“Though nobody can go back and make a new beginning... Anyone can start over and make a new ending.”― Chico Xavier
reflection in the mirror. This was the sixth outfit I’d tried on. I didn’t remember going through this when I was a teenager going on my first date with Jack. Back then, he took me to the county fair and won me a green stuffed frog that was still hanging off the back of my bed to this day. It wore a t-shirt that said he was “Froggy for Me.” I stared at the frog reflected in the mirror behind me and sighed.
Jack tossed the last baseball straight into the opening of the plastic bottle that looked like an antique metal milk jug.
“Nice shot, my friend,” said the carnival game worker to Jack. “What would you like?”
Jack looked at me.
“Nope, you won it, you pick it,” I said.
“The frog please.” He pointed up at the small green stuffed animal.
The man handed it to him. Jack turned to me and said “I’m froggy for you,” in an unusually good mimicry of Kermit the Frog.
I smiled and picked up the frog off my bed. Life was so much simpler then. The memory helped calm my nerves and brought a smile to my face. I stared at my outfit, a long spaghetti-strapped maxi dress with tan high-heeled boots. My hair was down, and I had light makeup on. I didn’t want to look like I was trying too hard.
He did not need to know that I’ve been getting ready since four and changed half a dozen times. When Jack and I dated in our teens, it just seemed to happen naturally. We didn’t think about should we or shouldn’t we. I don’t even remember us worrying about what we would do if it didn’t work out.
We wanted to date, so we did.
The telltale sound of tires going over gravel came through the open window in my bedroom. Looking outside, I saw Jack’s truck coming up the drive.
I sprayed some extra deodorant under my arms and some perfume in the air and did a quick turn through it like my mom had taught me. Grabbing my purse and my phone, I ran down the stairs and out onto the porch as Jack came to a stop outside the house. He swung the driver's side door open and stepped out. He was wearing black boots and jeans with a gray button-down shirt that was untucked with the sleeves rolled up. His hair, which was usually unruly and finger-combed on a good day, was still wet from the shower and looked like he actually tried to brush it.
I watched him walk up to the porch until he came to a stop at the bottom of the stairs
“You look great,” he said.
I stepped down until I was on the step above him. Touching the curls at the end of his hair, I responded, “so, do you.”
The quip about how he must’ve borrowed a brush from one of his brothers died on my tongue at the earnest look on his face. I realized I wasn’t the only one putting a lot of pressure on this date.
“Ready to go?” he asked.
“As ready as I’ll ever be.”
Inside the truck, he shifted into reverse but then hit the brake instead of the gas when I touched his arm.
“Is it me, or are we both stressing about this date?” I asked.
He gave me a small grin. Sitting back against the headrest, he dropped his hand off the gearshift and stared up at the truck ceiling. “Yeah, we probably are.”
“What do you have planned for us?” I asked.
“I have reservations at Mickey’s Grill House.”
“That sounds great! But, how about we pretend we’re just having beer and subs in my kitchen again?”
“Is that what you would prefer?”
“Ha, over going to Mickey’s, not likely. But I want us to relax and enjoy it. This is just you and me; we’re going to hang out, have some dinner, maybe a couple of drinks, and have a good time like we always do.”
Jack nodded. “It does sound awesome.”
I nodded, already a little more relaxed than a few minutes ago. Somehow, knowing he had the same anxiety made me feel better.
“What did you do today?” he asked as he turned the truck around.
“Well, I spent some time at the shop with Benny and Uncle Rob. I worked at the counter for a while to help them out. They are slammed. It was pretty much trial by fire as they really had no time to give me the crash course.”
“That’s cool. I heard Benny got the loan. Tara told T.J. yesterday when he stopped by the bank.”
I rolled my eyes. “Of course, she did. I bet she’s going to want to come sniffing around Benny now that he owns a business. Like to see her father tell her that Benny isn't good enough for her now.”
“Relax, Benny’s a smart guy,” he said. “He’s not going to fall for that chick again.”
“She stomped on his heart last time. Not just stomped; she danced around on it until it was ground into the dirt. I dare her to bring her ass back around.”
