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“You’re talking about this guy a whole lot, did you notice? Oh, you didn’t notice. Izzy, come on,” my cousin, Evie tells me over the phone on her walk home from the precious bookstore she works a stupid number of hours at.
It’s already ten-something, and she’s walking home, and while Montreal is known for its night life, there’s always some asshole out there who thinks he deserves more than your time. So she calls me, and conversation is usually intermittent while I take my first fifteen minute break of the night to coincide with the phone call and my manager doesn’t care as long as I put my hours in.
“I don’t know, he’s in my class. He’s kind of a part of my daily life, Evie. It’s not like I can just forget about him,” I say, pressing my phone harder against my ear. The wind’s howling outside, and it’s getting a little hard to hear her, even in the backroom where a portion of it is soundproofed and you can hardly hear the smooth jazz turning into '90s night out there.
“It’s weird. I’m noticing him all the time now. Isn’t that a thing...in psychology?” I ask, snapping my fingers, trying to find the word.
“Confirmation bias? Huh, maybe. I’d have to re-look it up because I’m not trusting my memory right now...” Evie sighs, sounding dog-tired, sniffling against the cold.
“Why do we live in a place where the wind hurts my face? Who allowed this to happen? Why couldn’t the Prewitts have moved somewhere warm and hot with a beach that I could go to all year round? That would be the dream,” I murmur, ignoring the tightening vise around my heart when I think about my cousins leaving me behind.
Amber could work anywhere she wants in the entire world, and I’m sure Brody would follow her, even as he figures out his next career move after getting back to light training after his car accident. Vick could go anywhere in the world as long as she had a superior internet connection, and Michael’s getting his M.B.A. and trains people for a living. They could ostensibly move out to L.A. and never come back— the San Andreas fault is a real, live thing that worries even me.
And Max? My sister can go wherever she wants, whenever she wants. Logan works in finance, and honestly, I don’t think there’s a shortage of those kind of jobs anywhere in the world.
Evie, too, my best friend and cousin. She could just up and leave one day and find another management job in one of the big chain bookstores across the country—she could be those liaison types between independent bookstores and large publishing houses in New York City, for all I know.
Everyone can have a future outside of the city except for me.
Everyone.
That’s why we’re going back to school, and we’re going to take it seriously this time around.
It’s enough to do my head in when I allow myself to think about it for too long, how I’m the weakest link in the Prewitt Family Tree.
It doesn’t help that my sister won’t let me forget it.
“He’s cute, huh?” Evie asks, but she’s just saying it out loud for the entire class to hear. I even end up glancing around the backroom, as if someone can overhear her.
“I don’t see the correlation at all,” I say, biting at my bottom lip. I hate how she can always find me out, how easy I am to read when I’m around her, and honestly, we’re not even face-to-face; she’s doing all of this inferring by the sound of my voice alone.
It’s nuts.
“He’s just one of the guys that’s caught your eye recently, that’s all,” Evie hums, stifling a yawn. “I like his name, though. He’s got a good name. Callum.”
I don’t like the feeling in my gut, slithering and hot, that if I had to give it a name it would be possessiveness. As if I have the right. “Yup, yup. That’s a good name. Uh huh, you’re right.”
Evie laughs. “All right, I’m at my building, and I’m about to head inside. As always, thanks for talking to me on my way home.”
“Yeah, of course. Look, it’s already the middle of January, the days are technically getting longer. There’s already more sun toward the end of the day.”
Evie yawns again, and it makes me yawn all the way over here. “Yeah, I know. Just...be careful, all right? You go into shit looking for them to fall in love with you, but you’ve never really ever given anybody a chance.”
“What? What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”
I can hear Evie’s keys jangling in the background, and the connection gets spotty as I’m told she’s heading into the elevator. Hell no is she getting off that easy. No way.
“Yeah, I’m still here.”
“Look,” Evie sighs. “I’m tired. My eyes feel like they’re bleeding, and I kinda just want to dunk my whole head into a tub of saline to get them to stop hurting. It’s been a long day, hell, a long year, and we’re only a couple of weeks in. Don’t listen to me. I don’t know what I’m talking about half the time.”
“Lies. Lies and deceit. You said it because you meant it, Evie. I know you. You’re the most perceptive person I know, and I want you to tell me what you meant. Come on, before I have to go back to work and deal with assholes who want to watch me make out with my shift partner for a measly twenty bucks.” If I’m doing what someone else tells me to do, I’m at least gonna ask for a hundred-dollar bill on the table.
“It’s just that... hang on, let me get the door open, all right?” Evie grunts, and there’s a particular sigh she gives once she’s inside her apartment, feeling safe again. It’s the same kind of sound that I make when I get back home to my parents’ house and take refuge in my room, locking the door for good measure. I love my parents, but they don’t know much about boundaries and what it means to be crossing them all the damn time.
