Just like that, I’m back to hiding out in my rental house. It’s fine. Completely fine. In fact, it’s better this way. This is what I came to Honeywell for, after all: solitude. I didn’t plan to make friends or linger in cute cafés or sleep with handsome men. I wanted to spend some time on my own, away from the world, away from my fame, and see if I could figure out who I am beneath everyone else’s assumptions and expectations.
And apparently who I am is someone who likes to catch up on movies and TV shows I’ve missed over the last couple of decades while I was busy doing other things.
Unfortunately, the need for supplies eventually drives me out of the house. After contemplating avoiding downtown Honeywell altogether and heading for the bigger grocery store in the next town, I decide to suck it up and shop in town. It’s been snowing on and off all week, so I’d prefer to avoid the highway, plus I’ll have to face people here eventually if I carry through with my plan to stay until January. It’s a small town; if I hope to avoid seeing anyone for the next several weeks, I might as well return to Toronto right now.
The only parking spot I find downtown forces me to walk the length of Main Street. Despite my determination to keep my focus straight ahead and get my errand done, I slow my brisk pace as I approach Sweet Escapes. The scent of coffee and baked goods fills the air, and a quiet moan escapes me. After years of healthy eating, I’m convinced I’m now going through sugar withdrawals from just a short time of eating Mae’s delicious creations. I’m gazing longingly through the window when I spot Liam inside, striding toward the door. His eyes lock with mine, which means it’s too late to pretend I didn’t see him and make a dash for it.
This is fine. Seeing him is no big deal. So we slept together and then he disappeared. So what? We’re both adults. It’s no biggie. Just like the way my mouth waters when he steps outside and my eyes drop to his thick, denim-encased thighs—thighs I straddled while naked just a few days ago—is no biggie. This is fine.
“I’m glad I finally ran into you.” Liam is breathless as he approaches me. His hair is a mess and the light stubble I’ve grown accustomed to has sprouted into the beginnings of a beard. He glances down at his phone, which he’s holding in his hand with a white-knuckled grip. “You haven’t answered any of my calls.”
“Oh, yeah, I’ve been—” I wave a hand around in a vague gesture. I may basically lie for a living as an actress, but I’ve never been good at lying in real life. Saying I’ve been busy wouldn’t be true, and I have a feeling Liam would see right through it.
“Avoiding me?” he asks.
That’s not what I expected him to say. Since it’s the truth, I simply give a rueful one-shouldered shrug paired with a nod.
“I’m so sorry about the other morning, Joss. I was—” His phone rings, cutting off his words. Jaw clenched, he glances at the screen, muttering something that sounds like ‘hold your fucking horses’. He shoots me an apologetic look as he jabs at the screen, sending the call to voicemail.
Before he can say anything else, I hold up a hand. “It’s okay, Liam. Really. You don’t owe me anything, and that includes an apology about the other day. It was…” Incredible. Mind blowing. The best sex I’ve ever had. I swallow the words along with a sigh. “It was an experiment, like we said, and we can just leave it at that.”
His eyes go wide. “O-okay. But if you’d just—”
“It’s fine!” I say a little too forcefully. “Really. It’s good. I’m good. We’re…”
“Good?” His eyes light with humor and a certain knowing as they slowly sweep over me from head to toe and back again. I’ve never been as aware of my body as I am right now. Despite the sweater and winter jacket I’m wearing, it feels like he can see straight through my clothes. Through me.
My skin tingles as I think about the fact Liam has seen me naked. Heard the breathy, needy sounds I make during sex. Had his hands and/or mouth on every inch of my body. And I know what his skin feels like against mine, what his low murmurs sound like in my ear, how it feels to have the almost-physical weight of his dark bedroom eyes watching me, the ecstasy on his face as he—nope. That’s enough. I shift from foot to foot in an effort not to clench my thighs together because I’m certain Liam would notice, the way he notices everything else.
My full-body flush deepens when Liam takes a step closer and rests his hand on my shoulder. “Even with your very believable assertion that you’re good and we’re good, I’d like for you to give me a chance to explain. You told me things the other night about…” He trails off and raises his head to look around. People bustle past on the sidewalk, although no one appears to be paying attention to us.
