The seal of the door made a prolonged squeak as it swept over the rubber flooring while Helena entered the room. Aidan didn’t bother to turn around to see who it was, probably assuming it was one of the medical team doing their checks.
‘Thought you could use this,’ she said, holding out the cardboard coffee cup and a brown paper bag containing a croissant and banana that she had bought in the shop downstairs.
Aidan swung around and she knew he was surprised to see her standing there. Dark circles hung beneath his eyes, and he looked shattered, but she guessed she didn’t exactly look too great right now either. Like her, he was still wearing the same clothes as he had been wearing the previous day.
‘Thanks,’ Aidan said, taking it from her gratefully. She guessed caffeine was probably the only thing keeping him going right now.
‘I heard the good news.’ She nodded towards Milly, who was asleep once more. ‘I trained with one of the registrars on duty today and he filled me in,’ she explained. ‘You must be so relieved to be moved from ICU to High Dependency. I know she’s not out of the woods yet, but it’s a step in the right direction. So, how’s she doing?’
‘She was asking for Rowan,’ Aidan said, looking crestfallen.
‘Oh, Aidan, that’s awful. What did you say?’
‘I didn’t tell her yet – I just didn’t think it was the right time.’ He shook his head. ‘I don’t think it’ll ever be the right time,’ he sighed.
Helena nodded. ‘I think that’s a good call, wait until she’s feeling a bit stronger. And what about you? How’ve you been?’
‘I still can’t believe any of this is real to be honest,’ he admitted. ‘I’ve been so focused on Milly and making sure she pulls through and then worrying about how the boys are doing at home that I keep forgetting. Then I’ll go to tell Rowan something or ask her for advice and I remember.’ He shook his head as if trying to shake off the horror. ‘It keeps sneaking up on me like a big mallet and whacking me all over again.’
She remembered that awful stage of grieving after her brother had passed away from cancer a few years ago. Even now, after all these years, she still picked up the phone to call him before she would remember. ‘Grief is sneaky,’ Helena agreed. ‘People say time is a healer, but that’s a lie, it never gets any easier, you just get better at dealing with the pain.’
‘How’s James doing?’ he asked, stroking the pudgy skin on Milly’s arm.
She felt heat warm through her face. She was still trying to come to terms with his revelation about his one-night stand with Rowan. She was trying to process what he had told her, but it was as though the words couldn’t penetrate her brain. How could he do something like that? How could Rowan have done that to Aidan?
‘It was before I met you and it was only one time,’ he had tried to justify it since, as if that automatically excused everything. ‘We bumped into one another on a night out and one thing led to another… Rowan was feeling lonely, James was travelling so much with work… she was on her own with the two boys all the time and it just sort of happened.’ Although he swore that he had never been unfaithful during their marriage, she still hadn’t thought that her husband would be capable of doing that to another man. She had been torn between wanting to rage and scream at him but also conscious of the fact that he was in an extremely fragile and vulnerable state, and she didn’t want to set back his recovery. Nonetheless, alarm bells had fired in her brain. Why had Rowan made contact with James again after all this time? Why couldn’t they have met in one of his coffee shops like James had suggested? Had she wanted to reignite the flames of passion once again? Or maybe they had already ignited, and James wasn’t being honest with her? To think Rowan had sat in the church at their wedding with Aidan sitting loyally in the pew beside in her, blissfully unaware that she had betrayed him with the man standing on the altar. As Rowan had watched James exchange his vows, Helena wondered if she had felt any remorse for what she had done to Aidan?
Helena paused for a breath to gather herself. ‘He’s doing okay; he’s lucid now.’
She wondered if Aidan had figured it out yet? Surely, he had pieced it together by now? It was all over the news. She had read about it on her phone. Although James’s name hadn’t been mentioned in the newspaper articles she had read, the fact that there had been two passengers in Rowan’s car must have triggered alarm bells in Aidan’s head. But perhaps he hadn’t seen the news with everything that was going on… Then she spotted the folded newspaper on Milly’s tray table, the ink on the front page screaming up at her. He has seen it, she thought. But wouldn’t he have said something about it? He certainly wasn’t acting off with her. Perhaps he was in shock…
‘I see you got the paper,’ she said to test the waters.
‘Yeah, front-page news.’ He shook his head bitterly. ‘Usually you read about these things but they’re always people you don’t know, and you think how tragic, but then you forget all about it and go on with your day.’
Judging by his reaction, Helena realised that he hadn’t pieced it together. ‘Do you know who the other passenger was?’ she ventured, feeling as though she was taking steps across a sheet of ice.
‘Well, I assumed they made a mistake…’ Aidan admitted, suddenly sounding doubtful. ‘Garda Sullivan is due to call in and I was going to ask her about it actually.’
‘Aidan…’ she began. There was no easy way to tell him this. She knew she was about to shake up his world once more, but she had no choice, because he was going to discover the truth soon anyway. Once he spoke with the Gardaí, they would tell him the full details of the crash and she hated to think of him being humiliated in front of a stranger like that. It was better coming from her. She took a deep breath. ‘James was the other passenger in the car.’
She watched as Aidan’s face changed through several expressions as he tried to process what he had just been told.
‘James, as in your husband?’ Aidan knitted his brows together in incredulity. ‘But why would he be in the car with them?’
‘I’m not sure to be honest, Aidan. Rowan had contacted him and asked to meet up.’ She lowered her gaze. ‘She never got to tell him what she wanted to say.’
She could see Aidan trying to process this new revelation, as it threw up more questions inside his head. He was going through the exact same shock and disbelief as she was.
‘Was it some sort of college meet-up? I didn’t think they were really in touch any more.’
She shook her head. ‘I’m not sure, but I reckon that’s what it was.’ She forced a smile on her face to reassure him. It was kinder to leave it this way. It was for Aidan’s own good, because the truth would destroy him. She wanted to spare him the knowledge of his wife’s betrayal – what did it matter now anyway? Rowan was no longer here, and Aidan didn’t need to have her memory tainted like that. The damage was done and there was no point dredging it back up again.
‘Maybe James could tell me what happened?’ Aidan asked hopefully. ‘Does he remember anything?’
Helena felt her heart rate quicken. ‘That’s all he can remember unfortunately. He’s still quite weak, Aidan,’ she lied, feeling fear flood through her. Aidan wasn’t letting this go and she knew it would only be a matter of time before he came searching for answers.