which was the only reason she wasn’t convicted of murder.

When Vincent was released from the hospital, he didn’t go back to his apartment and no one knew where he lived. There was a lot of secrecy surrounding his absence and the city talked. Some said he was killed and others said he moved with a young girl who lived down the block. But Maria believed he was out of the state. With third degree burns everywhere, he felt unattractive and couldn’t face his friends.

Maria’s main concern was hurting Yoko.

Although Maria and her sons tried to reach out to Yoko in jail by way of letters, she ignored them all. She blamed everyone for not telling her about who she really was. When she had Internet access, she saw the hundreds of videos that were circulating with her body and her name. She was a circus act.

It wasn’t until she was released that she realized they were the only family she ever had, even if they prostituted her. She would have to deal with them or be alone.

When Yoko knocked on the door to the apartment she lived in all of her life, Maria opened the door. Maria looked frailer, as if time had not been good and this scared Yoko. “Come in, baby,” she smiled. “I missed you so much.” Although she wanted to hug her, she took care to maintain her space.

When Yoko walked inside she saw Joshua sitting at the dining room table. His back was faced in her direction but when he turned around and saw her he went wild. “Yoko! Yoko! Yoko’s home!”

Normally his excited spirit would scare her, considering all they’d been through but today she welcomed his energy. It meant, if nothing else, that she was officially home.

After Yoko positioned herself on the sofa with Joshua next to her, she looked over at Maria and asked, “Are you okay?”

“Not really, Yoko,” she smiled. “Although I’m trying to take care of myself, I can’t help but think about how I treated you.” She looked up at the ceiling. “I found out when you went to jail that your father…your real father…left this building to you.”

“To me?” she asked with wide eyes. “But why? I didn’t even know him.”

“I guess he never got over how he treated you. When Vincent went to the hospital I found the papers in a chest he kept locked up. On his side of the closet.” She sat down and ran her hand through her thinning grey hair. “He was planning to make you look like a drunk. Planning to get you strung out. And then he was going to submit papers to the court to have you ruled incapable of caring for this building and the tenants. Since he was the next of kin, he may have won and regained control of this building.”

“But why.” She swallowed. “Why would my father leave anything to me if he didn’t love me?”

“Not sure if he didn’t love you, Yoko. We all have different ways of showing love. Have different ways of expressing our feelings. From what I’m told, he didn’t want to put the resentment he had of being a dwarf on you.” She paused. “Daisy was the one who told him you were dead at first but someone told him that his brother was raising you. So he would come around in secret, never introducing himself.” She sighed again. “I guess giving you this building was a way of saying sorry.”

The conversation was too heavy for her. If Maria said she owned the building then so be it. She was more interested in what was happening to everyone else. “Where are my brothers?”

Pleased she still referred to them as her siblings, Maria grinned. “They were supposed to be here fifteen minutes ago, to take Joshua to the community pool.” She looked at the clock on the wall. “The folks at the center are having a day for the mentally challenged.” She sighed. “Joshua was so excited about going but now it doesn’t seem like he’ll make it. They are always so irresponsible. Without you or me, I don’t know what they would do.”

“I’ll take him,” Yoko said, eager to get back to her life.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, he’s my little brother. It’s not a problem.”

Maria smiled and stood up. “Okay, and when you get back I’ll make you dinner.”

Although she longed for a home cooked meal, Yoko was concerned about her resting instead of slaving in a kitchen. “I’ll be fine, ma. I can grab something while I’m out.”

“I want to cook for my little girl.” There was a deep sadness and regret in Maria’s eyes. “I mean, I want to cook for you. I know you’re not a child anymore.” She paused. “It would be my pleasure.”

“If you really want to.”

“I do. And I almost forgot,” she said pulling a cell phone out of the pocket of her robe. “This is Dale’s phone. Take it in case I need to reach you.”

 

****

 

The pool was jam-packed with teenagers and young adults with mental challenges. Yoko sat on the recliner, growing irritated at the children who either pointed at her or thought she was a child and wanted to play. But when she focused on how much fun Joshua was having she smiled brightly. No matter what, he was her brother. She would never forget what he did to her in that bathroom but she also understood that it was not his fault.

When something vibrated against her body she jumped. She forgot she had the cell phone in her pocket until that moment. Taking it out, she frowned when she didn’t recognize the number. Thinking it was one of Dale’s many girlfriends, she ignored it but the person wouldn’t stop calling. Frustrated, she hit the button and yelled, “Who is this?”

“Dale…I need Dale.”

Although the caller didn’t announce her name, Yoko knew her voice very well. She thought about her most days and wondered how she was doing. If she and Dale were still good friends. “Amanda?” Yoko said sensing urgency in her voice. “What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

Although she was listening, she focused on Joshua who was playing ball with a woman in the kiddy pool. The woman’s brown hair was tied in a bun on top of her head and she wore a huge smile on her face as she interacted with him.

“I’m in my apartment,” her voice was shaky. “Off of Liberty Road. Somebody just tried to kill me. I need help.”

 

****

 

Luckily, Amanda’s apartment was around the corner from the pool because Yoko didn’t have a car. Although she didn’t want to leave Joshua at the community center alone, she figured she would be back quickly once she helped Amanda. Before agreeing to come over, Yoko pleaded with Amanda to call the cops but she refused, saying that she needed someone to hide her crack pipes and drug paraphernalia before they arrived.

With urgency, Yoko ascended the stairs with the assistance of her pole. When she made it to Amanda’s apartment she knocked but she realized it was already open. Pushing herself inside, she called Amanda’s name several times, hoping she’d answer.

“I’m back here,” Amanda moaned. “Please hurry.”

When Yoko reached the backroom, her stomach churned when she saw the condition Amanda was in. The back of her head was leaning against the wall while the rest of her body was pressed against the floor. Her face was beaten badly and a bloody broom handle lay on the carpet some feet away.

Yoko quickly moved toward her and asked, “What happened?”

“Some niggas broke in here,” she moaned. “And tried to kill me.”

“What? Why?” Yoko yelled as she continued to examine her.

“They said I owed them money for some coke. But I didn’t,” she cried.

Yoko knew immediately that she was lying but she didn’t care.

“So he stabbed me in my pussy with that shit.” Tears rolled down her face and mixed with the blood. “Yoko the inside of my body is throbbing. You got to call the ambulance.”

 

****

 

Yoko was in the hospital room with Amanda. The doctor came in and told them that Amanda was assaulted so badly that the robbers ruptured her uterus and most of her reproductive organs. Essentially, he was saying that Amanda would never, under any circumstances, have children.

Yoko was still staring at Amanda, who was drugged up and asleep when the phone vibrated in her pocket again. It wasn’t until that moment she realized she fucked up. The call was a reminder that not only had she forgotten about Joshua, she also left him in the pool alone.

Slowly she answered the phone. “Hello,” she said breathing heavily, her hand trembling.

“Yoko, where the fuck you been?” Mills asked huffing and puffing.

“I’m so sorry, Mills! Amanda called. Some niggas almost killed her and I forgot about Joshua.”

“Fuck that junkie bitch!” he yelled. “Because you left him alone, shit is fucked up over here! Joshua held some little girl under water at the pool. He raped her and tried to kill her.” When he started crying Yoko’s body trembled. “The little girl almost died.”

“Where’s Dale? And Farmer?”

“I just spoke to ‘em. They coming. You got to get home.”

“I’m on my way. Where’s ma?”

The phone dropped and Yoko didn’t receive her answer.

But later that day she would learn that Maria, out of grief, died of a heart attack.