“You told me about your ex and how his cheating made you question things,” he continues. His voice is lower than before, and I find myself leaning closer even though I can hear him. “I don’t want that to be the case with me. I have no regrets about the other night. It was amazing. You were amazing. I got a call from Mae that morning to tell me Thea hadn’t picked up Rex to take him to school. She needed to head to the café, so she asked if I could take Rex. I had every intention of heading back to your place, but the day snowballed from there with emergencies around town, and those emergencies have barely stopped in the last few days.”
As if to illustrate his point, his phone rings again. He tilts his head back, squinting at the sky as if he’s praying for patience. With a deep breath, he silences his phone without even looking at the caller ID. When he meets my eyes again, he gives me a weary smile. “Sorry. Anyway. The times I called you, it was because I wanted to explain. When you didn’t answer or call me back, I kept hoping I’d run into you so I wouldn’t have to show up at your door like some lovesick stalker.”
It’s utterly ridiculous, but I almost want to cry from relief. I’m beginning to realize the insecurities and fears I developed during my marriage to Alan have farther-reaching effects than I suspected. Liam isn’t Alan, though, and I need to stop jumping to conclusions and assuming the worst.
Liam’s small smile spreads into a grin, making me realize I’ve been standing here staring at him without saying anything. “I appreciate you telling me all that,” I say. “I thought…well…”
He nods and waves a hand. “I get it. It hit me afterward that I should have left a note. I fully intended to be gone just long enough to take Rex to school, grab us some coffee and breakfast, and then return to your nice, warm bed.”
I’m about to jokingly ask if he was more interested in my bed or me when his phone rings again. His expression darkens and he mutters, “Oh, for fuck’s sake” as he yanks the phone out of his pocket and silences it once more. “I’m sorry to cut this short, but I need to run before Mr. Baros blows a gasket.” He takes a step back and then returns, surprising me by reaching for my hand. “If I call you again, will you answer?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I will. Sorry about before.”
His fingers tighten around mine. “No apologies necessary. If you were thinking about heading into Sweet Escapes, Rex is in there with Mae. He’s mentioned you a few times, so I know he’d love to see you.” He gives my hand another squeeze and pulls me in to kiss my cheek before turning and dashing across the street to his truck.
Inside, Rex is sitting at a table near the back. He’s got his head propped on one hand while the other half-heartedly scribbles in a coloring book. This forlorn little boy is a far cry from the exuberant child I met the other day outside the community center.
I clear my throat as I approach. He lifts only his eyes, as if it’s too much effort to raise his whole head. His expression brightens the instant he sees me. Talk about an ego boost.
“Hi, Joss!” he says, straightening in his seat and setting aside the blue coloring pencil in his hand.
“Hey, Rex. How’s my favorite kid in Honeywell?”
He grins, despite the squinty-eyed look he gives me. “Do you even know any other kids in Honeywell?”
“Well, no, but I have a feeling you’d still be my favorite even if I did.”
“He’s certainly my favorite,” Mae says, appearing at my side and bending to kiss the top of Rex’s head. She sets down a mug of hot chocolate—at least I assume it’s hot chocolate from the plethora of mini marshmallows on top—and a plate with two chocolate chip cookies. “This will be our little secret, okay Rexy? I never let Fiona or even your mom or uncles have treats so close to dinnertime. I’d never hear the end of it if they knew I was making an exception for you.”
Rex smiles up at Mae and thanks her. She kisses his head again and tells him we’ll be right back, then motions for me to follow her. She waves at the lone stool at the far end of the counter as she goes around to the other side.
“Everything okay with Rex?” I ask as I perch on the stool.
“Physically, yes.” Mae turns to me, sliding a plate with a shortbread cookie onto the counter in front of me. “The center is closed for the afternoon. They’ve decided to only open three afternoons a week, hoping it’ll mean they can eke out their funds and prolong closing for a while longer. Thea has been working extra with the holidays coming, and Liam has been run ragged this whole week. I offered to watch Rex, forgetting I’d agreed to fill in for Regina for the afternoon, so the poor boy is stuck here with me for the next couple of hours. Nathan said he might be able to pick him up when he’s finished working, but he’s been as busy as Liam.”