Jack just smiled.
“What?”
“Nothing, just thinking of telling her she should stop in the shop and say hi. I want to see the show when she runs into you,” he joked.
“Shut up.”
“Last I heard, she was dating the bank manager or something,” he said. “I don’t think you have to worry about her going after Benny.”
“Good, I don’t care who she dates as long as she stays away from him.”
“You know they dated a long time ago when they were both in high school. She was even before Alexis,” he said rationally.
“And?!”
“Nothing, nothing at all,” he said and tried to hide his grin.
"And, please do not bring up Lexie," I said quietly.
The smile slid off his face. He looked like he was about to say something but decided against it. As I preferred to let the subject of Lexie Blake drop, I didn't push him.
We were entering the Harrisonburg city limits, and I stared out the window as the houses became more plentiful and closer together, more stores and office buildings lined the road, and eventually the buildings and stadium for JMU were going by the window.
When I was a kid, I remember always being excited to “go to town” to shop with Mom or have lunch with Dad or dinner out with them both.
It was a treat.
Then I moved to Arlington and the sheer density of the buildings, houses, and people was absolutely suffocating. I would drive west some days just to get away from it all. I would go to The Plains and have lunch or walk around Middleburg or go for a hike in Leopold’s Reserve in Haymarket. But I never went further west than that. I never went back home. Not until Leigh’s death.
Jack pulled into the restaurant parking lot, and I snapped out of my reverie.
“Ready?” he asked reaching for the door handle.
“Yep,” I replied as he got out of the truck.
He walked around the truck and opened my door like I knew he would. As I got out, he held my hand.
We walked into the restaurant and almost ran over the owner, Leo, as he hurried by us. Though he was clearly busy during the dinner rush, he stopped to talk.
“Jack, good to see you,” he said, shaking Jack’s hand. “Tess, hi honey, I heard you were back. I’m so glad.”
“Hey Leo,” I said giving him a quick hug. “How have you been?”
“Overall, pretty good. The restaurant is doing well, and Katie and I just got our third grandchild last month,” he said with a big smile. “Another girl. If I ever get a grandson, he’s going to have a time growing up with all those girls to keep him in line,” he said with a big laugh at his own joke.
“That’s great, congratulations!” I said and gave him a hug. A big man, he had to stoop to wrap his big arms around me.
“Mom visited Grace last week and said baby Emma is beautiful,” Jack added.
The old restaurant owner beamed at the praise of his granddaughter. When he smiled, the years melted off his face and glimpses of how he looked when he was younger peaked through.
Leo was always so good to my family while I was growing up. Leo tried to source as much food as possible for his restaurant from local farmers. He’d been doing business with Jack’s family for as long as I could remember, and he was starting to do some business with my parents’ farm just before the car accident. Business from him and some other local restaurants was part of the reason my parents had taken out the loan to expand the farm.
After the accident, when it was just Benny and me, I’d come home from school and find a lasagna or chicken parmesan or big bowl of meatball spaghetti sitting in a cooler on our porch. There was never a note telling us who dropped it off, but we knew the taste of Leo’s cooking and probably his wife Katie did the dropping off. Benny would return the cooler to their house, leaving it on their porch in the early morning before he drove to work. A couple of days later, the same cooler, filled with food, would be back on our porch.
It may be due to Leo’s influence that The Olive Garden always felt like home to me.
“Let me show you to your table,” Leo said, snapping me out of my thought. He gathered some menus and led us through the rustic looking dining area to a booth in the back with some privacy. A candle burned on the table and wall sconces provided the primary lighting around the room.
Leo handed us the menus and told us to get him if we needed anything. He told our server to bring out a bottle of red wine on him.
“Leo, you don’t need to do that,” Jack protested.
“This is a small gift from me to you,” Leo said. “It’s best to accept generosity when it’s given.”
“Thank you, Leo,” Jack said, giving in.
“We appreciate it,” I said, reaching for his large hand and giving it a squeeze.
“You are both welcome. You kids enjoy your dinner.”
Leo headed back to the kitchen as our server brought out the wine and some bread.
