Chapter 13

The Viewing

“The story of life is quicker than the wink of an eye, the story of love is hello and goodbye...until we meet again.” Jimi Hendrix

me. I could see it even though I didn’t open my eyes. The sunlight was poking me, telling me it was time to start the day. I was steadfastly ignoring it. I had been laying in bed for a while. Maybe if I didn’t open my eyes and acknowledge the daylight, time would stand still, and this day wouldn’t happen. The covers on my bed were soft and comforting and part of me wanted to hide under them and never come out.

Leigh’s viewing was today. Her funeral was tomorrow.

Whatever I was feeling, her parents had to be feeling a hundred times worse. They had to say goodbye to their only child. They would never see their daughter get married, never have grandchildren to spoil, holidays, birthdays, Mondays through Sundays, would never be the same. I knew they were feeling a pain that most wouldn’t wish on their worst enemy.

I opened my eyes. Sunlight streaked across the room. Slowly, I sat up and got out of bed. I needed to get dressed and get over to the Shays’ house. I wanted to check on them before heading to the funeral home.

I had things to set up before the viewing tonight. Jack and some of our friends from high school were meeting me there.

“Hey Tessie, you up?” Benny yelled up the stairs.

“Yes, I’m almost ready,” I yelled back and rushed around, grabbing my clothes. Jeans and t-shirt would be fine for now. I would shower and change before the viewing tonight.

“Okay, coffee is done, and I made some eggs and toast. Eat something.”

I smiled despite the sadness. Benny was such a mother hen, but I was grateful for it. I could appreciate it now more than I did when we were younger. He was going with me today. Uncle Rob was going to run the shop for half a day and close early. It would be closed all day tomorrow for the funeral.

I dressed quickly and did a quick scrub of my teeth and face, put my hair in a ponytail, and I was ready. How I looked wasn’t my top priority today. Truth be told, it rarely was a priority for me. Even in my ‘tween and teen years, I was happy with a ponytail and t-shirts and rarely wore makeup. Leigh was always making me sit through makeovers, though. She loved doing hair and makeup.

The memories crashed into me while I was sitting on the edge of the bed and putting on my Chucks. I smiled despite the fresh wave of sadness that washed over me.

“Tess, would you hold still!” Leigh said in exasperation. She was trying to put eyeliner on my eyes. It tickled like hell.

“I’m about to rub my eyes out and ruin all the perfection you’re trying to create,” I said, acting annoyed even though I wasn’t. Leigh had been using me as her very own living dress-up doll since we met. Leigh’s mom came into the room to see how the progress was coming.

“Wow, Tess, you look great,” she said, trying to hide her laughter. She wasn’t hiding it well.

“Thanks Mrs. Shay,” I said wryly. Leigh had curlers in my straight-as—a-board-hair. She had been trying to get my hair to curl for ten years with zero success. The girl was relentless. I would give her that. I had one eye done with makeup and Leigh was now working on the other.

“Leigh, seriously, we’re just going to the movies and having dinner at the food court in the mall,” I said. “Is this really necessary?” It was Saturday night, and we had finally convinced our parents that we were old enough to go to the mall and hang out without them or Benny as chaperone.

“Yes!” she said incredulously, like I had lost my mind. “Everyone from school will be hanging out there.”

“Leigh, we see them nearly every day. They know what I look like without makeup and curly hair.”

“Just sit still Tess, I’m almost done.” She was lying. I knew she was lying because she always said she was almost done when I got impatient, but I would still be sitting there for another twenty minutes while she got the look “just right.”

The memory faded as I finished putting on my shoes and looked around my bedroom. Despite the bright sunshine streaking through the room, it seemed gloomy. Or maybe I was projecting my mood.

I stood in front of the mirror and sighed. I could almost see Leigh’s look of disapproval at the offensive ponytail. “Don’t worry Leigh, I’m going to do my makeup and hair for tonight and tomorrow. I will look just right for you,” I whispered into the empty room.

The smell of coffee hit me as I headed downstairs. Benny was in the kitchen scooping scrambled eggs onto our plates. I grabbed two coffee cups from the cabinet and poured us each a cup putting creamer in mine and sugar in Benny's. Neither of us spoke as we sat down at the table. I really didn’t have any kind of appetite. As much as I loved coffee, I didn’t know if I could even drink that this morning. My stomach was in knots. Benny didn’t look like he was doing a lot better. He moved the eggs around on his plate with his fork, but I hadn’t seen him take a bite yet.

