It feels strange being out on a date with Ronnie. I can’t remember the last time we actually spent time together, which is shocking considering we’re married.
He is surprising me today. There’s something different about him that I can’t put my finger on. I actually think he’s listening to me and I’m feeling quite excited for the day ahead.
As we set off, he says cheerily, “I thought we could go to town and you can buy something nice. Then I’ll treat you to lunch at that new pub you told me about earlier.”
I feel a little wrong-footed and say softly, “What’s going on?”
“What do you mean?”
“This… going out, buying me something; the lunch and the sex. What’s really going on, Ronnie?”
He sighs and I regret saying anything as he says wearily, “I’ve been thinking a lot lately. It’s quite lonely driving around town late at night, and it got me looking at our lives. When did things change for us because I can’t remember the turning point?”
I fall silent because it appears he has been having much the same thoughts as me. Shrugging, I say in a whisper, “I don’t know.”
“The thing is, Emma, I don’t think I know you anymore. We hardly spend any time together, and that’s not good. I drive couples around who actually talk and can you believe, laugh occasionally? Sometimes they even appear to enjoy each other’s company and I want that — for us.”
Every word he’s saying is true and yet I worry that I’ve moved further apart than he has because it’s not my marriage I’m intent on saving, it’s my own future without him in it. Is there still time for us, or have I already given up? He deserves the chance at least, so I inject a little warmth in my voice and try to sound excited. “You’re right; we need this day. I’ve been unhappy for a while now and something needs to change and this is a good start.”
He looks happier and it feels good to see. Maybe I’m being a little too harsh on him. Everyone deserves a second chance, don’t they?
* * *
By the time we arrive in town, we have reached a certain understanding. Today is the day we start trying. If it doesn’t work out, then at least we gave it our best shot.
For the first time in absolutely ages, I go shopping with my husband. We wander in and out of the shops and he even grabs my hand on the odd occasion, which feels nice. He treats me to a pretty dress I admire on the mannequin in a dress shop window, and I actually laugh a couple of times at something he says. As the day progresses, it’s as if we are walking out of a choking, oppressive fog. The man I fell in love with all those years ago appears to be still there, and soon I feel relaxed and easy around him and increasingly attracted to the man I married.
By the time we arrive at the pub for lunch, I am feeling quite upbeat about our future and from the look in his eyes, he feels the same. I even can’t wait to return home and finish what we started earlier because this Ronnie is an attractive man, who I want to know again - intimately.
We are shown to a table by the window and as I peruse the menu, he says quickly, “Sorry, I need a call of nature. I won’t be long. If the waiter comes, order me a steak and the usual beer.”
He winks as he heads off and I smile. Yes, I married this man for a reason which is coming back to me now. Maybe it’s not too late after all.
I make my own selection and look around with interest. The pub used to be quite dated but is under new management and they have refurbished it well. It’s a lot more modern and up to date, and the furnishings are warm and comfortable. As I look around, I study the people sitting at the nearby tables and feel happy to be one of them for a change. The conversation is loud and there is much laughter. Couples, friends and families are all enjoying their lunch and suddenly Ronnie’s suggestion of starting a family doesn’t seem such a bad idea.
I see him walk back into the bar and my heart flutters. He was always an impressive looking man, dark hair cut close and deep velvet brown eyes that I used to lose my soul in. Six-foot-tall with a muscular body that hasn’t changed. He works out and subsequently his body has developed into one he can be proud of and now, seeing him through an open pair of eyes, I feel the unfamiliar stirring of lust grip me hard.
I am slightly surprised when he doesn’t head straight back and leans across the bar in conversation with the bartender. He can’t see me looking and I notice the bartender point in the direction of the door at the end and Ronnie nods and heads in that direction. Maybe the restrooms are through there and he made a wrong turn? However, I see the arrow for the men’s pointing back the way he came and I’m curious. If I lean slightly back, I can just about see through the open door and notice him heading to the far side and shuffle towards a table at the end. There is one person sitting there and I can see it’s a woman. Straining to see, I watch as he slips into the seat opposite her and I can just about make out her expression. She looks wary.
Feeling extremely curious, I leave my seat and edge towards the door, making sure I’m hidden from view and pretend to be looking for something. I suppose I am because I see the woman’s face clearly as she says something to him urgently, and even from here, I can tell she’s upset. Ronnie is shaking his head and I see his fists balled tightly, which he always does when he’s angry. The woman appears to be crying and goes to say something, but he stands and I scurry back to my chair, my heart hammering within me as I sense something isn’t quite right.
Quickly, I sit back down and lift the glass of water to my lips as the waiter heads over.
“Are you ready to order, madam?”
Nodding like a fool, I say quickly, “Um, steak and fries and a bottle of Peroni please. I’ll have fish and chips and a glass of house red, thank you.”
As he notes down my order, Ronnie heads back and smiles. “Sorry about that. I had to wait longer than I thought. Have you ordered?”
The waiter reels off the order and he nods with satisfaction. “Perfect.”
As the waiter heads off, Ronnie takes his seat and smiles. “Well, this is a rare treat, isn’t it?”
I nod but can’t form words as I struggle to ask what’s at the forefront of my mind. I take a sip of water as he looks around and smiles. “This place looks much better. It was a good idea to come here.”
My throat feels dry and there is something beating me up inside. It’s the knowledge he isn’t going to say a word about what just happened, which makes me wonder why. I quickly glance over at the table in the next room and notice the woman staring at us with a frozen expression. Something about her unnerves me and it must show on my face because Ronnie follows my gaze and says, “What’s the matter, babe, you look as if you’ve seen a ghost?”
I can’t help it and blurt out, “Do you see that woman over there, do you know her?”
He doesn’t miss a beat. “That’s Caroline, Stuart’s wife. Maybe he’s around somewhere.”
“Didn’t she say?”
He looks surprised and a little on edge as I say bluntly, “I saw you talking to her.”
If a flash of guilt shows in his expression, it’s a fleeting one because he shrugs. “The barman told me she’d been there for two hours drinking solid. He asked if I was with her and I told him no, but I knew who she belonged to.”
I stare at him incredulously. “Belonged to; are you kidding?”
“What, I’m just joking?”
He looks across at the woman and sighs. “Poor love, she’s a bit deranged. It’s due to her drinking problem. Stuart doesn’t know what to do for the best, maybe I should call him.”
He whips out his phone and I watch as he dials the number and says loudly, “Stu, it’s Ronnie. Yes… um... ok… but that’s not the reason I’ve called. Caroline’s in the Blue Star; you know, the one by the iron bridge. I’m here with Emma and recognised her. You should get down here mate, it looks as if she’s had a few already.”
He nods and says quickly, “No problem, anytime. See you Thursday.”
He cuts the call and I say in surprise, “Thursday?”
“Yes, the card game. Stuart’s one of the club. It’s at his house this week and I hope she’s not around.”
“Why?”
“Because Stu won’t be able to concentrate if she is. You never know what mood she’ll be in, and he’s always on edge. Anyway…” He sighs and leans forward, taking my hand in his. “Let’s not talk about them. I want to talk about us and our future.”
I smile but don’t really feel it inside. Ronnie may be a smooth talker with the gift of the gab, but I saw the look she gave him. It wasn’t one that a wife would give her husband’s friend; it was more than that. I’m not stupid, and judging from his reaction, I’d say he was a lot more familiar with Caroline than he’s letting on. Suddenly, the date’s been tainted and I feel anxious. Ronnie has a secret and I’m not sure I like the direction my mind is heading.