“I don’t know what or who you’re chasing. It’s not like you’re going to be a good daughter if you find a guy to marry you. That’s not how it should work, you know? And honestly, you could find any guy that could do that for you, but I think you’d end up bored and miserable, and I don’t want that for you.”
I sniff. “Well, okay, then.”
“I’m not saying any of this to be mean, Izzy. I’m not. I people-watch, and when I can, and I read a lot. You don’t need some random guy to make you shine in your parents’ eyes. That would cheapen you.”
“I’m not sure if you’re saying nice shit to me or you’re insulting me to my face,” I say through clenched teeth. I’m not mad, not really, just a little sore from the verbal blows. Because they are verbal blows, the kind that I’m going to carry with me throughout my shift, and all the way back home on the lonesome drive.
“I just... I thought I would be so much further in my life than I already am. It would’ve been nice, I think, to have a house with my husband, and like fourteen dogs and cats in the backyard.”
Evie laughs, and I can hear her rummaging somewhere in her apartment, maybe in her kitchen to make herself a snack. It doesn’t matter; time’s up.
“I gotta go, Evie. I’ll talk to you later.”
Evie groans over the line. “Yeah, cool. Are you still coming over tomorrow? Movie night before you have to go in to work?”
“I have to study, actually. I’m planning on heading to a coffee shop to get out of the house and get a few hours in before I have to head to work. Sorry.”
“No, I get it. Have fun tonight. Be safe. Love you!” Evie yells and then disconnects the call before I can hope to.
There’s a punch of a knock against the door, and I shore myself up, putting all the important parts and feelings and emotions bundled deep inside so I can make it through my shift.
I plaster a flirtatious smile on my face, the very one I’ve perfected in my own reflection over the years, and make sure my hair’s secured on the top of my head since I’m going to be sweating a lot sooner rather than later.
I open the back-room door only to find Callum standing there, stamping his feet free of snow in his boots that don’t look like they’re very warm, his jacket (again, not looking warm at all against the icy wind) open and his black thermal underneath wrapped tight against his body.
“What?” I say, frowning at him, taking an involuntary step forward as if I have the right to touch him to make sure he’s okay.
Callum just looks through me, blinking slowly as if coming out of a daze, and with every blink he gives me, my heart beats even faster the longer we end up staring at each other.
Evie’s words echo inside my head: I don’t know what you’re chasing, Izzy...
I’m chasing a version of what my sister has, of what my older cousins have. And even though it’s a shitty place to be, to covet what my cousins have, I still find myself thinking about sleeping next to someone who will hold me through the night instead of waking me up for another round of sex.
Been there, done that. I’m tired of being the party girl. I want something more serious this time around.
“Hey,” Callum says, giving me a nod and then effectively dismissing me as he takes a step back, out into the hall, waiting for me to pass him by.
“Hey, yourself,” I say, not planning on cooperating, and his blue-green eyes spark with something like annoyance. “How come you weren’t at school the other day? And you missed your shift the night before that,” I say, squinting at him.
Callum shakes his head, then takes another step backward, a physical invitation for me to get my ass moving and headed behind the bar.
I grin at him, even if it hurts a little. “You don’t like me very much, huh?” I ask, tilting my head at him, wanting some sort of reaction.
Stop it, Izzy. You’re being creepy.
“Enjoy your break,” I say, walking by him and heading to the bar, where I get to work right away.
The rest of the night passes quickly, my feet aching by the end of the night as last call comes and goes. I’m already at the back of the building, having started my car with my remote starter, and trying to convince myself that I need to go outside and clean off the snow —my heating system’s pretty great, but it’s not going to melt all that snow right off.
I head outside, stash my shit in my car, and start swiping the snow off it, throwing it around only for the wind to swirl it back into my face, getting down the collar of my coat and slipping down, down, down.
Well, that’s fantastic.
I’m so focused on my task that I turn to look behind me as I round the car to notice that there’s someone in the darkened car next to me, and I distinctly see... a puppy’s face.
Oh shit, oh shit!
When the door opens between us and I glare at the scant millimeters it opens shy of colliding with my passenger side door do I find Callum stepping out of said car with a puppy in his coat.
“Oh. Oh my God,” I gasp, practically dropping my snow remover tool-brush thing at the sight of the precious dog. “You have a puppy!” I exclaim in the cold, the wind whirling around us, picking up snow and swirling it around the two of us so that we might look like something out of the movie Frozen.
Callum frowns at me in the dark, the light from my headlights casting most of him in shadow, and the back light on the building isn’t bright enough to get all the way here. There’s a single streetlight on the corner, but it’s been dead for months and months. So I could be guessing, but the way Callum clutches the pup tighter to his chest makes me think differently.