“Oh.” I nibble on my cookie as I twist in my seat to glance at Rex. His shoulders are slumped as he colors with one hand and eats a cookie with the other. My heart gives a little pang. Despite not having a ton of experience with kids, I remember what it was like to be one and to feel the sting of rejection from a parent who was always busy with work. I knew my mom loved me, just as I’m sure Rex knows Thea loves him, but it’s hard to understand as a kid that your worth isn’t tied to how much free time your parents have. At least Rex has a bunch of people in his life who clearly adore him; during the months when filming of Our Thorny Family was on hiatus, I had a long line of thoroughly-screened babysitters until I turned twelve and able to stay on my own.
I turn back to Mae. “Would it be all right if I took him home with me until someone can come get him? I just need to run to the store for a few things, and then I could feed him dinner and entertain him at my place. That way you wouldn’t have to split your attention here, and Nathan wouldn’t have to leave work early. I know you guys don’t know me well—”
“I know all I need to know,” Mae interrupts. “I trust you. And Liam trusts you.”
The matter-of-fact way she says this makes me wonder what Liam has said about me. About us. Would he tell Mae we spent a night together? I know they’re close and she’s like a mother to him, but are they that close?
“I’m sure Rex would much rather spend an evening with you than stuck here at the café anyway,” Mae continues. “And you’d be helping us all out. Are you sure about this?”
“Positive. You’ve all been so good to me in the short time I’ve been here, so I’m glad to have a chance to return the favor. I’ll go run the idea by Rex?”
“Perfect. I’ll get a take-out bag of cookies for you to take home for dessert.”
While she does that, I head back over to where Rex is sitting. “How would you feel about hanging out with me for the rest of the day?”
His dejected demeanor morphs into cautious optimism before my eyes. “Really?”
“Really. I’ve been kinda lonely the last few days, and I’d love your company for the evening. I just need to get a few groceries and then I’ll come back for you and we can go to my place.”
“I can go with you to Patterson’s,” he says quickly, gathering up his pencil crayons and shoving them into a dinosaur-print case. “I’m the best helper. Uncle Liam and Uncle Nathan take me shopping with them all the time ’cause I’m good at finding deals, plus I can help carry your bags.”
The thought of shopping with an eight-year-old conjures up images of a cart full of Pop Tarts, chicken nuggets, Lucky Charms, and other things I haven’t eaten since childhood and certainly shouldn’t be eating now. Rex’s expression radiates hope as he looks up at me. How can I say no to his sweet face? It doesn’t help that the kid is pretty much Liam in child form; the pair of them could likely charm even the most hard-hearted person.
Forty minutes later, Rex and I leave Patterson’s Market laden with cloth bags. On our way to the store, I’d mentally adjusted my original plan of stocking up in favor of getting only the necessities for tonight and the next day or two. But then Rex asked what sort of things I like to eat and, when I explained I was used to a healthy diet because of my job, he took it upon himself to pick out the best-looking fruits and vegetables. He then showed me a small freezer section I completely missed before where I could find veggie burgers, microwavable vegetarian dinners, and even plant-based meatballs.
“Mr. Patterson only started carrying this stuff a while ago, and I think it’s mostly ’cause of Smurph,” Rex had told me earnestly as we perused the meager selection of frozen pizzas, which is what we’d agreed on for dinner.
“Smurph?” I asked.
“Mr. Murphy,” Rex said. “His real name is Seamus. Uncle Liam and Uncle Nathan have always called him Murph. One time I accidentally called him Smurph and he said he liked it.” He had let out a high-pitched giggle that made me laugh. “Only I call him that, though.”
“Got it. So he’s a vegetarian, is that it?”
Rex shook his head. “No, he’s been sick for a long time, so Aunt Mae tries to cook as much healthy food as possible.”
I’d been stunned into immobility until Rex tossed a box into the cart and took over pushing it. Nobody had told me Mr. Murphy was sick. I wanted to question Rex, but figured quizzing an eight-year-old was probably bad form.
Now Rex is all but skipping along beside me as we head to my car. I don’t need to worry about thinking up topics of conversation because he keeps a running commentary going most of the time, telling me about school, the center, his family, and whatever else pops into his head. He says hello to nearly everyone we pass, calling them by name, and telling me something about them once we’ve passed. His small hand slips into mine just before we reach the parking lot. I look down at him and he gives me a smile that warms me from head to toe. God help me, I’m already completely head-over-heels for this child.