After he poured the wine, the server stepped away to give us a few minutes to read the menu. Leo’s menu was always changing. He would only serve maybe five or six meals at a time that would be based on the food that was in season and he could source locally.
“What do you think?” Jack asked as he perused the menu.
“I’m leaning towards the beef tenderloin in a white wine sauce with noodles and asparagus,” I said. “What about you?”
“That one does sound good,” he said, “but I think I’m going to do the pork chops. You ready?”
After the server took our order, I sat back in the booth and sipped my wine while looking around the room. It hadn’t changed. Same wooden floor polished so much you could see the light from the wall sconces bouncing off it and making it shine brilliantly. Some nice pictures hung on the walls, and family photos decorated the wooden mantle above the enormous stone fireplace.
“So, you’re working the counter at Benny’s shop?” Jack asked.
“I’m helping out for now,” I hedged. “I’m working on getting an ad on some different hiring sites for him.”
“That’s good. But, what about your job in Arlington? When do you have to go back?”
I chuckled. “You know, I’ve been here for three weeks, and you are the first person to ask me that question. Not even Benny has asked me about work.”
“Maybe he figured if you wanted to talk about it, you would.”
I shrugged. “Yeah, maybe.”
Sighing, I took a sip of my wine. I might as well tell someone.
“I got fired. The same day I found out about Leigh.”
“Wow, that was a crappy freaking day,” Jack said.
“It really was,” I said and nodded in agreement. I told him the condensed, cliff notes version of the events that led to the end of my employment at The Olive Tree. I tried not to let it show how much it was a punch to the gut to me still. But Jack was one of my oldest friends and he knew it hurt me.
“I’m sorry Tessie. That is so frustrating and, at the risk of sounding childish, it is so unfair.” He reached across the table and held my hand. “And then to find out about Leigh right afterwards is truly horrible.”
“Thanks, talking to you…it helped. Believe it or not, I feel better. I got to tell my side and hear someone else agree with me that the whole situation was messed up.”
“That’s probably why people tell you not to bottle things up inside.”
I rolled my eyes. “Got it, Dr. Phil,” I joked. “But seriously, thank you for listening. I hadn’t intended to put all that out there tonight.”
“Thank you for confiding in me,” he said. “So, you’re helping at Benny’s but that is temporary. Do you know what you want to do after that.”
“Are you wondering if I’m going to stick around?”
“Well, now that you mention it, yeah but I honestly am just trying to get to know you again Tess.”
“Fair enough, I get that,” I said. No good was going to come from keeping it to myself. “I was offered a job in New York City. A good job.”
There was a quick look of shock and maybe something else that flashed across Jack’s face. But, he squashed it quickly and was looking at me with no apparent emotion.
“Wow, that was…fast,” he said.
“It was. Much faster than expected.”
“So, are you taking it? Moving to New York?”
Luckily, the waiter came out with our salads right then, giving me a few minutes of reprieve. After he placed our food in front of us and left, I still didn’t respond. I didn’t want Jack to misconstrue what I had decided. I was trying to gather my thoughts, but I took too long. And he took he took my silence the wrong way.
“Listen, Tess, I’m not trying to pressure you to stay. When we planned this date, I didn’t know you had a job offer in New York.”
“Relax Jack, I know you didn’t know because no one did at that time. You are the first person I told.”
“You haven’t told Benny?” he asked.
“No, not yet. I wanted to think about it, figure out what I want for my life, and make up my own mind. And with everything else going on, between Leigh’s funeral, Benny’s shop, trying to reconnect with everyone I pushed away…” I trailed off.
“There was a lot going on,” Jack agreed.
“There was.”
“Things are calming down now though,” he said.
“I know. And, I’ve had time to think it over. Prioritize. I turned down the job this morning.”
Jack let out a breath that I’m not sure he knew he was holding. He stopped clenching the wrapping of dinnerware in his hand and got down to pulling the silverware out and putting the napkin on his lap.
“And you’re sure that’s what you want?” he asked.
“I am,” I said without any hesitation. “It’s actually a relief to not have it hanging over my head anymore.”
