I am utterly exhausted. I can’t believe children have so much energy.
I followed them to their room, which actually turned out to be an entire floor of the house. They each have their own amazing rooms and a shared playroom that is larger than my entire upstairs at home. It is stuffed with every toy imaginable and decorated in the prettiest pastel pinks. The carpet is totally impractical for children and is the softest, deepest white, with scatter rugs everywhere. I am completely blown away by how much these two girls have and feel a little sad as I see it’s just to make up for the fact they have two parents who don’t want to spend time with them.
Nicola was right, these girls are lovely in every way and now I know why she stays here. They are good company and I’m happy to see that Imogen begins to relax and comes out of her shell a little, as she lives under the shadow of her more outspoken sister.
We decide to head to the kitchen for lunch and I allow them to help me make some sandwiches and more apples than is probably good for them. I find some little cakes in a tin that I decide will do as a treat if they eat all their sandwiches and fruit. I even make one for Julian, although I’m tempted to get him to make his own, but a part of me wants him to eat with his children because I’m guessing they don’t do that very often.
So, as the girls wash their hands as instructed, I head towards his study and knock tentatively on the door.
“Come in.”
As usual, his voice is irritable and I head inside and see him staring at the computer with a deep frown. “What do you want?”
“Lunch is ready and we thought it would be nice if you joined us.”
He looks up in surprise. “Lunch, already, why what’s the time?”
“12.”
He looks at his watch and groans. “Fuck, I haven’t stopped.”
He stands and then looks a little anxious. “Have they behaved themselves?”
I can’t help the smile that breaks out across my face as I nod. “They are amazing, you should be very proud.”
His face softens just for a minute and then he moves towards the door. “Ten minutes, then I must get back to work.”
Sighing, I follow him to the kitchen where the girls are waiting, eyeing up the apple keenly. Julian laughs as Amelia says seriously, “Daddy, you can have the sandwiches and we can have the apple.”
Grabbing a stool beside her, he ruffles her hair and says seriously, “It doesn’t work like that. You see, the apple needs the sandwich to activate its power. Without the balance it won’t work.”
Amelia groans. “Why is life so complicated?”
Julian laughs loudly and tickles her relentlessly, and as she giggles and screams, I stare at him in astonishment. Who is this man?
He turns his attention to Imogen and lifts her onto his knee and strokes her hair softly, kissing the top of her head and feeding her a little bite of a sandwich.
Suddenly, everything shifts in my world. I see him properly for the first time, and I like it very much. Now I see the man behind the sharp retorts and cutting remarks. In his own home, surrounded by the people he loves – and he does love them, it’s plain to see – he becomes much more of a man in my eyes and now I’m more than interested.
Lunch is very different to how I imagined it to be. Ten minutes turns to twenty and we laugh more than we eat. The girls entertain us with stories from school, and I’m glad to see that Imogen opens up a little and interjects with tales of her own.
Therefore, it’s like a cold bucket of water soaks us to the skin when we hear a cool, “Well, isn’t this nice?”
Immediately, the humour leaves the room and I watch as Julian reverts back to the cold bastard he is for most of the time. The girls look down and start eating and I turn to stare at the beautiful woman, in looks alone, who glides into the room, very much looking like the queen of all she surveys.
Julian snaps, “Good of you to show up.”
Cressida shrugs and looks at me pointedly. “What’s that?”
She waves a well-manicured finger in my direction and Julian says with an ice-laden voice, “Go to my study, Emma.”
Feeling like a fish out of water, I do as he says because I am, quite honestly, keen to get away from this vicious woman. I hear him say in a softer tone, “Girls, go and choose one of your favourite films to watch while daddy talks with mummy.”
Even they leave with no words spoken, and it strikes me that they didn’t seem pleased to see their mother at all. I thought they would run into her arms, or squeal with delight, but her appearance just dampened the atmosphere.
As I wait in Julian’s study, I can only wonder what they are saying and if I feel anything, it’s pity for those poor little girls who are such a credit to their parents.
I take a seat in the corner and shrivel up inside. What’s that? Her words haunt me as I replay them over and over in my mind. Those two words made me feel so worthless, so unimportant, and as if I didn’t matter in the slightest. I feel cheap and as if I am worth nothing and it hurts.
The tears slide down my face and I brush them angrily away. I’m a nobody, the grey woman who watches everyone else have a life. My place is in the shadows where nobody has to look at me because I am not one of them. Even Ronnie didn’t want me, and my own family couldn’t care. I have no friends and no life outside of work, which I hate more and more every day.
What’s that? I can’t get the words out of my mind as I lose it completely. Why do I even bother trying? I should know my place and should never have dared to think I was someone better than I am.
I’m not sure how long I sit in the chair in the corner. Time has no meaning anymore because obviously I don’t count. I am made to wait for someone else to tell me what happens next with my own life, and I am so defeated I sit patiently waiting for it to happen. ‘What’s that’ just about sums my life up and I feel empty inside.
Then Julian heads into the room and looks so angry I can almost taste it.
He doesn’t even glance in my direction as he snaps, “We’re leaving.”
Once again, I run after him as he heads through his house and wrenches the front door open.
I struggle to keep up as he heads to his car and just about manage to fasten my seatbelt before he screeches out of the drive, leaving the gravel shooting off in all directions.
He is so angry I wonder if this was such a good idea being in the car with him at all because he drives like a madman down the country roads that lead away from his palatial home.
He doesn’t speak at all until we screech to a halt in an underground car park and then turns to me and says tersely, “Come.”
For the first time, I speak, “Where are we?”
“You’ll see.”
He exits the car and heads towards an elevator in the corner, and I hurry to catch him up as he locks the car behind me. As we wait for the lift, he taps his foot angrily on the concrete floor and growls, “I’ve had enough. That bitch is going to get what she deserves and I will deliver it personally.”
I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so angry and daren’t speak as we enter the lift and the only sound I can hear is the machinery starting up as it propels us to God only knows where.
We arrive at what appears to be an office complex and he strides down a carpeted hallway towards a door at the end. The name on the door is, ‘Smith & Robinson’ and I wonder what they do.
The woman on the reception desk nods as she sees Julian and says pleasantly, “Mr Landon, it’s good to see you. Go straight through.”
We don’t even sign in and Julian strides towards a door at the end and knocks loudly. I hear a pleasant voice shout, “Julian, good to see you,” and then the door slams in my face. Feeling a little shaken, I turn around and take a seat in what appears to be a small waiting room and try to grab what’s left of my dignity around me.