At my place, Rex helps me carry the groceries inside, as promised, and even helps me put them away. I shouldn’t be surprised, considering at the tender age of eight, the kid already does odd jobs around town to earn money for his beloved community center. I pop the frozen pizza in the oven and ask if he’d like a salad to go with it. His response is a disgusted expression paired with a vehement shake of the head.
“There are mushrooms on the pizza, so at least it’s kind of healthy?” he says.
I laugh. “I like the way you think.”
I set a timer for the pizza, pour us each a glass of white grape juice—Rex’s favorite, which was a relief because when we stopped in the juice aisle earlier, I had visions of fruit punch stains on Mae’s fluffy off-white area rug—and suggest we pick something to watch while we eat.
He dashes ahead of me and skids to a stop in the living room doorway. “You haven’t decorated the tree yet!”
“Oh. Yeah. I know the residents of Honeywell are all about the holidays, but it seems a bit early to me.”
He gives a sage nod. “Mom keeps saying we’ll put ours up soon, but she’s been too busy. I asked Uncle Liam if we could put up his and he was like, ‘No way, not until December. You’ll have to settle for the tree in Town Square for now’.” He affects a deep voice to imitate his uncle, which makes me stifle a giggle. “When you decide you’re ready, I can help if you want. Aunt Mae let me choose the decorations that are in the basket.”
“I’d love your help. I promise to call you as soon as the Christmas spirit hits.” Since I can’t imagine that actually happening, I make a mental note to set a reminder in my phone’s calendar to ask Rex to decorate the tree with me in another week or two.
Seemingly satisfied, Rex parks himself on the couch and turns on the TV. He makes a delighted sound and does a wiggly little happy dance when he sees the list of streaming services. I’ve had a rarely-used Netflix account for years, but in the last week or so I’ve downloaded nearly every streaming service available in Canada. I’ve been avoiding watching anything with a romantic storyline, so I’ve been on a superhero and sci-fi kick.
“I like Star Wars too,” Rex says upon checking out my recently viewed section. “Uncle Liam and Uncle Nathan say the original trilogy is the best, but I like the new movies. Poe Dameron is my favorite ’cause he looks like Uncle Liam.”
I knew it wasn’t my imagination that Liam looked like Oscar Isaac. I’d wondered if it was a case of seeing the guy you’re crushing on everywhere. Not that I’m crushing on Liam. Sensible women in their mid-thirties who have hot one-night stands with even hotter men don’t develop crushes, do they?
Rex is looking at me expectantly, and I realize he’s asked me a question. I have him repeat it—“Can we watch The Force Awakens?”—and tell him I’m fine with whatever he wants.
As the familiar theme music starts, I settle back and let my mind drift to its own galaxy far, far away. If I were smart, I’d make it clear to Liam I’m only interested in friendship. He and Mae have both told me he’s the relationship type—I believe ‘I’m made for loving’ were his exact words. I somehow don’t think I’m destined for a lasting, loving relationship.
Besides, I’m only in Honeywell for a few weeks. I came here to figure out who I am outside of Alan Goodwin’s wife, the Queen of Christmas, and my other well-known roles. It would be too easy to form an attachment and develop feelings for Liam, and then we’d both end up hurt.
I may have started falling out of love with Alan before our marriage ended, but it’s still too soon to think about getting into another relationship. Relationships come with expectations, and expectations often lead to disappointment. Case in point: the disappointment and embarrassment I felt the morning after Liam and I slept together and I discovered he was gone. Even though I was wrong about him intentionally ghosting me, the turmoil I felt afterward was very real.
By the time my alarm goes off for the pizza, I’ve convinced myself I’d be doing both Liam and myself a favor by keeping my distance. We can be friendly—friends, even—but that’s it.
Rex pauses the movie while I get our food. He beams at me when I return and suggest we sit on the floor and use the coffee table as our dinner table. When we get settled, he must sense I’m actually paying attention to the movie now because he starts up with his running commentary again, telling me facts about the Star Wars franchise—“Uncle Liam buys me all the books I want, and I have a bunch of behind-the-scenes ones from movies I like”—and making me laugh by reciting lines from memory.
