Although the results didn’t come as a surprise to Helena and James, a thick layer of tension had settled on the house like rubble after an earthquake since the arrival of the letter in Abbeville Road.
James was holding the sheet of paper in his hands like it was a trophy.
‘There it is now…’ he stabbed the paper with his index finger, ‘it’s there in black and white for the whole world to see. Let’s see who Aidan’s accusing of causing trouble now!’ he said smugly.
‘That’s not fair, James,’ Helena argued. ‘Haven’t you any compassion for the poor guy? He’s raised Milly as his daughter for her whole life – he is her father. This is going to crush him!’ She couldn’t bear to think of what Aidan must be going through behind the walls in his own home right at the same moment, dealing with the hammer-blow that the results would be for him. She hated herself for her role in all of this.
‘But we tried telling him and he wouldn’t listen!’ James went on unperturbed. ‘Does he really think we’d lie about something like this? I’m going to contact Laurence Jones first thing in the morning and get the ball rolling.’
Helena felt her heart stop. ‘Oh, James, please don’t rush this. Just stop and pause and give everyone time to get their heads around it first,’ she begged.
‘No way.’ He shook his head. ‘I won’t be robbed of any more time with her, Helena – I’m going for full custody.’
Full custody? What had happened to a shared arrangement? This would finish Aidan off entirely. How could James do that to him? Did she know her husband at all? When had he turned so cruel, so heartless? Helena felt as though she was sinking under oil, she was flailing around beneath it, unable to break through the surface. ‘You can’t do that!’ She was aghast.
‘Why not? She’s my daughter – we have it officially here.’ He lifted the letter and read it once more. ‘It says “the probability of paternity is 99.9%”, it doesn’t get any more certain than that.’
‘I know what it says,’ Helena shouted angrily at him, ‘but you need to be fair, James.’
‘Fair to who? Is it fair on me that I’ve missed out on over three years of my own daughter’s life?’
‘Fair to all parties. You can’t just take her off Aidan. She’s lost her mother, he’s all she has left. It doesn’t matter what the results say, Aidan is the only father that child has ever known. You’ve got to think about Milly,’ she pleaded. James was so black and white – so clinical. He just didn’t seem to understand that Milly was a living breathing child with feelings and needs and wants.
‘Because she was never allowed to get to know her real father!’ he blazed. ‘Look, we’ve been over all of this, we’ll do it so gradually that she won’t even notice what’s happening.’
The whole thing was unbearable. ‘I can’t destroy Aidan and Milly’s lives any more than they already have been.’
‘It’s too late for that now, Helena. You can’t just wash your hands of it – you started it all. You said having a child was all you ever wanted!’
It was true, everything he was saying was right. She had done this, she had given him a glimpse of the life he could have had if things had been different. She had set him on this path.
‘Not like this, I’m sorry, James,’ Helena whispered, shaking her head.
‘I can’t just forget about her.’ His tone changed, the anger evaporated. He sank down onto a chair, shaking his head, looking broken. ‘You can’t expect me to walk away from this now that I know the truth?’
She took a deep breath, preparing herself for what she was about to say, for the vein of sorrow it would open up inside both of them. ‘Remember when we lost our baby boy,’ she began. She saw the hurt creasing his face as he relived their grief for the baby they had lost at twelve weeks. They had never talked about it. Not once. Neither of them had dared to mention it because they were terrified of the tidal wave of emotion that would be unleashed if they did.
He nodded, unable to form words, his whole face contorted in anguish.
‘Remember how broken and awful we felt?’ Helena continued. Even though she knew it was agony for both of them, she had to make him see what he was doing. She had to get through to him. ‘Remember how our hearts felt physically wrung out from grief? I’ve never felt so low in my entire life – I wanted to die and never wake up again. Well, that’s a tiny insight into what we are putting Aidan through and I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t wish that heartache on my worst enemy and certainly not Aidan.’