“Callum? Is the pup okay?”
Callum shakes his head and sighs.
“You want to get inside my car? It should be warm by now,” I say, jerking my thumb over my shoulder.
“If that’s okay with you,” he says, and I nod hastily at him, rounding my car from the back and getting into the driver’s seat, cranking the heat all the way up. It’s warm in here, sure, but not up to my standards. Callum opens the passenger side door and gets in gingerly, cradling the puppy in his arms and closing the door behind him.
And now there’s just the two of us here, in my car, thawing out from the cold outside, and there’s nothing but the roar of my car heating system and the sad little whimpers of a puppy that’s too cold.
“My car battery died, and I don’t even know how long ago it happened. I don’t know how long Luna’s been freezing,” Callum says viciously, but it’s not directed at me, I don’t think. “Luna, Luna, just stay—”
The pup, Luna (what a great name) somehow gets out of her dad’s clutches and practically sails into my lap, making those sad, hurt little whimpers that have me moving before I can actually think about it.
I unzip my coat and use my other hand to move my driver’s seat all the way back to give me enough room to un-tuck my blouse free from my skirt and cover the cold pup with it, giving her skin-to-skin contact until she’s sharing the collar with me, her soft and fuzzy head poking out of it, right next to my cheek. I hastily close my coat again, and then try to angle all the vents toward me, making sure the settings are blasting both my face and my feet with warm air.
“Shit, she’s really cold, Callum. Oh, poor baby,” I murmur to Luna, the pup licking at my cheek in what feels like gratitude, breaking my heart into a million pieces.
“I know, I know. I fucked up, I fucked up,” he groans, sighing, covering his face with a hand like he doesn’t want me to see.
“Hey, hey, she’s going to be okay. She’s already warming up. Wanna see if there’s a 24-hr vet somewhere nearby? I can drive us. Do you have booster cables? ‘Cause I don’t.” I ramble it out, running my hands over my coat on top of Luna’s body bundled close to my chest, checking her ears to feel how cold they are.
“I was gonna get a bus there,” Callum says forlornly, and I’m choosing the wrong moment in time to find it cute. This guy’s been nothing but stoic, Tall, Dark and Quiet, but maybe he’s like Evie, he just doesn’t see the need to talk needlessly like yours truly unless he really has something to say. “But if you don’t mind driving the two of us, I would really appreciate it. I’ll make it up to you somehow.”
“I would say bring Luna to work so I can see her, but obviously we don’t want a repeat of what happened today, so...you have to take a bunch of pictures and show them to me every single time I see you. I think that is penance enough, don’t you think?”
I grin over at him, wanting him to be in on the joke, because while it would be great to have pictures of Luna to look forward to every single day... we’re not friends, even if we share a class together, even if he’s super hot and attractive and doesn’t say much.
What are you chasing, Iz? Who are you chasing?
“Is your car completely warmed up yet?” Callum asks, leaning over very carefully and slowly so as not to freak me out as I lean away for him to peer at my dash. “Soon, soon. I’m happy she likes you. I’ve been having a hard time getting her to open up.”
“She’s a rescue?”
Callum nods, looking at me—well, at Luna—fondly. “I got her the other day. Didn’t sleep a wink the past few nights. I’m having a hard time trying to figure out how to settle her down. She’s only a few months old, and she’s already learned not to trust people.”
“But she flew out of your arms into my arms,” I say, leaning back into my seat so I can unsuccessfully peer down at her. “Why would you go and do a thing like that, hey, Luna?” I baby-talk to the pup. “Oh, someone’s feeling better, huh? Your little pawsies are getting warm, too. Ah, shit, she’s really cute. Super cute.”
“I know,” Callum sighs, and honestly, is there anything more attractive than a hunk of a man turned into putty from being confronted with an adorable puppy? I think not.
“Callum, what are you going to do about school and work, though? How are you going to take care of a puppy then?” My heart drums faster in my chest, and this all of a sudden feels a lot like goodbye. I have so many questions for him as I peer down at Luna’s adorable face.
She looks calmer, and I know she’s warming up, but she’s still making those pitiful sounds that hurt me.
“I’m only taking two classes, so it’s not that bad. And my little brother’s going to be checking in on her on those nights where it’s class and then work overnight.”
“Oh, okay, that’s good.” I nod to myself, getting licks along my cheek and laughing. “I hope you know that this is our dog now. She’s claimed me.”
Callum smiles a little, tilting his head at me, looking adorable as hell. Looking like a guy I would want to chase, if I wasn’t so concerned with getting my head out of my ass. “Yeah, I know.”
“As long as you know,” I say, glancing away from him and pulling on my seatbelt. “Let’s get Luna all better, okay?”