When the movie is over, I ask Rex if he wants to start another one. He tells me he’d like to read—firmly cementing my love for him—and pulls a graphic novel from his backpack. He curls up in the chair closest to the fireplace, and I wrap a blanket around him, unable to resist dropping a kiss on his forehead. He gives me a sleepy smile. Toward the end of the movie, I noticed his eyelids were starting to droop. I have a feeling he won’t get far in his book before falling asleep.
My phone pings with a text message. Mae has checked in a few times throughout the evening, and I’ve sent her updates and goofy selfies of Rex and me. This latest message is to tell me Nathan should be picking Rex up in the next half hour or so.
Rex is struggling to stay awake. I’m not sure whether I should try to keep him up or let him fall asleep. I perch on the arm of his chair and he peers up at me, blinking owlishly.
“Nathan will be coming to get you soon,” I tell him, brushing back a lock of thick, dark hair that’s fallen over his forehead. At his sleepy ‘okay’ I decide it’s probably best to attempt to keep him awake. He’ll likely fall asleep in Nathan’s truck on the way home, but this way he won’t have to keep falling asleep and being woken up. “Where does Nathan live anyway?”
“Down the street from Aunt Mae and Smurph.” Rex closes his graphic novel and sits up straighter. “He’s lived there forever. It was his mom’s house and he kept it when she died. He sleeps in the big bedroom now and he turned his old room into a room for me ’cause it has cool baseball wallpaper.” He pauses to release a shuddering yawn. The force of it makes him tilt to the side a bit, and he goes with it, leaning against me. “I have four bedrooms: one at Mom’s, one at Uncle Liam’s, one at Uncle Nathan’s, and one at the Murphys’.”
“You’re lucky to have so many people who love you,” I murmur, putting my arm around him and squeezing gently.
“I know.” The way he says it makes me think he’s heard this before.
“What about the Murphys’ daughter? Fiona? She’s away most of the time, right?” I tell myself I’m asking in order to keep Rex awake, but if I’m being perfectly honest it’s because I’m curious.
“Auntie Fi is a tour guide. She lives in England.” He pronounces it ‘Inga-lind’. “She always brings me back the coolest stuff when she comes home to visit. Uncle Nathan is in love with her, but he pretends to hate her because he’s mad she left.”
I had just taken a sip of my juice and now I almost choke. I cover my surprised laugh with a sputtering cough, hoping Rex doesn’t notice.
He leans back in the chair to peer up at me. “It’s true. I’ve overheard my uncles talking about it. I wasn’t listening on purpose, I just have good hearing and I can’t help it that I overhear stuff the grown-ups don’t think I should know.”
Oh, god, this kid. I make a mental note to be careful of what I say whenever he’s within hearing distance. I’m doubly glad I sent a call from Natalie to voicemail earlier in the evening and then followed up with a text telling her I’d talk to her later.
Headlights illuminate the living room as a vehicle turns into the driveway. “That’ll be Nathan. Why don’t you get your stuff together and I’ll get the door.”
My heart does an acrobatic flip in my chest when I open the door to Liam rather than Nathan. Of course it’s Liam. Why wouldn’t it be, especially after I decided keeping my distance would be the smartest thing? I’ve already discovered he’s everywhere in town, like some cosmic joke, so why wouldn’t he turn up on my doorstep now?
Before I can greet him, Rex bounces into view. “I thought Uncle Nathan was coming for me!” He throws himself at Liam, who hugs him tightly and ruffles his hair.
“Hi, buddy. I finished work earlier than expected, so I thought I’d surprise you.” His eyes lift to mine and he gives me a smile full of mischief. “Surprise.”
“Surprise indeed.”
“We had so much fun,” Rex says, releasing Liam so he can cram his feet into his winter boots. All traces of sleepiness have vanished and he’s back to his exuberant self. I’m glad I'm not the one who’ll have to put him to bed. “We had pizza and cookies and watched a movie. Joss let me help her shop for groceries and she said I can come back and help her decorate her tree when she’s feeling more Christmassy.”
“Wow,” Liam says, drawing out the word, his amused gaze shifting between his nephew and me. “Sounds like a great night. I wish I’d been here with you two instead of at work.”
