Lapsewood entered Colonel Penhaligan’s office and locked eyes with the man he had spent the last ten years fearing.
‘Alice,’ bellowed Colonel Penhaligan. ‘I don’t recall scheduling a meeting with an escaped convict.’
‘No, sir,’ said Alice, appearing behind Lapsewood. ‘I’m afraid he wouldn’t take no for an answer, sir.’
Colonel Penhaligan turned back to Lapsewood. ‘Insisted, eh? That doesn’t sound like the donkey I remember.’
‘I’m not a donkey,’ replied Lapsewood.
‘So I’m told. Or perhaps you’re simply a donkey with delusions of grandeur,’ said the colonel. He dismissed Alice with a wave. She glanced at Lapsewood and closed the door behind her. ‘What do you want, Lapsewood?’ he asked once they were alone.
‘The truth,’ Lapsewood stated.
‘You’ll have to be more specific.’
‘You knew about the Black Rot when you transferred me.’
‘What’s led you to that conclusion?’
‘Why else would you have obtained the safety copy of the London Tenancy List?’
‘Perhaps you should tell me.’
‘You gave it to Monsieur Vidocq.’
‘Why would I do that?’ he asked, reaching for a cigar.
Lapsewood took a deep breath. ‘I think you wanted to find a solution to the problem yourself so you could prove General Colt’s incompetence and dismiss him. You told me yourself that you wanted to get rid of him.’
Colonel Penhaligan clipped off the end of the cigar. ‘If that was the case, why would I send you to help him?’
‘He wanted a Prowler. You sent him someone unqualified for the job, someone who hadn’t set foot in the physical world since becoming a ghost, someone who . . .’ Lapsewood faltered. ‘A clerk who had fallen behind with his paperwork.’
‘So you’re saying I sent him a useless deadweight,’ said Colonel Penhaligan, smirking.
‘Yes, sir,’ said Lapsewood. ‘But you underestimated me.’
‘Finally, something we agree on. I did underestimate you,’ said Colonel Penhaligan. ‘But I am sorry to tell you that apart from that, everything else you have said is a matter of purest fancy. The fact that General Colt is a lazy, American oaf is precisely why I recommended him for the role in Housing in the first place.’
‘You recommended him?’ said Lapsewood.
‘Oh yes.’ Colonel Penhaligan smiled and lit the cigar. ‘A competent man would have spotted the problem much earlier on. I needed someone who was too busy practising his golf swing to bother with the business of actually running a department.’
Lapsewood felt thrown by this confession. ‘But . . . what about the Black Rot?’
‘Like I said before, I’ve been a ghost a long time. When I saw what happened in Paris I saw the potential. But in Paris there was no plan. I saw that if I could provide this exorcist with a list he would be able to act much more efficiently in ridding the city of its Residents.’
‘You mean you put the list in the hands of a living person?’ Lapsewood couldn’t believe it. Not only had Colonel Penhaligan done something far worse than any of his transgressions, but he was openly confessing to it. What was more, he appeared to be enjoying Lapsewood’s horrified reaction.
‘Lapsewood, you really have proved to be the most entertaining donkey I have ever encountered. I certainly did underestimate you. The role you have played in this has proved to be utterly invaluable.’
‘Invaluable?’
‘Utterly so.’ He blew a mouthful of smoke into his face. ‘I presume you’ve learnt by now what happens when an infected building is left untended for long enough?’
‘The chateau in Paris drew something from the Void,’ said Lapsewood, remembering what the Marquis had told him.
‘Exactly. Formless spirits feeding off the souls of ghosts. The one in Paris devoured every ghost that entered. Even the living could sense there was something wrong with the place. But it was unable to get out, you see. It was trapped in that chateau, devouring all who entered. In the end it took fifteen French Enforcers to force it back through to the other side. The whole thing was a right old mess. But you and your Rogue friend, Tanner, found a way to unleash the one we cultivated in Shadwell. You got the demon out. Cigar, Lapsewood?’
‘No thank you. I don’t understand, sir.’
Colonel Penhaligan snapped shut the lid of the cigar box. ‘The anomalies. Brilliant. Without souls, the hounds make perfect vessels for the demon to travel inside. You created a hell hound, Lapsewood.’ Colonel Penhaligan grinned. ‘That’s not an official name, of course. We’re some way off properly classifying it.’
‘We did what?’ said Lapsewood, aghast.
‘Don’t look so worried. It’s a good thing.’
‘With respect, how can it be a good thing to create a hell hound, sir?’
‘What you’re failing to see is that the Black Rot isn’t a disease. It’s a cure.’ Colonel Penhaligan tapped the cigar into an ashtray. ‘In time, all of your dogs will go the same way. As we speak, the Shadwell hound is roaming the streets, devouring Rogues. Soon London will be overrun with the creatures, wiping out every wretched Rogue ghost in this overpopulated city. I’ll succeed where Hardknuckle’s Enforcers have failed.’
‘We can’t let this happen,’ exclaimed Lapsewood, so angry that he felt he could have knocked a door off its hinges. ‘You’re mad, sir.’
‘Ee-ore,’ brayed Colonel Penhaligan, with a low chuckle.
‘Then I’ll do something.’
‘What will you do?’
‘I’ll go over your head.’
‘Over the head of the Head of Dispatches?’ barked the colonel. ‘You, an escaped convict? You don’t understand, do you? I am on the verge of solving London’s Rogue ghost problem. I’m the hero in this story.’
‘But—’
‘Would you like to hear another interesting thing?’ Penhaligan interrupted. ‘Since this is the last time we’re likely to see each other? Do you know why you fell behind with your paperwork?’
‘No,’ admitted Lapsewood.
‘I tripled your workload,’ proclaimed Colonel Penhaligan. ‘I needed an excuse to send General Colt the worst possible person for the job. That was you. So I redirected more work into your office than you could handle to make it look as if you were falling behind. Now, if you’ll excuse me. I’ve a letter to dictate. Alice!’
‘Yes, sir?’ said Alice, appearing at the door.
‘I need to send Admiral Hardknuckle an urgent memo about an escaped convict by the name of Lapsewood.’
‘Yes, sir,’ she replied, glancing at Lapsewood with sorrowful eyes.
‘This isn’t the end,’ said Lapsewood.
‘It is for you,’ countered Colonel Penhaligan.
But Lapsewood had not been speaking to him. He had been looking at Alice.
‘Go,’ she mouthed.
Lapsewood nodded, then turned to Ether Dust and escaped into the Paternoster Pipe Network.