It was a chilly winter morning and a thick frost had covered the garden overnight, giving the world beyond the glass a magical feel. Aidan was in the kitchen, where the scent of the coffee he had just brewed filled the air. He needed it after the night they had had. Milly had been released from hospital after breakfast, and except for the bandage on her head and grazes on her face, it was almost as if the fall had never happened. She was spinning around the house now like a whirling dervish and Aidan was following after her every step, to make sure she didn’t come to any harm.
‘Woah, woah, woah,’ Aidan chastised as she tried to climb up onto a stool at the marble-topped island. ‘No way, I want you on solid ground only.’
‘Okay, Daddy,’ she giggled and climbed back down onto the floor.
‘So let’s make these cookies,’ Aidan clapped his hands together. She had been asking if they could bake cookies since she had arrived home and Aidan had agreed, reckoning it was a task she could do without coming to too much harm.
Milly began pulling her tiny apron over her head and he lifted her up onto the stool so she could see what was happening. Gemma had taken the boys back to her house from the hospital the night before and dropped them home earlier. Callum was watching TV while Jack was building Lego in his room and Aidan was looking forward to having a quiet day after the drama of the last twenty-four hours.
‘This is the book Mammy uses.’ Milly pointed out a cookery book with a dusky pink spine and Aidan lifted it down from the shelf and began flicking through its pages that were splattered with transparent greasy spots from batters Rowan had made over the years. He found the recipe but was having less success finding the ingredients. He pulled bags of flour and sugar out of the cupboard and began checking the dates, chucking the ones that were out-of-date into the bin.
Over recent days, he had found that mindless tasks like this were good; his brain could just switch off and not think about the court hearing that was looming like a spectre, keeping him awake in the dead of night as he worried about what was going to happen to them. Coming so close to losing Milly the day before had given him a glimpse of the pain that lay ahead if James was successful, and it was terrifying. If only he could switch his brain off – just for a second – from the horror inside his head, but the fear of losing his precious daughter was always there tormenting him. Although he was grateful to James for taking care of the boys yesterday, why had he been there at the playground? How had he seen the fall unfold; was it just a strange coincidence or was there more to it? He had said he was out for a walk, but Aidan couldn’t trust anything that man said. It occurred to him with sickening dread as he’d lain awake at Milly’s bedside the night before that James might try to use the fall as evidence in court that Aidan was an unfit father. James could twist the whole thing to support his case if he wanted to.
The sound of the doorbell brought him out of his thoughts. ‘Will you get that, Callum?’ he called from inside the cupboard. ‘We’ve no flour or chocolate chips,’ he explained to Milly as he surveyed what was left. ‘We’ll have to go to the shop and get some.’
‘But me want to make the cookies now, Daddy!’ she protested.
Aidan sighed. ‘I’ll just—’
‘Dad?’ Callum interrupted him as he called from the hall. ‘It’s Helena and James.’
What the hell were they doing here? He didn’t have the energy to deal with whatever blows they might send his way today.
His breath hitched in his chest and he felt goosebumps prickle along his arms. ‘I’m coming,’ he replied, quickly getting up from the floor. Were they going to try to ambush him at home? The children didn’t know anything about the drama between them and he didn’t want them finding out. He knew he wouldn’t be able to shield them from it forever; their upcoming court hearing was drawing dangerously close, but he wasn’t ready to do it yet. How would he even begin to tell the children something like that? How could he break it to them that the mother they had loved so dearly had lived a double life? He didn’t want to tarnish what good memories they had left of her. They were children; she deserved to stay in their head as the woman who kissed away their tears and soothed their worries. That was all they had left of her and Aidan didn’t want to rob them of that. They had been through enough.
He hurried down the hallway and saw them framed in the arch of the doorway. He flashed them a warning look over Callum’s head, telling them not to start anything in front of the kids.
‘How is she doing?’ Helena began when Callum had gone back into the kitchen.
‘She’s okay, she got home this morning. Look, I’m grateful for your help yesterday, but you know you shouldn’t be here. Anything you need to say can be put through my solicitor.’ He raised his hand to close the door on them, but suddenly James stepped forward and blocked him.
Aidan balled his fists as white-hot fury overtook him.
‘Aidan, wait,’ James was saying. ‘I really need to talk to you. We’re not here to cause any more trouble, I swear.’
There was something about his tone, a crack in his voice that made Aidan stop. He noticed that they both looked wretched. Helena’s hair was unwashed and slung back in a ponytail, with loose bits falling around her face. Her clothes were all creased too. James wore a hangdog expression and his eyes were bloodshot.
‘If you start anything, you’ll be out on your ear before you know it,’ Aidan warned, standing to the side and gesturing towards the living-room door.
They followed Aidan inside and shifted awkwardly. Aidan couldn’t help but notice how different they were from the last time they had doorstepped him. James’s bullish demeanour was gone and his 6ft 3in frame suddenly seemed smaller.
‘Sit down,’ Aidan told them.
As they sat down on the L-shaped sofa, Milly came into the room and they all held their breath as she ran towards Helena and climbed up onto her knee.