“Let’s at least try to eat the toast,” he finally said after another minute of moving eggs that were getting colder by the second around his plate. We each picked up our toast that was heavy on the butter and ate. It actually helped calm my stomach a bit.

After breakfast, I texted our cousin Kelly to let her know we were heading out. She had been a couple of years ahead of Leigh and me at school, but we had all hung out occasionally and played together as kids. She and some other people from school were meeting us at the funeral home to get things ready for tonight. We had pictures blown up to poster-size, thanks to one friend who worked at a printing press. Another created a slide show with music. People brought their laptops and iPads so we could spread them around the funeral home and have all the Brat Pack movies playing on a loop. I had scoured every nursery, flower shop, grocery store, and Walmart within a reasonable driving distance to buy every pink tulip I could find. They were all laid gently in coolers in the back of Benny’s Jeep along with a box of mason jars for vases.

Leigh loved pink tulips. I used to give her a hard time about buying pink tulips whenever she saw them for sale. They always were dead within a couple of days. I told her it was a waste to spend her money on something so delicate with such a short lifespan. She always replied the same way. “Some of the most beautiful things in this world don’t have long to live. All the more reason, we need to appreciate their beauty while they are here.”

I stared out the window of Benny’s Jeep on the way to the Shays as Leigh’s words echoed in my head. They rang so true now and had taken on all new meaning for me. I wondered if, on some level, she knew she was not long for this world. Maybe God can only spare the most beautiful things for a short time before he has to call them home.

Benny pulled into the Shays driveway and put the Jeep in park. We sat for a moment, staring at her house. He grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze. I also had an all-new appreciation for my brother. In his own quiet way, he had always been my rock, giving me strength when I needed it.

“Let’s do this,” I said.

“Let’s do this,” he responded.

Mrs. Shay opened the door before we knocked. She looked tired, and I knew she had slept little. Her eyes had dark circles around them, though she made a good effort to cover it with makeup. She was dressed in light pink jeans and a darker pink rose-colored t-shirt.

“Hey Tess,” she said quietly, pulling me in for a hug. Then she grabbed Benny and hugged him, too.

Mr. Shay came out of the kitchen and went in for a handshake with Benny as soon as Mrs. Shay let him go. He was wearing a light pink button-down shirt with jeans and a pink bracelet on his wrist. I recognized it from when Leigh and I were kids and made friendship bracelets for everyone. He must have kept it all these years.

“Hey Benny, it’s good to see you.”

“Mr. Shay.” Benny shook his hand.

“Thank you both for everything,” Mrs. Shay said.

“We loved her,” I said simply. There wasn’t anything else to say.

“I put some things you asked for in her car and warmed it up this morning since we haven’t started it in a couple of days,” Mr. Shay said, handing me the keys to Leigh’s Volkswagen Beetle. It was pink with flowers. Leigh really had her own signature style. There was no mistaking it for anyone else.

“Thanks. Is there anything you need before we go?” I asked. They both looked like they hadn’t slept in a week and were holding on by a thread.

“My sister is on her way,” Mrs. Shay said. “We’re keeping it together. Don’t worry.”

I nodded my head and gave her a small smile. “I know but call me if you need something. Is your sister going to drive you to the viewing or do you want us to come pick you up?”

“She will bring us, or someone else will,” Mr. Shay said. “We’ve got family coming in town all day.”

“Okay, I guess we’ll get going then.”

Benny opened the door for me, and we both stepped out onto the porch. I looked back as we walked away. Mr. Shay had his arm around Mrs. Shay’s shoulders, and she was leaning into him. They were supporting each other. Losing Leigh would change them forever, but I was hopeful they would get through it and be able to continue to live as long as they gave each other strength. I took a deep breath and walked up to Leigh’s bug. They’d asked me to drive it to the funeral home so it would be parked out front for the viewing. Mr. Shay had loaded some things from Leigh’s room that I asked for into the backseat.

“You okay?” Benny asked when I stopped at the bug.

“Yeah,” I nodded. “I’m okay.”

I opened the driver’s side door and got in the little car. I couldn’t help but laugh. My knees were scrunched up because of how close the seat was to the steering wheel. Leigh was not a tall woman. I wasn’t exactly tall either, but Leigh was more than a little short at only 5’1” on a good day in shoes. After adjusting the seat, I started up the car and followed Benny out of the driveway. When we got to the funeral home, there were a bunch of cars in the parking lot. As I pulled Leigh’s impossible-to-miss car into the entrance of the home, a group of people came outside to watch.