“Tess…”
“Before you say anything Jack, I didn’t say no to the job because of you. Or, at least not because of this,” I said gesturing between us with my hand. “I said no because of reconnecting with you as friends, because of having family dinner at your house, getting teased by Max and talking to your mom, because of living with Benny again and actually having a relationship with my brother like I used to before our parents died and I turned into a zombie. Because of having Uncle Rob back and Ruby and being there for Leigh’s parents…”
I paused and took a breath and shrugged. “I had a lot of reasons to say no,” I finished. “All the reasons I had to say yes, and I know there were some, but they just didn’t stack up.”
“Well, I’m not going to lie, I’m glad you are staying,” Jack said. “Not just for me but for everyone. Benny doesn’t say anything, but I know he’s so happy to have his little sister back. We’ve all missed you. Maybe don’t be in such a rush to hire someone at Benny’s. You can do that until you find another job closer to home.”
“Well, I do have a plan. Or, at least an idea.” I let that hang for a minute.
“Okay, an idea is good. Care to share?” Jack asked.
I sighed and gave voice to the internal debate I was having.
“I like to cook,” I said.
“Hence working in a restaurant,” Jack said. “And…” he prompted me to continue.
“In addition to my major in hotel and restaurant management, I took some culinary classes in college and continued taking classes around Arlington when I wasn’t working. I’ve always loved cooking, even when I was younger.”
“I remember,” Jack said between bites. “So, you are looking at a culinary opportunity?”
I became momentarily distracted watching his strong arms and hands cut up his salad and take a bite. A brief flashback of the kiss we shared in my kitchen the other night flashed through my head, being incased in his arms and the slight brush of his hand on mine. His hands aren’t soft and never will be, I don’t care what moisturizer he uses. Manual farm labor gave him strong hands and arms and I always thought they were perfect.
It took me a minute to realize he’d asked me a question. He looked at me and gave me a little grin when he caught me staring. I felt my face flush and I quickly focused on my own salad as I thought about my answer.
“There aren’t a lot of restaurants around home unless you come to Harrisonburg,” I said shrugging.
“So, are you thinking of opening your own restaurant?” he asked.
“Possibly, eventually, but I was thinking something smaller scale to start out. Food trucks are a big thing in D.C. and northern Virginia. It wouldn’t require as much money up front, and I could move around to where the lunch and dinner crowds are.”
Jack didn’t immediately respond. He ate some of his salad and seemed to be deciding if he thought my idea had merit. I pushed my salad around the plate with my fork and tried to be patient waiting on him to respond.
“What kind of food would you serve?” he asked finally.
“For a food truck, I’d want to keep it somewhat simple,” I replied. “Sandwiches - specialty sandwiches, gourmet macaroni and cheese, potato and pasta salads, fresh homemade pickles. I’d take a page from Leo and try to source as much as possible locally.”
He nodded as I talked, so I felt encouraged that he seemed to like what I was saying.
“So, do you think it’s too crazy or risky?” I asked.
“No, not at all,” he said. “I think it’s a brilliant idea, actually. Not that it matters what I think. You are passionate about it, believe in it, that’s what matters.”
I nodded and took a bite of salad. I know what he said was true, but it was still good to hear someone else say your idea was viable.
The server brought our dinner and topped off our wine.
“How are things going working for your parents on the farm?” I asked when we were alone again.
I swirled some beef tenderloin in the white wine sauce and put a piece on his plate. He held up his fork with a bite of pork chop and fed it to me. It was cooked perfectly of course. He spent a couple more minutes picking at his food. I wondered if he was going to answer me.
“Things on the farm are good,” he said.
I waited for more. After a minute, it was apparent he was not intending to be more forthcoming.
“Good is good I guess.” I hesitantly tried to catch his eyes which were stubbornly focused on his plate. He put his fork down and sat back in his chair with a sigh.
“It’s like nothing changed,” he said.
There were a number of ways to interpret that statement, so I stayed silent until he elaborated.
