Chapter 8
Elaine’s Story
She corrected a typographical error, and for the next ten minutes managed to fight the thoughts that had disturbed her focus throughout the process and stay in writer’s mode; focusing only on the project currently displayed on her computer screen. But as soon as she placed the period on the closing sentence, her thoughts wandered back to the plight of her unconventional marriage.
Elaine stood from her computer, deciding that now was a good time for an afternoon snack. She hadn’t eaten since the half grapefruit she prepared for herself after her morning run. The walk down the hall was only a few feet, but on days like today, it seemed longer. Unhurried steps brought her into the kitchen where a fresh pot of coffee had been brewing. She eyed the box of glazed donuts that Mason had purchased from Krispy Kreme on their way home from church yesterday and licked her lips. It had been over a year since she’d had one. Deciding that she had earned the reward, Elaine took one of the round desserts out of the box, quickly bit into it and moaned.
The taste was so pleasurable that Elaine felt as though she would cry. She made quick work of that one, then grabbed another before closing the box and filling her cup with coffee. Sweetening her drink with three packets of Splenda and flavoring it with a healthy dose of Vanilla Toffee Caramel nondairy creamer from International Delight, Elaine inhaled and relished the aroma before blowing through the steam and taking her first sip. “Ooh! Too hot.” She placed the ceramic cup on the counter to give it a moment to cool.
As a part of her quest to shed the pounds that had invaded her body without consent, Elaine had rid her diet of a lot of things that online research had recommended, but she refused to deprive herself of her coffee. She had at least one cup every day—sometimes two, depending on her workload. The caffeine kept her attentive as she labored to meet the deadlines of her many literary obligations.
“Okay, Elaine. What are you gonna do about this man of yours? This foolishness has gone on way too long. You’ve got to use your feminine wiles to find a way to break through this tough barrier of his.” She gave herself the motivational address while pacing back and forth on the tiles that covered her kitchen floor and nibbling on the remains of her dessert. In spite of the severity of the matter, Elaine broke into a laugh. She imagined that this was the same agonizing process that female groupies went through when they plotted to bed a big-time actor, recording artist, or NBA superstar. “This is crazy,” she concluded. “I shouldn’t have to go through these kinds of changes in order to score with my own husband.”
Elaine licked residue glaze from her fingers and reclaimed her cup before walking from the kitchen into the living room. She stopped a few inches from the sofa where her husband slept nightly and tossed it the most hateful glare she could conjure. Hoping that doing so would somehow hurt the feelings of the inanimate object, she rolled her eyes as hard as she could, then blew again into her cup before strolling into her bedroom and closing the door behind her. Elaine took another sip of the liquid and determined that it was still too hot to fully enjoy. She placed the cup on the chest of drawers that was situated not five feet from the bed that she and Mason used to share. From there, she walked into the bathroom to scrutinize her image in the mirror.
“Is it me? Am I still too fat? Is that it?” she grilled herself as she stood turning from side to side to see if there were more physical flaws that she needed to work on. “The scale says I weigh less than I did when we got married, but Mason sure isn’t acting like it. There’s something about me that he finds so offensive that it makes him not even want to touch me. What is it? Maybe I need to lay off the carbs,” she said, pinching her waistline to see if she could grab more than an inch.
Layer by layer, Elaine peeled away the clothing from her body, looking for that one menacing imperfection or stubborn blemish that was making her husband abhor her most. Yes, she had breached their wedding vows in the worst way when she got swept away by Danté, but that was over a year ago, and Elaine believed that Mason had forgiven her. Had he not, she would have been single a long time ago. Mason wouldn’t just keep her around to torture her. In fact, had her husband not genuinely pardoned her of her past sins, Elaine was sure that keeping her around would be more unbearable for him than it would her.
For a long while, she looked at her nude silhouette in the mirror, examining every inch of her physical makeup. The same image that had looked satisfactory to her yesterday, appeared repugnant today. Something about the revolting reflection in the mirror made her husband rather sleep alone.
Elaine’s eyes dropped to the lower half of her body. That had to be it. Every woman in the McKinney family has this big ole butt. Grandma Celeste had it, Mama had it, and now they’ve passed it down to me. She scowled in indignation. If she wanted to save her marriage, she had to get rid of the “McKinney behind.”
Elaine turned and faced the larger part of their master bathroom, knowing what she would have to do. She thought she’d gotten past this stage. She thought that she’d done it enough and could just eat right and exercise to maintain the progress she’d made. But apparently not. She had to continue the radical course until she had improved herself to the point where Mason would want to be her husband in every way. Turning again and looking at herself straight in the face, Elaine noticed a morsel of sugar in the corner of her mouth, left behind by one of the two donuts she’d devoured. She couldn’t believe that after all this time she still hadn’t built up enough willpower so that measly temptations such as pastries wouldn’t overpower her. She almost felt sick just thinking about it.
“Greedy pig!” she scolded in ridicule of her actions. Regretful tears rolled down her cheeks, leaving hot trails of moisture. “See what you did? That’s why Mason doesn’t want you. Not only are you fat, disgusting, and barren, but you’re also a pig.” The tears were so thick now that Elaine could no longer see, but that didn’t stop her from berating herself. “You’re a fat, disgusting, barren pig!”
Running to the commode as if her life depended on how swiftly she could get there, Elaine stood over the gaping hole, stuck her fingers as far back in her mouth as she could, and braced for the release of the evils that had built a gargantuan wall between her and Mason.