Sunlight shone through the leafy branches of the gnarled oak tree where they all sat at a linen-clothed table beneath its shade. The triangles of bunting that Helena had strung around the garden flapped gently on the breeze. Children’s laughter rang out as they chased each other across the lawn.
Baby Theo was in James’s arms, kicking his pudgy little legs, his chubby pink face peeping out from beneath his sunhat. Every time she looked at them together, Helena’s heart swelled so much in her chest that she thought it might burst out through her ribcage. She still had to pinch herself that he was hers. He was at that adorable chubby stage that babies reached around their first birthday, but she knew it would all fall off him once he got walking over the next few months.
She had never felt such contentedness. She had always imagined how it would feel to be a mother, but even in her wildest fantasies, it hadn’t been like this. She had watched Theo come into the world in a whirlwind as if he couldn’t wait to meet her. Their surrogate Anna had kept them involved during the whole pregnancy and none of Helena’s fears or worries about using another woman to carry their child had been realised. Anna already had two children of her own and had finished her family and now she wanted to help others. It had taken Helena’s naturally cautious personality ages to trust her; she was waiting for the catch in Anna’s altruism, but it never came. Anna had been selfless throughout the pregnancy and had kept them involved the whole time. Helena really felt she was sent to them by angels.
The midwife had handed Theo to Helena first; they had planned it that way. Helena had asked Anna if she wanted to be the first to hold him, but Anna had told her that the baby should be held by his mother first. So she had taken him gingerly from the midwife, his tiny face red furious and roaring in complaint about having been evicted from his home of the last nine months. As she’d looked down at him nestled in her arms, she had noticed instantly that his nose had the same aquiline shape as James’s – a good strong nose, she had thought – and as his eyes had opened up to the wonder of the world, she had recognised the familiar almond curve of her own eyes.
One of her biggest fears about using a surrogate had been that it might feel strange when she didn’t carry him herself or because she wasn’t the one to give birth to him, that the bonding process might be slower – or maybe not happen at all – but those fears were unfounded; she had taken one look at Theo and known he was hers to love. It was as if everything in her life to date had been leading up to this moment, like she had been waiting the whole time to meet him.
Now, as she looked at her beautiful boy, she wondered how she had ever rejected the option of surrogacy. She wished she could have realised this years ago, it would have saved them so much pain. But she had learned that sometimes you had to travel the hard road in this life to get to the place you were destined for. She and James had been shaped by their scars and by some miracle they had emerged stronger than ever before. Nobody knew what the future held, what suffering or happiness lay on their life path, but in that moment, Helena was so grateful for all of it; the pain and anguish, even the grief, because it had led them here. If they hadn’t gone through all of that heartache, they wouldn’t have had Theo. And he was perfect. So, so perfect.
‘It’s cake time!’ she announced as she placed the cake down in the centre of the table. Her parents, Anne and Pat, and Theo’s other grandparents, Breda and Kevin, all gathered around their grandson. Callum, Jack and Milly came tearing across the grass, with Milly chanting ‘cake, cake, cake!’ She was nearly six now and would be going into Senior Infants soon. Callum scooped her up and swung her around. She giggled until he put her back down again. At nearly seventeen, Callum had grown into a broad-shouldered man of over six foot tall and had just been selected for the senior cup rugby team in his school. Aidan had told her that he was working hard in school and it was difficult to believe that he was ever the troubled young boy that she had once brought home to Aidan.
‘Jack, would you lead us?’ Helena asked when everyone had gathered round. She watched as his small chest plumped out a little as he picked up the guitar that went everywhere with him these days. Music was his passion and he had told Helena that he was writing his own songs.
Helena watched Aidan, his whole face lit with pride as Jack began to strum the opening chords of ‘Happy Birthday’ and they all sang along with him. Aidan had recently taken the plunge and started his own consulting business and it seemed to be working out well for them all. He had a steady stream of clients and so could pick and choose what work he took on, which gave him more flexibility with the kids. They had emerged from their nightmare and, although they would never be the same again, Helena could see the signs that they were starting to heal.
When they had finished singing, she struck a match along the side of the box and lit the single candle on the cake that she had made for her son.
‘Milly?’ James asked. ‘Will you help Theo to blow out his candle?’
Her face lit up as she bent her head in beside Theo’s. Helena quickly lifted her phone from the table and managed to capture a photo of Milly’s cheesy grin in beside Theo’s dribbly-mouthed smile. They didn’t know that they were half-brother and sister. Helena wasn’t sure if they would ever tell the children, but she knew that if they ever did, it would be Aidan’s decision, not theirs. It was a secret that would stay between the three of them.
‘Can I get you another beer?’ James asked Aidan.
‘Go on then.’
They were very grateful to Aidan, who had kept them involved in Milly’s life. He had invited them to her last birthday party and they had spent an hour in the house on Ledbury Road with them for the last two Christmases. Helena knew they certainly didn’t deserve it, after everything they had put him through, so they appreciated opportunities like that to be a part of Milly’s life. They were like a special aunt and uncle, but as far as Milly was concerned, Aidan was her dad and they all knew that was the way it was going to stay. Helena was glad he had accepted their invitation to join them in celebrating Theo’s first birthday. Since they had had Theo, Aidan had softened towards them; perhaps he no longer saw them as a threat. They would never be best friends, there was too much history between them, but they were civil to each other and Helena was so thankful for that.
Having Theo had shed a new light on things for James and Helena; they now understood with a searing remorse what they had put Aidan through. Becoming parents had opened up a whole new world for them; they realised that what came with such a chasm of love for their son was a terrifying fear that somehow it could all be snatched away from you. The thought of someone coming in and trying to take your precious child away was the worst nightmare imaginable.
James lifted Theo beneath his armpits and handed him over to her. She placed a kiss on his velvet-smooth skin, like she was meeting him for the first time all over again. He still took her breath away every time she laid eyes on him. At last she had everything she had ever dreamed of. Her family. Her world. Her happy ever after.