“Besides a few added responsibilities. I took over because T.J. is getting the horse business going, but I’m doing the same things I did in high school. I literally graduated from high school on a Saturday and went to work on the farm Monday doing the same things I had done the week before, just more of it and for longer hours. I drive the same truck. Do you know it has 300,000 miles? Live in the same bedroom…”
He trailed off, but I could fill in the rest for him. “And you’re on a date with the same girl,” I said quietly, setting down my fork on my plate. The tenderloin that had seemed so juicy and melt-in-your-mouth tender a minute ago, now sat like lead in my stomach.
“I thought you liked working on the farm. Even when you were fighting battles with your parents to take another photography class or get a new piece of equipment, you insisted it was just a hobby, that you didn’t want to do it professionally.”
“I know,” he said, “but maybe I was trying to convince myself as much as anyone else.”
I took a sip of wine and waited for him to open up. This was what I had been sensing from him all night. Something happened, and it was weighing him down.
“Come on Jack, spill it.”
“Victoria called me the other day,” he said with a sigh.
“Victoria?”
“The grad student from JMU I was dating a year ago.“
“A year ago? I didn’t know it was that recent.”
“It didn’t seem important,” he said. “I hadn’t heard from her. I thought it was long over.”
“But it’s not over,” I said, with a sinking feeling in my stomach.
Jack picked up his napkin and laid it over his plate. He’d only eaten half his food, but I was with him. My appetite was gone too.
“She called. She wants me to come to Colorado. There’s a contract position for a photographer at her work. It’s a small company, and she convinced them to give me a chance. She showed them my website, and it impressed them, evidently.”
I picked up my wineglass and sat back in my chair.
“You want to go?” I asked.
“Yes, and no. It’s something different and I guess I’ve always wondered if I could make it professionally.”
“What about Victoria?” I asked. “This isn’t just a job opportunity.”
“We didn’t end badly,” he said and sighed. “I’ve thought about her since she left.”
“If I hadn’t come home, would there be any question?”
“Probably not,” he said without hesitation.
“So, why this?” I asked indicating the table with our half-eaten dinner.
“Because you did come back,” he said, banging his hands on the table. The dishes rattled and the wax in the candle sloshed as the flame flickered.
I didn’t outwardly react to his outburst but on the inside, I had a sinking feeling in my gut. Jack didn’t do outbursts. He was usually the calm one in any situation.
“Tess, I could be perfectly happy working the rest of my life on the farm, dating you, even eventually getting married and building a life together. That’s all I ever wanted, and I thought that’s how we would go until everything fell apart between you and me in high school.”
“But…”
“But things did fall apart, and you moved away, and I did have to consider a different life.” He took a big gulp of wine.
We sat silently drinking our wine for a few minutes, each of us lost in our thoughts.
“But then you came back,” he said. “And now the life I always wanted is within my reach.” He stared at the flickering candle.
“But, what if?”
He raised his head. “What if what?” he asked.
“Jack, you’re right. I went away, not in the best way, but I did. I was able to go to college, try a career, figure out what I really liked and wanted to do for a living, and where I wanted to be. You didn’t do any of that, but you still can. You’re 25 years old, you have plenty of time to explore and figure out what you want before thinking about marriage, and kids, and settling down.”
The wine was no longer sitting well in my stomach, so I exchanged it for my water glass and took a big gulp.
“I don’t want you sitting on our front porch one day wondering what would’ve happened if you went after photography and tried to make a go of it,” I said. “Or if Victoria was the one who got away,” I added on quietly.
The server came over to pick up our plates. Leo was following him.
“Was everything good?” Leo asked expectantly.
Jack and I both smiled and thanked him for such great service. “We’re probably ready for the check," he added, and gave the server his credit card. “You’re not staying for dessert?” Leo asked. “We have a great raspberry tart with lemon ice cream,” he said trying to tempt us.
“No thanks Leo, we are honestly stuffed,” I said.
The server came back with Jack’s card, and I gave Leo a quick hug while Jack paid.
Leo looked worried but wisely said nothing. He just nodded and squeezed my arms reassuringly, then turned to Jack and shook his hand.
He wished us both a good night as we headed out of the restaurant.