“Maybe you can come next time.” Rex looks at me hopefully as he says this. I have no idea how to respond, so I just nod. “Oh! I forgot my pencil crayons. I’ll be right back.” He kicks his boots back off and scurries into the living room.
I turn from watching him to find Liam standing closer than he was a second ago. A distinct sawdust scent mingles with his usual musky cologne. The combination makes me want to throw myself at him and bury my nose in his neck. And that thought makes me want to run in the other direction and hide until he and Rex leave.
“Thanks for helping out with Rex tonight.” The words aren’t remotely sexy, and yet the low rumble of his voice so close to my ear makes my nipples stand at attention. “Work has been intense for Nathan and me lately, and Thea…well, it’s probably a good thing she’s not around Rex too much right now.”
At my furrowed-brow look, he glances over my shoulder. Rex hasn’t returned yet, but I recall what he told me about his excellent hearing. I also recall the silent tension between Liam and Thea at The Watering Hole, along with the unmistakable scent of alcohol wafting from Thea the first time I met her. Liam lets out a weary sigh and returns his attention to me.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. His answering smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “I’m happy to help out with Rex anytime. I genuinely enjoyed his company tonight.”
At my words, Liam’s smile turns more genuine. “He’s a great kid. And if you wouldn’t mind helping out with him from time to time while you’re here, we’d all appreciate it. He needs all the stable, loving influences he can get.” He peers toward the living room before reaching for my hand and holding my fingers loosely. “Nathan and I are wrapping up the project we’ve been working on soon, and I’d like to take you out for coffee sometime. Or maybe dinner?”
There go my nipples again, straining against the silky material of my bra. It’s like they recognize Liam’s voice and are reaching out for him. I gently pull my hand free from his and cross my arms over my chest. “Coffee would be nice, but I think I need to make it clear I’m only looking for friendship.”
“You were looking for more than that the other night,” Liam says in a low voice that makes me feel like someone has just turned the thermostat to its highest setting.
I let out a huff and twist to look over my shoulder. Rex is taking an awfully long time getting his pencil case. He’s probably hovering on the other side of the wall, listening with that ‘excellent hearing’ of his. “Temporary insanity,” I hiss.
I expect Liam to look offended or maybe disappointed. Instead, a knowing smile spreads over his face, making his eyes twinkle with mirth. “If friendship is what you want, we can try that,” he says.
“Try that?”
He lifts one shoulder in an oh-so-casual shrug. “You can’t deny there’s a pull here.” He waves a hand between our bodies. “It’s attraction, but it’s something more too. I know you feel it as much as I do.”
Liam’s eyes shift past me and he takes a small step back. A second later, Rex appears, smiling brightly at both of us.
“I was tidying up the living room,” he says, shoving his feet back into his boots and sliding his arms into his coat when Liam holds it out to him. “Are you coming to the tree lighting ceremony tomorrow? It’s in Town Square, and the Holiday Kick-Off party is at the center afterward. Maybe you’ll find your missing Christmas spirit there.”
From the corner of my eye, I see Liam press his lips together to hold back a smile.
“I, um…I’m not sure if I have plans for tomorrow,” I tell Rex, avoiding eye contact with Liam. I can see him chiming in and saying I should come, which would egg on his nephew. “And to be perfectly honest, Rex, I came here hoping to avoid large crowds of people.”
“But you told me you’d come to some of the events at the center.” Rex’s tone is perfectly reasonable. I bet it’s impossible to win an argument with this kid. I wonder if the other adults in his life even try. “It’s always a lot of fun. My mom has to work, but Uncle Liam promised to take me, and Aunt Mae will be there. We’ll be your people and you don’t have to talk to anyone else if you don’t want to.”
Damn, this kid is good. Before I can think of a response, he goes in for the kill by gripping my hand in both of his. Paired with a head-tilt-and-imploring-eyes combo, I’m a goner.
“I really want you to be there,” he says. “Please? Pretty please?”
“Okay, okay. You talked me into it.”
He releases my hand and claps his together, bouncing on his toes. “Yay, yay, yay! It’s going to be so much fun, I promise.”
I finally lift my gaze to Liam’s. Much like his nephew, he appears way too pleased with himself. So much for avoiding him. And so much for escaping Christmas.