I smiled despite the occasion. So many people had turned out to help. Leigh was really loved and was going to be missed by so many. Kelly and her boyfriend, Mary and her sister, and at least 15 other people, some I knew, some I didn’t, were there to help. I got the word out to people from school, from Leigh’s old dance class, and from her work that I was looking for some help and memorabilia for the viewing tonight and funeral tomorrow. As I climbed out of the bug, two more cars entered the parking lot. And they didn’t come empty-handed. Some were holding toolboxes, others had stacks of pictures, pink ribbons, poster boards, and laptops or iPads.

My cousin Kelly walked up to me and pulled me into a hug.

“I’m so sorry about Leigh, but it is also so good to see you,” she said into my ear as she held me in the hug.

“I missed you too,” I replied quietly.

I felt others around me as I backed away from Kelly. Looking around, even though I knew how well-liked Leigh was, it still shocked me how many people had turned out. Especially the people that weren’t local anymore.

“Hey Jimmy,” I said as Leigh’s old on-again, off-again boyfriend in high school, Jimmy Moore, came up to me. “I heard you live in Virginia Beach now?”

“Yeah,” he said. “Closer to Norfolk, but I’m down that way. I had to be here, though.” He shrugged and looked down at his feet.

“I know.” What else was there to say? We all had to be there because it was the last thing we could do for someone who had been a great friend. Always ready to help, always ready with a joke when a laugh was needed, or a tissue when all you wanted to do was cry.

Danielle Dade, Carrie Hoffman, Steve Ceratino, Natalie Andrews… as I scanned the crowd, I heard another car door. Turning around, I spotted Jack walking up to us with TJ, Max, and Nick in tow.

Benny came up and put his arm around me. “You okay?” he asked quietly. I nodded because it was all I could do at the moment. I took a deep breath to hold my emotions in check.

“I’m glad so many of you could make it,” I started. “Leigh was the best of us. Maybe that’s why God picked her so early.” Another deep breath. If I couldn’t get through talking to everyone here in the parking lot, how would I get through tomorrow?

“I’m not going to pretend to understand why Leigh had to leave us, but I believe she is looking down on us all right now, probably laughing and wondering why we are making such a fuss. I swear I could feel her watching me while I drove her bug here. She’ll come back and haunt us all if we get so much as a scratch on her baby,” I joked.

Everyone laughed a little. “Maybe we should put velvet ropes around it so people don’t get too close,” Jimmy said. I think he was only half joking. He knew how much Leigh loved that car.

“Well,” I said with a sigh as people got somber again. “Let’s get started.” We all headed into the funeral home with all the memorabilia and tools we brought.

Later that evening, as I got ready for the viewing, everything we had done that day, all the people that helped, and all the memories that were stirred up, ran through my head. I hoped tonight went well. I wanted Leigh’s parents to see a celebration of her life, not a focus on the tragedy of her death. Downstairs Benny, Uncle Rob, and Ruby sat at the kitchen table, drinking coffee and talking. When I walked in, Ruby came over and gave me a hug.

“You okay?” Ruby asked as she eyed me critically, looking for signs that I might break.

“I’m okay.”

Uncle Rob put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me to him. “We’re here for you kiddo, whatever you need,” he said.

I nodded and smiled. I was so glad they were there. I couldn’t help comparing this scene with a very similar one years ago when we were getting ready to go to my parents’ viewing and memorial. We were all younger and standing in a different kitchen, but Uncle Rob and Ruby were there then too, offering the same love and support. I hadn’t appreciated it then. My anger at everything and everyone clouded anything else around me. It blocked any other feelings. But I could appreciate them today. I could feel their love and caring. I finally understood how lucky Benny and I truly were and are. We weren’t on our own and never had been.

I wanted to make Leigh’s parents feel that way, too. There was no way to replace Leigh and, with her death, there were some things the Shays’ had lost and would never get back. But they were loved; they weren’t alone; they had friends and family. I sent a silent prayer to heaven and promised Leigh I would stick by her parents and do what I could to help them move forward from here. We made our way out to Uncle Rob’s Ford F-150 truck and piled in. The ride to the funeral home was a silent one. We were all lost in our own thoughts. We got there early. I wanted to check things over one more time and be there when everyone started arriving.