‘Lena! We’re making cookies,’ she announced.
All eyes fell on his daughter, the very reason they were all gathered here; the wonderful child caught in the middle, the child that they all wanted. James was looking at her in wonderment, like he was only just seeing what Aidan had seen on the day she was born.
Aidan looked across at Helena and saw tears filling her eyes. She had to use the back of her hand to wipe them away quickly.
‘Callum,’ he called out.
‘Yeah, Dad?’ He stuck his head around the door a few moments later.
‘Could you take Milly to the corner shop and get flour and chocolate chips to make the cookies?’
‘Sure,’ he said, coming into the room and taking his little sister by the hand. ‘Come on, Milly, let’s get your coat on.’
‘Make sure you hold her hand the whole time and don’t let her run off,’ Aidan warned.
He waited until he heard the slam of the front door a few minutes later before continuing. ‘What do you want?’ he asked in exasperation.
James looked over at Helena and she nodded at him. He took a deep breath. ‘I wanted to say that I’m sorry – for everything—’ he began.
‘It’s a bit too late for that now, don’t you think?’ Aidan blazed.
‘Aidan, I’ve been doing some thinking… a lot of thinking actually… and I’ve realised that what I’m doing isn’t fair on you or Milly.’ He shook his head.
Aidan sat up straighter, wondering where this was going. Was James trying to soften him up before landing another punch? There was a ‘but’ coming somewhere, he knew there was.
‘Aidan, we’re sorry, both of us, for what we’ve done to you,’ Helena was saying now, her voice audibly upset. She began rooting around in her bag and pulled out a packet of tissues. ‘From the bottom of my heart, I know you’ll probably never forgive me for my role in all of this, but I’m so very sorry.’ She was fiddling with the packet, clumsily trying to take out a tissue.
‘You might not believe me, but I want the best for her…’ James’s voice wavered.
‘You don’t have a bloody clue what’s best for her!’ Aidan interrupted him.
James and Helena exchanged a look.
‘She belongs with you, Aidan,’ James said quietly, so quietly that Aidan thought he had misheard him.
Aidan was speechless. ‘What?’ was all he managed to say.
‘I’m dropping the case,’ James continued. ‘I can’t do it to Milly. I’ve already instructed my solicitor that I won’t be proceeding.’
Aidan couldn’t process what they were saying. Was this some sort of cruel trick? Some kind of game they were playing? Was he supposed to take their words at face value, or was there an ulterior motive here? He had witnessed what they were capable of, how low they were willing to sink, how could he believe them? He looked over at Helena, who was dabbing at her eyes with the tissue but she couldn’t keep up with them as tears streamed freely down her face.
‘Is this a wind-up?’ Aidan managed to say.
Helena shook her head. ‘Aidan, James and I have been through an awful lot, I know it doesn’t excuse what we have done to you, but as you know we were trying for a baby for a long time to eventually be told that it would never happen. Then the accident took place and when the question mark over Milly’s paternity raised its head – I don’t know…’ She shook her head. ‘I really never thought the test would show that you were not her dad. You have to believe me on that. I still don’t know what possessed me to do it. I look back and don’t even recognise myself. I’m not trying to make excuses for my behaviour, but I think not being able to have a child of our own made me do things I never thought I would be capable of doing.’ She looked across at James. ‘I think it made both of us do things we would never normally do.’
He saw tears fill James’s eyes, which knocked him off guard. Aidan watched as he exhaled heavily before taking over from Helena. ‘I’m sorry, Aidan… I just don’t know what happened, I was like a man possessed. It’s like I was blindsided. I saw Milly as my only chance to have a child and nothing could sway me from that, but I now realise I was using her to fix a problem in my life and I never should have done that. As much as it kills me to let go of my one chance to be a dad, I’ve come to realise that Milly belongs with you. Being a dad is a lot more than the DNA you share with someone – you’re her father, Aidan, you always have been and always will be.’
Aidan was stunned. Although he felt relief as sweet as honey flood through him, how could he believe them after everything they had put him through?
‘Why now? What’s changed?’ he asked in disbelief.
‘I was in the park yesterday and I saw you pushing Milly on the swings. It was the way she looked at you – I realised that she would never look at me in the same way, no matter how much I loved her or tried to be good a father. She could never be mine… It’s really simple; you’re her dad, Aidan,’ James said, his voice choked with emotion, and tears descended his face.
In a perverse way, Aidan actually found himself feeling sorry for James and Helena. Although they had betrayed him in the worst possible way and he hated what they had done to him, the hell they had put him through, in their own way, they too were victims in this tangled web of deceit.
‘There is something that I wanted to ask you,’ James continued after taking a moment to gather himself.
Aidan’s heart fell just as quickly as it had risen. He knew there was going to be a catch. How could he be so naïve as to believe a word that came out of either of their mouths?
‘Helena and I were wondering… well, if we could be… involved in her life, I mean she would never know the truth obviously. I know we don’t deserve that and you are welcome to tell us to get lost and that you never want to see us again, but we would love to be able to watch her grow up if you’d let us?’