RAHEEM’S WAITING FOR ME WHEN I GET home. Sitting on the couch with his hands folded in front of him, elbows on his knees.
“Don’t you have to work,” I say, pressing the door shut behind me. Now that I’ve caught him taking a bribe, his real jobs are going to matter more than ever.
Raheem simply stares at me. It hits like a hammer over my head. How stupid I’ve been all along. How did I believe he could work all these extra shifts and still be able to do the policing? To still come home every night more or less at the usual time?
Now all the shreds of pretense are dropped. He doesn’t have to work tonight.
“How much?” I ask.
“What?”
“How much money did they pay you?” I fight to keep my voice even.
Raheem rubs his hands together. “You don’t want to know more than you already do.” He comes off the couch, moving toward me. “I need you to forget what you saw, Maxie. I need it to be like this never happened.”
Forget? “Did you think this was going to be okay with me?”
“We’re blood,” he says.
“We’re all blood,” I cry. “Skin. Hair. How could you?”
“You wanna sleep on the street? Someone has to pay for our life.”
“Such as it is,” I blurt.
Raheem’s eyes narrow. “You think you can do better?”
I’m angry. Shaking. Frightened. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
He shakes his head. “You think this was easy? Jesus, Maxie. Why do you think I did it?”
“Don’t—”
“I did it for you.”
“Don’t say that.”
“We had no money,” he says. “None. This Fed, he knew all about it, and they covered our bills. And then some.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I whisper. “I would have told you no, it wasn’t worth it.”
“We’re okay now, don’t you get it? Doesn’t that matter to you at all?”
My stomach aches. “Raheem.”
“Don’t look at me like that. I did this for you,” he says. “I gave up everything for you!”
“You took everything from me,” I cry. “How am I supposed to go in there and face everyone now?”
“Just like I do,” he says. “Do your work and keep your head down. Never tell anyone. I mean anyone. Not even Sam, not even Emmalee, you hear me?”
“So it’s over now, right? You’re going to stop?”
“Maxie—”
“What are you going to say to Leroy?”
Raheem grabs me by the arms. It’s rough. A kind of pain I’ve never known. For someone I love to hurt me. I’ve been so careful not to love, not to be hurt anymore. The ache bubbles inside me, boils into rage.
“Let me go!” I struggle against his hands.
“You can’t tell anyone,” he insists. “Ever. You know that, right?”
I want to spit at him. I gather a pool in my mouth and pucker.
“If you tell, they will kill me. Leroy himself would shoot me dead.”
I swallow hard, stop fighting him.
“You understand?” he says. “They’ll kill me.”
“I’ll kill you myself,” I hiss. Each trembling breath a coffin nail. Mine. His. I can’t even tell. Maybe that’s the thing with the blood bond. You all rise high or else all fall down together.
I’ve been living off the pigs. The truth consumes me, hot as the licking flames of hell. I tear through the house, to my room. I tear down everything, not just what is new. The pretty blue dress. My white sandals. I don’t know when it started. When he first sold out and sold us to the enemy. Everything is tainted.
My beautiful, beloved Panther leather jacket. I strip it from my skin like it’s on fire.