I walked around and turned on the various iPads and laptops that were scattered all over. The funeral director started playing The Piano Guys playlist I created over the loudspeakers on low. Just enough to have background noise but not make it hard to have conversations. Benny was out front making sure the spotlight we’d brought shone on Leigh’s pink bug. I joined him out front as Jack pulled into the parking lot. TJ and Nick were with him, and Max pulled in right behind him with Mr. and Mrs. Hallowell. Again, that feeling of appreciation for everything I had washed over me. All around me were the most important people in my life. They were what I had been missing for all those years away.

My family.

“Everything looks great, Tessie,” Jack said as he walked up to me.

“I think so too. I hope her parents are okay with it,” I said.

“I think they will be,” he said, looking around. “It really captures who she was.”

“Hey Tess,” Mrs. Hallowell said as she came over and gave me a hug. As I hugged her, I could see another car pull into the parking lot over her shoulder. It was the Shays. They were with Leigh’s aunt. My stomach did a somersault. Nothing was ever going to make this good for them, but I wanted them to feel like their daughter had been properly memorialized. As they walked up to the entrance, they took their time and looked at Leigh’s pink bug parked out front with the spotlight on it. As it got darker, it would make the car impossible to miss. There were pink tulips placed on the windshield and pink and black ribbons draped over top of it.

Leigh’s mom cried harder at the sight of her daughter’s car. She clung to her husband with one hand and a tissue with the other. They stared at Leigh’s car and held each other while the rest of us went inside to give them some privacy.

There was a large picture of Leigh at the funeral home entrance. In the picture, she was outside and smiling. It had been taken just as she was turning her head to the camera. Her hair blew in the breeze as the sun went down behind her. There were vases of pink tulips everywhere. It had been a massive effort, but I’m pretty sure we bought every last tulip in Virginia. People brought them from Northern Virginia, from Roanoke, from Virginia Beach. Pink tulips in mason jars with black ribbons tied around them were all over the funeral home.

On the table next to where visitors could sign the register, there was an iPad set up playing The Breakfast Club. The volume was muted but most people had seen that movie so many times sound was not needed. All around the room were collages of Leigh. People had brought all the pictures they had and spent most of the day putting collages together and hanging them up. Birthdays, holidays, weddings, vacations, and random no-occasion-at-all pictures were everywhere you looked. There were pictures of a baby Leigh playing with Christmas wrapping paper, then some of a toddler Leigh at her first dance class, then a preteen in braces making goofy faces at the camera, then a grown-up Leigh on her high school graduation day with an arm around each parent and a big smile.

All around the funeral parlor, in the alcoves, on the shelves, was a laptop or iPad playing a John Hughes movie. One alcove showed a young Molly Ringwald pining for Jake in Sixteen Candles, while a couple feet down on a bookshelf, Matthew Broderick was trying to talk a reluctant Cameron into taking out his father’s Ferrari. They all played silently as people made their way to the back of the room to see Leigh one last time.

We covered her casket in pink tulips and draped it with pink and black ribbons. Another big picture of Leigh stood on an easel next to it. The common theme of all her pictures, from baby to adult, was her smile. At the end of the day, Leigh was a happy person. She lightened a room when she entered. As much as she loved watching the angst-filled teenagers in John Hughes movies, she was nothing like them. She had her ups and downs, same as anyone, but she always tried to make the best of things.

She had a good life. That’s what I wanted to show her parents. It was cut short. It was unfair, and no one was ever going to make that okay for them, but we could at least show them they had given her a good life while she was here.

People steadily streamed through the doors of the funeral home now. I watched from a corner in the back as the Shays made their way around the room and talked to family and friends. They were doing their best to stay strong and talk to everyone that wanted to offer their condolences. They slowly made their way to Leigh’s casket where people backed off and gave them space. Leigh’s mom put her hand on her daughter’s casket and bowed her head. Her shoulders shook as she cried. Mr. Shay stood next to her, tears falling down his face as he silently cried. I kept my distance. I wanted to be close by if needed, but not hovering and crowding them.

After a few minutes, I glanced back towards them and caught Mr. Shay’s eyes. He gestured for me to come over. Taking a deep breath and trying to control my emotions, I walked over to them. Mr. Shay squeezed my shoulder and Mrs. Shay enveloped me in a hug when she saw me.

“Thank you, Tess,” she whispered in my ear as we hugged.

“You did a great job,” Mr. Shay said as he tried to wipe the tears off his face.

“She was my best friend and like a sister,” I said. “I love her. I always will.